It's me again.
I've been back for two weeks and things haven't changed much from before. I have gone back to playing my role of trying to please, only I've told my husband, that I want to start back the intimate relationship on my terms.
The major problem with that though, is when I do feel like I could let down my guard, and try to get close with some snuggling and light kissing...he takes the extra mile if you know what I mean. He goes straight for gold. Then, if I tell him I'm not ready for that yet, he will brood, and pout around the house, and nit pick on things that aren't being done and such...and more. Then I feel like backing off even more, until the next time I might let my guard down a little. It's a back and forth roller coaster. This time the control is more subtle, and I know that in my head. So what will give me the courage to walk away for good???
By the way he says things like "I just feel like this is right to give it another chance." and..."I know I shouldn't push things, but you just get me so excited, I can't help it." Things like that, and to be honest it makes me feel obligated, and creepy...
Thanks Ladies for your comments on this. My husband is very controlling and verbally abusive. He is is the "Honeymoon" stage now, where he is over doing it, trying to get me back. If it weren't for finances, I don't think I would've returned now. I still feel lonely inside of this place, and feel like there is or should be something more out there for me. I know that I have to think of my physical and mental health first, to even be there the way I need to be for my son. Camryn, I know you feel the same way. By the way, since I've been back here, my lupus is worse. Everyday, I am having more trouble than ever with pain. Thanks again, I needed to hear all your words.
Wish you both continued health and happiness as well.