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shazbot82
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Posted on Fri, Dec 23, 2011 10:43

This week I was contacted by a hansome man who wanted to meet me this weekend. I agreed to a date this Friday,,tonight actually. He lives about 75 miles away. He is coming up here ,as a gentleman should. I wanted him to select the restaurant and I would meet him there. ( he didnt like that idea,,wanted to pick me up) Recently I moved to San Francisco.Being new to SF, Im not familiar with any of the MANY fantastic places to eat in this wonderful culinary city. The man in question is 49 years old, a very successful engineer. Hes far from poor. Yesterday evening he called me to set up the time and place I was driving in heavy traffic and I dont have a headset, so I was pretty distracted while trying to talk to him. I was floored when he suggested the place he wants to take me.,,,for our first date,,,in one of the top Foodie Places in the WORLD. He wants me to meet him at Fre*h Choi*e. For Dinner. On a Friday Night. In San Francisco. That is a chain "Salad bar Buffet" that is SELF SERVE cafeteria style. Its the kind of place that is found in shopping mall food courts. He asked me what I thought of that idea. What I thought was " you MUST BE KIDDING" what I said was " I wont be wearing a dress and high heels for that" Admittedly, had I been at home or someplace where I could have given the conversation the attention it deserved,I would not have been so surprized and maybe would have said something a bit more gracious. The convo ended as I was driving into a tunnel ( yes for real) This from a man who was very actively pursuing me for a date the last two weeks. Truthfully, I was instantly turned off by his " suggestion" Totally cheap, totally lacking in any imagination. I lost all desire to meet this man right then. It now 10:30 am. I havent heard from him and I and wavering on hoping he doesnt call me back,,and wanting to go meet him after all. I dont think I care to go to the effort if his idea of a good time is eating in a mall food court. First meetings are always weird. I get it about people not wanting to invest too mkuch money or time in a meeting. AM I being too hard on this guy ??? OR, are you of the same opinion as am ??? FC is horrid suggestion and its NOT the way to impress anyone on a first date. I dont think Im going. Not my idea of a good time.


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shazbot82
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Posted on Tue, Mar 20, 2012 23:49

Im not here looking for friends. Im looking for men to date and form a relationship with. Personally, I hate a guy who always wants to do things last minute, What that REALLY means is that he is LAZY and doesnt care enough about me to make the effor t to PLAN a DATE. Get this MEN,,we women WSANT YOU TO MAKE AN EFFORT to show us we ARE special to you. if some guy calls me an hour before he wants to go do something,,,just how much desire and thought do you think he has put forth on that ?? NONE thats how much. Im not going to be some clowns last minute companion. Screw that. I AM worth waiting for and I AM worth making real plans to see. If you wan t to be some guys goodtime anytime date,,be my guest.. He wont ever think of you as special .Because if you allow him to treat you that way,,,thats ALL you will ever get.NO THANKS


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shazbot82
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Posted on Tue, Mar 20, 2012 23:40

first of all,,no , he was not a decent guy trying to meet me,,he was a clueless doofus with no class or social skills. second..this is not a telephone so please,,when you are writng here, use sentences and do not abbreviate like its a text message...please. like many people , I dislike that style of messages very very much. And no , he wasnt worth the time or enegry or effort to get drressed up for and go meet. He was boring and...well, he was boring. Next time I have a gut instinct about someone,,i'm going to follow it.


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Posted on Mon, Mar 12, 2012 10:53

So true!


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MissMonteCarlo
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Posted on Sat, Feb 18, 2012 03:43

Quoting Diana3316:

S~ Hmmmm....too bad about the farmer date. We have an ol' rock and roll group from Texas named ZZ Top. They have a song that pretty much sums it up. The lyric goes: Every girl is crazy about a sharp dressed man! Hmmm....wonder if that has anything to do with peacocks??? *wink*


Haha true! Sarah ;-)


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shazbot82
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Posted on Fri, Feb 17, 2012 15:18

hey V we have something in common.Ive been a recluse for close to seven years.....hence the " clueless " status regarding dating. It was ok. Now im lonely. Trouble is, Ive forgotten HOW to be sociable. I DO however, LOVE the country life.Im a ranch hand from way back.


