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rmac22
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Posted on Wed, May 23, 2012 08:44

Big Heated Rush

 

It has been said, “If they come on in a big heated rush, they usually leave the same way.”  I would agree this is usually true, but there are exceptions.  Courtship and falling in love has been described mathematically with chaos theory.  So has selling shoes or clothes.  If the salesperson pushes too hard the customer runs.  Not hard enough no sale. Every one says “No games,” however if you come on too fast the girl (guy) runs so, no fooling, everyone plays games.  That is they do if they care.  Sometimes it all works best if you don’t care, “If it works out wonderful, if not who cares.”  Trouble is, if you don’t care why bother? 

 

 

 



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Diana3316
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Posted on Wed, Jun 06, 2012 15:11

Quoting silverlion:

~~ Ladi Di ~~

 

A Pretty Hat, Gorgeous Smile and A Beautiful Lady. You have brightened my day, Thank You.

 

~~ S L ~~



Awww....thanks SL.  AND you have brightened MY day!  I actually wear hats alot due to the blistering Texas sun....even in the early morning when I'm out in my garden trying to keep the weeds at bay.  I fear they may win.  *sigh*  I have a pretty good farmer's tan though!  lol



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CuriousnCute
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Posted on Tue, Jun 05, 2012 16:23

Quoting la_malefique:

I agree with you. Sometimes new  things definitely click in perfectly and you wonder how in hell you managed to live without them before... Or why you never tried it until then...

 

People have a built-in code that just like Diana said, acts accordingly to age and personal expectations

BUT

Sometimes, something comes along unexpected and without warning and it STILL shortcuts the circuits... And you go : "Hmmmm.... I actually fancy that" 

 

For some is a "hat" for others is "blonde hair" ..;-) 

And then there is the choice to wear a hat and the choice to go blonde. It depends how much you want to try and what is your target.

But ultimately, if you don't want to put in ANY effort for anybody , then why bother at all with dating ?...

 

 



Malefique,

So right.  You have to get into the mood of it, so to speak.

Exactly, put yourself out there but in a special way.

Best,

~CnC

 



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Diana3316
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Posted on Sun, Jun 03, 2012 16:19

For all the hat lovers  :)


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NovemberJuliett Recommended
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Posted on Sat, Jun 02, 2012 16:59

Quoting CuriousnCute:

RMAC22,

I really don't know what to say. 

I do think Fique's grocery cart pic is hilarious.  Especially when you read what she says aboutmaking dating like grocery shopping.  What store and which aisle???  Looks unique.

I like going into it with an open mind.  Makes it more exciting.  I found wearing a different style outfit (femine with a hat) attracks (for me) an entirely different group of men.  I had no idea what I was missing!  Seriously.  Who knew?  Discovered it purely by accident.

Good topic.

~CnC

 



I agree with you. Sometimes new  things definitely click in perfectly and you wonder how in hell you managed to live without them before... Or why you never tried it until then...

 

People have a built-in code that just like Diana said, acts accordingly to age and personal expectations

BUT

Sometimes, something comes along unexpected and without warning and it STILL shortcuts the circuits... And you go : "Hmmmm.... I actually fancy that" 

 

For some is a "hat" for others is "blonde hair" ..;-) 

And then there is the choice to wear a hat and the choice to go blonde. It depends how much you want to try and what is your target.

But ultimately, if you don't want to put in ANY effort for anybody , then why bother at all with dating ?...

 

 



I have a dog. I run my own finishing school and I take prisoners

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rmac22
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Posted on Sat, Jun 02, 2012 07:36

Quoting Diana3316:

I know Rmac.....you are one of the lucky ones. Some do find that one great love, that lasts till death do us part.....while some never do. It goes without saying that nothing is perfect 'all of the time', but I think it takes more than just commitment to make it work. Most all go into it with the intention of 'forever'.

