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***@*@*@* I Just Don't Get It !! *@*@*@*** Sort by:
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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Fri, Oct 13, 2006 15:40

I just read a blog that disturbed me a bit..what bothered me about it is how we tend to judge others ..even harshly so...without really knowing anything about them or their lives...we observe and we see what we want...we judge out of our own perception clouded with our own experience...I mean who are we to judge anyone..when we can't even get it right ourselves....I ask myself how many mistakes have I made...how many more does it take for me just to get it...You put your trust in someone how many times before you get it that they are just not trust worthy...how much pain does one have to suffer and endure before they stay away from the fire. How much hurt and pain do we have to cause before we get it ..and understand that the pain and sorrow that we create will come back on us in some way in some fashion or the other.... Philip..the gentleman who just died...I thought he was so healthy he thought he was so healthy...He did not do drugs..he exercised....he loved good rich food..but was a fanatic about every thing he ate..always worried about every thing he put in his mouth....that and exercise and how he looked was paramount in his mind...he was obsessively clean...when I was there if I left even one drop of water..or crumb he was behind me sweeping it up....he worried about this ..about that.....he did not want people in his home....because he liked perfection..his yard did not have a living thing in it..he had beautiful well kept yard...a bird house that was to die for....once at breakfast as I gazed out the french doors ..I thought out loud..saying..I cant wait for Spring it is going to be so lovely...with all the beautiful birds singing and ..he cut me off..saying .." NO...Erica...there are not going to be any birds singing...I shoot the birds...when one has birds there comes ...the pests...the squirrels..the lizards..etc etc....I shoot the squirrels too......I noticed after that ..there was nothing living around his house..nothing....except us...and all of a sudden I felt we were sitting in a tomb instead of a beautiful home.... Philip was a good lesson for me...I loved him...but was never in love with him....I tried to love him like he wanted me too..but just could not manage it...I love life too much...I am passionate about life and people...and I see it as a precious gift...I knew the day I drove back home ..I had this sinking feeling this sadness..thinking I should be on top of the world ..I am engaged..but no it was if my world was slowly going dark as if the sun was put on one of those dimmer switches..and some great hand was slowly turning down the light...I couldn't help thinking about how my life would be with him...then as the thunder rolled loudly over head..a bright flash of lightening and I had this epiphany...vision? Whatever one wants to call it...but it was as real as the sun coming up every morning....the vision was of me...in a coffin...looking up as the lid was closing over it.... I knew then I could never marry him....he died soon after this....there was really never any closure...he never accepted the fact I could not love him in the way he wanted...his take on it was..keep the ring Erica..you do not know what you want..your scared..you just need time...I watched him fade away in the next coming weeks...we never discussed our relationship...he was weak..but I know he was happy I was there that is if one can be happy when they know they are b now going to die within weeks of just planning out the rest of their lives.......One night he woke suddenly...sit up and called my name grabbed me and held me tight ..with his weak feeble arms..and he hugged me with all his strength...saying I love you ...Baby.....that was the last moment of affection....and of Philip..... He spent all of his days in worry about what others would think...he practically starved himself just to have a flat stomach so he could wear the same size slacks that he did in college...I can't help but ask myself.....what was it all for ??? I guess My point is that we spend our lives...worrying about the wrong things..we unfairly judge others that we do not know...we point accusing fingers at people we blame for our poor choices....we observe..we attack..we criticize ..we cause pain and we do harm ...we think we know everything and that we are right...we try to control...we live with bitterness anger and fear within our hearts......we are selfish and self absorbed..never having enough always wanting more...we become bored when not entertained enough and we complain complain complain.........and then we wonder why...and we began to ask ourselves.."why am I not happy.....why am I not loved...the way I want to be loved......" What is it all about???????? My question is when do we get it...or do we ever get it.... Thoughts...???? Erica Anne @)----------

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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Fri, Nov 03, 2006 18:47

Sharp1..I feel if we would just wake up ..and look within and stop looking for someone else or something else to make us happy then we may find the key to true happiness.. Thank you for your sweet sentiment... and thank you for posting... Giggles...thank you...nice to have your bright light back... Erica Anne @}------------


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Posted on Thu, Nov 02, 2006 14:25

"we began to ask ourselves.."why am I not happy.....why am I not loved...the way I want to be loved......" What is it all about????????" Erica sorry for your loss also. I believe when we are unhappy and searching for answers in our lives it is only natural to ask ourselves, "why am I not happy?" But I think the next question should be "what will it take to make me happy?" From there one can grow. To ask oneself, "why am I not loved?" That is self-deprecating. It doesn't allow for positive personal growth. Instead it only serves to tear oneself down further, lowering their obviously already low self-esteem. Make sense? BTW, people who tend to criticize and tear down others, generally have low self-esteem. If that is still happening on the blogs and forums...I just ignore it. Can't get upset about something I don't read.


