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Hands on My Face 6/07 Sort by:
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Posted on May 07, 2013 at 03:45 PM

I wrote this during a period in which my late husband had taken my sweet daughter to Ft. Lauderdale for hyperbaric treatment for her brain injury.  I was a very quiet morning in June of 07.  



Sometimes a thought or a feeling will urge me to sit down and try to describe it in words, but usually something else will burst in and take away that urgency and it is lost only to find a permanent place in that corner of my mind called "things I regret." Now at this moment I find myself with another opportunity to somehow find permanence to what I have been gifted with and I am going to give in to the moment and take the time to give it a body so to say.


As my faith has evolved and my walk with Christ has shaped my "maturity," I have always found that when reflecting on what I think it would be like to be in the presence of Jesus, my mind, my whole being seems to warm and I must pause to let myself experience the emotions and feelings. Not just emotional, but physical. My ability to describe the experience in words is going to give you only a pale comparison to how true and deep I experience this. I guess that is why I have such a difficult time getting to a place both physically and mentally to put it on paper. I also firmly believe that dark forces have always been able to put into place obstacles to inhibit the creation that may somehow bring comfort and hope to others as well. I guess I am finally getting some "legs" under me and maybe, just maybe I will be blessed with prose that will do just that. By the way, I am not the author, just an instrument. My God, my real Father is responsible for everything good thing that comes from me. What a good and glorious day this is to have taken another step in His direction to allow him to give me the clarity to write this. Amen!

As I mentioned, when I take the time to pause and truly reflect what it will be like to be in the presence of the Lord in Heaven or how it feels to be truly comforted, the images that come to my mind are of stepping into the folds of two strong, warm arms clothed in white. I am a child falling into the safest of all places, being embraced and held for that "30 second hug.’ The purest love flowing from His embrace instantly removing all physical discomfort and pain -- immediately taking over me. All the hurts and disappointments that have kept me from being the content child He meant and longed for me to be are gone. What an amazing feeling of freedom. There have been moments in my life where I have experienced unconditional love, but they will never compare to how deep and true God’s love is for me during that moment. I am treasured and wanted beyond anything else.

Often during those moments when I worship, I will experience a physical type of worship that is reciprocated, feeling the Lords hands on my face. It draws my gaze upward and I am transformed into a little child for the moment. The physical act of placing one’s hands on either side of another’s face is an extremely intimate act that is rarely seen or experienced. We will sometimes do that to our special needs children to gain their undivided attention, but I almost never see it in our human world done for the express purpose of saying you are loved and adored over anything else. Long ago, when my daughter Brenna was just a toddler she would do that and say "I dooooooo" which was her response to me after a warm hug from me telling her how much I love her. Since she is now silent in her ability to communicate verbally and has not had the ability to use her arms for over 10 years, I ache for those memories and will treasure those pure-love expressions until the day she is able to reciprocate all of the "I doooooos" she receives from me in the meantime.

During those times when I can feel the warmth of my Father’s hands on my face, they are so warm, so gentle, yet they are big, encompassing the entire sides of my face. I want to immediately just give into it, laying my head to one side to allow myself to feel the strength there supporting me, giving me such unconditional love. This morning I have been blessed with this comforting feeling for reasons I do not know, but will gladly receive. It has stayed with me as I have written this while the phone has been ringing and dogs barking. Hunter has been blessedly asleep in the other room and has only stirred once or twice. Allowing my mind to focus and truly experience this wonderful lingering experience has been such a gift today and I guess the only way that I can truly honor our Father is to share my thoughts and feelings those around me. I am such a flawed and fragmented human. Finding quiet time is so rare for me. If given more than 10 minutes without a task at hand would find me unconscious if the seating conditions are right. I pray and commune with our Father "on the fly" most of the time. I am so grateful for those times I can be with him for more than a brief pause. I love you God and am so thankful I am one of yours, I am so thankful you can intervene in my life even when I do not ask for it and give me just what I need and more.

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