We also saw great couples together which suddenly broke up because of some reasons. Let's think now of the reason when the man cheat the woman. Which are the motives? What should women do to not be cheated by men? Is there a cure or nothing can stop them, it's in their nature? Is the women of fault, maybe she gain weight or she is too tired or sex life is too boring for her? Is the man of fault, she got bored by his woman even if she's pretty, smart, good in bed and so on? Does he always want a prettier, smarter, sexier woman? Is the age of fault, when you're 40 even if you look like 30 he got tired of you? Is the society wrong? Education, friends? What's really happening? Pease make me understand
There is a link in my pesonal page that covers the real reason we cheat but I'll include a few excerpts.
Lack of opportunity is the reason most men do NOT cheat. Men DO cheat when the sexual bliss is not satisfied. Women DO cheat when their emotional bliss is unsatisfied. Emotional and Sexual Bliss are inter-related and can even be the same thing. My site has the long version with all the explanations.
Sorry ladies, it's not variety, although variety can be a factor in filling his bliss, etc.
It is outside the scope of my intention, to try and lay out that variety of ways to keep his sexual bliss satisfied but you can't put gas in a tank that is full. Think about it.
crack me up this morning. Cleaning before the maid got there........my mother did that! When I asked her why.......cause she made us all help........she said she didn't want her to think we were slobs?
Ok 5 people, 3 of them kids and there's not going to be ANY mess??
A little obessive/complusive and caring too much what other people think. When we reminisced about it recently, she cracked up. "couldn't believe I was that bad" she said.
Then there a actual physiolocial reasons for a low libido. Depression, hormones, especially if in peri-menopause or menopause, bladder, kidney problems, only a doctor can know for sure.
Christina Ferrar wrote a great book on this topic, and what she went thru and medications and doctors that helped her. Maybe get the book and check it out?
you asked about increasing libido in women. Quite often there are a number of factors why hers decreases. Sometimes, the only time her man comes near her is when he wants it. Little things, like in the column on "what makes me melt" are important to do everyday without expecting and immediate reward. A kiss on the neck, a kiss goodbye and hello, a hug, a squeeze, a phone call, all add to the romance and wanting in a relationship.
I am a little disturbed; maybe someone can clear something up for me. Why would someone who has been married for 25 years come onto a dating site and tell the world his or her fantasies about other men or women they are having? I had to check out this persons profile to see what they were all about and I find it troubling that no matter how perfect the relationship is with their spouse, they take the time to indulge the rest of us with their mental or physical fantasies. If it takes 2 hours to make a post onto a particular thread, that is 2 hours wasted with your perfect spouse. I am not saying this person is right or wrong for being here, but I guess having these fantasies and being the flirt that this person says they are would lead me to believe that that form of fantasy is a type of cheating. Maybe someone can help me figure that out.
It is obvious you love your wife. I think you wrote those posts both for you and others to ponder upon. I give you a lot of credit for being honest. People are human and they do fantasize, both men and women. Some act upon those fantasies, some do not. When I have been with boyfriends in the past I found it arousing for them to tell me their fantasies. No matter how much my man loves me, he will lust after others. That is a part of life. Thanks for your posts, Ed, they were very refreshing and honest.
Lassy, no need to apologize for saying what's on your mind! You were respectful and didn't "diss" anyone. It was rather refreshing really!
My friend is a married man. I understand my friend's cheating, (none of it is his wife's fault) but I also think he's playing with nitro glycerin. I care about him very much as a friend, but if I were his wife, and I caught him ONCE, I would never, never, never be able to trust him again as long as we lived. I wouldn't throw him out, because there are kids involved, but I'd never believe any excuse again if he came home late from work or had perfume on his shirt or a phone number in his pants pocket. I would perhaps love him, but also suspect him forever.
My ex and I had arguments before we married, and he would disappear from my life and weeks would go by before he would speak to me again. But I was an idiot ... I was in love, so I'd search for him, call, write, reason with him, and soon he would come back and cry and say he needed me and everything would be wonderful ... until the next difference of opinion.
I thought once we were married and had a child, things would settle down. But his mother, who was at the root of all our other fights, was relentless and one day, my husband left again. This time ... with the baby.
Weeks of hell passed for me and I finally found them, went to the city he was staying in and snatched my baby back. It was all very dramatic, with police and guns and kidnappers...... ya, really! But ... I should have trusted my head instead of my heart BEFORE we ever got married. If he'd try it once, he'd probably try it again.
Same goes for cheating. If you can get away with it once ....... why not hone your skills and NOT get caught next time. You can't regain trust once it's lost.