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Thu, Nov 02, 2006 13:11

What a sweet thing to say Will...I have been keeping up with your posts and blogs Will...I declare it seems you have mellowed...I want to say I am so proud of you...but that sounds silly doesn't it...what I do see is growth Will..you are showing that amazing side of you...that depth of heart and soul..that you possess is showing up in your warmth understanding and positive attitude. Which can only bring out the good stuff...* wink * Erica Anne @}-----------


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Wed, Nov 01, 2006 18:14

Hey LCl..you always have something wonderful and insightful to add... I would like to see more from you... thanks for posting pretty lady.. Erica Anne@}-------


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Fri, Oct 20, 2006 09:01

CutiePie..I love your insight and thought provoking posts....I find myself once again agreeing with you... thank you for posting...its always good to see you... erica anne@)--------------


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Thu, Oct 19, 2006 04:20

ok..I don't know what is going on..my posts are not showing up...I and they are being sliced and diced..what is this about.." I don't get this either " giggle


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Wed, Oct 18, 2006 06:19

wow..thank you manofthehour..I have tried posting a thank you before..perhaps this one will make ti... I am flattered by your kind and generous compliments....what you see id what you get...It took some really hard falls to get where I am today..I simply try to understand and I genuinely care...there are many bright lights here...as you will soon find.... Welcome to *blog world * as you well know we can use a man of the hour here...*wink*


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Tue, Oct 17, 2006 08:32

hey myselfmoi ...it is so true we really need to live life and to the fullest...we only get one chance to walk this path...why not make the best of each and every moment.... Aphrodite..and I agree whole heartedly with you...It is a good thing to share to reach out and touch so to speak.... You both seem have " Gotten It " smile Thanks much for posting... Erica @)----------


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Tue, Oct 17, 2006 05:38

Hello Phil..and thank you so much for the sweet compliments... I remember you...I haven't seen you around in like forever....good to see you..I agree..we do tend to sometimes strike out at others...when we are not internally happy...we are emotional beings..and we are not perfect...if we would just take a moment to think..about the Golden Rule...I believe this would help and be a great buffer..I mean what does it take to turn something on negative note into something positive that just might bring a smile to someone's face and heart...happiness is contagious.... The upside Phil is that you are aware... Do you know how important this is just to be aware? So many aren't and just don't care....wow that rhymes...giggle Anyway..Awareness is a beginning to great insight into who we are...is it not... thank you for posting Erica Anne @}--------------


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Mon, Oct 16, 2006 16:49

You are quite welcome Will and thank you for your generous compliments...you always have great points to interject and share with us all... Gosh Will...you are sure writing some great stuff these days..that new lady of yours must be a great influence... Juicey..your perception is right on..It is easier said than done...takes constant awareness....understanding and patience....I agree ..all we can do is the best we can do..just as you have stated..... Thank you Bill...you always have something good to say...you are definitely a romantic at heart....I believe what you are referring to is we all have a choice we can either let our fear control us..fear is a killer...a death sentence to love.. or ..we can choose to simply let go of the fear..and take that leap.....love your attitude.... Thank you all for posting..... Erica Anne@)---------- Erica Anne @}-----------------


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Mon, Oct 16, 2006 16:32

Hey Ready..its so good to know you are still here....I appreciate your sentiments...I am sure I would have not been happy with Philip...I have tried my best to learn from my past mistakes...even through the guilt I still feel I was doing the right thing... Good to see you pretty lady... thanks for posting... Erica Anne @}-----------------


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Posted on Mon, Oct 16, 2006 11:53

Thanks TD ..well I am trying to get it..(wink )...I was married to a sociopath...so I am aware of the red flags....this was one reason I pulled off...you could be right about Philip...there were a lot of questionable events..that would give one rise to feel there was some really deep emotional problems going on...I truly feel I just touched the tip of the iceberg so to speak...too sad..all of it.... Erica @}---------


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Mon, Oct 16, 2006 11:41

Thanks Jess...I love him..and I will check it out...you are a sweet heart! Erica @}---------


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Doe2Vixen
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Posted on Mon, Oct 16, 2006 07:43

Erica, Have you ever listened to "To Where You Are" by Josh Grobin. Good healing song in a loss as yours..Just thought I would share that with you. May God Bless You, Jess


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Aphrodite_
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Posted on Mon, Oct 16, 2006 01:09

I am speechless... In a good way, of course. Some of us, never get it... Some of us get it more than others... The ones that do "get it" should help the others to "get it" too. We will live in a better world when that will happen. It's scary how deep is your blog...unbearable. Out!


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Sun, Oct 15, 2006 15:10

Ok..why are my posts not showing up? Does any one else see any blank spaces or is it just me.....


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myselfmoi
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Posted on Sun, Oct 15, 2006 12:54

I feel that you need to live life. Every little bug and bird and storm. I took a walk yesterday through the woods along the river. I needed it. I needed to smell the leaves decaying and hear the birds and feel the water and hear it ruch over the rocks. I had to. I know that I need nature to survive. Inside. And I like to eat. Maybe I don't always eat what I'm supposed to. And I know that I'm not always going to be the size I was when I was a teenager. But there is hardly anyone that is. I love life. The way Phillip was living was not living. He didn't love life. He survived. Just day to day survival. That's sad. I don't think you did anything wrong. I think you should be givena merit badge for sticking with it so long. But at the end, you had nothing to feel bad about. You were there till the end. And maybe that's all he wanted.


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Sun, Oct 15, 2006 08:42

DV..Your posts are always full of wisdom..and great insight... I do appreciate your comments ..they are always thought provoking... thank you so much for posting...... Erica Anne @}----------------


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Sun, Oct 15, 2006 06:34

Sweetestone .. Yes...there are no words that can convey how it feels to watch someone ..one loves slide into oblivion and there is nothing one can say or do..to help ..to stop it..or to make it better...It stuns you ...makes you humble and it give you a deeper appreciation of just how important our moments are here on earth...... Thank you I appreciate you comments and post...please feel free to email me ..I would love to hear your story... erica anne@)-------------


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