#1 Dating Site for Successful Singles and Admirers
Millionaire Blogs > Orlando__'s blogs > Why Love May Not Be Found Online
Why Love May Not Be Found Online Sort by:
Author
Orlando__
Certified Millionaire
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 128
Posted on Sat, May 25, 2013 09:07

Online dating is category-based.  Individuals are put into categories and summed up to determine if they meet the perceived standard of that individual's dating criteria.  For example, here are some of the categories often used: attractiveness; ethnicity; height, income, educational level; personal interests; body type. There are many more.

Yet research on love involves the following:

    • personal validation
    • meaningful communication
    • understanding personal and emotional needs
    • developing companionship
    • physical attractiveness
    • nurturing physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs
    • respecting, supporting, forgiving, accepting and encouraging behavior
    • showing appreciation and affection
    • sexual pleasure, fidelity, and commitment
    • shared activities
    • the absence of negatives like controlling, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling, and blaming

Unfortunately, love is interaction-based involving face-to-face communication on a verbal and nonverbal level that develop relationships. Although online daters can exchange messages, it does not lend itself to interaction at the "love" level.  Rather, it reduces itself to decision boxes of acceptance or disapproval of the potential mate's categories.

Rejection of one's categories can lead to emotional scars and a cycle of false advertising.  If one is repeatedly rejected, it must be logical to the online dater that they must "improve" the categories.  So, categories are falsified to enhance themselves (e.g., height, weight, income, photos).  Once two people meet it leads to disappointment.  "They weren't like their profile," is the common theme.  This can lead to even greater emotional scarring and disillusionment. And the cycle continues. 

People don't fall in love with categories.  They fall in love with people.



**My top strength is"learning." So, my blogs are learning-focused. ~Orlando

Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Hoping4Love2000
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 1330
Posted on Sun, May 26, 2013 15:04

Quoting Orlando__:

Online dating is category-based.  Individuals are put into categories and summed up to determine if they meet the perceived standard of that individual's dating criteria.  For example, here are some of the categories often used: attractiveness; ethnicity; height, income, educational level; personal interests; body type. There are many more.

Yet research on love involves the following:

    • personal validation
    • meaningful communication
    • understanding personal and emotional needs
    • developing companionship
    • physical attractiveness
    • nurturing physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs
    • respecting, supporting, forgiving, accepting and encouraging behavior
    • showing appreciation and affection
    • sexual pleasure, fidelity, and commitment
    • shared activities
    • the absence of negatives like controlling, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling, and blaming

Unfortunately, love is interaction-based involving face-to-face communication on a verbal and nonverbal level that develop relationships. Although online daters can exchange messages, it does not lend itself to interaction at the "love" level.  Rather, it reduces itself to decision boxes of acceptance or disapproval of the potential mate's categories.

Rejection of one's categories can lead to emotional scars and a cycle of false advertising.  If one is repeatedly rejected, it must be logical to the online dater that they must "improve" the categories.  So, categories are falsified to enhance themselves (e.g., height, weight, income, photos).  Once two people meet it leads to disappointment.  "They weren't like their profile," is the common theme.  This can lead to even greater emotional scarring and disillusionment. And the cycle continues. 

People don't fall in love with categories.  They fall in love with people.



I'm with RMAC here--- 

 

We are just clicking boxes to be HONEST about WHO WE ARE.. 

 

IN addition, most of us should be self-aware enough to know what we seek... 

 

If people are LYING and DECEIFUL or downright just don't see themselves as 30 lbs overweight when they are, or haven't used a tape measure to see they REALLY ARE ONLY 5'8"... but ut 5'11"

 

They probably need to get their feelings hurt (the emotional scarring you refer) as they are being DECEPTIVE in their advertising... 

 

A knock back down to REALITY is often necessary! 

 

Online is just a screening process, and personally, I think one does online dating a disservice when they constantly advertise "doom and gloom" .... 

 

All those things mentioned are for AFTER you meet the person... 

 

Just sayin... 

 

SYS--

 

I have had the very same thing happen... But more so in real life... By the time I am ready to meet a man, I have already weeded out his personality, (or lack there of! LOL) 

 

Oh what a pity to see a vision of male beauty.... with no zest, goals and lacking personality! ;)



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    1 up Bookmark and Share
rmac22
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 811
Posted on Sat, May 25, 2013 10:46

That is why online efforts should best be used only to set up the first meeting.  That way online dating is just like meeting potential dates at the grocery store, church, a hobby shop, while shopping for a carpet, etc. 

 

Just like in those cases you meet midafternoon, public place, for coffee.  Or a casual lunch at a nice but casual restaurant. 

 

Simple with the emphasis on getting to know each other. 

 

 

RMac

 



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    3 up Bookmark and Share
Spica1961
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 1
Posted on Sat, May 25, 2013 10:43

I totally agree! 

 



Be Kind, Respectful, Authentic and Honest towards Yourself and Others. Hav'an Amazing, Fun and Fulfilling Journey!

Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Follow - Email me when people comment