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Diana3316
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Posted on Tue, Feb 07, 2012 15:47

V~ I DO understand. It seems many of us at this stage of life begin a process of self-assessment and a quest to figure out what to do next?? For those of us that are of reasonable intelligence and have achieved reasonable success....this point in life seems quite unsettling. We've always had our work, families, dreams and carnal desires to occupy our time. But we've done all that...so what's next? This can't be it!! What do we want and what are we supposed to do now? Unfortunately, I don't have it figured out yet and have no answers for you. I wrote the below in Aug 2011, on Smax's blog 'Playing beat the clock...for love': "Interesting Smax! Sometime last year, I suddenly became acutely aware of the tic, tic, tic. Although I had always thought I was fairly successful in love, in that I had many choices, I never had the ultimate fairytale romance with the handsome prince. But they were all relationships that I learned from and most recently had A LOT of crazy fun. Curiously it’s been almost 2 yrs now in which I have hardly dated. Not feeling particularly lonely, but beginning to hear the tic, tic, tic….I thought I’d better show up if I ever intended to meet a prince….as he would not find me in my house. So I found my way to this site. The first two months were fairly entertaining. But in this fertile void, my mind is again beginning to change. It seems quite striking….as I thought I had pretty much achieved my pinnacle in my 40s. Instead I find myself reflecting on my past, but also trying to figure out what my last chapter will be all about and what do I want to make of it. Surprisingly, I don’t feel particularly panicked to find a man to ‘complete me’. Instead my mind has begun to make plans of how my life will be lived….the things that I need to do to survive, including diet, exercise and any contributions I might be able to make to society ….and what things I still want to do/achieve before it is too late. I feel strong, smart and unafraid. Obviously an intimate and satisfying relationship would be the cake….but I can’t wait for that to happen to LIVE." Take your time to think V, and don't dispair. Right now solitude may be a good thing for you, but understand you can always change your mind. You have many gifts and you will find a path that will put meaning back into your life....if that is what you choose. But be very clear on this...it is a choice! Your friends on MM will still be here if you need us. ~D


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Diana3316
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Posted on Thu, Feb 02, 2012 22:22

S~ Hmmmm....too bad about the farmer date. We have an ol' rock and roll group from Texas named ZZ Top. They have a song that pretty much sums it up. The lyric goes: Every girl is crazy about a sharp dressed man! Hmmm....wonder if that has anything to do with peacocks??? *wink*


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MissMonteCarlo
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Posted on Wed, Feb 01, 2012 01:58

Aww, I recently went on a date with a farmer would you believe. I was not quite sure if that was going to work as honestly I didn't think a farmer would be interested in me. However, we went on a coffee date. Have to say my heart did not skip a beat but he was a really nice guy. He seemed to like me too. So he asked me on a dinner date. A Friday night dinner date. I chose the location a nice Italian restaurant. Being a Friday night, I put on the black dress. When I went to meet him he was in jeans and a shirt. Not smart looking jeans and shirt. I was honestly disappointed! It was however a nice date overall but like I say no sparks flying well not from my way. Then he asked if I thought of myself as high maintenance. Which I felt was an odd question. Anyway later that weekend he told me that he was looking for a serious relationship and that he did not see us being a long term thing as we were very different. So I guess I was right in my thinking all along. However, I know who I am more suitable with and will see how that story unfolds...


