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worldmind
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Posted on Wed, Dec 12, 2012 14:49

Hoping and All...well it is very sad to hear your story and experience with women and this is not unusual...as You say, when women get the jealousy (or other) button turned on, then they turn very bad and visious..lets not forget St: Johns fate...and isnt there a passage some where I have heard in some movie about womens anger...?

 

It is no secret that women are known to be more "complicated" than men...I just hope that women learn something from men instead of blaming them most of the time.

 

I am a woman, but I do not wholeheartedly belive in any female sisterhood (even though I have solid and good female friends, I do sense jealousy and such many times)...but I sure HOPE for one genuine one to be formed worldwide...if that is ever possible.


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Windrider735
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Posted on Wed, Dec 12, 2012 04:50

Hope...
 
 Your teachers were kind to you, mine dubbed me 'motor-mouth"!
 
 I have a few women friends who I love like sisters that have always 'been there' whenever I needed 'em (and I for them), but for the most part I solve my own problems...always have. Not always a good thing. My mother told me my first sentence was, "By meself, Meme...I do it by meself"! It surprises me sometimes, thinking back, that she survived my childhood...raising a mule ain't easy...but it does explain why her hair turned grey so soon! Remembering my parent's patience and love did instill a profound admiration of the good parenting technics I've seen in so many of my friends. It also made me very aware of the horrible childhoods some children are forced to endure in dysfunctional families. It amazes me what awesome adults so many of them become when they started out with the deck stacked against them.
 
 
Jenkneee...
California has (or used to have) many small towns with 'community spirit' in your area...but now most of them are large cities. Temecula is huge, by my standards...but then, my town is starting to look big and it only has a bit over a thousand people including the farmers. I grew up not too far from where you live, and at that time, all the towns around were small. San Bernardino was the largest one close by. Most of that area was covered with orange groves, and the last time I went out there it was housing developments. The foothills I spent my childhood roaming around have been taken over by houses.
Minnesota has the type of communities you spoke of having lived in in Michigan. It was 30 below, the night our house burned in '89', yet there were friends, neighbors and total strangers pulling into the farmyard with boxes of food, clothing and offers of a place to stay before the fire trucks even had the blaze under control. The 'grapevine' communication is awesome, and there's always a few people who keep their scanners on to see what's happening. I knew most people within a 10 - 15 mile radius, but people from the churches in the town north of us showed up the next day at the friend's house where we were staying with home made quilts, bedding, food, etc. Most of the churches here have their ladies circles that get together to make quilts for emergency packages they have at the ready for such things, and the outpouring of love really makes a person feel very humble...and grateful...for the gift of being part of a community such as this. Having lived in a similar community, it has to be a difficult pill to swallow for you to not have that now. People who have never known that kind of environment don't miss it, but for someone like you, it has to be devastating. My heart goes out to you. 


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NGL2011
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Posted on Tue, Dec 11, 2012 05:17

Quoting Jenkneee:

Some women just don't get the Sisterhood thing, I do get it.  It was strong where I grew up in Michigan then I moved to California at the age of 24 and noticed a huge, unfortunite difference with most of the people (in general) in southern California.  At this point in my life I am usually socializing with single women, most of them don't get the concept of Sisterhood and it is disappointing to say the least.

 

 

 

While there are some nice people and a few scattered good neigbors here that I have met in the last 25 years, there is absolutely no comparision to what I knew people, girlfriends and neighbors to be like in Michigan. Some day I hope to find a place to live where there is a sense of community.

 

 

 

It's a good thing it doesn't snow around here (except the mountains), no one would be around to help! When we had any major snowfall, there would always be someone around to help, sometimes you knew them, sometimes they were perfect strangers. 

 

 

 

An acquaintance of mine once gave me one of the nicest compliments I have ever received. She said to someone "Jenny has never met a stranger." I will never forget that and try to live it as much as possible.

 

If you're curious, back in Michigan I also had a lot of male friends too.  The Sisterhood always existed though and will be one of my best memories. Unfortunitely, it is ONLY a memory for the most part.

