Let's destroy the misconception of a woman after only his money or a man interested in only her looks. Money and Beauty are not exclusive of the other desirable qualities of a person.
It is actually more likely that one have it all than just wealth or just beauty. Beauty and wealth are apt to be the symptoms of a person that excels.
Lack of wealth and lack of beauty is more likely to breed along side less desirable qualities, as one is forced to make out with less. Those without are more likely to be around others without and to harbor resentments, bitterness about life, and to force one to get by with lesser resources.
As with the two sides of a coin, you cannot separate the man from the money, any more than you can separate a woman from her beauty, exceptions aside.
The attributes that usually bring money to a man are attributes that run in his blood and it?s apparent in the presence he commands when he walks into a room, the comfort of his smile during introduction, his posture, gestures, the way he shakes hands, the way he walks, talks, and even the way he combs his hair.
That?s why for the most part, even if you take away his money, he will soon enough have it again.
With her, the beauty is beyond the surface and is part of her personality. Her self esteem, the way she arches her back, shakes when she walks, responds to the smile of a male, the clothes she chooses to wear, the style of her hair, the way she does her makeup all feed into the attitude of her beauty. Even when she is trashed and at her worst in the morning, her beauty shines through, because it becomes part of her as much as her hands and feet are part of her. In every gesture, in fact her entire demeanor is formed around her being beautiful.
So when a man lusts a woman for her beauty, it may seem like a superficial shallow thing about the surface but that is so wrong. Whoever said that beauty was skin deep was probably not beautiful because beauty runs to the head and heart and spirit.
And when a woman goes for the man that is rich, it?s not the actual dollars that she is after, but the man behind the dollars, strong, confident, safe, comfortable, and so into her. She is not after just the money but also the future and life style that being with a man of success affords.
So what kind of men and women does this site attract in opposition to other sites? It attracts men of means and women of beauty and/or means as well.
Never have I seen a site with so many beautiful women. I speculate it?s because the less attractive women don?t stand a chance against the beauties and so they don?t bother. I?m amazed at how many women in the 35-50 year range exceed the beauty of most 25 year olds on other sites. Many of them can pass for 25. That kind of beauty is beyond the surface. These women are not beautiful by accident, they are beautiful by desire and the talent and resources to make it happen and to keep it. Good genes aside, it is not just paint, it is in their personality. The kind of beauty that doesn?t go away when the makeup, clothes, and shoes come off.
The men, more successful and powerful than their neighbors, less intimidated by beauty due to higher self esteem, more civil and gentlemanly because their daily environment breeds it, multifaceted because of their resources, they look better through grooming and clothes, education and access to better health and lifestyle, they make a better pool to pick from. Above average.
southerncougar you have a certain grace that can't be bought.I admire your honesty and courage.I want you to know that you might be surprised th know that you DO have a chance on this site...you have every right to be here and you have more class than many with wealth.It's an intangible..it has nothing to do with wealth or position....you,girlfriend,have grace and class.Be proud of yourself and your profile..Lisa
I am also impressed by what BFD has to say - an extremely intelligent man and I have to admit his 'edge' is rather invigorating! I would rather read a post from an honest and frank, controversial spirit than someone who is polite and superficial...
SouthernCougar - thank you for being so real and open, and I bet if you stay on here and be yourself, magical things will happen. The whole key is to KEEP DREAMING...which leads me to EuropeanQT....
Seems we have a European connection. I enjoy reading your posts, you and I have a lot in common...don't worry about dork IMers and naysayers - I get it too! You and I understand a diffferent set of values and our challenge is to integrate with N. American ones....
PS: I'm actually impressed by what BFDeal had to say.
Some guy IMed me and told me to change my profile because of this sentence: "Looks are of course very important, as they reflect what's inside".
Btw, what is it with men and trying to change the QT? He's like the 2nd self-righteous guy who demanded I change my profile, LOL! "Thou shall not try to make over thy local EuropeanQT" isn't that in..? Never mind!
As for my statement, a side of it is actually very well expanded in BFD's text here below. The way he talks about how the exterior trappings (or lack thereof) affect the inner self. (The other side has to do with energy and inner beliefs manifested or reflected in the physical body).
It's a given that when someone feels good (or better) about themselves (whether thru what some refer to as "superficial means" such as plastic surgery, sudden wealth or any valid, radical self-image change) it's instantly recorded in the inside and the outside behavior then changes.
Ever watched "Extreme Makeover"? Without judging it as a valid show or not, there is total change in the patient's attitude brought by the change in their outer self. (Well that's better explained in Psycho-cybernetics by Maxwell Matz).
Although I got a major jawdropper at this line: "it's not the actual dollars she is after, but the man behind the dollars". For a man who at first glance appears to be a chauvinist pig, that's pretty noble of you to state so! Wow, the man can actually see farther than his mirror reflection, LOL!
The truth is of course that some women are users, just like some men are users. And others are as you described them. And others yet are... well! This could go on ad infinitum! (There are many truths yet there is only one Truth...)
