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Are women attracted to men who define authority in a relationship ?
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BQ
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Posted on Sat, Dec 03, 2005 04:33

Just wondering how beautiful women view a man with authorative leadership in a relationship. My question is..

1)is it sexy ?

2)appealing ?

3)makes you putty ?

4)puts your hormone on over drive ?

5)gets your full attention ?

6)feel secure?

7)creates definte attraction ?

8)feel a rush in you ?

9)creates respect ?

10)creates confidence ?

or is it a definte..

1) a definite turn off ?

2)doesn't create attraction ?

3)is low on a women list ?

4)you never melt at one who displays it ?

5)don't feel secure around a man like this ?

6)isn't a strong appealing factor?

7)doesn't make your blood run ?

8)doesn't create confidence ?

9)doesn't create respect ?

10)it isn't sexy ?


BQ



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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 03:50

katiegrl write:
BQ write:
I would like to ask another strange question,from a woman perspective what does successful m.ale means to your gender, how do you define successful? flick2 said woman didn't based a man totally on his wallet then what is it based on ? I would say most men would base successful on his wallet or social status,, well, this the North American way lol...I will get to the other part as I get answers.

BQ


BQ ... Goodlife IS informative, isn't she? And look att that beautiful little button face! Brains AND beauty. I agree with what she says.

But on a personal level, I'm laid back and easy going. I admire a leader of men, one who manages personnel, one who tells his stock broker to go ahead with his suggestions rather than the broker telling him what his money is being risked on.

I'm a leader too but without any need to usurp my authority. If a stronger leader comes along, and he's a man who wants to date me, I will conform to his plans for fun most of the time. One thing I can't stand hearing from a man who has asked me out is, "Well, I dunno ... what do you wanna do? YOU decide."

I'm not a pushover though, or a bubblebrain or a wallflower. But I enjoy being spoiled and when I feel my independence bursting to get out, I will take the lead, decide on the place and time, and spoil right back. LOL

My definition of a successful man is, stable, financially secure, future-driven, motivated, entrepreneurial sometimes, confident and not so paranoid about losing it all that he's got a stick up his assets and is losing personality day by day. Also, all work and no ... spoiling, fun and sex makes Jack a weird boy. LOL

I also value a man who is not obsessed about his own personal scoresheet and agenda so that he NEVER asks me about MY work, and could actually not care less. MY work is important to me and is not a frivolity or just a stupid "hobby." Nothing that makes money and puts food on the table is frivolous. I'm serious about my work and could use some input and support. I've been an entrepreneur and a businessman (I'm no feminist title zealot) for going on my third decade, because I started crafting jewellery when I was 13 to buy my art supplies.
I've got a good ... uh ... bosom to lean on and need a strong pair of arms to hold me sometimes. Seems like a yummy exchange.

So ... that's my story and I'm sticking to it! (although I AM open to further debate!) LOL

Katie,

Yyes, thegoodlife is one of a kind that is for sure, she is very articulated,perceptive,intelligent,thought provoking att time but we all need this now and then lol..

As to your answer about a man who you consider successful and a leader. It is good you see a man who is a leader to be admirable as it is the quality and compatibilty which people display which make them attractive, in my younger years I had known an average looking woman but she was very compatible,had high qualities and it sure made her look more beautiful than she was really as things like this is what becomes a heart relationship more than just a visual one.

I believe if you meet a compatible person for your man, he would not get paranoid about his life or yours, as things would blend to just about the last thing but f.inding them is a process like any other thing...it just doesn't come att the snap of the finger. He would encourage you that is for sure with your job,goal and many other positive things he would see in your life.

It is good you would let the man lead because some women can make an issue out of this..I know some men are like I dunno !! people...the little thing you can do with your man should always be appreciated even if it is just a walk holding hands on a country road or just a walk downtown and looking around...ther is so much to do around if you can get a bit creative..

I enjoy your imputs, you added a touch in it.

BQ

Katie as I was re-reading your post and you wrote My definition of a successful man is, stable, financially secure,I would enjoy clarification about this, I mean break it down into an explanation if you don't mind...the mind of a man and what he considers stable and financially secure will vary from person to person so just give a general female perspective as I came through a number of female profile with this wording.

