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Beautifly
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Posted on Fri, Aug 25, 2006 06:44

I've never been married; so I am unable to relate to what a friend is going through. I have a friend who is married with 3 children and she cheats on her husband. Up until recently, I've always though her husband to be a good man and she should have respected him more, but I've always been an outsider looking in. She would tell me how she wasn't getting the things that she needed from her marriage... I don't remember what her excuse was a couple of years ago, but now, it's because the sex isn't fulfilling. She goes out to meet new guys (mostly when she's with me... so I get blamed) to to help compensate for what's lacking in the marriage. Our friendship has actually suffered because of this. Some of the guys that she meets, she falls in love with and starts obsessing over. When things don't work out with the extra marital relationship... I'm the one she comes to for help with picking up the pieces. She'll ask me what she should do about the extra marital affair and my advice is ALWAYS the same... either be with your husband or leave him!! I understand that with 3 kids and no job... it would be a struggle for her to leave her husband. She's completely dependent upon him... but if there's a will there's a way... am I wrong? So anyways, she met this guy and the first time they spoke over the phone... he asked her when they were going to have sex. She got offended by that. But what does she expect?? I thought that was the most hilarious thing ever!! She got upset with me and told me that I don't understand. And she's right... I don't understand, especially because she acts like she's holier than thou because she attends church regularly. AND because when she thought he cheated on her... she was devastated!! I'm wondering whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage?? I'm realizing that marriages have ups and downs as with any relationship... friendships included. Am I being naive in thinking that I should uphold values that perhaps no longer exist? I mean, a lot of my friends think my outlook on marriage is strange, but I just can't get with the whole deceit thing. I'd much rather mind my own business, but she won't allow me... even when I tell her that I'm probably not the person for her to talk to about it... then she runs guilt trips on me cuz she says that no one ever listens to her and I'm her only friend... blah, blah, blah!! I think of all my friends... she's the only one who knows and takes advantage of the fact that I'm a sucker for my friendships and people in need and she's the combination of both!!! But that's another topic... I know I can't make her value marriage the way I do... but I really wish she would at the very least... get some values of her own!!

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Beautifly
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total posts: 70
Posted on Tue, Sep 05, 2006 01:09

Oh wow!! I would never do that!! It isn't my place to interfere in her relationship(s) in that way. I simply give her my opinions. Anyway, she has a lot going on... like losing her apartment. We haven't talked that much lately... she never has minutes on her phone. And my other friends are less problematic.


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Beautifly
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Posted on Mon, Sep 04, 2006 06:07

I feel sorry for my friend, but it's her life. I've tried on many occassions to find out exactly what it is she needs out of life in general... not just her marriage. I've tried to help her with her children... like when she is totally blowing off her parental responsibilties and puts them on me. I tell her that I don't have four children... I only have one. However, I can relate to an extent that sometimes you just need a break in life. I try to be there when I can. She wonders why the things that happen to her happens to her. She's completely clueless that she brings this on herself. Things don't JUST happen to people. it has a lot to do with the energy that they put out in the world. She hasn't grasped this concept yet... very unfortunate for her. Fortuantely for me, when it comes to dating, we don't date the same type of men. So unless I choose to introduce one of the men I'm dating to her... they will never know of her infidelity. Which IS something that I try to keep under wraps because I am big on being faithful to my mate.


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Beautifly
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Posted on Fri, Aug 25, 2006 11:56

I ultimately want to be married, but when I make that committment... it's a forever thing. She knows how I feel about her cheating and she knows that I don't appreciate her meeting men, talking to them on the phone, etc. when she's with me... I especially hate when she invites them over my house or where ever we're hanging out, but she's grown and makes her own decisions whether I'm there or not. Like I said, our friendship has suffered because of this. I try not to judge her for her actions so harshly because I have things in my life that can be improved upon as well... nothng of this magnitude though. She makes it difficult for me to be a good friend to her because I'm lacking in respect for her. Generally, if I can't respect someone, then I just choose not to deal with them. I would tell her to come read this post... but because she doesn't have access to a computer, she'd have to come to my house and I'm trying to put space in between us at the moment. Sometimes this is the only way I can get across to her what it means to have boundaries. Thank you all!


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petite2004
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Posted on Fri, Aug 25, 2006 10:09

I have a girlfriend like that. She cheats on him all the time. About a month ago she found a phone number in his pants. Wasn't even sure if it was a girls or something to do with his job. But she went ballistic. Came over my house, paid 65 dollars to some online telephone tracing service to get the name and address listed to the cell phone. She called it and girl answered the first time and a guy the second time. So what did that prove? She said if she couldn't take it if he lied to her. And if he's cheating on her, its all over with. I said "But you are doing the same thing" She said that was different. What???? Just try not to get involved because you'll end up getting accused of setting her up with these men.


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sepelo7
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Posted on Fri, Aug 25, 2006 09:49

good blog I suggest you have your friend read it! ha. One of these days I'll have the courage to tell my best friend what I think of the way she lives her life. I wont even write a blog about it. So good for you for having the guts to say what you think on here at least.


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