Hmmm....perhaps the commitment part is the mental part....but then there's the part of putting it into action. Maybe that's where it falls apart....when people fail to act commited;  instead of displaying selfless actions, in favor of the other. Thoughts? What do you think were the core components that made your relationship successful?



Diana::  Not sure I know.  I do know that I would love the chance to do it over.  Not make the mistakes I made.  Fix some of the stupid things I did.  Admit to myself I was crazy about her faster than I did.  Marry her quicker. 

 

I can’t know her core components.  Following are some of what I think mine were: 

 

  1. When things got rough, and sometimes they did, the list of options never included giving up. 
  2. When temptation came, and it did, knowing always that there was someone prettier, smarter, and a lot of other stuff I won’t mention, waiting for me.
  3. Being so close, at times, that our thoughts seemed to mesh.
  4. Knowing I was not alone, even when I was alone, away on a trip. 
  5. The fact that she believed in me more than I did myself.   

 

rmac

 



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CuriousnCute
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Posted on Fri, Jun 01, 2012 10:05

Quoting silverlion:

~~ C n C ~~

 

Is that a Picture of You with the Hat ?.  If it is , You are ...." Killing Me Softly " , an old song that I love.  See,  I can always take time off for you.  A Lady with a Hat is the Ultimate Turn on to me for some obscure reason but it Never Fails to light my fire.

 

Ooh little mysteries of life ! . Birthday suit with a great hat. What more could anyone ask. It does not get any better than that.

 

Bring out the hats....

 

~~ S L ~~

 

 

 

 



SL,

Oh, so sorry it is not a photo of me!  But, I did want to point out the allure a hat has.  I feel the same 

about men in hats.  I'm telling you and for me it totally changes the way I feel.  Intriguing.

Thanks for popping out on the blog.

Save those thoughts.  That is what this site is supposed to be about!  

Thanks for your comments.

Best,

CnC

 



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Diana3316
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Posted on Fri, Jun 01, 2012 07:11

Quoting rmac22:

Diana:  My wife and I did our wild and crazy part together first, then had and raised a family.  I think we were soul mates the whole time.  Not just after our daughter went off to college. 

 

rmac

 


I know Rmac.....you are one of the lucky ones. Some do find that one great love, that lasts till death do us part.....while some never do. It goes without saying that nothing is perfect 'all of the time', but I think it takes more than just commitment to make it work. Most all go into it with the intention of 'forever'.

Hmmm....perhaps the commitment part is the mental part....but then there's the part of putting it into action. Maybe that's where it falls apart....when people fail to act commited;  instead of displaying selfless actions, in favor of the other. Thoughts? What do you think were the core components that made your relationship successful?



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rmac22
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Posted on Thu, May 31, 2012 05:38

Diana:  My wife and I did our wild and crazy part together first, then had and raised a family.  I think we were soul mates the whole time.  Not just after our daughter went off to college. 

 

rmac

 



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rmac22
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Posted on Thu, May 31, 2012 05:25

Silverlion:  Thanks for the kind words.  We will miss your courteous and thoughtful comments. 

 

Diana:  As always, I enjoy what you bring to the conversation.

 

Voyager:  Don't think you are all alone.  And I am not thinking of  taking up golf..

        ​        ​        ​        ​        ​        ​        ​        ​        ​        ​        ​        ​   

Bewell:  I really never ever would advocate lying to or misleading anyone.  Perhaps the word process is the better one. 

 

rmac

 



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rmac22
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Posted on Thu, May 31, 2012 04:56

CNC:  Looking at that picture I am not so sure it's the hat.  Seriously though, I am sure that how you present yourself does affect who responds.

 

Thanks for the comment.

 

rmac

 



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rmac22
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Posted on Thu, May 31, 2012 04:51

wwww:

 

 

 

Shoot, during football season I was too tired to chase girls although they certainly chased me.  I was ready to reciprocate when basketball season rolled around, but then they were off chasing the basketball players.   Track did not work at all; the girls were off chasing the baseball players. 