 

 

You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends.  My family are the friends I choose.

 

 

 

 



Jen,,,GO MICHIGAN !   ;)



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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Mon, Dec 10, 2012 22:46

HI ALL~~

 

I have some very good women in my life, and as my blog titled "Sister-Hood" states, I feel blessed most times even with strange women. There is a connection among great women usually. I, like JEN, have often been referred to "never having met a stranger." ;) My mother told me it scared her when I was little because I would always speak to strangers. This is probably going to amaze you guys and gals, but my first report card even said, "Hope visits too much." (SHOCKER HUH!!) LOLOL... 

 

However, when a woman turns vile and nasty, nothing is ever worse! I know why some men have bitter taste in their mouth at times, as I have had my hair ripped out a couple of times, received nasty phone calls from jealous women and been treated downright evil!! These same type women are the ones driving men insane and making the rest of us look bad! 

 

I was recently living in Atlanta and a roomie was crazy insane trying to get me tossed out! When she received her eviction notice, she placed it on my door... twice! LOL... I left 2 days ago. I am now with a frend in Columbia for a while. The woman is insane! She got twisted up about my taking her son and his GF to liquor store one day months ago and they got drunk. She told owners it was my fault they got drunk! They were 30 and 26... (Can you say COO-COO?) One night she beat on my door when a friend was over and she was drunk and screaming at me! When women become jealous and angry, it is a nasty pit!! It's like being thrown in a Texas rattlesnake roundup with no boots on! It hurt me emotionally, as I thought she was my friend, but I found she is severely emotionally "unstable." I had to get out... I loaned this woman money, took care of her after surgery and even bought her a phone when she needed one. She made me miserable for months now. BUT I STILL BELIEVE IN SISTER-HOOD!!!

 

WINDY, as usual, I think you are "spot on!" And RMAC.. Isn't it amazing how stats can be skewed by how you ask the question and what result you are seeking... I have donned you as our "Town Owl" for your wisdom dear! ;)


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Jenkneee
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Posted on Mon, Dec 10, 2012 20:51

Some women just don't get the Sisterhood thing, I do get it.  It was strong where I grew up in Michigan then I moved to California at the age of 24 and noticed a huge, unfortunite difference with most of the people (in general) in southern California.  At this point in my life I am usually socializing with single women, most of them don't get the concept of Sisterhood and it is disappointing to say the least.

 

 

 

While there are some nice people and a few scattered good neigbors here that I have met in the last 25 years, there is absolutely no comparision to what I knew people, girlfriends and neighbors to be like in Michigan. Some day I hope to find a place to live where there is a sense of community.

 

 

 

It's a good thing it doesn't snow around here (except the mountains), no one would be around to help! When we had any major snowfall, there would always be someone around to help, sometimes you knew them, sometimes they were perfect strangers. 

 

 

 

An acquaintance of mine once gave me one of the nicest compliments I have ever received. She said to someone "Jenny has never met a stranger." I will never forget that and try to live it as much as possible.

 

If you're curious, back in Michigan I also had a lot of male friends too.  The Sisterhood always existed though and will be one of my best memories. Unfortunitely, it is ONLY a memory for the most part.

 

 

You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends.  My family are the friends I choose.

 

 

 

 



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worldmind
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Posted on Sun, Dec 09, 2012 17:47

...furthermore NGL2011, it is an interesting idea you stated, regarding viewing the world as a movie etc..it may apply...yeah, i like being inventful and check the backissues, the core of the problem and not just always be content with some shallowish empty explanations or excuses..as I like to live a true and genuine life...as genuine as possible...and offcourse it is maybe hard to fix the projector but someone has to try try TRY..otherwise nobody would even have seen/experienced a projector in the first place, as everybody would be content with the way things were before the projector inventor took a risk, a chance to adjust and contribute to humanity so that life would be easier...

 

..back ino this very topic, I genuinly feel that we women need to stop blaming men men men so much for almost everything and start taking more responsibility for the spots of the malfunctional sisterhood that we seem to have in general...and start to genuinly empower eachother...not just a false smile and then a dump of bs behind the back or similar activities...

