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guitargirl40
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Posted on Sun, Aug 20, 2006 19:34

This is a serious question and I would sincerely appreciate honest responses: How do you respond to your children when/if they ask you about your own experiences with drugs when you were younger? If you have adult children, would you have handled answering this question any differently looking back from the vantage point of today? If so, why?


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guitargirl40
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Posted on Wed, Aug 30, 2006 18:30

Amanda and September - thanks for the very real stories. September, your mom sounds like an incredible person to know, wish could meet her. Amanda, I find your story about your reaction to your mom really reassuring (common sense prevailed for you it appears, even if there was some drinking during your teens). However, also sounds like your mom had done realy well by you to make you be so wise at that point (even if her offer was a little unwise). CDC, thx too for the input and I will update down the road I'm sure. Over night, literally it seems my oldest has become a 'young adult' - he has a 'girlfriend' ( a penpal actually he met over the summer) and is becoming somewhat more private (secretive) which is precursor I know to other things that can scare me if I let them like the alcohol and drugs stuff (or really even the sex stuff too given how deadly that can become if unprotected etc.) EGAd - I think I'll go have a beer and forget about these worries for a while : )


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AmandaRenee
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Posted on Sun, Aug 27, 2006 01:01

I have no children but I'm still young. My mom was really honest with me maybe a little too honest. When I turned 13 she sat me down and had the "drug talk", she told me if I ever wanted to try drugs to try them with her so that if anything bad happens she could take care of me. That I think steered me away from them honestly because I sat there and was like wow ok I really do not want to sit around the house getting high with my mom so I was never really intrested in them. I tried pot a few times never really liked it because all I could hear was my heart beat and that drove me nuts. I did get into drinking pretty bad when I was a teenager but I never did it far from home, sometimes I did it at home, and I never drove drunk and I always made sure I had a place to stay or was close enough to walk home. I also made sure to always always always call my mom and tell her where I was where I was going and what I was going to do. My mom and I have a great realtionship tho and very open. So good luck with your children and the "drug talk".


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CDinCO
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Posted on Sun, Aug 27, 2006 00:24

Let us know how it turns out. I wish you the best of luck. Probably almost as difficult as teaching them the birds and bees... As I mentioned in my other post, and further reading the subsequent posts I will add another comment. Although I would never CONDONE illegal/illicit drugs or underage drinking, I would rather have my kids smoke pot and get into a car and drive than drink and drive. Furthermore, especially these days, too many "kids" are dying from alcohol poisoning. When's the last time anyone ever hear of them OD'ing on marijuana? Thanks for the thought provoking question.


Courtney :)

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guitargirl40
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Posted on Sat, Aug 26, 2006 11:47

Hey RR4U - hows it going! Wish you and your son could join me and my boys tonights - we are throwing our official house blessing & housewarming party. Over 100 folks coming (30 or so are their friends) - having it catered (yippee!) so should be fun! Hope you guys are having a good start to school year - chat at you soon I'm sure!


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READY4UNOW
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Posted on Sat, Aug 26, 2006 06:36

Hi Guitargirl! LOL! Ditto :)


What is love? Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you. :)

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READY4UNOW
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Posted on Thu, Aug 24, 2006 20:08

Hi Sepelo! Thank you so much for the lovely compliment! I try hard that's for sure, sometimes wondering if what I'm teaching is sinking in, but that conversation told me it is. It's hard being both dad and mom to my son, but I'm all he's got and I prefer he get proper information than misinformation. I was soooo tired that night, but he wanted to talk and I recognized this was an opportunity that doesn't always arise, so I seized it!


What is love? Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you. :)

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guitargirl40
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Posted on Thu, Aug 24, 2006 18:49

Thx Sepelo for good words of wisdom (and compliments to R4UNow are also welldeserved - she is great person and mom!). I'm sure for all us moms, its not hard to be your best (which isnt always perfect of course!) when you love someone as much as we love our kids . . . and here is our shamefully happy family pic just taken a few weeks ago for our housewarming (wish you could see their faces but that would be a bad idea in this crazy cyberspace world we inhabit!) P.S. R4UNow, I obviously am a challenged reader, huh! Go girl!