I have met some men who have nothing in the bank and they view themselves financially secure as they have a steady job and a home, others who have hundred of thousands in the bank, a home etc.. and they don't feel financially secure yet. It is the reason I would enjoy a general view about this. It seem men set up a number in his head and if he doesn't live within this number he is not financially secure or stable, it is a perception thing as I can see.

TIA "Thanks in Advance"

BQ



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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 03:24

sharp1 write:
BQ write:
sharp1 write:
I hadn't noticed this question before.

Excluding all your options...in my own words..."It would strongly get my back up!"
I am a very easy-going, complacent lady, but if one comes across like one is ordering me about, and that demeanor can quickly change. Fortunately, it's a rare occasion I fi*nd myself being ordered around! lol
I don't take kindly to someone "telling" me what to do. I prefer to be asked politely, and given the choice to opt out of whatever it may be.

No clucking here! lol


Hey Sharp1,

You make my day answering this question. as for your point ""It would strongly get my back up!" you wouldn't have to worry lol..flickt2 got the real meaning of this. It wasn't necessary about telling people what to do but able to take the lead when everything seem to be directionless..I heard so many women talk about there husband being so BORING as he never seemed to define or take the lead..the only thing some of them did was watching sports and drinking beer ha! ha! It was why I posted the question to elicit opinion and views so us men don't repeat some of our follies in the next relationship.

Have a great day.

BQ

Then I appreciate the man taking the lead for a change. Having been the one to organize our social calendar, vacations, etc. 100% of the time...well yy*es, it's nice to have someone else do it for a change. If this is what you mean. Responsibilities within relationships should be shared.

Good Sharp, enjoyed this insight, it is always good to note as I really want this to be an education for my next match...my membership expired today but it was only supposed to expire Jan. 6 2006 as I paid in Dec 6 2005..I don't understand why I would be terminated 2 days ahead...it is sure a poor site..I wrote MM to complainn about it..I am not holding my breath though..ha! ha!

BQ

Sharp1 is a workaholic a turn off to most women?

BQ



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Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2006 22:36

BQ write:
sharp1 write:
I hadn't noticed this question before.

Excluding all your options...in my own words..."It would strongly get my back up!"
I am a very easy-going, complacent lady, but if one comes across like one is ordering me about, and that demeanor can quickly change. Fortunately, it's a rare occasion I fi*nd myself being ordered around! lol
I don't take kindly to someone "telling" me what to do. I prefer to be asked politely, and given the choice to opt out of whatever it may be.

No clucking here! lol


Hey Sharp1,

You make my day answering this question. as for your point ""It would strongly get my back up!" you wouldn't have to worry lol..flickt2 got the real meaning of this. It wasn't necessary about telling people what to do but able to take the lead when everything seem to be directionless..I heard so many women talk about there husband being so BORING as he never seemed to define or take the lead..the only thing some of them did was watching sports and drinking beer ha! ha! It was why I posted the question to elicit opinion and views so us men don't repeat some of our follies in the next relationship.

Have a great day.

BQ

Then I appreciate the man taking the lead for a change. Having been the one to organize our social calendar, vacations, etc. 100% of the time...well yy*es, it's nice to have someone else do it for a change. If this is what you mean. Responsibilities within relationships should be shared.



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Posted on Mon, Jan 02, 2006 02:46

BQ write:
I would like to ask another strange question,from a woman perspective what does successful male means to your gender, how do you define successful? flick2 said woman didn't based a man totally on his wallet then what is it based on ? I would say most men would base successful on his wallet or social status,, well, this the North American way lol...I will get to the other part as I get answers.

BQ


BQ ... Goodlife IS informative, isn't she? And look at that beautiful little button face! Brains AND beauty. I agree with what she says.

But on a personal level, I'm laid back and easy going. I admire a leader of men, one who manages personnel, one who tells his stock broker to go ahead with his suggestions rather than the broker telling him what his money is being risked on.

I'm a leader too but without any need to usurp my authority. If a stronger leader comes along, and he's a man who wants to date me, I will conform to his plans for fun most of the time. One thing I can't stand hearing from a man who has asked me out is, "Well, I dunno ... what do you wanna do? YOU decide."

