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How does a mom, business woman with intelligence, beauty, refinement, sex appeal, and a great sense of humor manage to have a serious relationship devoted to the betterment of all involved? Deep huh?
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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 10:58


Cecelia2005 write:
In all fairness, it seems like the only solution is to date casually and to develop a friendship which may or may not actually lead to a life long partnership of deep caring and love.



And you already know the answer but remember the answer changes a bit depending on your station in life.
It is hard enough to maintain or develop and long-term relationship but it might even be harder to understand whether the relationship should even be long-term if you are divided by distance. It is one thing to fly into a place and spend 3 days without a care in the world. Almost anyone will seem like the perfect match in that circumstance. But the person around the corner might not seem as romantic because you might be meeting him or her at soccer games instead of enjoying champagne at breakfast.
If you are single without children, then the risk in one or the other moving might be worth it. But with children in the mix, all bets are off. They are your children and not his. You WILL be defensive no matter what you think.
So sure you have to have casual dates but casual dates a thousand miles away while the kids are at someone else's place is not the same. I can get along with anyone's child but that is not always the case.
Good luck and don't settle for less. There is nothing greater than a good marriage but there is nothing worse than a bad one.
K



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Posted on Wed, Jul 26, 2006 06:26

Hello, let me say that being a single mom for several years and having dated several men I feel that I can give you an experienced answer. Just remember that your children will grow up quickly, that you cannot go back and undo mistakes you make, that those mistakes can affect their future. Yes, I believe moms should take time for themselves. But because we are divorced, whomever we choose to spend time with will in never be their father and it will never be the same as if the person your with is. That's a fact. Also, relationships are funny things. You meet, your crazy about each other and then 6 months into the relationship, maybe things aren't so perfect, he isn't so great and then you look back and the choices that affected your children weren't so great either. I think you have to apply caution in these situations, going very slowly and you just don't involve your children for a very long time so when their are those ugly surprises ahead, you don't have any explaining to do. If you don't follow this advice, you'll have to explain again and again because typically it will take a few relationships before "the one" comes along. I'm speaking from experience and I now wish I had not told my children, not introduced them to my boyfriends, because guess what? None of them are around now, but my children still are and it's my job to protect them, teach them. They didn't choose divorce and all the complications that arise - love yourself enough to give them this. Best of luck to all...Seabrz



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Posted on Wed, Jun 07, 2006 13:53

Judy114 write:
Since single (my decision) everything involved in my life is a bit overwhelming and I can?t comprehend how do I introduce my life to a new man? I think us women tend to dream and picture (analyze) things a bit too much. I know what I want and I will never settle and I find peace knowing THAT PERFECT GUY FOR ME, will just work out like magic. As far as kids go, I think it?s healthy and better for kids if they see their mother happy. I don?t date, haven?t found a man I would want to spend 5 minutes alone with yet, but my kids have often told me to FIND A MAN LOL. With that said, I have to mention all my children are older and pretty independent which might make the difference. One good outcome of the single mom situation, we are careful and question so the second time around will not be a mistake like the first.


Words of wisdom from another fellow Canuck.



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Posted on Sun, Jun 04, 2006 11:48

Women have been the masters of multitasking since the beginning of time

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Posted on Tue, Mar 21, 2006 22:00

How? for me its simple wasn't before when my children were younger, as time has passed by its about knowing how to balance advantages and disadvantages.
First, is the man worth your time? do you want a relationship or both of you?
are you mentally ready? what is most important at the present time ?
Time wil tell



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Posted on Mon, Jan 02, 2006 10:32

Since single (my decision) everything involved in my life is a bit overwhelming and I can?t comprehend how do I introduce my life to a new man? I think us women tend to dream and picture (analyze) things a bit too much. I know what I want and I will never settle and I find peace knowing THAT PERFECT GUY FOR ME, will just work out like magic. As far as kids go, I think it?s healthy and better for kids if they see their mother happy. I don?t date, haven?t found a man I would want to spend 5 minutes alone with yet, but my kids have often told me to FIND A MAN LOL. With that said, I have to mention all my children are older and pretty independent which might make the difference. One good outcome of the single mom situation, we are careful and question so the second time around will not be a mistake like the first.

