Member's Blog > Ivory35a's blogs > Is there such a thing as being too honest?
Is there such a thing as being too honest? Sort by:
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Posted on Jun 15, 2018 at 10:10 AM

I just recently became a gold member and I figured it is a good chance to kind of weed out the fake profiles, scammers, sugar babies, and people who are just unsure what they want. That way I can find the woman I am seeking and she would know I am serious what what I am looking for as well. And what I have seen so far is a little disparaging, but it's only one day. What I am going to say is going to sting a little bit or a lot. I was told by a gentleman at Plaza Rio here in Tijuana the other day that I shouldn't concede what I should say just because people are going to say that I'm mean, or cold hearted. He said " You're a native New Yorker. That never leaves you. Brutal honesty is built into your DNA. It's not your fault that alot of people here in TJ and in San Diego cannot handle that you are not subtle, and don't say something behind their back that you won't tell them to their face. Don't sacrifice your character, morality, and integrity for other people."

 

So after listening to that, I started walking out of the Plaza and I started to think about what he said. And I asked myself the question "Why does it feel like I'm conceding when trying to date and find a relationship?" the quote I just put as the Headline of my profile "You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation." was actually a quote from Plato.

 

Like for instance, I'll never understand the somewhat fantasy obsession with "Tall, dark, and handsome." the point being that if you're not at least 6 feet tall, but meet the other 2, you're still disqualified? And ladies, please don't give me that line of "It's just because I wear heels." or create some whataboutism to try and twist the narrative and put it on men like "So what? All men want a woman with a model's body. That's a fantasy obsession." I seriously want to know the answer because I will make this clear now. I honestly and truthfully am not looking for eye candy. I honestly do not give a damn how good looking you are. If you are too shallow, too superficial, and too close-minded, I want nothing to do with you.

 

2nd, I really would like to know why it's so hard for people to verify their photos? and then want to get on their high horse and talk about you have to have verified photos to talk to them? double standard to me.

 

3. I do not think folks get the concept of what your "Annual Income" is and "Net Worth" is.  And that both of those things on here are in U.S. dollars. I have seen some profiles and based on where you claim to live that it's highly doubtful that you are making what you are saying. I'm not saying that it cannot be true, I'm just saying that there's a good percentage that it's highly unlikely. If you are making 7 figures living in a small village in Central Mexico that I personally have been too before with the last few months, then hat's off to you. I never claimed that I was a millionaire or even that I make 6 figures. I'm not scared to tell anyone how much I make. It's in my profile. We're on a site that is called Millionaire Match. I think the objective is pretty clear as to what most people both male and female are seeking on here.

 

Next, I will actually ask the question that I put into the title: Is there truly such a thing as being too honest? And if so, how is that a bad thing? You women cannot say, "Well, I want a man who is honest." And then get mad about being too honest because you don't like the way that it's said. HUH? The truth hurts. And it's going to hurt. get over it. deal with it. That's what adults do. Or at least that's what they are SUPPOSED to do. Why should the facts have to be sugarcoated for you because you don't want your feelings hurt? I will admit that I'm starting to get tired of sometimes being both the smartest and/or the most brutally honest person in the room. 

 

As I mentioned in my last blog, I was told that my expectations for being here are "unrealistic" because I'm not judgmental enough to someone's physical appearance, nationality, ethnicity, religious beliefs, etc. You know, like some women who say that they're not attracted to black men, but then also say "I don't mind dating them" and cannot provide at least somewhat of a rationalization as to why? Truth is, I honestly do not care what your skin color is, how tall you are (with and without heels), whether or not you're an extreme health nut, or a workout warrior. I actually read profiles, not just look at pictures and be like "she's attractive". That's why it's kind of annoying that when people put "please ask me" or "I don't want to disclose" on their profiles. Because they "claim" that it gives them nothing to talk about. Wait.... What? You mean to tell me that you cannot think of ANYTHING else to talk about?  Answers like that should be not allowed in dating profiles. For real. Not allowing people to avoid the questions I think will tell alot about their character. I personally am not going to ask you obvious questions that you should be able to answer in your profile. If I can be forthcoming, so can you. That's why I'm not attracted to women who are shy.

 

I have been asking myself 3 questions when I read profiles

 

1). Is she actually a real person? and not a fake profile? (Sucks those questions have to be asked but it's legitimate.)

 

2) Is she open-minded to accept the fact I will be making less money than her, but I'm not looking for a sugar momma (I really hate that phrase), not emasculating me in the process, and will also understand that I have a career as well, and will not be quitting my career because I enjoy it, and have no reason to? I'm just not attracted to women who make less money than I do. And not for the obvious reasons. Sorry to all the traditionalists. I'm just being honest and making it known now.

