I am a new member on this forum and am looking for some advice on my dating life.
I don't know why this is as I come from a normal dysfunctional american family but every guy i have ever been with has been wealthy. This has never been by choice but more of luck i guess.
I am not very tall at 5'4 and have always had a few extra pounds but luckily being young 19 and 22 for both my marriages i was still very pretty. The men I have been with are very laid back, educated and humble.
Divorced from number two in what i would call a horrendous situation. He left me and i am not sure why. I thought it was because i gained more then a few pounds in my pregnancies and didn't bow down to him like a slave.
In any case, i have been dating again and I still end up with very wealthy men all the time even though i have been looking for a normal person for ages. The problem is that once we have been with powerful, intelligent men it is very difficult to settle for less. And i have yet to meet a normal working guy who is single and can keep my satisfied.
I have no career... no money... 3 kids... am overweight at 200lbs and 34 years old.
Recently i have met a man on the net who is very educated, english, wealthy, and although a good person part of the upper crust. I really really like him though because he is opinionated, intelligent, insightful and spiritually everything i have ever wanted in a man.
We have only spoken over the phone. And he is very keen to meet me and seems very very interested. I have a wonderful personality that most men fall in love with over the phone plus a very sexy voice.
But in person I am scared shitless because it has been years since i was single and even then i never really properly dated. And what if he sees me and decides i am not his type because i am overweight?
And if these are the type of men i am attracted to and our attracted to me (because of my personality and humble nature) then should i lose weight?
Does it make a difference?
I really like this guy from the bottom of my heart. I mean i like who he is deep inside. And its not his fault he is successful and in superficial circles.
But will he be able to see past all of those superficial things and like me for me inside?
Extratallblondie and Lolita have nailed it! I couldn't add much if I tried. Please read and re-read their responses!
Make sure to send him current photos of you before you meet, if you haven't already done so - his reaction to these will tell you if there's going to be a problem re your weight. Believe it or not some men prefer a bit of flesh on their women.
I sincerely wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart.
When I don't feel good about myself for whatever reason (and there are ALWAYS reasons), I try to love myself the way I do my teenage daughters. They are beautiful - talented - smart - loving - WONDERFUL women! Are they imperfect? Yes, of course. But are they treasures that any man with half a brain and a sliver of heart would be grateful to have? YES!
I am just as special as my daughters. Not because I'm related to them, but because I am ME. YOU are just as special, too! Please don't second guess yourself or think that you bring less to the table (inside or out) than the men you meet. Not every man will be attracted to you (just as you aren't attracted to every man), nor will every man be a good match for you (and visa versa)... but remember:
You are beautiful/special/unique. AND confidence is sexy! Don't forget it!
If you want to meet a man that is from blue collar why join this site?
If you want to loose weight because it is the way you want to look; start a healthy lifestyle and loose weight. If you feel you have to loose weight for the benefit of a man; work on your self-esteem and self-respect before trying to have a relationship with someone else.
Girl! These are questions that women in abusive relationships ask themselves. "What if I'm not good enough?" "What if I can't find anyone else who will like me?" So STOP.
I am curious, however, how you're completely broke if you have been married twice to wealthy men and have had children by them. Was there no divorce settlement? Are the men paying child support? I think the number one thing that should be a priority for you is to be/become self-sufficient. So that even if a man does come along who can support you, you won't be completely devastated if they fall through/leave because you can support yourself. Plus, I don't know how old your kids are, but it sets a good example if you are making good decisions for yourself and are self-reliant.
As far as the weight issue goes, it shouldn't be a matter of weight, but a matter of happiness and health. If you are happy the way you are and your being overweight isn't causing/won't cause any medical issues, I don't see what the problem is.
He seems to really like you. I assume you have been honest and upfront with your appearance up until this point, so I don't see how it could be an issue. If it turns out it is, then you probably shouldn't be with him anyway.