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fishyme
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Posted on Fri, Jan 11, 2013 00:02

Quoting Jenkneee:

The USA golfer joke hit home since I used to call myself a Golf Widow! Mine was 20 years too long, at least I  knew better not to have it be 35!!

 



 Laughter is always good, thanks for posting these :)


 


I posted the following in my forum thread today. If anyone wants to visit, you can go to the Forum, see Entertainment, click on Entertainment & Hobbies then click Quotes/Sayings/Poems :)

 

 

 

What Our (U.S.) Government Is

 

 

 

    A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is.  When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.  "I still don't get it'', responded Little Johnny.''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.  ''Okay then...good night'' said Little Johnny as he went off to bed.

 

 

 

 

 

 In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying.  He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper.  So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help.  When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep.  Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there.  So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of crap!"

 

 



  Lmao @ Little Johnny.The stories that I know of Little Johnny are from when he was more of a Very bad boy.I'll save them for another time,maybe best for another site,lol.



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worldmind
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Posted on Thu, Jan 10, 2013 17:24

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Posted on Thu, Jan 10, 2013 17:22

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Posted on Thu, Jan 10, 2013 17:20

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worldmind
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Posted on Thu, Jan 10, 2013 17:15

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worldmind
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Posted on Thu, Jan 10, 2013 17:08

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Posted on Thu, Jan 10, 2013 17:01

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Posted on Tue, Jan 08, 2013 01:33

Haha RealtorLulu...it must be a cute and smart 5 year old :-)



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worldmind
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Posted on Sun, Jan 06, 2013 00:07

BeWell dearest, you are most welcome! Yeah..that should be down your bewellness alley :-)

 

You might also have some jokes to share? :-)


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Posted on Sun, Jan 06, 2013 00:02

Dakota...HAHAHAHHA talk about laughing my socks off...and I sure need those in the middle of winter as is up here in the Viking sphere! HAHAHA..you seem to have some interesting humour to ya...yeah..what can I say..you brought the monkey upon yourself (for those who does not get this, it was a comment Dakota posted on my The Most Expensive Blog, where I had posted some pics I have shot of a cute monkey child who became popular...)...

 

;-))))


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Posted on Sat, Jan 05, 2013 22:52

Muchas gracias amiga!



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Franciemil
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Posted on Sat, Jan 05, 2013 20:06

Worldmind,


Hahahahhaha (very good jokes)

 

 

Franciemil.-



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Jenkneee
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Posted on Sat, Jan 05, 2013 19:12

The USA golfer joke hit home since I used to call myself a Golf Widow! Mine was 20 years too long, at least I  knew better not to have it be 35!!

 



 Laughter is always good, thanks for posting these :)


 


I posted the following in my forum thread today. If anyone wants to visit, you can go to the Forum, see Entertainment, click on Entertainment & Hobbies then click Quotes/Sayings/Poems :)

 

 

 

What Our (U.S.) Government Is

 

 

 

    A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is.  When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.  "I still don't get it'', responded Little Johnny.''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.  ''Okay then...good night'' said Little Johnny as he went off to bed.

 

 

 

 

 

 In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying.  He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper.  So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help.  When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep.  Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there.  So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of crap!"

 

 



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BeWell
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Posted on Sat, Jan 05, 2013 17:50

Thanks for the 45 minutes of relaxation, Worldmind!

 

I particularly liked the one about, "...but you're afraid of committment." My former boyfriend comes to mind. ;-D

 

They were all sooooo funny! Thanks again for the laughs.... BeWell......;-DDDDD



BeWell and wishing you only the best ! ..................;-D

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Dakota35
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Posted on Sat, Jan 05, 2013 17:10

Quoting worldmind:

Top joke in the UK (something for Dakota I guess :-)))

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."



All the jokes were funny, thanks....but I'm offended that you keep posting my baby photos. LOL

 

You know, we can't be sure that is a UK baby until it smiles.  That's so wrong...I shouldn't have, but could not resist.  Sorry.



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worldmind
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Posted on Sat, Jan 05, 2013 14:54

Some international jokes...

  UK

 

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

  USA

 

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

  Canada

 

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

  Australia

 

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”

 

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”

  Belgium

 

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

  Germany

 

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”


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Posted on Sat, Jan 05, 2013 14:37

AGED JOKES

The world's oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today.

It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."


The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons -- "What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key."


"Jokes have varied over the years, with some taking the question and answer format while others are witty proverbs or riddles," says writer Dr Paul McDonald, senior lecturer at the University of Wolverhampton .

"What they all share however, is a willingness to deal with taboos and a degree of rebellion. Modern puns, Essex girl jokes and toilet humor can all be traced back to the very earliest jokes identified in this research."



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worldmind
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Posted on Sat, Jan 05, 2013 14:30

Top joke in the UK (something for Dakota I guess :-)))

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."


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MissMonteCarlo
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Posted on Sat, Jan 05, 2013 09:05

I love to laugh! :-)

 

Sarah :-)



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worldmind
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Posted on Sat, Jan 05, 2013 06:43

A miserable-looking man was sitting in a café one night.

 

"Why are you looking so sad?" asked the café keeper.

"My wifes made me a millionaire." said the man.

"If my wife made me a millionaire, I'd be the happiest man on earth", said the café keeper.

"Yes, but before I met her I was a billionaire."


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