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Diana3316
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Posted on Tue, Jan 31, 2012 08:39

Awww....V...what's the matter??? There isn't a woman alive that hasn't been 'used' at one time or another....for one thing or another. Does that mean she has to cop an attitude about all men and future dates? I guess she can if she wants to end up a bitter old crow. Why on earth would you let this shoe woman have so much power over you and your life????? Did you fall that hard for a woman you didn't even meet? Seriously, there's all kinds in this world...some good and some not so good. The not so good, you leave alone and ease on down the road. You sure don't let them change your world and the person you have worked hard to become. But the crazy thing to me is, that I remember when you said you were looking for a woman that knew her way around heavy farm equipment and farm animals. But then you take up with a center fold....oops sorry...I meant to say a model. Models aren't typically into farming in remote regions of upstate NY are they? Seems like you may need to re-think your choices in women. But if you decide you want to continue to play with models, then you need to understand that they require maintenance. Don't be upset when they ask for what they want and need. You on the other hand are seeking a woman 'several' years younger than yourself. What are you hoping to get from it? Love? Satisfying communication? Company walking the fence line? Things that make you go.....hmmmmmmmmm. *wink* Warm wishes.....and SMILE ....ur beautiful!!! Shake it off! Even bad experiences offer something to learn. Don't turn into the male version of a bitter old crow! :)


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matildep
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Posted on Fri, Jan 27, 2012 12:46

Voyager 54: I don't think an educated man, who drive a car of 350000 Dollars will bring a girl a McDonalds or something similar. Starbucks, it's more appropriate. Or a simple coffee shop. I also think you wrong when you generalize. How do you know that this girl, shazbot, can not afford to buy you a pair of Alexander McQueen shoes? I don't have the experience of dating on web sites, but I think it's best idea that first meeting must be short, drinking a coffee... You don't like, you go in half an hour, not two hours...


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shazbot82
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Posted on Sun, Jan 15, 2012 10:37

A few tidbits further: I am really reluctant offering any suggestion for a first meeting. I dont know what the man prefers, or his time-expense budget, so I prefer that HE figure out what HEwants to do. In this case, the man suggested of his own accord dinner on Friday night.I said ok to that. THEN I wanted to decline ( as presernted here)He then suggested a breakfast meeting near my home. I wanted to thank everyone who has input their thoughts on this blog. Reading what other people think in such a situation is valuable ...to mer,,and hopefully to others as well. Differing viewpoints help us all to find some mutual common ground in this quest. He was a nice man,but not for me. ps. to those who arent not familiar with me,,I am dsylexic,and often , I wont even recognize spelling errors.


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shazbot82
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Posted on Sun, Jan 15, 2012 10:26

MIssing: refreshinbg to see a man give his true opinion on other men. I think that if we were all more honest ,this world would be a nicer easier place tyo exist. Saddly, I have to agree with your accessment. Recent forays into the quagmire of dating have shown me that even very sweet appearing guys have soon hidden "quirks" that were much better not revealed. Those of the old guard who know me here would have a hard time believing the situation I am in right now...too bizarre. ARI: SHOES WOMAN..OF course the shoes take top billing in any mall. Except for the clothes...lol


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maddyjac
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Posted on Sun, Jan 15, 2012 07:40

If a man persues you 1-2 weeks then suggests supermarket or chain restaurants to meet in. Most definitely cross him off your "will meet " list.   I agree with Jenkneee. Time and energy, effort should be expected on both sides.

 

 

 

I suggest doing an internet search on local good restuarants that you can easily try yourself (bring a book if your selfconscious ) or  ask a friend or co-worker at work  a a new neighbor.

 

 

 

Get to know the neighborhood a little so you feel comfortable.  I rarely let anyone suggest where to meet less Ive been there.  I never let anyone pick me up on a first date. I meet them there as you suggested.    I always tell one person where Im going and when and with who.  There are good guys and not so good guys and wait on the better ones to come along.  They are out there.   Your instinct was speaking to you- Listen to it;, your worth it!  Patience is a good thing-  Truly,  MJ


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"Just Around The Corner"... M J-

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Jenkneee
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Posted on Wed, Jan 11, 2012 13:48

Quoting shazbot82:

experience honey. If aman is cheap at the beginning,,hes hiding something or he is flat out cheap. I dont date little boys.Real men have the time enegry and cash to date.I spend a lot of my time enegry and effort to be good company and a stimulating companion. Im ont doing that to go to a food court in a mall.


