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Quoting X_Pers:
I am very transparent with my life to others and it might seem to come across effortlessly, but indeed it has not and not willingly a lot of the time. This is because I am not alone with my own thoughts. Haven't been for a while. You see, the Holy Spirit moved in some 16 years ago and has permanently set up household. Sorta follows me around in my head and my heart like a Jiminy Cricket, if you will. Tugging, poking and pulling on me to do what is right instead of what I feel. As I have matured in my life, in my faith, I have listened to him more, but not always.
Some of you are of privy to my history as I have spoken about it publicly, but there are others who know only what I've posted here. So I will give you a brief run through: Alcoholic father, apathetic mother, sexual abuse, drug use, promiscuity, car crash, Jesus, widowhood, loneliness. I think I covered 48 years rather nicely and efficiently. Not the stuff fairy tales are made of to be sure. But in the middle of it is most important. Jesus. With Him, I've been able to overcome a lot of negative, sad, feelings and I am still overcoming other things since He came into my life. My life didn't get all rosy from the point I made the decision to have a relationship with Christ. There were still other sad things, and I am arming myself for experiences yet to come. If you didn't know it yet, this is how life is on this planet.
So why the rehash? Well, you know how it is when you read something once and you get a certain perspective on it, but then you revisit it again at a later point and get an entirely different perspective and a new meaning? Sorta like scripture? (Oh I have to say I do love how His word is indeed living and breathing like that). Well its like that. A conversation with someone, or a new life event will have me rolling back through old memory lane and I will have a different perspective from my past to apply to my future. I've learned instead of shoving the unpleasant, and sometimes down right awful things of my past, its in my best interest, or the interest of someone else to revisit those places. I have a responsibility as a Believer to be reaching out, not only to those immediately in my life, but to everyone, to give the best I have to give.
I'm wrestling with things now, very personal things that are on a deeper level that I've never quite understood, but am now aware of..its like having a splinter deep under the skin, its there and its been there for a long time, but you didn't know it until you stepped a certain way. You know its got to come out, and it's trying to make its way out. You try to ignore it, walking a bit differently so as not to disturb it, upsetting your balance, your normal gait...until other things begin to hurt and suffer since you've changed the alignment of your life..keeping you from being and doing your best. Its going to eventually make its way out, but there may be infection now, spreading into your life. You finally realize you have to go after it..not relishing the idea that you may have to dig, bleed and cut to rid yourself of it. Oh, and then there may be a scar when its all done. But the relief, the deep cleansing breath you will take once its out will be amazing. Then the healing begins.
As long as we have others in our lives..those that are under our care, bound to us by vows, we have a responsibility to be the best we can be, to take the time and do the work to right the things in our lives instead of thrusting it upon them expecting them to deal with it. I think its time you cleaned out some space in your soul for your very own permanent house guest Jiminy Cricket aka Jesus Christ. Selah
I am very transparent with my life to others and it might seem to come across effortlessly, but indeed it has not and not willingly a lot of the time. This is because I am not alone with my own thoughts. Haven't been for a while. You see, the Holy Spirit moved in some 16 years ago and has permanently set up household. Sorta follows me around in my head and my heart like a Jiminy Cricket, if you will. Tugging, poking and pulling on me to do what is right instead of what I feel. As I have matured in my life, in my faith, I have listened to him more, but not always.
Some of you are of privy to my history as I have spoken about it publicly, but there are others who know only what I've posted here. So I will give you a brief run through: Alcoholic father, apathetic mother, sexual abuse, drug use, promiscuity, car crash, Jesus, widowhood, loneliness. I think I covered 48 years rather nicely and efficiently. Not the stuff fairy tales are made of to be sure. But in the middle of it is most important. Jesus. With Him, I've been able to overcome a lot of negative, sad, feelings and I am still overcoming other things since He came into my life. My life didn't get all rosy from the point I made the decision to have a relationship with Christ. There were still other sad things, and I am arming myself for experiences yet to come. If you didn't know it yet, this is how life is on this planet.
So why the rehash? Well, you know how it is when you read something once and you get a certain perspective on it, but then you revisit it again at a later point and get an entirely different perspective and a new meaning? Sorta like scripture? (Oh I have to say I do love how His word is indeed living and breathing like that). Well its like that. A conversation with someone, or a new life event will have me rolling back through old memory lane and I will have a different perspective from my past to apply to my future. I've learned instead of shoving the unpleasant, and sometimes down right awful things of my past, its in my best interest, or the interest of someone else to revisit those places. I have a responsibility as a Believer to be reaching out, not only to those immediately in my life, but to everyone, to give the best I have to give.
I'm wrestling with things now, very personal things that are on a deeper level that I've never quite understood, but am now aware of..its like having a splinter deep under the skin, its there and its been there for a long time, but you didn't know it until you stepped a certain way. You know its got to come out, and it's trying to make its way out. You try to ignore it, walking a bit differently so as not to disturb it, upsetting your balance, your normal gait...until other things begin to hurt and suffer since you've changed the alignment of your life..keeping you from being and doing your best. Its going to eventually make its way out, but there may be infection now, spreading into your life. You finally realize you have to go after it..not relishing the idea that you may have to dig, bleed and cut to rid yourself of it. Oh, and then there may be a scar when its all done. But the relief, the deep cleansing breath you will take once its out will be amazing. Then the healing begins.
As long as we have others in our lives..those that are under our care, bound to us by vows, we have a responsibility to be the best we can be, to take the time and do the work to right the things in our lives instead of thrusting it upon them expecting them to deal with it. I think its time you cleaned out some space in your soul for your very own permanent house guest Jiminy Cricket aka Jesus Christ. Selah
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