Can you make it work the second time around? Friendship

  • View author's info posted on Apr 20, 2005 02:48

    Yes nature will deal with it, just like it deals with too many rats in the same cage. It will be horrible, perhaps beyond our imigination, and could possible be avoided, or at least reduced in scope..

    Yes, natural disaster, disease, war, etc. have kept the polulation of the earth down in the past. The world wars took care of 40 or 50 million young men and citizens. We have whiped some of the diseases that wiped out 1/3 of Europe, killed most of the Indians in South America and many in North America. Things are better right now (diseases), but there are still diseases left out there that we cannot cure. The more dense the population, the more bodies. The more ignorance, the more it will spread. Check out AIDS in Africa, or the latest disease there (last week) Now we can spread diseases from one side of the earth to the other in 12 hours. Who will bury them all?

    This is way off the original subject but I guess I don't have the disipline to not respond.
    Sorry, will try to do better.

  • View author's info posted on Apr 20, 2005 01:00

    Nature has a fascinating way of dealing with all that man construct readdress all that we plan and do...
    acts of God, famine, phenomenal natural disasters..wars are some of them that we have witnessed all the time in that inequitable way that nature and God if we are to believe there is an omnipower addresses such issues..When man try to play God, we are in danger of courting consequences beyond our control and knowledge..I believe in the yin/yang balance of nature..good/bad' poverty/affluence..perfect/imperfect..Utopia is and will remain the elusive heaven and a dull place to be in I am afraid
  • View author's info posted on Apr 20, 2005 00:29

    I wouldn't go that far out on a limb, so don't put me out there. However can you imagine what the world is going to be like in a 100 years the way it is going now? I am glad I won't be here, but the sad thing is that my decendants will be. I just think there has to be some reason about reproduction or we are going to breed ourself off the planet and all starve. Guess who is having the most children? Is it the smart people? The educated? The talented?
    The mentally sane and stable?
    Not where I live.
  • View author's info posted on Apr 19, 2005 12:08

    www..agree with you about licenced parenthood but then you are in danger of propagating genetic engineering like Huxley's 'Brave New world'..designer babies and the perfect human species..Reason taken to the extreme may become madness..Hitler's idea of the perfect society.
  • View author's info posted on Apr 19, 2005 11:40

    I think we need to require a permit before having kids. You would have to prove that you were fit genetically, mentally and financially, before adding more bad genes to the pool. Need to weed out those bad genes and unstable characterics. A permit should definitely have been required in my family. lol
  • View author's info posted on Apr 19, 2005 01:17

    I do agree that there are the good and bad in both sexes..abuse comes in various forms..non -physical and physical..verbal abuse is probably one that ranks highest with women in frustrated relationships and domestic doom..

    Domestic violence is probably the most hidden of crimes..and the kids tend to be the vulnerable victims..
    In such cases, the kids are happier without the abusive parent/s..
    Most couples who jump into marriage forget that it is not just commitment of two but rather a much wider and extended commitment...there are not enough health warnings for marriage..
  • View author's info posted on Apr 19, 2005 00:32

    You ladies seem to think that only men are abusers. Change the he to a she and read them again. My experiences are that more women than men are abusers and have more severe physological problems. I admit that I worked with a lot of very stable men, so that may not be the norm, but many of them were married to very abusive wives. Why, I will never know, but I would guess that often they didn't want to leave their kids or not be there to protect the kids from her. A woman in Houston a couple of years ago kill all five of their children. Its not limited to men ladies.
  • View author's info posted on Apr 15, 2005 01:23

    Orion ..good for you if you feel that way and less like so many of the other men I find in the same age group..and some of my men friends do feel the pressure of performance in mid-life both at work and in other aspects of their life..and when their marriages fail they seem to run for younger models and trophy wives or mistresses to prove their virility and demand..
    I am far from jaded Orion, I have lived the life of a global nomad and met people from a myriad of backgrounds and cultures..and that is just an observation I deduce from my encounters with middle aged men.all over the must be the exception count your blessings.
  • View author's info posted on Apr 14, 2005 16:25