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sepelo7
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Posted on Thu, Aug 24, 2006 18:33

ready4unow sounds like you and your son have a very good relationship. Congratulations it takes a very special and good mom to develop that kind of openess with their child!


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guitargirl40
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Posted on Thu, Aug 24, 2006 17:59

Thanks for all the comments everyone. Esp apropo, could relate to yours - I had an on again off again thing for cigs for a while - irony is I never smoked more than a few a day (I wouldnt smoke in my house, in my car, in my offic e. . . didnt leave many other places to smoke). Addictions are awful though, whatever they are. Yes, everyone, you are right - honesty is the best policy. And I will certainly foucs on the consequences aspects to as some of you have emphasized. There are so many mixed signals though in our cultre. I mean, think about it: Alcohol is so prevelant and in fact it is so PROMOTED AS THE NORM when our kids hit a certain age and it is 'legal' and yet how different really is it than esp the milder drugs (e.g. pot) - I'm not saying I support legalization actually, just that I find a lot of inconsistencies now in what I am telling my children they 'should not do' and yet I HAVE done or in fact do regaularly (e.g., I drink a beer or two at least one night a week). In other words, every day in our society we are in some way or another sending a signal that some 'substance' can be resorted to to make us 'feel' better or differently, and really drugs, alcohol, cigs, cafeeine, in some sense its just a matter of degrees right? Whatever, I guess we wrap up this blog now as simply some helpful food for thought for me as I try to raise my boys - thanks again!


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apropo123
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Posted on Thu, Aug 24, 2006 13:11

I had my first joint when I was fifty and I asked my kids about it. I did not like it at all, especially that I felt I had to devour a large pizza all by myself. And, since quite a few years I dislike pizza. My kids explained about the "munchies" When my children were younger I told the truth that I had seen lots of drugs and some of my friends did it, but somehow I was happy with my ciggies.My kids saw me battling giving up cigarettes. I always told them I wish I would have not started.... awfully painful to quit. Started again 2 weeks ago, and quitting again this week end. What do you say..... IT SUCKS but truth is always good even for your kids. Take care I have a big week end ahead of me Heidi


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AsianAura
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Posted on Tue, Aug 22, 2006 13:39

Guitargirl, When I was growing up, I was taught that drugs were bad. Sure, several people I knew of used drugs but they were mostly people in the "bad" crowd and not necessarily the ones who were "cool". Also, I grew up in a land which is very anti-drugs. One of my cousins' husband was executed (hung) for being a drug dealer many years ago. Even though he was family and I remember him being a nice guy when I was younger, what he did was wrong.


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READY4UNOW
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Posted on Tue, Aug 22, 2006 11:04

Hey Guitargirl! I am of the mind if they're old enough to ask the question, then they're old enough to hear the answer. My son and I have a very open relationship and he recently had a 2 hour conversation with me about his friends smoking pot or hash and drinking and he's 15 1/2. He views it as a stupid thing to do, and has never been one to cave to peer pressure. I felt much more comfortable knowing where his head was at. We also discussed sex and again was happy to hear his views align with mine. It was the best conversation we've had in a long time, and I was amazed at how comfortable he was discussing these issues. Afterwards I felt like I'd done my job well, and I told him no matter what happens, no matter what time of night or morning it is, if you're in trouble, call me!!! He agreed and seems to have his head screwed on right. He's not asked me about my past, but I would be honest with him if he did. I don't believe in lying, and we even discussed that some feel it's wiser to let the kids try these things out at home in a safe environment, but I told him I would feel as if I was condoning and he agreed too this wasn't the answer. Ahhh ... the joys of childrearing huh? lol!


