Okay, nothing more humorous than making fun of your own profession, so here goes . . . TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND NASTY IN LAW BUT REALLY ARENT:
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge have her the stiffest one he could.
And the #1 dirty law statement? . . .
1. Think you get him off?
Okay, nothing more humorous than making fun of your own profession, so here goes . . . TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND NASTY IN LAW BUT REALLY ARENT: 10. Have you looked through her briefs? 9. He is one hard judge! 8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers. 7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute. 6. Is it a penal offense? 5. Better leave the handcuffs on. 4. For $200 an hour, she better be good! 3. Can you get him to drop his suit? 2. The judge have her the stiffest one he could. And the #1 dirty law statement? . . . 1. Think you get him off?
Dont worry CDC, I forget my kids' names sometimes (go through all the pets, my siblings, then possibly hit on THEIR names : ) . . .thats what comes of aging I think
LLL, you are sooooooo right . . I think I'll have to try that test myself. I was actuall a history major in college (even graduated with honors - ooh, how nerdy!) and now can barely remember my own birthday
Dont worry CDC, I forget my kids' names sometimes (go through all the pets, my siblings, then possibly hit on THEIR names : ) . . .thats what comes of aging I think LLL, you are sooooooo right . . I think I'll have to try that test myself. I was actuall a history major in college (even graduated with honors - ooh, how nerdy!) and now can barely remember my own birthday
A joke...
One morning St Peter awakes to find 3 people waiting patiently at his pearly gates. One is a Pope, one is an Arch Bishop of Canterbury and the third is a lawyer.
St Peter says 'Welcome to heaven gentlemen. Let me show you round.' Then, with a flourish he throws the gates open saying 'I bet you can't wait to see your new homes.'
The three newbies look at each other expectantly.
'First' intones St Peter 'I'll show the lawyer his new pad'.
He leads the men into a beautiful tree and brook laden countryside. At the crest of a small hill they're treated to a sight to behold. Like the Palace of Versailles an enormous chateau rises before them. Manicured lawns. Playfully decorative fountains. And a staff of sixty lined up before the entrance to great their new master.
'Will this be to your satisfaction?' St Peter asks the lawyer.
'Oh my word yes' says the lawyer barely holding in his glee.
As they leave the lawyer the other two newbies look at each other with satisfied smirks on their faces. How amazing were their new homes going to be?
'Now, Arch Bishop' says St Peter 'let me show you your new home.' The men leave the beautiful countryside and find themselves in a very ordinary somewhat run down city suburb. St Peter leads them to a two bedroom apartment on the fourth floor of a block of units that has no lift.
There is mould on the walls. There is no bathroom - each floor shares one at the end of the hall.
'Is this acceptable Arch Bishop?' asks St Peter.
The Arch Bishop is horrified but does not want to cause a stir on his first day in heaven so he mumbles a begrudging 'yes.'
As they leave the Pope is worried. What is he going to get? He has good reason to be concerned because St Peter leads him to an inner city slum. He show the Pope a concrete box which is about 8 feet square. It leaks. There is one tiny window about 10 feet off the ground and a concrete slab for a bed.
'Here you go' says St Peter 'will this do?'
The Pope decides to speak up. He says quite peevishly 'I'll take anything I'm given but I really would like to know a few things about your accommodation allocation policy.'
'And what would you like to know' asks St Peter who is a little bewildered by the Pope's reaction
'Well' says the Pope, 'On earth I was a man who brought the word of God to hundreds of millions. I' lived a truly pure life. My friend the Arch Bishop was a very good man who brought God's word to tens of millions.
Now that lawyer may have been a good man but but he can't have been as pure and worthy as me or the Arch Bishop. BUT YOU GAVE HIM THE MANSION. YOU GAVE AN UGLY TWO ROOM APARTMENT TO THE ARCH BISHOP. AND I ONLY GET AN AWFUL CONCRETE CELL. WHY????
'That's easy to answer' says St Peter.
We have hundreds of Popes here in Heaven.
We have dozens of Arch Bishops in Heaven.
BUT THAT WAS THE VERY FIRST LAWYER TO ACTUALLY MAKE IT THROUGH THOSE PEARLY GATES.
