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SCORPIOBEAUTIE
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Posted on Wed, Aug 09, 2006 07:19

Turning to my online 'buds' for help. Haven't dealt with this before and wondering if anyone here has dealt with a loved one/friend out of control with alcohol and in denial. In a nutshell: Boyfriend's sis is in denial, already a "weekend alcoholic," and after just losing her husband to a massive heart attack, she's really gone off the proverbial "deep end." She is drinking like a fish, night and day. She is in total denial. My boyfriend (her brother) is getting calls from friends/family members that she has gone too far and that he needs to do something to help her. She resents any suggestions to this effect. He hates to upset her further than she already is. I say employ some badly needed TUFF LOVE. Not only an alcoholic, but a DIABETIC. She is 48 yrs. old and heading for disaster/death, imo. She ignores her diabetes completely and continues to drink. She has deep diabetic 'ulcers' on her legs. I am only too familiar with that as my mother in law suffered the same, (not being an alcoholic.) What do my buds say? Throw her in the car, take her for an outpatient visit? Is there a more appropriate place to get her the much needed help she needs? Her brother and I are going to attend an AA meeting to find out more info. on the best approach to this. She does not see her need but WE DO and plan to do something about it. We might just save her life. Opinions/ suggestions on this? Thanks all.


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Posted on Tue, Aug 15, 2006 08:16

I'm no expert here either but my best friend's husband is also an alcoholic and diabetic. During the past month he has been in and out of the hospital at least ten times...3 times he escaped. The family has tried everything. My friend has lost so much weight she looks like a walking skeleton. During one particular episode he tried to kill her with a kitchen knife. The family requested immediate intervention from a series of doctors. The man is now in Psychiatric Therapy BUT still has a long way to go. Intervention in this case has seemed to work. But in the end, my friend has had it. As soon as he is well enough to stand on his own, she is divorcing him. This is a very dicely subject, to be handled with extreme caution. I will wish the best for you and all concerned. In the end,,,,,the person DOES actually have to admit that they have a problem. You will be in my thoughts. I know advice is cheap and everyone has an opinion. But, you are closest to the problem and I know you will do whatever it takes to make the right decisions.


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SCORPIOBEAUTIE
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Posted on Tue, Aug 15, 2006 07:37

CD I am open to the resources to help the alcoholic friend. Still wondering if we should commit her against her will to SAVE HER LIFE. M


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Thu, Aug 10, 2006 08:49

Hi Beauty...I agree with Bonnie and jdavid... I have had a best friend that was and is an alcoholic..actually I know of several it feels almost like there is an epidemic...I have been to AA meetings with friends....The one thing I know is no one can help them unless they get out of denial....there is nothing you or anyone can do...all the help you get to them will do no good unless they decide to change their behavior. If they are a true alcoholic...they will be managing this the rest of their lives....it is a day to day fight...My daughter 's pancreas stopped working when she was 12..she has diabetes 1.. does she have 2 or 1 they are completely different...but it really doesn't matter...the soars are a bad sign..alcohol is one of the worst things she can do to her body now...its sugar...she may end up losing her legs...feet...she needs to get physically healthy....this will be impossible as long as she drinks....Her brother may have to commit her...even so this may not help....It will not be an easy road this is for sure...I am sorry...I feel you are doing what can be done..you definitely have a fight on your hands. Good Luck and God Bless... Erica @)----------


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Posted on Thu, Aug 10, 2006 07:19

I would say first, an intervention should happen with her close friends/and or family members. State your concerns, and see what happens from there. But remember you cannot change the way a person acts and behaves, they have to recognize and change themselves. Sometimes it takes a hitting rock bottom before they can start the recovery process both mentally and physically.


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Yucamo
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Posted on Thu, Aug 10, 2006 07:13

I lived with an alcoholic for 16 years, and it's tough!....And only after they have reached the bottom, they will ever consider needing help..... I would suggest though, for the brother and their family to go to ALANON........it really helps....if not her.....the family.


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SCORPIOBEAUTIE
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Posted on Thu, Aug 10, 2006 06:58

Thanks, Sep, Deb, CdinCo, and others for your words of wisdom. Sept. you have a HEART OF GOLD. I just love you! This is the tufff part, the part of her (the bf's alcoholic sister) not realzing her need: Her family/friends have to watch her spiral into her own self-chosen hell. Yes, Bonnie, I think you are right on, depression first, going on WAY before her husband died. You are right on, girl, the drinking being the secondary condition here. She NUMBS her pain with alcohol as we all see it. We are NOT judging her, we continue to love and support her, but we are SOOO CONCERNED for her rapidly declining health condition. What doesn't help is all her "boating buds" at the marina are BIG DRINKERS also. The only thing saving her right now is her boat is in need of repair and she isn't haging at the marina as much as before (every weekend/all weekend, drinking her beer out of her "coffee mug." Her brother and I walk a very fine line between meddling and help. It is SOOO painful to watch her self destruct and not a thing we can do. Added pressure on the bf is that all the friends/family calling to see what he will DO about all this. Geez, he feels enuf pressure to help without all that. Thanks for the good advice, all. So, we don't want to gather the family,friends, etc. and put them in a car and pick up the alcoholic sister and take her for help against her will anytime soon then??!! :0 I was envisioning that one day she would thank us all for our intervention/help in helping her to "sober up." wrong?


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sepelo7
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Posted on Wed, Aug 09, 2006 21:27

Its really not about the alcohol (unless she had a previous problem). Sounds like she needs some SERIOUS grief counseling.


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CDinCO
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Posted on Wed, Aug 09, 2006 21:01

Scorpio - I am no expert, and I do have some thoughts. I came from an alcoholic relationship and am surrounded on ALL sides of my family, mother and father and all the rest of the "bush." (no i don't mean the president. i do, however, need to get back with you tomorrow some time when i can respond, hopefully in an e-mail as opposed to a blog as there are resources that i don't think i can provide here. i would hope they help save but, you just can't take that chance. this is VERY difficult subject, tread lightly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Courtney :)

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