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Why There Is No Such Thing As A Female Sort by:
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Orlando__ Recommended
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Posted on Fri, Jun 07, 2013 22:25

I have long believed there was no such thing as a male friend for a woman.  Rather, he was just a boyfriend in waiting.  Now there is current research to prove just that.

 

The study found that men who have female friends were motivated by sexual attraction.  Women, on the other hand, were clueless of this attraction and perceived their male friend platonically.  

The authors took 88 pairs of "friends" and had each fill out a confidential survey on attraction.  These "friendships" averaged about 2 years in length. The authors consistently found that "men reported more attraction to their female friends than women did to their male friends." The study even looked at men and women who were in a relationship with another person.  Again, men were still attracted to their female "friend" and repeatedly the female "friend" was unaware of the attraction. As the authors point out men had an, "attraction to (and desire to date) their friend regardless of their own current romantic involvement or their friend’s current romantic involvement." In essence, women were fooling themselves that their male "friend" really just wanted to be "friends."

It reminds me of the movie When Harry Met Sally, in which Harry, played by Billy Crystal, tells Meg Ryan's character Sally: "Men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way."

 

 

 

  Source: Bleske-Rechek, A., Somers, E., Micke, C., Erickson, L., Matteson, L., Stocco, C., ... & Ritchie, L. (2012). Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29(5), 569-596.

 

 



**My top strength is"learning." So, my blogs are learning-focused. ~Orlando

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rmac22
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Posted on Sat, Jun 15, 2013 09:11

Men can have platonic relationships with women, women can have platonic relationships with men, and those relationships can change.  I think it is about as simple as that. 



I won’t argue with the study results as I have no idea if men or women are more likely to change.  I know it can work both ways.  

 

I have had ladies with whom I thought I had a platonic relationship drop some pretty blatant hints like, “You know, I am all alone for this whole long holiday weekend.”  This interspersed with other routine conversation.  Not all alone out of the blue.  Sort of innocent.  You can tell it was not innocent by how you are treated subsequently.  No one is dumb enough to miss that signal.  Your platonic relationship is not likely to recover.    



I am comfortable that it may more often be men who change.   I am also comfortable with the notion that sometimes there may have been an attraction all along.  

 

 

RMac

 

 

 

 



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Posted on Tue, Jun 11, 2013 22:23

Thank you mtnsunny and Liv!

 

We are having a BBQ party together  in a few weeks. I will revist this thought again.

 

Good luck to you!



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TxSonggirl12000
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Posted on Mon, Jun 10, 2013 13:40

This is the absolute truth!!   I've had male friends for years, or thought I did... but when my husband passed away, suddenly it was like feeding time, and I was horrified.  Needless to say, I now look at friendship in a completely different way.  I've come to believe that 'platonic' in a man's mind, only means friendship with another man, or with his dog or rifle.   It's sort of funny when you think about it... and a little uncomfortable from the woman's point of view.   I enjoyed your blog, thanks.

 

 



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Livnlov
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Posted on Sun, Jun 09, 2013 19:40

Quoting Mtnsunny:

A lot of times, friendships can be the ones that turn into something very special, with a strong foundation to build upon.  Your already friends.  Lost, I wouldn't let this one slip by unless your gut tells you that being friends is best.  If there's any attraction between you...go for it girl!

 

If your great friends now, you'll still be friends even if the relationship doesn't develop.  I have a great friend, who is also my best friend...we thought about taking it to the next level.  After deep soul searching, we decided it was best to remain best friends.  But I'm glad we had that talk.  I hope that helps.  My best.

 

Mtnsunny



Orlando,

 

Two of my closest friends are men! And they are single too!! They are solid, reliable and trustworthy. I have known one of them for about 23 years. Are you saying there's some sexual stuff going on in their minds with regards to me? Oh that is so.....I can't even find the right word to describe it......it'd better not be. That would be so weird!

 

Liv.



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Livnlov
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Posted on Sun, Jun 09, 2013 19:32

Quoting lostinthe70s:

uh..oh...I think I'm in trouble...

I've been friends with a guy for 2 years. He seems like he wants me to kiss him, but I don't, in fear of things becoming awkward. I sense he likes me for more than a friend, but nothing is ever said. I kind of go back and forth how I really feel about him.

Sometimes I want to talk about dating, but I'm scared.

 



Lost, 

I hate to say this, but find out if he's a Capricorn...if he is, he's probably definitely into you, but he's too shy to tell you or make the first move. If you like him, then you're gonna have to make a subtle first move, step back and then let him be the man and do the chasing. If you don't like him in that way, then just keep him as a friend or cut him loose. I wish you all the best of luck with it.

Liv.

 



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jomo1983 Recommended
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Posted on Sun, Jun 09, 2013 11:58

The only part of this that seems even mildly surprising is that the women were oblivious to the attraction the men felt. Men instinctively mistrust male "friends" lurking around their significant other, because we know that they would take our place in a second.

 

I've always avoided women with a lot of male friends because I thought they enjoyed the tension and intentionally pitted the men against each other. But even knowing that they may have no clue what they are creating, I still want no part of that sort of arrangement.



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elenamonor
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Posted on Sun, Jun 09, 2013 00:36

Yes;it is true. Speaking about myself I must be friend with men because I am shy and I am always afraid about bad men who can play the nice man.



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Orlando__ Recommended
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Posted on Sat, Jun 08, 2013 13:17

Title was meant  to read: Why There Is Not Such Thing As a Female Friend.



**My top strength is"learning." So, my blogs are learning-focused. ~Orlando

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TiffThack
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Posted on Sat, Jun 08, 2013 01:54

I honestly believe this is just the nature of the sexes. Men fall in love with their eyes, women... with their ears. It seems very plausible to me.

 

 

 

But does it apply in every situation? No, not 100% ;)


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Posted on Fri, Jun 07, 2013 23:22

uh..oh...I think I'm in trouble...

I've been friends with a guy for 2 years. He seems like he wants me to kiss him, but I don't, in fear of things becoming awkward. I sense he likes me for more than a friend, but nothing is ever said. I kind of go back and forth how I really feel about him.

Sometimes I want to talk about dating, but I'm scared.

 



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