The best part is like attracts like. Like oil and water can be put together but in the end will never mix well, I can attract the wrong kind (such as the above referenced bozos). But in the end we will all wind up with someone whose energy is contained within us, for better or for worse. (And until divorce do us part, and then it's back into the lil' ol' merry-go-round, same lover, different body: WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!)
But, thankfully, there's a way out of that pesky merry-go-round: if I don't like who I'm ending up with, I only need to change myself!
(Well either that or take the lazy way out and state in my profile: "blue eyes: leave me the H E double hockey sticks alone! Enough already, you're everywhere!") LOL!
WHEW! I escaped it this time! And to think I was called shallow and supeficial: AS IF!!!!!!! :oP
Southern Cougar, WOW! What a very real post! I was really impressed by your courage to post and allow us a glimpse to your inner beauty!
I cannot say that I can't relate. On many levels. The way people perceive you can be so very... flabbergasting! Most of all someone's opinion of you says nothing about who you are but everything about who they are and where they stand. You are very real and I can tell that your self-esteem doesn't depend on or vary according to someone else' s opinion of you but is appropriately self-referenced.
I speak several languages fluently. I come from 2 different European nations. When I speak with one language, everyone wants to hear the sound of it, they look at me with this admiring stare and I become a first class citizen in America. If however I'm conversing in the other language (I speak both with their intrinsic accents) then I am downgraded to a thrid class citizen, due to the erroneous assumption that I am of a different nationality. I am the same person but according to which language I'm speaking, a first impression of me can be night or day. I've learned to shrug it off. If somehow they manage to ruffle my feathers, I switch to english with an exaggerated ("first class") accent and this always reverses the energy! Go figure!
When it all comes down to it, looks only get you in the door in places like here (if at all!) But looks alone won't keep you in the right position, right job or right relationship. And sometimes looks won't even get you the cute guy to reply to your wink! ;o)
Some men, whose appearance would have at first failed to get me to notice them, have gained my admiration and sometimes heartfelt longing by demonstrating their genuine inner qualities such as respect, good manners, compassion and integrity. That combination to me is absolutely intoxicating. Hence what my profile states (2nd paragraph, "my match") though I'm sure some men might think I'm kiddin, being provocative or whatever, I'm not. I stand by my words. (So much for those cry-babies who called me shallow!)
In America, you are what you drive. The man is as good as his bank account, the woman as good as her looks. Or complete lack thereof. Am I judging? Just stating a fact. Where I come from it's different. If it's so much better there why don't I go back!? I said it's different. It's all relative. And subjective. A sheer matter of preference. Of where your values stand. Of what you're accustomed to. The fact is that I cannot take the Europe out of this QT no more than you could take the America out of the US! (I guess I just did, LOL! USA!)
Tolerance goes a long way. Until you're having a day and some dork IMs you and puts words in your mouth, gets all bent out of shape in the face of your truth whom he attempts to redefine for you because it threatens his denial, (even though neither one of you really care to ever IM again) and you tell him to put down the magnifying glass and look in a mirror instead. If you're both lucky you'll at the very best end up without a nasty comment. If you're both aware, you'll part with understanding, without a shred of useless resentment. But I'm philosophising on a Romance thread. I really outta get some sleep lest I shall put everyone else to just that! ;o)
SCougar Lady, you are truly something! I wish you the very best during your stay among us and may the guy who really deserves you be lucky enough to find you!
Carpe Diem, Emeritus, vaya con Dios, Gedshunteit. Amen.
You may not like his presentation,I don't always,but he has many valid points and cuts to the chase.I don't agree with everything he says,but BFDeal is right on the nose about alot of things.I have spoken to him one on one,out of total curiosity as to who this arrogant asshole was.I came away with a much different attitude.We women bristle at his suggestion that most all women could be hot with a bit of effort.Thats true.I'm the worst about running around in my jeans and turtlenecks,no makeup,hair a mess,the extra lbs.from addiction to Cheetos just parked there because I don't do anything about it.Then bitch about where the men are.There is nothing wrong with lust.That in turn does require a bit of attention to the face,bod and hair,especially at my age.Lust is what draws men and women together long enough to fall in love.It's hard if not impossible for one to get the "Total Package" across online.Of course he gave me crap about my photo.He is right in that is the ONLY thing a man or woman has to represent themselves online.I just didn't take it as do or die and so posted a photo that I put no effort into.I certainly wasn't swamped with offers but,BFDeal,different people have diffrent taste as to what they find sexy,so I didn't do too badly.I also diagree with your idea that those in lesser circumstances are more likely to be unattractive,with exceptions.My mother was total beauty,grace and class but was less than wealthy.My father was a dirt farmer and not only could he have been a male model today,he was a Physician and Mathematician.I venture to say many of the gorgeous women here didn't come from the best background.I also expect that many men here began with no money at all.As much as many women don't like to say,many of us seek security and safety.And money certainly can help in that depatment as is a stong man.Women also need some types of security you don't mention that can and have been more important than money.Emotional security and safety.The need to know her man is loyal,will stick with her,faithful.These have often superceded money many times.You are correct about many things.However, even you DEAL aren't correct about everything.