    You sound a little "jaded" Bonnie....
    I am neither desperate nor do I use viagra.
    I AM looking for a partner for life, but my well being will never be dependent on it.
  • View author's info posted on Apr 14, 2005 03:12

    ever wondered why this question is being contemplated here by an all women cast and no male participant at all? I know because all those men are so focussed on looking for their life partner , lover etc..they are on IM and looking and prowling...the other night this guy wrote me and when I welcome him onto my global friend-ship, he was not interested because he claimed he is on MM only to find a life ..I mean this guy thinks MM is a bride order catalogue..and probably expect an instant wife delivered to his doorstep...I find that sene of urgency esp with men in their late 40s and 50s..I guess male menopause is even more serious..I mean non-performance must get them on red alert..afte all Viagra may stop working after certain I guess we women are luckier in that sense..
    second chance at love is always possible but do we truly need it?
  • View author's info posted on Apr 06, 2005 13:32

    hi there,
    I've been looking for someone who's not to picky, wants to get to know yoy, see if there is a spark or two, then go from there. looks & body type aren't that important, heck if you want them to loose a few pounds, do it together.
    I like someone who sees beyond outer beauty, remember just as you aged & got to lookin a little rough around the edges so does the opposite sex. I went from a size 38 inmens jeans to a petite 14 in womens, it took some work, but it was for me.not a guy. I want someone who likes me for me, I like being small, but for me, I figure if he really wants me to stay that way he'll help me out, besides maybe I will feel he needs to loose some too. keep the looks & bodies out of this, keep in mind you want someone with you because your lonely & want a future with someone that sparks your life, gives it meaning. You want someone to be with, go places with, have a movie & dinner partner, someone who apprecates you for you. that someone could be me. just wish there was another way to chat. see I'm on a trial for now. would any of you go for someone poor, makes less than 20,000 a year, or someone with a disability, like not being able to run, or wlk for miles. are you after sunshine Barbie or a real companion, one who will be true to you, love only you, not cheat on you, how many barbies do you know that will stay faithful. the stories I've read & seen, well if you want her that bad, so does someone else. I'm here for the real man wanting the real thing & willing to find & fight for her when he knows shes ou there. waiting for mr. right to come rescue me from my dull life. no i'm not a gold digger, but hey if my prince can offer me a home I never have to leave, companionship, quite nights watching the stars or a movie snuggled on the couch, I'm all for that.someone who likes to be in the country sometimes if not all the time. I'm a country hillbilly type, I love cowboy types, I deal with big cities as long as I have someone there to get...
  • View author's info posted on Feb 16, 2005 01:30

    Just a thought to add here, not just for Larken, but for all. When things no longer matter, when money doesn't matter, when nothing matters but you (and yourkids if they're still at home), when your health is worse when you're at home, when work is happier than home, when NOTHING in the world matters anymore except you (and again, kids) then you know it's time to get out.....that's when you can really do it. I left my marriage with almost nothing but the clothes on my back......later, after I got a bit stronger, I was able to go back and get my most important things. But it is soooo much better to be single and alone than married and alone, and/or God knows what else! Be strong -- if I can do it, so can you! It's been 5 years and I just bought a condo for myself. New car next year! Any of you still stuck, you have my support and prayers.
  • View author's info posted on Feb 11, 2005 09:54

    Thanks Graciouslee,
    The last 4-5 years I've done more with music and promotion than before. I think that was a turning point in my thinking, and building self-esteem. I actually built more as a teacher of self-esteem, if you can believe that. So now, I am going to look forward to promoting myself in music and acting, and just see what happens. I really enjoy this site, that you can talk with and meet so many people that are encouraging. We all have dreams to follow, and should take care of ourselves that way. With Blessings,
  • View author's info posted on Feb 10, 2005 11:10


    what makes you stop to go into that direction? Eventough you are in a difficult relationship, that does not mean to follow what is in your heart and have fun. Go find a local theater company and enjoy yourself. Stop wondering and start acting hun. At least at the end of your life, when you look back, you can say I have tried! From the bottom of my heart I hope you will take control of your situation and you! You can not control anyone's actions but your own. yoursense of selfconfidence will only imporve if you start doing the right thing and start fighting what is not right in your life! do it! It's worth it it you ARe worth it Bless!
  • View author's info posted on Feb 06, 2005 20:56

    Hi. Another thought. I wonder if I would've done something sooner with my acting and singing career if I hadn't been in this marriage for so long. I feel rebellious and know that I need to get moving in that direction to ever be truly happy. I am glad to be on here and making friendships that are positive and uplifting. I think that my husband has all 15 of those points previously mentioned. At least I know that I have much support, even if it's the listening ear. Moblog, thanks for the online "rose".
  • View author's info posted on Feb 05, 2005 10:30

    Any time Larken.....I'm here and willing to help. Can only share advise and my experience but I find that often helps others.