 

3) Is this going to last 3 months, or 30 years? Honestly, I'm looking for 30 years.

 

I am really tired of the dating scene. I don't drink alcohol, coffee, tea, wine, or soda, so automatically people assume that I do not want to be around people who do drink those things. Instead of just asking if I have an issue with it. Which I truthfully do not care. Who am I to control what you put into YOUR body?

 

Maybe I'm being naive. Maybe there's no hope for a man like me to find a woman who is not bound by cynicism, is open-minded enough to accept that some people come into your life for a reason, and it may not be the reason why you want them to. I'm perfectly okay with being alone. I am definitely not losing sleep over not being in a relationship. I'm just not conceding anymore. I shouldn't have to. My expectations are not unreasonable. I'm just being uncompromisingly honest about it now.

 

So lend me your thoughts on what I posted here ladies. I really want to know what you think.



“I can accept anything, except what seems to be the easiest for most people: the half-way, the almost, the just-about, the in-between.” ― Ayn Rand
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Posted on Aug 04, 2018 at 02:43 PM

@Ivory I think the key is finding the right balance between being honest and being intense.  Good luck in your search.



Carpe diem
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Posted on Aug 04, 2018 at 12:59 PM

Great!Great! I am italian lady you told the trurh

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Posted on Aug 02, 2018 at 02:10 PM

Ivory, Well said. I might add women who selected they want a long term relationship/marriage while at the same time select short term relationships/Casual. Which is it, please?

Since last November when I started my search I have communicated with 170+ women. I’m new back to the dating seen after 30+ years. I have already learned and setup my process to trend information from women. I have never and won’t start now chasing women. That is a huge benefit for the next woman who joins my life. I will only be yours for the woman who joins me. I can trend to find prostitutes (which are really easy to do) (not intended to be a pun), scammers, and e-relationship women) with no intention of meeting.

I have a little over 20 women in my favorites list. Three with profiles I really like. Many of the women contacted me first with a message, and won’t hardly reply to my replies. But, like you Ivory I’ve made it known I will be honest and straightforward. You see this stops them from saying bad things about me and in using me as justification that all of us are liars and scammers. I’d rather have them move on now than after we really do begin a relationship. I also, make it clear an electronic relationship is not a relationship. A relationship with me begins when we meet in person and see each other every day.

I also have no problem with a woman earning more than me. I’ve been an Air Traffic Controller, fed law enforcement, an executive, and on the board of directors of two organizations. I’ve generated as much as $13M in revenue for companies. I’m in the process of starting my own organization which should be a high profile company. And, that’s why I seek a professional woman so we will start with common interests understanding.

Good luck with your search - Stay Safe, Be Happy - Jay

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Posted on Jun 26, 2018 at 10:56 PM

 

@Ivory35A ,

 

Too honest nope ..honest yes which most of us belongs to .


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Posted on Jun 26, 2018 at 03:47 PM

The "Tall" in tall dark and handsome for me is because I am 5'11 and 6'4 in heels and I don't want to be taller than a man. It makes tall women feel like we are with our children. Sexually a short man CANNOT do what a tall man can. I know men like to think that they can but they can't. A 6'4 man can walk up behind me, lift my dress and make love to me while we stand and I lift my face towards him and kiss him. A short men cannot reach anything without me bending in uncomfortable positions and could never achieve that position. There are several positions laying down that a short men cannot achieve either. My body fits like a glove with a taller man and more ecstasy is felt that can not be gotten with a short man. It's no different than the "size " of a man. It doesn't mater how much you can wiggle, thrust, or lick,  if you can't reach all five of my g spots then you will never become my great lover.  


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Posted on Jun 16, 2018 at 12:20 PM

@Author

I can understand that concept. Do I agree it is just a bit impersonal? yes. I'm not a fan of online dating trust me. And this is coming from a guy who has a passion for technology and fixes servers for living. I get it. My main point is try to do everything possible to be able to meet face to face more quickly. And maybe it's because I'm too forthcoming. I usually just put everything out there to be saying "This is me. This what I stand for, and what I'm about. Take it or leave it." Some people enjoy being more mysterious. Which is why I said that sometimes brutal honesty can get me in trouble.



“I can accept anything, except what seems to be the easiest for most people: the half-way, the almost, the just-about, the in-between.” ― Ayn Rand
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Posted on Jun 16, 2018 at 12:00 PM

Photo verification: it shouldn’t be hard. I tried to verify my photo twice and the system is glitchy. It would not accept my driver’s license so I gave up. Online dating takes patience and conversations through messaging is so impersonal. It’s really hard to get any sense of chemistry with this route, but most people screen their potential mate this way.

 


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Posted on Jun 15, 2018 at 10:37 AM

All i can is on line dating takes a lot of patience.

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