I'm not a pushover though, or a bubblebrain or a wallflower. But I enjoy being spoiled and when I feel my independence bursting to get out, I will take the lead, decide on the place and time, and spoil right back. LOL

My definition of a successful man is, stable, financially secure, future-driven, motivated, entrepreneurial sometimes, confident and not so paranoid about losing it all that he's got a stick up his assets and is losing personality day by day. Also, all work and no ... spoiling, fun and sex makes Jack a weird boy. LOL

I also value a man who is not obsessed about his own personal scoresheet and agenda so that he NEVER asks me about MY work, and could actually not care less. MY work is important to me and is not a frivolity or just a stupid "hobby." Nothing that makes money and puts food on the table is frivolous. I'm serious about my work and could use some input and support. I've been an entrepreneur and a businessman (I'm no feminist title zealot) for going on my third decade, because I started crafting jewellery when I was 13 to buy my art supplies.
I've got a good ... uh ... bosom to lean on and need a strong pair of arms to hold me sometimes. Seems like a yummy exchange.

So ... that's my story and I'm sticking to it! (although I AM open to further debate!) LOL



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BQ
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Posted on Sat, Dec 31, 2005 06:50

Are you all out of suggestions and my education is over?

BQ



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Posted on Wed, Dec 21, 2005 14:46

thegoodlife2005 write:
I believe the "Who's on Top?" kind of struggle for status is a masculine obsession that most women cannot relate to at ALL. Many of the things you work so hard to achieve (the biggest muscles, the fastest car) mean NOTHING to us.

Women's own struggles for "status" come from a different mindset. Women have "status handbags," for instance, a totally different kind of obsession having to do with collective identity. Meaning, a certain handbag puts us in a certain "tribe." It has nothing to do with being "on top."

So what is it about male status that women absolutely adore? The kind of status that will make us feel cherished and protected and beautiful. Money plays into the equation because money buys food, heat, homes and healthcare, along with pretty things that make us feel beautiful (clothes, jewelry, spa services, etc). A man may also give us entree into the "right" tribe (whatever that is, it can vary from woman to woman!). So, a man doesn't have to be making the most money or driving the fanciest car to be tops on her list, he only needs to make her feel right.

Strength and fierceness of an Alpha (status) male can make a woman feel safe and protected; however, those same muscular arms are attached to fists, and we know it. So the question is, how is a man's strength and fierceness used? "For" a woman, or "on" her? Unfortunately, the woman who doesn't trust her instincts enough to tell the difference may end up bruised and beaten, or even dead.

Dang, now I've forgotten your question. Let me go back and read it.


the goodlife,

Dang, you are good at this,you have been very insighful that is for sure, I am getting a real raw education and admire your effort to enlight our soul to comprehend a relationship better from a woman persepctive. This is better than some books I read. Yes, you are quite right men strive to the top...sometime I am just amaze at the competition to reach for the top. Not all do that but a many do. It is a male thing lol..

I can tell you have read hundreds of books.

BQ



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Posted on Tue, Dec 20, 2005 18:36

I believe the "Who's on Top?" kind of struggle for status is a masculine obsession that most women cannot relate to at ALL. Many of the things you work so hard to achieve (the biggest muscles, the fastest car) mean NOTHING to us.

Women's own struggles for "status" come from a different mindset. Women have "status handbags," for instance, a totally different kind of obsession having to do with collective identity. Meaning, a certain handbag puts us in a certain "tribe." It has nothing to do with being "on top."

So what is it about male status that women absolutely adore? The kind of status that will make us feel cherished and protected and beautiful. Money plays into the equation because money buys food, heat, homes and healthcare, along with pretty things that make us feel beautiful (clothes, jewelry, spa services, etc). A man may also give us entree into the "right" tribe (whatever that is, it can vary from woman to woman!). So, a man doesn't have to be making the most money or driving the fanciest car to be tops on her list, he only needs to make her feel right.

Strength and fierceness of an Alpha (status) male can make a woman feel safe and protected; however, those same muscular arms are attached to fists, and we know it. So the question is, how is a man's strength and fierceness used? "For" a woman, or "on" her? Unfortunately, the woman who doesn't trust her instincts enough to tell the difference may end up bruised and beaten, or even dead.

Dang, now I've forgotten your question. Let me go back and read it.



BQ
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Posted on Tue, Dec 20, 2005 02:25

I would like to ask another strange question,from a woman perspective what does successful male means to your gender, how do you define successful? flick2 said woman didn't based a man totally on his wallet then what is it based on ? I would say most men would base successful on his wallet or social status,, well, this the North American way lol...I will get to the other part as I get answers.

