This only applies to those trying to find true love, not those just playing around. First I do not know anything about online dating because I do not do it. I have yet to figure out how you date someone online. So, I am not talking about online dating. I prefer to call it Online Meeting, which describes what you are really on the site to doing. You are trying to meet that right person so you can date them later.
Now apparently there are those that just want an online relationship though email, that's not the type of relationship I am talking about here. So if you are looking for true love here is my seven step formula for searching and finding that person online. And if you don't know how to do this online it can be a frustrating, stressful, scary and dangerous.
Step 1: Understand there are all kinds of people online and they can tell you anything. A woman told me she was a movie producer, what she meant was she produced a YouTube Video with her kids. Solution, don't believe everything your read or hear and take everything they say like a grain of sand until you can verify.
Step 2: Remember there are many reasons people are on the site; and the person you communicate with might not be here for the same reason as you. Solution, find out early if you are both looking for the same thing and on the same sheet of music.
Step 3: Understand we all have a flavor we are looking for and just because you think you have found your flavor does not mean you are the right flavor for them; and you can't make a person be your flavor. Solution, determine what your flavor is in advance. Make a list of what you don't want and the 10 Non Negotiable things you want. Then use these two lists to weed out those that don't meet your requirements. Have them do one so you can determine if you are really the flavor they want.
Step 4: You should know a little about the person before you get to the live telephone. What do they do? Where are they from? Where did they go to school? What happen to their last partner? How many kids do they have? Do they want more children? None of this will tell you if they are honest or not but it does give you a chance to communicate and develop a sense of who they are. Once you have done this listen to your heart or intuition, it's usually right; how many times you have decided after the first email they are not the right flavor. Solution, online dating is like job interviewing. So don't be afraid to interview. Now of course you do this in a casual informal written manner at first. You simple ask what you need to know.
Step 5: When you finally speak to them don't forget you are still in the interview process. You have just shifted to the live phone. Solution, make sure you know what you want to know based on your two list.
Step 6: By the time you are ready to meet someone live you should know a lot about them and people you know should know about them; your best friends should know enough about them to help the police if you disappear. Your first meeting should always be in a public place, and you should be using your own transportation. Solution, remember this dating thing is about data gathering. You can?t make an intelligent decision on the next step with out data from the current step.
Step 7: Make sure you love your self before you start seeking the love of someone else. People that don't love themselves have a tendency to settle for the first person that meets their most pressing needs and disregard all the things they put on the two lists. Solution, go ask your best friends if you act like you love yourself when I comes to relationships, and listen to them.
You are so right, a person really have to weed out the snakes. I've meet some really good friends online years ago when online dating first started out and at that time you had more interesting adults than you do now. What's the name of your latest book?
One can have success with on line dating. I am living proof. Back in 1992 I was on a service called prodigy when all this on line dating started. I was a member of a group from called Northern New England. While on the site I met some nice people. One day I had an Idea. I love cooking so I put up a notice that I would like to invite some ladies over to my house for a candlelight dinner. To my surprise I received 10 replys. They all showed and we had a blast. Needless to say the guys were upset that I didn,t invite any of them. The best part of the story is as they say I had the pick of the litter and married one of the ladies a year later. It lasted for 15 yrs . Bad ending we divorced in 2009. But in can happen. Because this online thing was so new Good Morning America did a phone interview with several of us who had married, for a valentin day special.. Great fun Maybe I should do the same thing again. Any takers ladies. Italian of course. This story is the absolute truth!!
I have been burnt twice 2 for 2. Fortunetly it hasn,t cost me any money. Just some time and a lot of emotion. Thats ok I have thick skin and will pick up and go on. Not on this site..
from these experiences I have learned alot and now know what to do and not to do. Experience ia an eye opener.
Going for #3 on saturday meeting for coffee. The other two I never met. Even though one of the other girls excepted a dinner date but never got back to me. Don,t know what happened. Maybe she got cold feet.
Thank you, CK, great tips. Esp. for newbies like myself, I've LEARNED so much the short time I've been here, and I haven't even connected with anyone (yet) but it's been a valuable experience, without the pain of learning firsthand. I HOPE to keep it that way. You and many others have contributed to this learning, and it is appreciated. Can't say I haven't been warned at least! I look forward to future blogs from you- I'm sure they will be worthwhile reading.
I have been out promoting my book and have been away from the site for a while but I'm back. So I appologize fo the delay. Tell me what did you read that said I have never done online dating. I said I don't call it online dating because how can you date someone online, you have to meet them to date them. If you are searching for the right person the odds are against you that you will date them online than live happly ever after. It does happen or rare occassion but the odds don't work in your favor. Now about what I know about dating I was a relationship coach before I became a life coach, and I have not only use these sites I have actually studied how they work and what makes people successful on them
I am really sorry, I do not want to sound as a rude person, but I have to ask you this:
If you never had "online dating" how than you can be sure that this advices are good one? I am new one in this type of communication and looked here, red forum and advices and than figured out that you never had online dating. So, you just were guessing!
Here's another piece of advice that has worked for me many many times...pay very close attention to what they tell you and then try to trip them up and see if the story stays the same or changes. Men can't remember their lies but women are really good at paying attention to details. That's why men get caught cheating and women don't. Pay attention to body language...if the keep touching their face (mostly their chin or nose) they are lying. Hope this helps you ladies out. Be safe.