Anybody ever agree to meet someone you first met on the Net, and then disliked them almost immediately, but were stuck with them anyway because you'd promised them a date? I had one like that around mid-March of this year.
On a different dating site, I responded to one person who lived fairly close and seemed to have actually put some thought into his profile and reply. We IM'ed on a Thursday and set up a meeting for Friday night after we both got off of work. We ate at the Cracker Barrel and then went to the Conway Supper Club, where I like to sing karaoke on Friday nights.
Now get this. There's an Arkansas Razorback basketball game on that night, so he ditches me at the club, so that he can go home and WATCH TV! And it wasn't because he wasn't into me or anything. That was just where his priorites were. He did promise to come back for me after it was over, because after all, how else was I going to get home? Funniest thing was that as insulting as that was, it was also quite a relief to get away from him. I wasn't feeling physically attracted to him whatsoever, yet he kept doing all this touch-feely stuff with me in public (rubbing my back and my legs, holding my hand), which I wasn't reciprocating at all, and which he kept doing in spite of that. I get the impression that he's one of those guys who dates so little that he's almost in shock to be out with an actual woman, doesn't have a clue what to do and what not to do when he is in that situation, doesn't have the knowledge of the proper "timetable" of what's appropriate or not, or have any clue how to read verbal clues or body language that would tell any normal person that the woman just isn't interested in him.
Anyhow, my date came back shortly before midnight, and I at least wanted to finish my last turn before we left. We danced to a couple of up-tempo songs, and at one point, he turned me around and started trying to dirty dance with me from behind. Ewwwww! My last song happened around 12:30, so we finally left, and while he's driving me home, he's asking what movies I have. I mention a few, but say it's really late, and when I get home, I'm going straight to bed. So we got back to my apartment, and instead of just walking me to my door and going home, he followed me inside anyway, plopped himself down on the sofa, and started taking off his watch and shoes. Like I'm going to be starting a movie or anything else at 1:00 in the morning, when I've been up since 6 a.m. the same morning, and have to be up at about the same time the next morning for work. "Well," he said, "I had a really, nice time and would like to see you again. How about you?" I was thinking, "HELL, no, get out!" but just tried to say nicely that I wasn't attracted to him, but thought he was a nice guy and it was nice meeting him. So he finally got a clue and left, and except for a couple of brief IM's, I haven't heard from him since, thank goodness.
I hope the next time he schedules a date, he doesn't do it on a night that's going to cut into his TV-watching. That and chatting with people online is probably all he ever actually does!
This was a interesting chat. And I'd have to agree don't trust anyone you don't know. Always meet in a public place. And if you could swing it try making it a double or have a friend around just in case.
As for the whole first date thing. I'm a beleaver if it starts off bad, things will just get better. First dates is like going to a show. You are meeting the person they want you to assume they are. You really will never know them over dinner. It takes time.
Best relationships come from friendship. Find a friend not a lover. If you start off as enemies and become friends. More then likely you'll be best friends over time. On the other hand if you start off being friends and end up feuding with the person. Neither you nore the other half will know how to deal with it. Your friendship would more then likely end and you'll end up moving on with life. A lot easier then a date.
I have been dating on and off for 9 years and I've had my share of disasterous first dates and really boring ones (not sure which ones are worst). I can share some of my experience.
It's pretty hard to get a fix over the Internet on who you are meeting so I prefer to meet in a neutral place half way between her place and mine. I am interested in meeting people so I can usually sustain my interest and curiosity for as long as it takes to consume a drink. If we hit it off we can take it from there. If not me or my date can beg off graciously. I have been stuck on long dates before with everything from psychopaths to women with no pulse so my quick first date tends to minimize my contact with them yet it allows us to check each other out to see whether there is any chemistry.
Go easy on the first date is what they say. if meeting a guy at a club, i schedule to meet with some friends there too, only keeping it open and i can hang together or just stay by my date i am meeting for the first time that night. that could work for you too, just saying..
It sounds like you don't need to be doing this online thing right now. At least not until you get your life in order. You're setting yourself up to be a victim; because you don't want to be dateless for "the rest of your life."
Honey, you need take care of you first. The dating thing will come later. I'm pretty certain, it's not going to take "the rest of your life" to save up and get a car.
You might want to ask yourself, why do you feel you have to have a man in your life right now.
Why not have your friends set you up? Then you can double date, and your friends can make sure you get home.
Just a concerned cop, who's responded to way too many assaults and rapes.
That's another way to get out ...without letting them know where you live...And things will change in the other departments as well.......Just give it time......Have you thought about maybe changing jobs....? If you cant....trying saving a bit of it....especially during the times that you know you might be going on a date....and do tell other friends where you might be at....and give the description of the person you are going out with....that way....someone knows .
Just before you go out on a date...try as much as possible to know everything about them..
Myself, I get to IM first for about 2wks to get a little about them...then we talk on the phone......you can tell a little about a person by the sound and tone sometimes of their voice. Of course it is not foolproof. Just be careful.
I wish I could do the meet halfway at a public place thing right now, but I'm in a really bad place in my life right now. I don't have a car right now, and haven't for the past year and half, so pretty much don't have a whole lot of choice in the not getting in the car with anyone I don't know thing, unless I just want to be dateless for the rest of my life. I can only get around by either riding a bike or walking. I USED to at least have a Yahama Zuma (motor scooter), but someone stole it before I ever got to practice on it enough to get the hang of it. I can at least agree to meet somewhere other than where I actually live, because there's a convenience store nearby within walking distance, and that's probably what I'd do if I ever agreed to meet anyone from online again. If they turn out to have used fake pics (seems to be an epidemic of that lately), they can just turn around and go back wherever they came from.
You shouldn't have invited him in, in the first place...just let him know at the door that.....it wouldn't be a good idea......moreover.....letting him drive you home and know where you lived......
I had a friend from the uni days do that.....and now she is six feet under....all because she let a guy he has been chatting to on line....take her out.....just because she didn't like him after wards.....made him insane.....and he came back 8wks later and killed her...
Be careful of the people you meet like that....and doesn't them know from Adam.....get to know them first before inviting them to take you home......your home is your safe haven keep it that way.....and you can go to bed secure in the knowledge that whatever happens out there.....wouldn't necessarily find your home.
I myself.....ask the person where we are going to meet....I arrive there by myself...( after telling my mother and father, and my best friend where I will be and passing the place's number etc...and the name of the person , I go with some money just in case.....I don't want anyone driving me home except the black cabs.....(I always have money for eventualities). And after I sit down for a few hours maybe and my gut instincts tell me no....I usually leave....by myself. This way...I avoid all ugliness and etc...
just my two cents