 

If we choose to only see the good, and glossy side of things or even paint them in pink regardless of their original color, then evil might get a free space to conquer and evil could become the "new good"/new normal, as we will get used to it, its referred to as "normalizationprocess" if I remember it correct form my uni classes ie. when you do or experience something very often and much then it becomes a reality...so..if looking at thorns with a rosed eye, we might get pinched by them and get shocked when discovering the selfdeception.

 

I believe in Love too offcourse..but I like to be clear and try to avoid deception of any kind...especially selfdeception. I appreciate honesty although I know it is in the human  DNA to error...and we women are famous for liking to analyze stuff (at least in the comedy movies I have seen - remember Al Bundy & Co?);-))) There are obvious differences between men and women in viewing and interacting with the overall world...then offcourse our human values, the way we are brought up etc etc plays a role in how we view life in general, but I think even if you look at men adn women cross-cultures (which I have tried to study), you find similar issues between the sexes..then maybe religion takes a stand in editing such things and maybe gives the man more "power", but still a man will be a man and woman will be a woman...genetics beyond powertricks ;-)

To get to the next step with the problem that I believe global "sisterhood-concept" is facing amongst eachother, we collectively need to admit the internal problems and struggles first...and not go on hinding it under the sexy rug.

 

Research in for example Italy shows that women are the rulers of their households, not as people think mafia style/male dominance...women have the tendency to really get their way in many fields..and who knows how much women are used to use their sex-appeal just for that...not saying men dont use their tricks, but my opinion is that men are much more easily led by women than women are by men :-)


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worldmind
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Posted on Sun, Dec 09, 2012 17:17

NGL2011..oh thanks alot for your beautiful compliment and also the mindset suggestion...and what do we witness here?

 

Yeah...a man being the first to say such...;-)))


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NGL2011
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Posted on Sun, Dec 09, 2012 16:41

Quoting worldmind:

Bewell, I do agree with you that research is never exact, and offcourse there are people (regardless of sex) who behave bad and I do agree that we all are humansbiengs before divided into sexes...but in this post Im trying to look att this from the sexangle...as you migght have heard it here and there, that women tend to be more "complicated", "demanding" and "bitchy" than men...and how (if even possible) this could be changed and enhanced into a better female culture.



worldmind,,,after following your writing in several of the blogs you have made and replied to I think you picked the wrong screen name, insted of worldmind, it should be beautifulmind.

 

Here's what I think of men women and the world in general. There are many many people of this world, who view the world like they do a movie at the cinema. The movie starts to flicker while they watch it, some people will think it's the screen so they try to adjust the screen, smooth it out,,(change peoples minds) while some people like you, run to fix the projector. How men women and the world see things is just a matter of the lense they choose to view issue. People can either look at things through a lense filled with Love, or they can CHOOSE to look through a lense of Pain and Anger.

 

I choose LOVE !



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rmac22
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Posted on Sun, Dec 09, 2012 13:34

Different studies yield different results.

 

A study a few months, maybe a few years back found that groups with only women in them were much more effective than groups with only men.  In that particular study, the men wasted a lot of time sorting out who was in charge.   The competiveness of the men got in the way of getting the job done.  If it was an established group with an established hierarchy the results may have been different.  The women simply went to work and finished the task.

 

In a different study comparisons were made between groups where there were only workers, no leaders, this group wasted a lot of time again deciding on who was in  charge, but once they decided they were faster than a group that had a leader.  The worst group was one that had only leaders. 

 

My conclusions would be that there are a lot of factors involved other than whether it is an all-male or all-female group.

