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STOP, POLICE! Sort by:
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RealtorLulu
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Posted on Tue, Mar 26, 2013 06:46

A man and his wife are pulled over by a cop and here's what happened next;

 

Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

 

 


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Lulu in Dallas

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RealtorLulu
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Posted on Thu, Apr 11, 2013 18:18

CHAPPED LIPS


An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.
"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."
"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.
"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."


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Lulu in Dallas

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RealtorLulu
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Posted on Tue, Apr 09, 2013 08:12

Deputy Gomer


The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant.
"It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"


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Lulu in Dallas

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RealtorLulu
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Posted on Sun, Apr 07, 2013 11:20

I have been so busy that my time spent on the blogs has been very limited. I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter.

 

 

 

Hope; I'm sorry I had not replied to you. I hope you're feeling better. I will continue finding ways to keep my blog buddy smiling.

 

 

 

Pat, I'm glad you like these police jokes. Most of my friends here are Sheriff's Deputies. I hope none of them are members of MM.

 

 

 

Rob; I'm glad you decided to joins us. Please keep them coming!

 

 

 

Franchesca; Welcome to our merry band of jokers. There's always room for another misfit in our group.

 

 

 

 

 

       ​        ​        ​        ​ TRAFFIC STOP
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

 


Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. (It was valid).
Captain: whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. (The driver owned the car).
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. (Trunk is opened; no body).
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Oh Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!

 

 

 

 



Lulu in Dallas

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Franchesca09
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Posted on Fri, Apr 05, 2013 19:56

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a female roommate.  During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his rommate was.  She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this has only made her more curious.

 

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between the two than met the eye.  Reading his mom's thoughts, her son volunteered, "I know what you're thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

 

About a week later, his roommate came to hiim saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate.  You don't suppose she took it, do you?"  He said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll email heer just to be sure." He sat down and wrote:

 

Dear Mother,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying you didn't take the silver plate but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,

Your Son

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:

 

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your roommate and I'm not saying that you 'don't' sleep with her but the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow....

Love,

Mom



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roberthtx
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Posted on Tue, Apr 02, 2013 15:57

:-)


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Curious2078
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Posted on Fri, Mar 29, 2013 17:47

Quoting Hoping4Love2000:

Have a great rest of your week EVERYONE.....

Still fighting head cold.. Very "out of it" with all the NYQUIL I'm living on!! 

Thanks for the laughs Little LULU--- 



Hope you're feeling better soon, Hope. 



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Curious2078
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Posted on Thu, Mar 28, 2013 20:37

Quoting Hoping4Love2000:

Have a great rest of your week EVERYONE.....

Still fighting head cold.. Very "out of it" with all the NYQUIL I'm living on!! 

Thanks for the laughs Little LULU--- 



Hope you're feeling better soon, ...Hope.

 

HAPPY EASTER!!!



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Curious2078
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Posted on Thu, Mar 28, 2013 20:36

Hysterically funny, Realtor.



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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Wed, Mar 27, 2013 11:28

Have a great rest of your week EVERYONE.....

Still fighting head cold.. Very "out of it" with all the NYQUIL I'm living on!! 

Thanks for the laughs Little LULU--- 



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