What is love? Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you. :)

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scarletibis24
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Posted on Tue, Aug 22, 2006 08:35

Ok, so this is probably a biased opinion since I don't have kids, but trust, be honest with them. If the parents don't step up and tell them what's really going on, then all they have to rely on is the media, and their idiot friends who probably know even less than they do. This leads to a path of badness. Just be sure to tell them that "fun and failure start the same way." :D


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shazbot82
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Posted on Mon, Aug 21, 2006 22:36

my daughter is 15. Yes I tell her about my experiences and have been honest with her. (Her father is a completely different story.) AS a result she and her friends ( several of whom Ihave known all their lives) trust me and respect me and come to me with their real questions. She tells me about what is REALLY going on at her school, who does what ( no names usually) Many of us parents grew up in the 70's and drugs were a reality. They were everywhere. They STILL are. It does no good whatsoever to try and come off as a saint to your children. They will see thru that. Its better to have them know you as a real person with faults who loves them and hopes they might benefit from our experiences.


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guitargirl40
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Posted on Mon, Aug 21, 2006 19:43

Thanks, each of you, for the input. I honestly have no regrets about the crazy things I did when I was younger (and by most people's standards, they probably weren't THAT crazy). Its just that I know in many ways I was very, very lucky. And speaking of luck, Geniek and AA, I cant believe you NEVER did TRY anything but my hat is off to you guys for being individualistic enought to resist what must have been the popular trend at the time. Anyway, the things I experimented with never led to a bad result - I never had an accident, hurt or killed someone (or myself), never became addicted . . . yes, I was extremely lucky. I am so scared my kids wont be so lucky. They have more 'ssues' in their lives than I did at their age in terms of a broken home which I'm afraid will make them more vulnerable. Worse, they have some adults in their lives right now who may be modeling some of this irresponsible behavior (we'll save that story for another blog). And, on one side of their genetic family tree, there is a history of alcohism and addictive behavior that could create extra risk for them. This all scares me terribly and makes me very cautious about how to proceed on this subject. LadyDee your very wise approach is a great model for me and one I'll probably follow. Sounds like you make have similar external forces to, to those facing my kids. Its wierd thought that some of the literature I have been reading has cautioned to NOT share your youthful indiscretions with your children as it may give them tacit 'permission' to repeat them. Other books say to simply tell them, if they ask you, 'I wont discuss what I did in the past' b/c you should wait to share that with them when they are older and can handle it' (e.g., handle knowing you were a screwed up mess who made bad choices too when young!?). None of this 'dont tell' advice is setting quite right with me. And to my non-mom respondents, thanks so much for your good input too. Sepelo, I agree with you, to not be truthful would backfire and foster distrust - ultimately, I know, the 'truth will out' and I will look like one big hypocrite to my kids even if I tell them that my lying to them earlier was 'for their own good'. And CDC, good advice about being honest making it easier for the child to feel free to talk to you - that is an EXCELLENT point (and though you may not be a mom, you sure do think like one!) P.S. Susie, just saw your post after I posted this - great point on the scare tactics you mention and you're right, there are some realy good and TRUE scarey stories that they could benefit from hearing.


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Posted on Mon, Aug 21, 2006 19:33

I just say they scared me to death and give examples, like how a guy I knew in high school didn't recognize me after doing drugs. Also, we watch all shows about how celebrities died from using drugs, like Elvis. I'm trying to use the scare tactic, because that can really happen, its not all glamourous.


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sepelo7
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Posted on Mon, Aug 21, 2006 16:33

I dont have kids, but I would tell the truth to my children. No shame in the truth. Lying does not breed trust in any relationship.


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CDinCO
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Posted on Mon, Aug 21, 2006 14:13

I don't have any, nor do I plan on having any but way back when, I thought about how I would approach it and my thought is you just have to be honest. The more open you are about things like that, the more likely they will be to come to you about it if they ever get into trouble.


Courtney :)

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AsianAura
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Posted on Mon, Aug 21, 2006 13:24

I am one of the very few people in their 40s who have never taken drugs, not even pot. When I was in my teens, it didn't interest me one bit to try or experiment drugs of any kind. I'm still against drugs but I'm more tolerant to those who use. I could never become seriously involved with someone who did drugs recreationally. I have gone out with a couple of guys who enjoyed smoking weed but that's just not my lifestyle.


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