the phone sex issue is a hot one for the men why would they need to find a relationship when they can hear a nice voice over the phone saying rauchy things and doing their own thing i would not do it unless it was a person i was in a relationship with and we were gonna meet at the end of the call i think that phone sex is cheap sex and theres nothing cheap about me ileah
Thanks for the advice and support. I am trying to put it into practice. I have been taking the next step of sending short notes expressing interest. If I hear from them fine. If not, I let it go. I am also trying not to get too discouraged - that's getting harder. Gotoguy's lectures on evolutionary theory while not new are depressing (like salt in the wounds) and I told him so. We're still friends and can laugh about it. I'm still getting the creeps (all wrapped up in wonderful profiles) and very young men (boys?). I'm not into either. I still search the profiles now and then and always open my "Who's viewed my profile page" hopefully. I continue here because of my friend here and because giving up on the hope a romanic life would seem like living death to me. Thanks again for being there for me, my friends.
Babeat46 - thanks for the encouragement and the kind words.
Tomigirl - I have been doing what you suggest. As I said to Alberto, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't - but that's that way it goes. It is good to hear from you that I am at least on the right track. Thanks.
Alberto, let me get this straight - when you click on a profile you expect the women to respond with a 4-5 line note if she is interested in you? Many men and women on MM click on profiles just to check them out. They have no idea whether they are interested in the person or not until they read the profile. The person on the other end doesn't know either unless that viewing is accompanied with an email from the guy indicating interest. So my thank you note is a way of being courteous. It also indicates a little more interest than does silence or no response. I have tried the 4 -5 line email too and as with all things on MM, sometimes you get a response and sometimes you don't.
I know that English is not your native language which means somethimes it is a bit difficult to be sure I understand you. So I would like to ask what you mean by "But it is possible you find also this type of men - well dismiss them lol."
Alberto, thank you for your thoughtful reply. In my view phone sex within a consenual adult relationship is one thing but with a stranger it us quite another. For me it is not so much a moral thing as it is a possible indicator for women of other potentially more dangerous behaviors. I don't think that men face these risks.
As to buttons: Yes it is good that our "buttons" work. It is part of being a whole, healthy person. But having buttons that work and acting (responding) on those reactions are two very different things. Which are you calling "responded" - having buttons that work or acting on them? Having buttons that work is wonderful but deciding when and when to act on that is an adult decision. I am looking for my last love while trying to learn how to take care of myself in today's dating world. I was speaking of pushing buttons in a manipulative way. So I wonder, Alberto, why it is a good sign that I responded?
Hi, I'm back again with yet another question. What do you do (and I know there is the huge variable of personality) when you see a profile that just curls your toes. He seems like just what you would have ordered if God were taking orders. Most of the time in the past I just sat back and waited to see if they returned to view my profile. Then I would send a thank you noted and sometimes ask if they would like to chat via email. What kinds of things would you say/do? How do convey your real interest w/o saying too much? How do you catch his interest, his eye? Maybe by the time he looks at my profile you will have some suggestions for me. Thanks again ladies for your help - couldn't do it without you!
Babydol, I just read your post on the forum. I admire your honesty re phone sex. That takes real strength and shows the rest of us who are still gathering our strength (like me) how to do it. Thank you.
Hi, thanks for the responses to my post. I am feeling much stronger now. This situation came in the midst of an ordinary conversation and I was blown away. Deep down I knew what to do. I think I was just overwhelmed. I don't freeze now. I just tell him I can't do that and hang up. The same guy who did the phone sex thing also sent me obscene emails. I have forwarded them on to MM. Thanks again for being there for me.
I would like to hear your thoughts on early (first phone call) sex talk (phone sex) by the guy. What you think if you like other things about him and tell him so but ask that the sexual part wait until we know each other better? What if he is persistent? What if he knows he has pushed your buttons?