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Posted on Fri, Dec 30, 2005 22:12

OH mis Julia,

Thanks for the kind words! I too have missed you and everyone else also. This is one of my favorite posts here on MM. Not a bickering, pointing fingers, I can top that, or insulting post dont' you think. It is enjoyable to see so many people agree in such differnt situations isn't it? Wow- There just might be hope for mandkind, lol.

And to think Miss Julia, we all have common grounds here, scary huh?

Talk to you soon my lady. Have a wonderful New Year up there in the good ol Pacific Northwest, lol. Hey the rain is coming in case you did not know sweetie, still lol.



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Posted on Fri, Dec 30, 2005 20:30

Hi sweetie!
I hope that your holidays were lovely!
I have missed you Len....
Julia



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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 15:28

Hi Everyone!

Wow, this topic has surely taken a different approach than I expected. So many good thoughts and reasoning too. I just got back to the MM forums after the holiday rush with my business and sales. I was pleased to read the many responses and contemplated on them as wise intelligent people ponder decisions. We do have a plausible pluralist of talented people here. Thanks everyone for the memoriable comments that I enjoyed reading here. BTW- Anyone have any further comments, suggestions, etc. to add? Just a thought!



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Posted on Mon, Dec 05, 2005 11:56

The solution is in the statement "Betterment to all" those who are the "ALL" must decide if their needs are greater than "MOM'S" need. If your needs are greater your mom loses, if you put your mom's needs first the "ALL" becomes second.. your mom has a chance to have a serious relationship...Who is more important??????????? A solution is the serious relation interacts with the "ALL" as much of the time as possible(as an equal with mom)and the "ALL" interacts with mom's partner as much as possible ever when mom is ot around. The solution takes maturity ON the part of "ALL"!



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Posted on Sun, Nov 27, 2005 12:56

Hi Lucky,
It does take alot of energy, and juggling of one's time. Last year both my kids played soccer. I was out 6 nights/wk, sometimes Sat. & Sun. afternoons. I was dating someone at the time, and I would drop both my kids off for their 2 hr soccer practice/tech. training, then meet my date for a 1.5 hours, then race to pick up my kids. If something was planned and required more time, I was able to make driving arrangements, & weekends afforded me more time. It's a matter of juggling, and if he has kids of his own, he would have to understand and respect you for making time for him, while not neglecting your kids. Now the ability to do this is contingent on how close he lives to you.



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Posted on Sun, Nov 27, 2005 01:12

Hi Paul....I have missed you...
The man who has two....needs help from the woman who has one...two pairs of hands make the work light...

At home and at the office Paul.
I multi-task....
Julia

  


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Posted on Fri, Nov 25, 2005 23:21

Excellent topics guys....
I have been too swamped to be on the forum lately...
But even as my son grows older....I hate to leave him without me around much. I do try hard to have social activities planned for when he is at his father's house for the weekend....
I guess my point being, is that it does not get easier as the child becomes older....
I work minumum 40 hours a week...plus commute.......
Shop...drycleaning...
I only have one child....I don't know how mom's with more children find the energy to get it all done.....

hey love you are looking beautiful ... how about dad who has 2 ... and its never all done : )



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Posted on Sun, Nov 20, 2005 22:54

Excellent topics guys....
I have been too swamped to be on the forum lately...
But even as my son grows older....I hate to leave him without me around much. I do try hard to have social activities planned for when he is at his father's house for the weekend....
I guess my point being, is that it does not get easier as the child becomes older....
I work minumum 40 hours a week...plus commute.......
Shop...drycleaning...
I only have one child....I don't know how mom's with more children find the energy to get it all done.....

  


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Posted on Sun, Oct 23, 2005 12:12

Cecelia2005 write:
In all fairness, it seems like the only solution is to date casually and to develop a friendship which may or may not actually lead to a life long partnership of deep caring and love.


Works for me...although I have to say...I'm more inclined to the 'may not actually lead' part.

I guess I wasn't made for life long partnerships...too much of a free spirit.