 

RMac     



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Windrider735
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Posted on Sun, Dec 09, 2012 05:15

Hi Worldmind,
 
 I guess I look at equality for what it is...equal opportunity and equal pay, in life as well as in the job market. What a lot of women seem to refuse to factor in, in my experience, is that there are jobs not all women are as well suited for, yet demand to be hired for no other reason than they are a woman. To think an employer should have to hire us simply because we are women defeats the whole purpose of equality. It's forcing employers to hire someone who isn't as well suited/capable of doing a job simply because of their sex, not their ability. There is never true equality when an employer is forced, by law, to fill 'quotas' by hiring certain numbers of specified individuals simply because the public will cry foul if they don't. Whether the quota involves race, sex, age, or any other specification, that business ceases to become an 'equal opportunity employer', through no fault of the owner/company. The choice should lie entirely on the qualifications...period.
 
 I totally agree with you about preferring to work with men than women. I don't like the back biting and gossiping I've experienced when having to work with a group of women. I'm not saying all women are like that, but the majority I've worked with are. Men aren't nearly as concerned with who does what as long as the job is done, nor do they seem to resent someone stepping forth and delegating. Most women I've had experience working with all want to be in charge, whether they have leadership ability or not, and a lot of time is wasted with 'hurt' feelings and arguing about who does what. Many of them seem to forget that friendship stops at the door of the workplace. Once you walk through that door you're an employee, and if your best friend is the boss, nothing that happens after you walk through those doors should be taken personally...it's business...period. Sadly, many of them expect preferential treatment. This holds true for both sexes, and there's no room in a workplace for this mind-set.
 
 We do seem to see "feminists"  differently. The movement was to gain equal rights for women in a time when we, as women, had few rights. Not all "feminists" are male bashers. Most of us just want equal rights for employment, government decisions, property ownership, etc. Most of these we've accomplished. In my opinion, the ones you mention are the extremists...angry women who are looking for a way to vent because they're so unhappy with their own lives or feel entitlement to things they haven't earned and aren't qualified to get...or just looking for attention. I've known a lot of feminists in my lifetime and not a one of them was a male-basher. I've also known a lot of male-bashers who were in no way feminists, simply angry, dysfunctional women looking for attention or a way to vent pent up anger.
My mother was a feminist from the time she was a child. It has nothing to do with not wanting to be a lady...it has everything to do with demanding the best within yourself, equality in the work place, having an equal say in the way our government is handled, and being allowed to accomplish whatever you set out to do...and that's exactly what she did. If she wanted to do something and was told it was impossible, she drew herself up to her full 5 feet, stamped her foot, and set about doing it. She always told me when you find a brick wall in your path, and there's no way around it...start looking for a loose brick because there's bound to be one. There's always a way to achieve your goals if you search hard enough. I never heard her bash men...for any reason...nor did she expect to be treated as anything other than what she was...a true lady.
I agree with BeWell...Dysfunctional behavioral isn't gender-related...regardless what research shows...at least in my own experience.
I understand your blog is more geared to suggestions/solutions to make it easier for women to work together with fewer problems related to jealousy-triggered actions, and in my opinion, most of the dysfunctional actions you mentioned do stem from jealousy. When someone tears another down, it's usually to build themselves up in their own eyes and may have nothing at all to do with the other person. These are insecure people who have self-worth issues, and I see no way to change their behavior in a work place until they work on their own self esteem. We don't have the power, or right, to change anyone but ourselves...so the best solution I can offer is that we change the way we react to their negativity. If we allow them to upset us, we're giving them control over our lives, and that's something no one should do.


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worldmind
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Posted on Sat, Dec 08, 2012 22:57

Bewell, I do agree with you that research is never exact, and offcourse there are people (regardless of sex) who behave bad and I do agree that we all are humansbiengs before divided into sexes...but in this post Im trying to look att this from the sexangle...as you migght have heard it here and there, that women tend to be more "complicated", "demanding" and "bitchy" than men...and how (if even possible) this could be changed and enhanced into a better female culture.



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BeWell
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Posted on Sat, Dec 08, 2012 17:17

worldmind,

Studies may say one thing, but it's been my personal experience that dysfuctional behaviors have more to do with the individual than the sexes.

Just my 2 cents worth............... BeWell



BeWell and wishing you only the best ! ..................;-D

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