BQ



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Posted on Mon, Dec 19, 2005 17:25

GeminiDi write:
A man who is authoritative, handles himself well, and is confident without arrogance is DEFINITELY appealing.

However, in a relationship, he must also know the delicate balance between sexy leadership and egotistical control.

Communication and OPEN, trusting, loving hearts are key.

Gem


Good points Gem it rings so true. "Communication and OPEN, trusting, loving hearts are key."

BQ



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Posted on Mon, Dec 19, 2005 17:21

TICKLESNGIGGLES write:
Hmmmm...I love a man who takes charge. A man who knows what he wants and gets it. Thats is the main reason I chose this site. A man who is financially secure of his own making, is a man who is a take charge kinda man, a man who isnt a submissive, who can take this little wildcat and make me purr like a little kitten. A self made man is a lot like a cowboy or a man who rides his Harley through the twisties at 100 mph!Now thats the man for me!


When I lived West Canada I heard that comment a number of time...I am enjoying the different views I am getting...a real educational forum.

BQ



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Posted on Sun, Dec 18, 2005 17:50

GeminiDi write:
BQ,

Once you've read these posts, I'm going to delete them. They're a bit too personal for the whole site to read.

Gem


O.K. Gem,

I read the posts and thanks for sharing your thoughts, unbelievable what you went through; it would be nice if we could change history but it is only a 1 way ticket. I sure hope your days are going to be brighter, I believe you deserve it.

Enjoyed the insight, thoughI think I have lived a very good life in general and had a very moral family to begin with. The experience you shared have never been close to my own experiences but I am learning from sincere people like yourself.

Thanks again Gem you have a wonderful heart.

BQ

  


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Posted on Sun, Dec 18, 2005 17:48


thegoodlife2005 write:
why, thank you! cheers!

[/quote_messa

You deserve it.

  


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Posted on Sun, Dec 18, 2005 14:18

GeminiDi write:
With my ex-husband in mind, I'd have to say it's fear stemming from insecurity. Throw in an unhealthy dose of jealousy, and you have a control issue.

I (and later, my daughters) wasn't allowed to wear sleeveless blouses. Now, I've heard of men who have a body preference like legs, butts, or breasts, but ARMS??? I was to be covered from chin to ankles.

I had to quit a government job with exceptional pay (Twenty-two years later, I'm just now making what I was making THEN!) because he didn't want me working with MEN! Two months after we married, he gave me the ultimatum: "Your job or your marriage." I didn't believe in divorce (still don't!). Once I finished getting my degrees, he actually told me to find a job where there were no men. Where's that? A nunnery? lol

I wasn't allowed to make eye contact in public. Every time a man would LOOK at me, he would want to know what *I* did to cause it!!! My first b/f (four years after my divorce) hated the fact that I was CONDITIONED to look down in public.

My favorite thing to buy is sexy lingerie. I LOVE all that WOMANLY stuff!!! He would throw it in the trash.

I couldn't have friends. My best friend from college (now) still talks about how we met. We exchanged phone numbers in case either of us had to miss class, we could contact the other one to find out what we had missed. When I gave her my number, I had to tell her to try her best NOT to call it because my husband didn't allow me to have friends.

He would get angry when elderly people would ask me for help in a department or grocery store. Maybe I just have that "I don't mind helping you" look! Subservient? I dunno. He would always ask, "WHY YOU? Out of all the people in this store, why did he/she pick YOU?"

I could go on and on ... weeks in the hospital, escorts (by his sister or mom) when I'd have to go somewhere ...


I stayed for 16 1/2 years (I feel like I'm five years old while typing that, but YES, I DESERVED that half a year. lol) When your children ask you to leave their dad, you know you live in a bad situation.

My point is that NO ONE has the right to control another person! No one!



Gem


Gem,

I guess fear of losing you to another man I would assume drove him to do these things..as it goes on both gender. I was fortunate to receive such a direct answer from thegoodlife.

You won't have problems finding love again...be of good cheer, I read your posts on different forum I posted on and you are a genuine lady with a big heart.

A part I was shocked a bit is your man throwing all your lingerie you were buying to dress to make him happy and look nice for him...boy !! this is a first time I ever read something bizzare like this. I asked my ex to buy nice clothes etc.. but she would dress like the hippies did in the early 60's..you know these cotton dress with tasteless flair;.. Over here men would get in a fist fight for a lady like you ha! ha! I mean if you were young not married and they would have known you do special dressing up and down for your man. Hoey !!! you would have had so much men at your door ha! Men here are wondering where are the women like this, do they exist anymore? The few who do this are picked out so so fast, there just gone in 3 months they become available and some in a few weeks.

