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CHEATING .. PART 2 Pls read 1 FIRST! Sort by:
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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Sat, Jul 09, 2011 22:03

Does this mean the cheater does not “love” his / her spouse? I don’t think in most cases that means this at all. I cheated after 11 years, not something I am proud of, but hey, I’ll stand in the line of fire and get singed if it happens to make me a better woman today than yesterday. I loved my husband and our children. Was I SELFISH? Absolutely! It was also selfish on HIS part when I reached out to my husband for years telling him he did not devote any attention to me anymore, we never did anything alone and on the few occasions we did, not only did I have to plan it, but he was always talking about the children or work and the focus was never on his wife. In essence, I felt HE HAD LEFT ME before infidelity began. And for anyone wondering your answer is: “No, he never cheated, despised cheating and to this day resents my betrayal. He also has never owned up to HIS PORTION of our failing marriage.”

There are many dynamics involved in being a “couple.” Anyone on this site is either single searching, or married and not quite as happy in life as they would like to be. So in the end, is WHY a person cheats on YOU, or why YOU cheated relevant? I say ABSOLUTLEY! A relationship takes TWO willing participants and in “most” cases, BOTH PARTIES have CHECKED OUT long before the cheating begins or the storm ends! I have found the ones who remain resentful after the storm blows over never truly “get” they played a role in this tragic betrayal!

I have to be honest. I take a step back when I find out a man’s wife cheated on him. WHY? Because as a woman who has been through this, I look for “signs” he is emotionally w/drawn or unavailable.  It has been my personal experience and through what I have witnessed, I am already guessing he wasn’t “emotionally available” for his wife, so he will not fill my emotional needs either!  I know myself all too well to recognize I crave “emotional security and attention!” My first clue I missed with my ex? Well the fact he told me EVERY woman he had ever had a serious relationship with had cheated on him PRIOR to his entering my life. That was a neon sign I missed! I was only 20 though, so I didn’t view life as I do now in my 40’s! But if you have a constant barrage of men or women cheating on you as my ex did… you may wish to examine your OWN behavior in relationships. Something you do or don’t do pushes the other to cheat. Some will argue, “Well why is EVERYONE I choose a cheat? I just choose cheaters!” I recommend you look to how YOU TREAT THEM first. We are only in charge of our “OWN ACTIONS”, not everyone else’s!

Please do not misunderstand me. I am in no way advocating “cheaters” behavior, or making excuses for those of us who have chosen an “improper” path. I just wish to express it is not always as cut and dry as some may feel. I also wish to convey, if you have ever cheated or been cheated on, in the future it might also be more beneficial to look toward what your “needs” are, whether the person you meet shows signs they are capable of fulfilling them, and whether or not this is someone you can see as “the last person you ever have an intimate relationship with.”

Because at the end of the day, it DOES matter! If we don’t LEARN what caused us to cheat, or what we missed that caused our partner to cheat, the cycle will be repeated again and again, as the “cheater” or the “cheated!”  How do I know this to be true? Well, now my ex has “one more woman” who dumped on him because essentially HE has never learned from his past. He chooses women who need his emotional understanding, and he lacks in this arena! I craved a husband who told me I was beautiful, would bring me flowers or would just text to say hello or “I love you.” I received NONE of this from DAY 1! Instead I received a man who would come in throw his clothes all over, make messes everywhere and sit in front of the tv while I tried to get his attention in cute little nighties after the kids went to bed.  His emphasis was always on his work, what the children were doing, how tired he was and honestly he was so focused on everything BUT ME, he was too exhausted to have anything left to give his wife! If you do not put your spouse FIRST, your children will suffer in the end. What have I learned by being the “cheat?” I learned I must find a man who gives me the emotional support I crave, will not dismiss me when I speak, and who is a more romantic, expressive type man who will show his love for me with “action.” Was my husband a “bad” person? Absolutely not! Am I a “bad” person? Absolutely not! WE didn’t give one another what we needed in the relationship and I “faltered” in the cheating arena FIRST! A relationship takes TWO devoted people committed to doing whatever it takes to withstand the test of time. He wanted me home for YEARS after I left. I refused, knowing he was incapable of giving me what I needed to be happy. I could not change who he was any more than he could change what my emotional and physical needs were!

So, in the end it is my belief, IT ALL MATTERS…..
And people should remember….

CHEATING, (however wrong it may be)
IS ONLY THE SYMPTOM OF AN ALREADY FAILING MARRIAGE…
IT IS NOT THE DISEASE!!