 

 

 

rmac

 

 



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Diana3316
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Posted on Wed, May 30, 2012 15:41

Quoting wwww12345:

@ Diana - I don't find much of your post to be true from my observations.  I see young, and yes older women, chosing the high school athletic, the punk, the druggie, the drinker, the beach boy, the bum, the thrill seeker, the live my childhood over again party types.    Yes, they do divorce them after a few years of starving with their kids but often they just get into another like relationship, or a dozen like relationships. It is really sad to see, and unfortunately the kids pay dearly and the woman often winds up a emotional wreck with a history that a decent many would not want.

I am guessing that men with great inteligence, knowledge, skills, accomplishments, etc. (the powerful men as you describe it) are just too intimidating to almost all women. Being a nice and caring person don't seem to be a assett either.   It appears to me that the modern woman's programming has failed - from what nature wants her to be.  To bad she isn't smart enough to pick a "soul mate" from the beginning.

just my observations



WWWW~ Really??? Lololo Wellllll…..based on what you said, I think it falls right in line with what I said.

 

Those young women that are attracted to the “high school athletic” types, are being driven by the innate instinct to mate with a fertile, healthy specimen for the purpose of having children. While those older women that go for the same type are looking for that wild, crazy fun that they missed out on….the whole time they were being responsible and raising children. It is my belief, that somewhere around 50, men and women equalize in their desire for a quality relationship, based on values, communication, understanding, acceptance and loyalty…..soul mates if you will.

 

Re: “It appears to me that the modern woman's programming has failed - from what nature wants her to be. To bad she isn't smart enough to pick a "soul mate" from the beginning.”

 

Hmmm….I don’t even know how to address this statement. Nevertheless, I’ll try…choosing not to react negatively to the loaded phrases you use like “failed; what nature wants her to be; smart enough”.

 

I’m not so sure the quest “to pick a soul mate from the beginning” is a very realistic goal for the majority of individuals, based on “what nature wants”….that is, unless we abolish the Judeo-Christian notion of monogamy. Young males, 17-30, are endowed with HIGH levels of testosterone and are therefore typically driven to have very high sex drives and are often prone to seek sex with multiple partners. Young females are wired differently, hormonally driven to nest and have children. Not to say that it doesn’t happen, but I think it is a significant challenge for many immature, young adults to understand relationship dynamics and responsibilities well enough to make wise choices. Otherwise, Dr. Phil would not have such a thriving business.

 

However, I would certainly favor more education in this area for our young people. There is no doubt, the more knowledge and critical thinking skills a person acquires in any subject, facilitates fewer misjudgments.



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CuriousnCute
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Posted on Wed, May 30, 2012 14:58

RMAC22,

I really don't know what to say. 

I do think Fique's grocery cart pic is hilarious.  Especially when you read what she says aboutmaking dating like grocery shopping.  What store and which aisle???  Looks unique.

I like going into it with an open mind.  Makes it more exciting.  I found wearing a different style outfit (femine with a hat) attracks (for me) an entirely different group of men.  I had no idea what I was missing!  Seriously.  Who knew?  Discovered it purely by accident.

Good topic.

~CnC

 


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Diana3316
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Posted on Wed, May 30, 2012 07:05

Quoting la_malefique:

This is a fantastic topic! I have been looking for the right game balance myself, I am curious what the rest will say and keen to try different ways to tackle some of the games that some have  going on here...;-D

 

I feel that without without the games it's just like supermarket shopping...Pacing through the isles... looking onto the shelves for products in your favourite section... put it in the trolley and move on through the isles.

 

And then, just before you're heading out to pay, you change your mind about one of them....choose something else that catches your eye and leave that one behind for not being "in the game" enough.  For being too "familiar" and being exactly what you expect it to be and nothing more....

