The first thing I will read in a woman's profile is if she wants children or not, becasue that is a big deal to me. I accept that women in my target age range 33-45 are going to hedge a little on that question by responding "undecided" or "please ask me". In such situations (quite often actually), I will then read their response to the "Have children?" question, as it is instructive because realistically an "undecided" response to the Want children? question is most likely "probably not" if they already have two or more children. Do some women have such complex lives that they can't provide one of the half dozen options the website offers, and they have to respond 'please ask me' to the 'have children?' question? Please provide an example of this, as I can't think of any.
It isn't a big deal, I'm not looking for suggestions on how to react to it. I am just puzzled by the non answer, and I thought I might gain some insight into the female mind if someone explained it to me.
I like to leave the possibilities open. Saying NO means I am not open, saying YES means I may not consider someone who does not want kids. Undecided simply means that it will depend on the circumstances. On my end, the minute I turn 40, it will definetely be a NO, but until then I am open to the possibilities.
That is pretty much my cuttoff time. The rational is simple, the body can only take so much and kids truly flip things around. I want to be done raising kids by age 58, if I live that long, to enjoy life a bit. Unlike those who wait to have kids at an older age and enjoy their freedom, I just happen to start them earlier and gave away my freedom. In addition, I do not want to raise another kid on my own. It is draining and basically not much of a life. Do not get me wrong, I love my kids, but they are tough to deal with sometimes.
Kids change everything. Is not easy to deal with kids, at least for me, but mainly because of the circumstances that I had to go thru for each of them, which were quite different.
I have children and normally do not like to answer if I want more, I currently have on there No, that I am happy with what I have. But my reason in the past for not wanting to answere is because I dont want to say "No." My reason for not wanting more kids is because I have been a single mom of two for over 4 years, I separated with the father when I was 3 months pregnant on my second child and it was very difficult. Any parent may know how hard it is to raise children, especialy being a single parent and a full time student. Life is hard, so it has made me want no more kids. I sometimes think if I find someone who loves me and can support me and I am assured that I will not have to go through with what I have in the past, then I will have another.... As for your question, why they wont answer? I think maybe its just because it is more complicated than just a yes or no (sometimes we dont really know or not 100% sure), it is a big deal to have another child, if you have already experienced how hard raising children can be, then you will know it is not that easy to decide. As for me, it is something to talk about and explain how I feel and where i am coming from, some women just have a bad experience when it comes to having children, and the answer to wanting more also depends on the guy if he has kids already or not and wants some, then it will influence my decision, for example it they guy does not have any of his own and he loves me enough and accepts my children, then I would definitly love him in return enough to have another child giving him a child of his own if he wanted one.
My answer to that question is "no". I've had all the children this body can handle... and... I'm 48 and can't imagine saddling a little child with a mom who'll be in her late 60's while he/she is in high school. Add to it that my little ole eggs are old and the odds are HIGH that I'd have a baby with physical/mental disabilities... I can't imagine anyone wanting to roll the dice on this.
A few years ago I dated a man seriously who was 47 and wanted a baby badly. He was older than I at the time and held having a baby over my head as a manipulative tactic. I shared numerous reasons (in addition to the ones I listed above) why I was not interested in having a baby. I took him seriously and told him that I wasn't the girl for him and to find another woman (hopefully younger) who was interested. Our relationship ended shortly after that when he realized that I wasn't the spineless, easily manipulated airhead he wanted. Lesson learned! ~grin~
I think some women avoid answering this question for one main reason. They are scared that if they are upfront about having kids or wanting kids, then more men will quickly go to the next profile without contacting them. I have read on a few other sites about this topic and women were urged not to disclose whether they had or wanted kids immediately to men. I think this reason is silly, because if the guy doesn't want kids then there will eventually be problems down the road anyway. I don't think you can change a person's mind who doesn't want kids. It's kind of deceitful of a woman to lead a man on when he doesn't want kids.
For me, I don't always disclose that I have a child not because of being scared about whether or not the man wants kids, but I read a couple articles that says women should be cautious about disclosing that they have kids immediately because of pedophiles that lurk dating sites looking for women with kids. After a man contacts me, I will tell him that I have a child and let nature take its course. For me personally, I try to weed out the lurking pedophiles, because they come in all shapes, sizes, bank accounts, etc.
I wouldn't even try to figure out the female mind. It is a woman's perrogative to change her mind any time she wants. It is also her perrogative to be undecided if that is what she is feeling at the time.
Ahh I think the answer to this one is pretty simple. People want to be able to get their foot in the door. I don't think its just women either. I had a gentleman tell me on the 4th or 5th date that he had a daughter after previously telling me he had no children. According to him a lot of women wouldn't date him when he told them up front. I love kids and want my own, but wouldn't date him anymore for being an egregious liar.
In short I think the notion, albeit highly romanticized, is once someone falls in love with you their past or circumstances wouldn't matter. Unfortunately many people fail to realize their romance needs to play out in reality, not in their heads.