When everyone starts taking responsibility for THEIR PORTION in their failed relationships, perhaps they wouldn’t remain so angry about how poorly their spouse treated them.
Thank you~



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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Fri, Feb 17, 2012 12:20

HI H2OlIVING.. THANKS for stopping by!! I loved how you used the word "INVISIBLE".. I think many of us feel this way every day.. I guess this is how I felt.. "UNSEEN" and "UNHEARD"... I certainly was not trying to "EXCUSE" any wrong behaviors here.. Just trying to relay some insight to what I went through emotionally.. I absolutely regret my actions.. The only thing I can do is understand what I missed, where I went wrong and not select a partner who shows signs he will not be as attentive as I need, because even without cheating.. I would feel terribly alone.. . ( or INVISIBLE) Perhaps many women are so secure in themselves they don't need extra reassurance.. I have learned the hard way.. I am not one of them!! LOL... (I'm working on it!!) But next time I start thinking I am "Invisible".. I'm just going to stand on a chair and shout with all my might! THEN.. I will be SEEN and HEARD!! ;) THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!! Hope to see you around! and WELCOME TO THE BOARDS!! ;))))


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H2OLiving
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Posted on Thu, Feb 16, 2012 06:34

Beautifully shared - that being invisible in a loving relationship on either side, man or woman, holds consequences that eventually surface - - - we all hold our hand to being human and the end of the day - and ALL DAY LONG...all anyone of us need is to be APPRECIATED in every sense of the word. Blessings Abound to you and all who embrace love. Peace.


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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Sun, Feb 12, 2012 22:16

HI SPICE.... THANK YOU for visiting! and THANK YOU for noting my humor.. ;) God had to give me something cuz I sure wasn't all that ***Bright in school! LOLOL... LOVE the puppy!! OMG! He/she is adorable!! WELCOME TO THE BLOGS!!! Hope you stick around a while.. We can always use more entertainment!! :))))


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Spice572000
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Posted on Sun, Feb 12, 2012 12:07

You have a wonderful sense of humor.

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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Thu, Jan 05, 2012 09:04

HI MISSING....

 

LOL @ the remark regarding 2000... Nope.. Haven't been on here since then.. Oddly enough.. MM tends to ""delete" much of what I say.. and "add" things I don't! LOL I only made my name Hoping4Love...They added the 2000.. Hmmm.. Is that a year??? Or perhaps how MANY men.. Ummm.. Never you mind.. HeeHee~~

 

I am one who likes to view things positively though.. so now I have decided best my name was not 2011 (when I joined) as it is 2012 now... I am just "Hoping 4 Love" somewhere in this next century... in the year of the 2000's! ;)

 

I read your profile.. Sorry about the pending divorce.. Never fun... BUT... as I stated about POSITIVE... New start for a new life in a new year!

 

THANK YOU so much for taking the time to review my thoughts and for the compliments as well. I wish you only the best of things in the future and look forward to hearing your thoughts!

 

Now break out your camera!! Even women like to view pictures! :)

OH PS.. I AGREE w/ your thoughts on men and emotions.. Men are like deep rooted sod.. I learned long ago it is best to water St Augustine for longer periods of time when you lay it in order for the root system to set deep.. (as opposed to watering frequently for short periods) Well the same for men.. It may take a LOT of watering to get some men emotionally "there" but.. once you are in their hearts.. It takes a lot of bad weather to "uproot" you... That's why I say.. A MAN WHO HAS VESTED ALL IN HIS WIFE.. WELL HE DOESN'T CHEAT... PERIOD!!  I've had the honor to meet men like this... and that's the kind of man I'm holding out for.. cause God knows I sure learned my lesson! :)



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Missing1Love
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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2012 22:59

Thanks Hoping4Love, very well spoken and I agree. You haven't been Hoping4Love for 12 years, have you ? Today 2012 and your handle shows 2000. Your intelligent, sincere, charming and very goo looking - the right man hasn't swepted you off your feet. My analogy: Though Women are more emotional than Men, Men are emotionally weaker than Women; that is to say, Men break more easily under emotional strain than Women do. Women ... bend more easily, and are more resilient.


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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2012 17:29

HI MISSING1LOVE...

 

I thought I did answer your question regarding the connection.. Yes.. I feel the connection is missing in almost every case of infedelity.. HOWEVER.. I also feel the "SELF-Connection" is what is most vital that is missing..

 

Case in point? ME....

 

I held many issues from the past that surfaced... but I buried them..  I found through therapy I tried to "cover up" my own past by putting my husband and children at the top of the chain.. even before myself..and trying ot make life this "little perfect box." Life just doesn't work this way.. The demons lurking inside have a way of seeking you out eventually...

 

NOTE: It is never good to place others above you.. And what I mean is.. You have to be good to yourself in order to run the distance in being good to others.. I wasn't being good to myself.. I was doing everything by all appearances almost perfectly.. My house ran like clockwork! But my mind was draining...

 

So THAT is what I mean by the main connection missing is within ourselves....

 

If you asked my thoughts regarding the other issues..

(2)My Brother in Law cheated on his wife. And the wife found out about it from his lover. I never could figure out why he cheated, and he didn't want to discus the matter. They led a normal life therefore I can only presume it was for sex - because he had himself fixed thereafter and she didn't want another child.

 

Your brother in law may not even know WHY he cheated. I think some people just do so because they can... They like the rush and excitement of it... However, he sounds as if it was a shameful experience he just wished to put behind him... Not like he was going around bragging about it.. BEYOND POPULAR BELIEF.. I don't think most ppl who have cheated are happy or proud of themselves.. I think they lack something inside. Perhaps he learned what he needed and his wife stood by his side and helped him in recognizing his weakness. I truly feel ones who stand by their spouses.. FOR ONE CASE DEALS... are truly devoted to their spouse... and hold an incredibly remarkable dedication to COMITTMENT!!