Games are fun. They stimulate the mind. And body. If you can't play games here before you actually meet someone then where else and how do you start playing them after?..;-)

 

This is why they say "don't go shopping for food when you're hungry !"... ;-)



Oooooweeee GF!!  Not only am I jealous of your purse.....but your shopping cart as well!!!!  Both great finds!  *wink*  lololol



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wwww12345
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Posted on Tue, May 29, 2012 10:02

Quoting Diana3316:

 Rmac~

We could talk for hours about this. :)

 

 Absolutely, “a little off balance” can be quite exhilarating. From a women’s perspective, that usually happens when the woman senses the male is an alpha…..more powerful than she. He has her attention….and she is not in control.   For me, that happens when I meet a really smart man, that has significant life accomplishments.  

 

 I tend to organize most of my thoughts and beliefs…. in relation to sex and power. I’m not sure why. But I believe humans are basically mammals with strong, intact animalistic instincts, functioning for the survival of the species. While the female may still possess and exhibit several primal traits, including hunting, aggression, nurturing….her strongest instinct is to mate. I think the modern woman typically takes three mates over a lifetime. The first one to have children with, the second to have wild, crazy fun with and the last....as a 'till death do us part' soul mate.

The mind is fueled by the basic instinct to procreate and insists on having a say in who we find attractive. Deep down inside, we are programmed to seek someone fertile; someone genetically different; someone healthy; someone socially compatible; and someone who is going to provide the necessary support for child rearing and nesting.

Intelligence, a sense of humor and great interpersonal skills… create the scent of a powerful man.

Although typically fairly pragmatic in most instances, I've been known to totally lose my mind over such a man!  *wink*  lolol  


@ Diana - I don't find much of your post to be true from my observations.  I see young, and yes older women, chosing the high school athletic, the punk, the druggie, the drinker, the beach boy, the bum, the thrill seeker, the live my childhood over again party types.    Yes, they do divorce them after a few years of starving with their kids but often they just get into another like relationship, or a dozen like relationships. It is really sad to see, and unfortunately the kids pay dearly and the woman often winds up a emotional wreck with a history that a decent many would not want.

I am guessing that men with great inteligence, knowledge, skills, accomplishments, etc. (the powerful men as you describe it) are just too intimidating to almost all women. Being a nice and caring person don't seem to be a assett either.   It appears to me that the modern woman's programming has failed - from what nature wants her to be.  To bad she isn't smart enough to pick a "soul mate" from the beginning.

just my observations



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BeWell
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Posted on Mon, May 28, 2012 08:08

Quoting rmac22:

Good response.  Is one CONSCIOUSLY deceiving or manipulating the other person by controlling one's own response to her (him) so as to not scare them or rush them?

 

It is a waste of time to pretend to be someone you are not.  Sooner or later the truth will come out and this lady (gentleman) you wanted to impress will run.  Maybe they might have even liked the real you, but they will not like being deceived.

 

I have read most of the books, I think.  I hope so, there are a bunch of them.

 

Thanks

rmac

 



Rmac,

I agree with you. People don't like being deceived--Women or men. It's not worth the risk.

 

Regarding your question about CONSCIOUSLY deceiving or manipulating the other person by controlling one's own response to her (him) so as to not scare them or rush them?...

 

Again, I think it depends upon the motive and the situation. The best rule is to ask ones self, "Could any harm come from what I say or do, or not say or not do in this circumstance?" If you lie or lead someone on to believe something else, and the other person later finds out you lied, they may be very angry and decide not to trust you. When this happens a red or yellow flag will go up for them when considering you.

 

Here's something that recently happened to me that made me angry and disappointed.... I had several conversations with this guy. He told me right off the bat that he was single. Luckily I found out a few conversations later, before I got emotionally involved, that he was actually only seperated. The minute I discovered he lied, the red flag went up. I don't date married men or men fresh out of divorce or a relationship, and had mentioned that during the first conversation. Experience has proved to me that all people must go through the healing period after a break up.