I also do not date little boys. We have a different opinion on what a first date should entail. I do feel it's fine for little cash to be spent and a meal does not necessarily need to be included on a first date. I don't define the success of a first meeting/date by how much money was spent. I think my next date may be meeting at the arcade/miniature golf course, we'll get to know each other while having some fun :) If we like each other's company well enough then we may move on to another establishment.


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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2012 11:45

Well ~~CG~~ I have to say..

 

I completely respect your attitude here.. and appreciate the fact you find it necessary to grant a reason as to why such a "low-key" meet..

 

If a man told me.. "Hey, I love to fine dine a woman I really like..... but I am holding my cards for just the one to do this with, so I prefer to just meet you for 45 minutes... chat and see i person what we think.. We both enjoy books and coffee.. So let's say we hit the B&N and Starbucks on "Love is always compromising street" for lunch...

 

Well guess what? If a man approached me this way.. I'd go because I'd

 

1) Respect he was upfront with me on WHY he chooses a simple meet and greet. I can certainly appreciate that even men who may have the means to toss money out like it's yesterdays newspaper may not desire to do this for just any woman they have never met. Perhaps it makes them feel used by women. I would never wish a man to feel this way, esp approaching a date with me..

 

2) I'd also admire a man who was feeling his low key way is actually enhancing his being more "selective" in choosing a date..

 

I'd just tell him..

 

"Sounds like a great plan! But just know I can rock them white boots and black dress for dinner, but I will be in jeans and a sweater for this meet!"  :)

 

Thanks for expressing the other side so well CG...



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Arizona53
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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2012 08:46

Quoting shazbot82:

CG,,, always nice to hear from you. I happen to agree with oyu ,too. I gace the man the option of when to go out..whta day, time etc, He selected Friday night. I did not want to go out to a food court place on a friday night so I declined FOR friday night. We ended up meeting at 9:30 AM for a breakfast date. Cheap fast easy. He arrived looking like yesterdays laundry and I knew trhe instant I laid e yes on him he was not for me. BUT I WAS a sweet intertested and interesting date. I ordered the cheapest thing on the breakfast menu. I get that dating costs time and money and effort. If you dont want to spend money then at least TRY to bi imaginative and PUT SOME EFFORT into yoyur dating !


Hey Shaz! Now aren't you glad you didn't spend hours in a restaurant trying to make small talk with Yesterday's Laundry? I am a bit laid back, in that I prefer a first meeting to be more casual just to see if there is something there that makes my heart flutter, even a little. I once met a guy in the park and we walked around with the coffee he provided for about 2 hours. I do however, agree that meeting in a mall is probably not going to get my heart to stir, even a little. The shoes may get more attention than he does....LOL!


"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

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Missing1Love
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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2012 23:33

shazbot82: I have zero intentions of ever getting married again so that's not relevant. ---------------- Might not be a bad idea to stay single, shazbot82, I don't like to put down my fellow sex, but I haven't seen too many worthwhile suitors if I was a woman. And the ones I know of, that are worthwhile are taken. Those with compassion who won't hurt you with words in time of strive instead of understanding are far and few in-between. Money and looks means nothing if he can be an angry old fart who can't hold his temper, or believes in infidelity. Good for you. :)


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shazbot82
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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2012 08:14

Quoting Missing1Love:

@ Diana3316 says: "You are so right NGL. When did 1Love's parents meet? 1940s? Depression/WWII era? A dozen roses was probably quite an extravagant....at the least, significant gift for those times." I say: WoW, you are sharp & cunning, Diana, most people I meet, whether women or men don't know the meaning of "present value". Date wise my guess is more like 1930s. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ @ Hoping4Love2000 - There was no internet way back when before we wuz youngins.. LOL.. so I am confused as to how they had been speaking prior to meeting? Answer: Well they didn't speak beforehand. She was singing on stage. He went to every performance, and finally tacked a note to some flowers, to be delivered after performance and for a meet. He suggested the park by the River Saine Paris which wasn't far away. Perhaps it was love at first site, then dinner wasn't necessary. Wish I knew what the note said ? Then I could use it. :) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ @ billzeke - Your absolutely correct. Engineers tend to be more pragmatic. If I was women, I'd prefer an engineer over a salesman any day; (if that was the deal breaker). It be interesting if there were study of the divorce rate by profession. (I'll have to Google it.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And @ peggysue1962 - Thank you. And I love your sensitivity. OXOX ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ @ Arizona53 -- Did you stop to think that maybe he was testing you? Very astute Arizona53, it also crossed my mind. Not uncommon, and more so because he was an engineer. Nothing wrong with that. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And @ shazbot82 - I don't believe any of it. If he was the right guy, and made your heart go 'ding-a-ling' at first site, you would have grabbed his hand and made dinner for him. The ideal person, which applies to both men & women, is how caring is a person? Are they sensitive to feelings ? If your worst enemy gets hurt in a car accident do say: He deserve it, or I'm so sad to hear that ? If a person is sensitive to others, he/she will be sensitive to your needs all of your life. If he/she is insensitive to others, he or she will be so to you during the course of time, when things aren't so sweet anymore. All this dinner dating is show, commercialized expedience, superficial extravagance at best; marriage is much more deeper, it requires love and nurturing, therefore any man or women that can't leave without knocking down the acquaintance isn't going to be ever truly happy because life brings both so much beauty and unpleasantness. In reality it wasn't meant to be, or nothing would have mattered.


hi ya...he didnt make my heart sing and being cheap didnt help. First impressions are just that,,FIRST. Trust me,NO man comes off as looking good when he suggests a cafeteria for dinner. I have zero intentionj of ever getting married again so thats not relevant.


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shazbot82
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Posted on Sat, Jan 07, 2012 08:09

Quoting Conyersguy:

Per Arizona:

 

Did you stop to think that maybe he was testing you?

Starbucks works for me for a first date....I would want a little chemistry before I do the romantic dinner.....

I'm just sayin......

 

 

I've seen the "testers" on dates, and it is one of my pet peeves.  Hell, ask me what you want to know.  Those "set him up to fail the test" contrived situations are especially childish, to me.  And if I perceive you are setting up a test scenario, I am likely to politely tell you I recognize it, and then tell you why I don't believe in participating in such scenarios. 

 

Shaz, I've resisted commenting, because most good points were already made.  But I will mention that I would have no problem in telling you, flat out, if I prefer a "hello" type first date, instead of a full fledged dinner.   I would tend to agree with you in that if I DO prefer a lower scale first meeting, in the land of so many great choices, I'd also think I OWE you that explanation, right up front, just so you wouldn't wonder why I chose it.   Then, if you find my reason unacceptable, that is certainly your prerogative.  

 

A lot would depend upon our prior communication.   If we'd only just said hello, I'd probably lean towards a shorter, lower key introductory meeting.  If we'd chatted on the phone a fair amount, and liked what each other had to say, etc., I'd be more likely to want to have a good dinner, to stretch out the learning experience.   

 

-CG-



CG,,, always nice to hear from you. I happen to agree with oyu ,too. I gace the man the option of when to go out..whta day, time etc, He selected Friday night. I did not want to go out to a food court place on a friday night so I declined FOR friday night. We ended up meeting at 9:30 AM for a breakfast date. Cheap fast easy. He arrived looking like yesterdays laundry and I knew trhe instant I laid e yes on him he was not for me. BUT I WAS a sweet intertested and interesting date. I ordered the cheapest thing on the breakfast menu. I get that dating costs time and money and effort. If you dont want to spend money then at least TRY to bi imaginative and PUT SOME EFFORT into yoyur dating !


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