I must respond to 147258 comment. Are you for real? Did you just immigrate from saudia Arabia where women have no value nor deserve respect and assume all responsibilties/ problems in their life because of something they where not able to provide? Come on....both people involved in a relationship are responsible for it dissipating...do not throw in the sex gabber and that if she provided all would be well. Where is the respect for both parties involved? A man or women are resposible in making their partner happy and pleasing them....if there are some sexual issues at had then open communication should take place. How dare you blame one sex for a marital breakup or suggest that it is okay to cheat when commited to another. We women are responsible for telling our partners our likes and dislikes if we feel it is not to the level we want. That my dear is not only wanting to feel a connection but it is a desire to connect with our partner. SO in essence if a man ventures to other domains he unfortunetly did not communicate with his lover....end result he cheated...no excuse for that....A women would be stoned to death in other countries for simply conversing with the opposite sex. Stop making excuses for people and demand respect. Do not get me wrong I am sure women have cheated also...Still it is wrong when a commitment has been made....Otherwise when one is that unhappy get out before you play the field.. I truly hope I never hear such stupidity again.....sorry all... I felt compelled to comment...I hope no harm is done and wish everyone well
The reason I think men cheat because they lose the spark in their relationship. I think us women dont understand our men needs like we should. Men need sexual excitement and the love. We women are so simple minded and dont want to try new things so when they come across someone who does then we lose them with faults of our own. Find out what your man like and give it to him whenever he wants it even though you may not feel up to it. When he is happy he wont cheat.
Wow Ed, I'm not sure if to say too much info or how brave of you to tell everything that is going on inside your brain at the time of temptation.
It's wonderful to know that you and your spouse can be open and honest, which leads to the great deal of trust you have for each other.
Will be nice to find that.
edtarboosh...your very long and honest rendition of what it is to be a man and dealing with sexual temptation is certainly a very worthy piece which is honest and very pragmatic when you suggest ways to combat temptation tho I fear u must be one in a million by today's statistics..contrary to Oscar Wilde's which is 'the only way to ovrcome temptation is to yield to it.' that is the fault line that we all fall prey to and need the resilience of a saint to overcome.
Infidelity today hits not just the male species but opportunities at the workplace is a fertile ground for the female species too to find their willing mates ...there is equality in affairs of the heart too these days and it hits all socio-economic background..recent reprot shows that 1 in 5 women in UK today is likely to be unfaithful, 62% of men and 46% of women met their illicit partner thru work.
perhaps we are not different from the animal kingdom ..and have not evolved that far..multi-mating as a program of evolution and survival of the fittest requires that we procreate and strengthen our DNA with different partners...and in so doing evolve to produce stronger more resilient species...when war and battles decimate the male species in ancient times, it is a natural process for them to father more offsprings with multiple partners...since there are'nt that many to go round...polygamy is accepted in many Eastern and Oriental cultures..polygamy was very much part of the chinese culture for centuries..and in the WEst , the aristocracy still live with that notion..that having affairs and mistresses comes with the job..
so have we truly evolved that far from our natural instinct , maybe not, the female species have now gone further to think that it is very much their domain too..
As it's been said before, marriage IS a crap shoot. I fell in love for all the right reasons, married my man and meant every word of the vows, never strayed, never even looked in another direction, but then raising a hyperactive genius child will distract any parent. lol (conceited mom) When my daughter was three, he left us. He didn't run to the arms of another woman ... he ran home to his mommy. That was two decades ago and he has never married or even dated another woman. That hurts too, AppleJack. I feel for you.
And Spoils, if I could go back and choose forgiveness instead of divorce, would I? I forgave him through the two years it took him to push the divorce through so that he could get everything but the baby. No. No taking him back. Once a man strays, for whatever reason, how could you ever trust that he wouldn't do it again? That goes for married men who cheat too. Despite whether you want to or not, you could never really trust him again. You'd always have it in the back of your mind ... and every time you heard the door slam closed.
I have one thing to say about this, cheaters are inconsiderate users that could care less about someone that is deeply in love with them and would do anything in their power to show that person their love for them!!!!!!!!!!!! Question should be "why are men/women cheaters?" I know more female cheaters than male.
Can you tell I was cheated on? Hell yes. That hurt more than anything in my life.
I think it is even on who cheats. But....men and women cheat for very different reasons. Men cheat for the physical side of a relationship. Variety, the thrill and a change of the "normal". Women cheat on the emotional side. Someone to listen to, hold, cuddle. It is odd that a relationship will always start out on a much more emotional level. Everyone is considerate of the others feelings and needs. Then given time so many forget the reason they were interested in the first place.
Men like the physical thrill. Women forget that in the early stages they were more interested in the physical thrill. Early in a relationship women will have a greater desire to be avaliable to the man sexually. This is what the attraction is for the man to start with.
Women on the other hand have a need to be loved and "petted". Men are very available for this type of attention in the early stages of a relationship. With time men however, forget that this is a need of the woman.
In the end men get too needy physically and women get too needy emotionally. Sadly many relationships end because of the lack of recognition to the needs in your partner.
I think men and women that do cheat are insecure. I am a very monogamous person...but, it seems those that I do know that have cheated are insecure people. Just my thought...I would just like finding a secure, real realationship. I also would like to say...I don't think you have to be rude to get your point across to others or sugar coat it. But, there is a nice way to get your point across. I feel there is too much stress and hurt in life to just cause someone unnessessary hurt. What ever happened to "Treating Others The Way You Want To Be Treated?"...that is what I try and live by.