 

I've found that a lot of men and women will tell lots of little "white" lies unconsciously which controls and manipulates situations. They don't even consider it to be deceiving the other person because they aren't even aware they are doing it. The awareness usually happens after someone they truly like calls them on it and they lose somebody they honestly care about. If they are mature they will change. If they are immature they will just say, "Next". It's been my experience that the immature ones also seem to be the ones who are emotionally shut down /emotionally unavailable and fearful of being in a committed relationship. Just my 2 cents worth.



BeWell and wishing you only the best ! ..................;-D

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Diana3316
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Posted on Sat, May 26, 2012 18:24

Quoting Voyager54:

~All~...I'm ready for my booty call Ms. Demille!


What does that mean V????  I thought you preferred golf clubs.



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Diana3316
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Posted on Sat, May 26, 2012 18:16

Quoting rmac22:

Do you suppose it might be ok to keep them just a little off balance? 

 

I look forward to anything you might add on the subject.

 

rmac

 


 Rmac~

We could talk for hours about this. :)

 

 Absolutely, “a little off balance” can be quite exhilarating. From a women’s perspective, that usually happens when the woman senses the male is an alpha…..more powerful than she. He has her attention….and she is not in control.   For me, that happens when I meet a really smart man, that has significant life accomplishments.  

 

 I tend to organize most of my thoughts and beliefs…. in relation to sex and power. I’m not sure why. But I believe humans are basically mammals with strong, intact animalistic instincts, functioning for the survival of the species. While the female may still possess and exhibit several primal traits, including hunting, aggression, nurturing….her strongest instinct is to mate. I think the modern woman typically takes three mates over a lifetime. The first one to have children with, the second to have wild, crazy fun with and the last....as a 'till death do us part' soul mate.

The mind is fueled by the basic instinct to procreate and insists on having a say in who we find attractive. Deep down inside, we are programmed to seek someone fertile; someone genetically different; someone healthy; someone socially compatible; and someone who is going to provide the necessary support for child rearing and nesting.

Intelligence, a sense of humor and great interpersonal skills… create the scent of a powerful man.

Although typically fairly pragmatic in most instances, I've been known to totally lose my mind over such a man!  *wink*  lolol  



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rmac22
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Posted on Sat, May 26, 2012 07:15

Quoting BeWell:

I prefer to call it the “dating process”  rather than the “dating game”. In my opinion, people who are being truly authentic are not playing games.

 

To me a game is when one person CONSCIOUSLY deceives or manipulates the other person by controlling what that person does or thinks for their own selfish gain. When someone is "gaming" somebody it usually ends up causing harm, such as making the other person feel unworthy, cause emotional pain, loss of respect, loss of trust, etc.

 

To study the differences between the way men and women think and operate is a very interesting and enlightening subject. I’m certainly no expert, but I’ve learned a lot since I began this study after I decided to start dating again. There has been tons more research done since the Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus book. This book is a good starting place for those who want to learn.

 

No matter how evolved we are, men still have the instinct to hunt/provide, and women have the instinct to nurture/nest. Some have stronger instincts than others. We all need to learn about these so we can understand and relate better and not drive each other crazy and away.

 

 I have found the most effective way to be noticed is to be authentic and become  the best person that I can be in every area of life-- mind, body, spirit, emotions, lifestyle, and financial. This will make anyone more magnetic and attractive. You don’t have to be perfect, just keep growing as a person with right intention and authenticity--be the best you can be for yourself, not be the best to impress the guy or gal.

 

Also, there are times when you can be doing everything right, and the person could even love you, but if there is no “chemistry” at that primal level, no matter how well you both get along, it probably isn't going to work in the long run. …………. BeWell



Good response.  Is one CONSCIOUSLY deceiving or manipulating the other person by controlling one's own response to her (him) so as to not scare them or rush them?

 

It is a waste of time to pretend to be someone you are not.  Sooner or later the truth will come out and this lady (gentleman) you wanted to impress will run.  Maybe they might have even liked the real you, but they will not like being deceived.

 

I have read most of the books, I think.  I hope so, there are a bunch of them.

 

Thanks

rmac

 



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