    You can do it. Leave and enjoy life for you and your child.

    Hang in there, as you see alot of us have been in that boat.......and know how to disembark! :D
  • View author's info posted on Feb 04, 2005 15:41

    Thanks everyone for such wonderful advice. I haven't been able to check the responses lately, and was met with this wonderful surprise and outpouring of friendship. It's crazy when there are nice things that happen, and then he can have that blind rage that is so scary. I know that I need to go. Getting taxes back soon, and will be saving a portion of it back for some starting money, and I will make sure, that is what it is for. I tried again, and I know I did what I could do. He says he loves me, but I don't think that possessiveness of his kind is true love. I am so thankful for support to know that it will be ok for me to move on. IB, I will send you mail soon.
    Thanks again,
  • View author's info posted on Feb 03, 2005 04:45

    the only way I know to say this is....RUN!!!!!!
    I don't care about finances or health issues, but if nothing changes....nothing changes!

    I have been through a simiilar thing, about 7 years ago, left, deeply in debt, all bills were in my name, basically homeless, stuff-less (was being held hostage), and travelled over 1/2 way across the country to come back home, by myself. (I could really go on and on here about the next few years challenges but I'll save the gorey details on that)
    Point is quickly got divorced, and had to start over by myself and 3 years later had my own business and was much happier and found out why I would have picked someone like that and how to avoid it in the future.
    5 years later, bought my own house, drving a new car and supporting myself and my son. Not easy but do-able. 7 years later, repaired emotionally, and stronger in myself I'm ready to find someone worthwhile for me........and if that doesn't happen, it's ok.
    I've dated in the last 7 years, one guy for 3 years, but again I could see this time there would be alot of problems and wasn't going there again. We only lasted that long because we each had our own place and if I didn't like what was going on I could leave!

    Please email me if you'd like, and keep posting here. All these ladies sound like they have been there too.

    The short of it's not worth staying, will make you physically sicker, emotionally a nervous wreck, and he's just not worth all that from you. You have to take care of you!

    Ask me or I'm sure any of us how to, where to go for support, what to do in any situation, and I'm sure any of us will be there to give advise. But you have to do it for you! Your worth more than he's giving and need to show your child this isn't good enough and there is a better way to live. Even if you are alone, it's better than living like that. Your stronger than you know.
    Sorry this got tooooooo long, but you just brought back so much to mind, I just had to share.
    Take care of yourself and please email me anytime.
  • View author's info posted on Feb 01, 2005 06:15

    My story is too complicated and would take up too much space to write about it. Suffice it to say that after 3 yrs of separation, I still don't feel any closer to being ready to to start over with any man. There are court orders in place that keeps him from seeing his daughter(I hate saying "his daughter) The court orders were made by a judge during the child support hearing. I consulted with an attorney about filing for divorce, and she told me that a new judge could change those orders if they want(so he could visit her) I can't afford an attorney to make sure the orders aren't changed, so I live my life as 'separated' until I can figure out how to make the 'no visitation' permanent. We will never get back together, and I never want him near me and my daughter again. I've spent these past 3 yrs healing, but the way I feel right now, I really don't see me ever getting into another serious relationship. I'm truly happy on my own. Much more than I can say for when I was still with him.
  • View author's info posted on Jan 29, 2005 10:09

    Yes you make sense. I forget who said it, but I've read it somewhere..."the definition of insantiy is repeating the same behavioiur over and over expecting different results..." That is the pattern the two of you are in. I would urge you both to seek counseling to break the patterns. That is if you both truly seek to salvage things. As far as courage to break it off? That comes in due time by continuing status quo.

    All the best to you.

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