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Posted on Sun, Oct 23, 2005 10:58

Hey Romantic Lass dear,

I think I will have to tie a boat anchor to you, lol. That can help cure the high wire act for sure, still lol. ttyl sweetie!
Hey Romantic Lass dear,

I think I will have to tie a boat anchor to you, lol. That can help cure the high wire act for sure, still lol. ttyl sweetie!



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Posted on Sat, Oct 22, 2005 20:40

BlondeLightning write:
Ok Romantic Lass,

It is time for a spanking lil lady, down with the pants and panties on the bare bottom for you, over the knee, and 10 lashes- lol. Those would be love taps dear!

Thanks for the reply, and I would like to see the balancing act of both, still lol.
Ok Romantic Lass,

It is time for a spanking lil lady, down with the pants and panties on the bare bottom for you, over the knee, and 10 lashes- lol. Those would be love taps dear!

Thanks for the reply, and I would like to see the balancing act of both, still lol.

I am the Queen of the Balancing Act BlondeLightening. I am even good on a hire wire in high winds. :P

  


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Posted on Sat, Oct 22, 2005 13:03

Hi Sharon,

Yeah, I did not understand my brother or sister-in-law either. But I excepted the fact thet they did not want any children also. And it was none of my business too what they wanted, lol. If they are happy as two people in love can be, more power to them. I do tease them about not having any children so I could have lil neice's and nephews that I could spoil so no man or woman could live with them because of it. And my brother said that was the major reason they did not have any children, he was teasing me though, lol. As for my sister-in-law, she just loves having my lil bro all to herself. I wonder if being selfish has anything to do with it for both of them? I still do not fully understand their thoughts. But one thing for sure is, if they are both happy, more power to them. And I have to laugh, they are still married, I am not, something is working for them that is not for me. So they will get old together and enjoy all that extra time just to themselves. I am happy for both of them so much too!
Hi Sharon,

Yeah, I did not understand my brother or sister-in-law either. But I excepted the fact thet they did not want any children also. And it was none of my business too what they wanted, lol. If they are happy as two people in love can be, more power to them. I do tease them about not having any children so I could have lil neice's and nephews that I could spoil so no man or woman could live with them because of it. And my brother said that was the major reason they did not have any children, he was teasing me though, lol. As for my sister-in-law, she just loves having my lil bro all to herself. I wonder if being selfish has anything to do with it for both of them? I still do not fully understand their thoughts. But one thing for sure is, if they are both happy, more power to them. And I have to laugh, they are still married, I am not, something is working for them that is not for me. So they will get old together and enjoy all that extra time just to themselves. I am happy for both of them so much too!



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Posted on Sat, Oct 22, 2005 07:33

Hey Blonde, I can't believe your brother, friends & self thought that way. Everyone I know married because they were compitable, and wanted to have children together. I guess both male and female though their partner would make a good spouse & parent. Not one or the other. I'm pretty sure when I was dating my ex and we got engaged, it had only to do with feelings for him. The concept of kids didn't come for a year after we were married. We were a little older. Then we found out about whether we made good parents. We did, fortunately. Both factors need to be considered, not just one or the other.
Hey Blonde, I can't believe your brother, friends & self thought that way. Everyone I know married because they were compitable, and wanted to have children together. I guess both male and female though their partner would make a good spouse & parent. Not one or the other. I'm pretty sure when I was dating my ex and we got engaged, it had only to do with feelings for him. The concept of kids didn't come for a year after we were married. We were a little older. Then we found out about whether we made good parents. We did, fortunately. Both factors need to be considered, not just one or the other.



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Posted on Fri, Oct 21, 2005 17:37

Ok Romantic Lass,

It is time for a spanking lil lady, down with the pants and panties on the bare bottom for you, over the knee, and 10 lashes- lol. Those would be love taps dear!

Thanks for the reply, and I would like to see the balancing act of both, still lol.
Ok Romantic Lass,

It is time for a spanking lil lady, down with the pants and panties on the bare bottom for you, over the knee, and 10 lashes- lol. Those would be love taps dear!

Thanks for the reply, and I would like to see the balancing act of both, still lol.