A joke... One morning St Peter awakes to find 3 people waiting patiently at his pearly gates. One is a Pope, one is an Arch Bishop of Canterbury and the third is a lawyer. St Peter says 'Welcome to heaven gentlemen. Let me show you round.' Then, with a flourish he throws the gates open saying 'I bet you can't wait to see your new homes.' The three newbies look at each other expectantly. 'First' intones St Peter 'I'll show the lawyer his new pad'. He leads the men into a beautiful tree and brook laden countryside. At the crest of a small hill they're treated to a sight to behold. Like the Palace of Versailles an enormous chateau rises before them. Manicured lawns. Playfully decorative fountains. And a staff of sixty lined up before the entrance to great their new master. 'Will this be to your satisfaction?' St Peter asks the lawyer. 'Oh my word yes' says the lawyer barely holding in his glee. As they leave the lawyer the other two newbies look at each other with satisfied smirks on their faces. How amazing were their new homes going to be? 'Now, Arch Bishop' says St Peter 'let me show you your new home.' The men leave the beautiful countryside and find themselves in a very ordinary somewhat run down city suburb. St Peter leads them to a two bedroom apartment on the fourth floor of a block of units that has no lift. There is mould on the walls. There is no bathroom - each floor shares one at the end of the hall. 'Is this acceptable Arch Bishop?' asks St Peter. The Arch Bishop is horrified but does not want to cause a stir on his first day in heaven so he mumbles a begrudging 'yes.' As they leave the Pope is worried. What is he going to get? He has good reason to be concerned because St Peter leads him to an inner city slum. He show the Pope a concrete box which is about 8 feet square. It leaks. There is one tiny window about 10 feet off the ground and a concrete slab for a bed. 'Here you go' says St Peter 'will this do?' The Pope decides to speak up. He says quite peevishly 'I'll take anything I'm given but I really would like to know a few things about your accommodation allocation policy.' 'And what would you like to know' asks St Peter who is a little bewildered by the Pope's reaction 'Well' says the Pope, 'On earth I was a man who brought the word of God to hundreds of millions. I' lived a truly pure life. My friend the Arch Bishop was a very good man who brought God's word to tens of millions. Now that lawyer may have been a good man but but he can't have been as pure and worthy as me or the Arch Bishop. BUT YOU GAVE HIM THE MANSION. YOU GAVE AN UGLY TWO ROOM APARTMENT TO THE ARCH BISHOP. AND I ONLY GET AN AWFUL CONCRETE CELL. WHY???? 'That's easy to answer' says St Peter. We have hundreds of Popes here in Heaven. We have dozens of Arch Bishops in Heaven. BUT THAT WAS THE VERY FIRST LAWYER TO ACTUALLY MAKE IT THROUGH THOSE PEARLY GATES.
guitargirl, sad to say, I have a hard time remembering as well. UGH! What can you do?
It's so wierd, the whole name thing. I am SOOOOO bad about remembering names I sometimes forget the names of my Dr.'s. I have to put them in my phone as DR. such and such so all the Dr's are grouped together... It's HORRIBLE!
guitargirl, sad to say, I have a hard time remembering as well. UGH! What can you do? It's so wierd, the whole name thing. I am SOOOOO bad about remembering names I sometimes forget the names of my Dr.'s. I have to put them in my phone as DR. such and such so all the Dr's are grouped together... It's HORRIBLE!
Sad but true, guitargirl. I was at work the other day and one of my employees stumbled across the U.S. citizenship test on the internet. On a whim (we had nothing else going on that day) we decided to take it. I got an 80. And that was the best score by far. I wouldn't be a citizen if I hadn't been born here! It was sad. In my defense, there were a few questions that I think should have counted- the answer key was looking for very specific verbiage, but I came close... but still, how sad!
Sad but true, guitargirl. I was at work the other day and one of my employees stumbled across the U.S. citizenship test on the internet. On a whim (we had nothing else going on that day) we decided to take it. I got an 80. And that was the best score by far. I wouldn't be a citizen if I hadn't been born here! It was sad. In my defense, there were a few questions that I think should have counted- the answer key was looking for very specific verbiage, but I came close... but still, how sad!
Touche Andrew!
Here's another funny though not as directly nasty:
True fact: 77% of americans can name at least 2 of snow white's seven dwarfs compared to only 24% who can name at least 2 of the 9 supreme court justices
Touche Andrew! Here's another funny though not as directly nasty: True fact: 77% of americans can name at least 2 of snow white's seven dwarfs compared to only 24% who can name at least 2 of the 9 supreme court justices
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