Your post was an eye opener as I didn't know men goes to this extreme. It is the first time in all my 47 years of walking on this earth I read a post like this.

BQ



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Posted on Sun, Dec 18, 2005 12:15

why, thank you! cheers!



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Posted on Sun, Dec 18, 2005 10:54

thegoodlife2005 write:
BQ, it's FEAR, fear of losing one's (usually imagined anyway) control of a situation.

It comes from the delusion that one can control another living being in the first place.


thegoodlife,

Your a real sweet heart, thanks for solving a big mystery between these 5 words I mentioned, I knew it was one of them but never assumed fear would be weighted the heaviest. So giving assurance,approval,encouragement and a balanced control should then solve a lot of problems in a relationship ? and keeping interesting like flick suggested will it go a long way in subsiding a lady fears?

You really enlightened me here, I get it now; admire your sincererity as I asked my ex and other women and could never have a straight answer. To be honest I thought it was pride rather than fear.

You are a rare lady. I think you're ..................... and ..........!!!!.

BQ



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Posted on Sun, Dec 18, 2005 07:23

BQ, it's FEAR, fear of losing one's (usually imagined anyway) control of a situation.

It comes from the delusion that one can control another living being in the first place.



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Posted on Sun, Dec 18, 2005 02:45

Now as you ladies see I have expanded again the list of 2 words control and insecurities with authoritative,pride and fear. It is an excellent way to see how relationship works based on a couple of characteristic we all possess to a degree.


To exercise authority or dominating,influence over,direct or regulate...there is more but this is the very first meaning..

Insecure: Not secure or safe-inadequately guarded or protected-unsure,unstable,shaky,apprehensive or lacking self confidence

Autnoritative: Having or arising from proper authority. official-authoritative source.

Pride: A sense of one's own proper dignity or value self respect- Pleasure or satisfaction taken into one's work, achievement or possession.

Fear: A feeling of alarm or disquiet caused by the expectation of danger,pain,disaster or the like, terror.dread or apprehension.

Where does the motivation for control comes from mostly ? Pride,Insecurities or fear? A combination of all or 2 of them?

I hope to get some answers on this as it would deepen my education and insight.

BQ



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Posted on Fri, Dec 16, 2005 16:49

flickt2 write:
BQ,
What is kind and interesting? That's a difficult one. It varies from woman to woman what they think it is.

I had a friend whose boyfriend treated her like dirt throughout their relationship. He expected to come running every time he called and then stood her up when they were going out becuase he decided he wanted to go out with his friends instead. He also was rude to her parents, pretended her friends didn't exist and thought he could make up for it by buying her expensive presents. Eventually when she broke up with him he had the cheek to ask whay she was breaking up with him after all HE had done for HER. He is a great definition of unkindness, because even though he had money he didn't have many of the qualities needed in a good partner.

Women are not as worried about having a man who earns a lot of money today as they can do it themselves. They are often just attracted to men who have drive and ambition as that makes them more exciting. Therefore financial support is not always necessary.

I hope that answers your question a bit.
Flick


Thanks flick for the reply, this type of man would be classified as an azz hole around here; sad for your friend though. So interesting varies with the women as everyone will have there expectation...thought there might be some basic standard...guess I was wrong on that one.

Enjoyed your imput...you look very nice in your new picture.

BQ



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Posted on Wed, Dec 14, 2005 14:12

I was looking in the Inter Collegiate Dictionary for the meaning of controlling and this is what it said : To exercise authority or dominating,influence over,direct or regulate...there is more but this is the very first meaning..

Insecure: Not secure or safe-inadequately guarded or protected-unsure,unstable,shaky,apprehensive or lacking self confidence.

The more insecure a person feels, it will either lead to more control or withdrawals from the situation..well to a point, I'm talking here about relationship between a couple..like just recently what happened for 9-11 the laws were tightened because of insecurities with the already existing securities in the U.S. which leads to more control...just a thought of how I see it.

So Jayzee,flick,Sharp1 and thegoodlife your comment would be welcome to interprete these 2 words from a woman point of view..I see it one way and surely know you ladies see it differently ha! ha! Comments? anyone..

BQ



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