 

I also feel ones who continue dismissing their spouses cheating time and again.. (forgiving serial cheaters) has less to do with loving their spouse and more to do with NOT LOVING THEMSELVES...

 

I do not believe just because one has faltered in their marriage this means they will necessarily cheat again.. I like to believe most people love their spouses and when they see the damage created, they try and rectify it.. This is what it sounds like happened with your brother in law.. Sometimes it takes almost losing something to make us recognize how good we have it!! Or how much we love someone!!

 

(2) I know a couple were the man is completely cut-off. She had a hysterectomy and thereafter lost complete interest. She tells him to find another woman - "just don't bring her home". He tells me he has lived 20 years without sex and never cheated. If I find a partner for him, do you think it would be considered cheating ?

 

Although I do not for the life of me understand "OPEN" marriages.. I do not consider when two ppl agree upon something as this, it is cheating...

 

But I will state this, especially to ALL women reading:

 

I don't care of you have no desire in you for sex... Men DESIRE a PHYSICAL connection.. I have never met one that didn't like sex... That's why VIAGRA was invented because even men with "issues" still desire closeness...

 

So if you have no desire.. SEE A DOCTOR, GIVE ORAL, OR HAND, LET HIM SEE YOUR BODY THAT HE STILL THINKS IS BEAUTIFUL.. If you don't do this.. I feel it is a SELFISH act and you risk him becoming close to another woman down the road! MOST MEN DESIRE SEX!! (even if you aren't the best sex he ever had! LOL) There are many men who take women to ballets, operas, etc.. not because THEY desire it.. but to please the woman they are with.. and I feel having sex is the same.. even if you aren't into it as much as he is..

 

FAKE IT if you have to.. because men need their egos stroked... I had a colostomy bag for 6 months and my BF at time still desired me... TRUST ME when i say... NOTHING... can make a woman feel more "undesirable" than crapping in a bag!! And because I was so "down" I did lack a desire for it and I too told him to move on but don't tell me.. You know his response? HE CRIED to me and told me "You know when you know you really love someone? When you feel pain because they are in pain."

 

And thanks for your thread, makes very interesting reading

 

I hope you found part 1 and got to read as well.. I'm sure it's buried somewhere! LOL...

 

And no, I am not a writer.. but I guess my little blonde brain likes to think I'm a philosopher! LOL

 

Very nice to meet you sir..



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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2012 16:44

HI DIMPLES...WELCOME to BLOG WORLD!! LOL

 

 

 

I have absolutely seen cases where men have "ignored" or "dismissed" their wives / GF who seek attention.. this does lead people to stray on either side.. Basically, the connection is lost.. I find one of the most difficult times in life has been laying next to someone and still feeling "alone."

 

 

 

The only thing we can do I feel is try out best to communicate. I am a fan of therapy myself. I know many shun this move.. but had I agreed to this when I was on my way out the door when my husband wanted it.. well.. my life might be much different. I was too far gone off the deep end though. My "issues" were truly about myself..Therapy helped me to become a very "self-aware" person...

 

 

 

I think many of us have "abanonment issues" stemming from childhood or even latter years where someone close to us was not there for us, or at least it appeared this way.. My older daughter and I had a lengthy conversation recently regarding her BF. She says they have different views on what entails a BF /GF relationship. She wants to hear from him DAILY.. where he is okay going without talking for a couple of days.. I told her "The best thing we can do is not look toward the other persons behavior.. but look towards our own. Perhaps you feel the need for him to call you all the time because you are seeking "security" because you grew up being shoveled around from one home to another never quite having a true sense of where you belonged? Perhaps you feel I abandoned you on some level and you also feel that you abandoned me as well? I don't fault you for that. But you need to hold a clear understanding of YOURSELF before you can communicate to others what your needs are. When you figure this out, THEN you can talk to him about WHAT, HOW AND WHY you need what you need.. "

 

 

 

I think at the end of the day, we all seek "security" in our relationships.. I think for many women our sense of secuirty stems from feeling needed and wanted... And I guess if a man is not paying much attention to us... we can't really fill that void... so we may be tempted to look elsewhere..

 

 

 

FOR THE RECORD: I DON'T recommend one looks elsewhere... It rarely ends up a pretty picture!

 

 

 

Nice to meet you DIMPLES!! Best wishes in your relationship!! ;)



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Missing1Love
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Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2012 00:22

I appreciate your long detailed reply, Hoping4Love2000 But, excuse my ineptness, I didn't catch the answer to my questions. Not important anyway. By chance are you a writer ? A philosopher in any case. What a wonderful summary of ideas. Thank you, I read it twice you are so interesting.


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dimples4me
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Posted on Mon, Jan 02, 2012 20:59

And i really agree with everything that u say because itz true,itz exactly what im goin thru. He shows me attention every so often,and as a women,lady female im always needing his undivided attention so with that being said i strongly agree.. Happy New yr 2012.


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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Mon, Jan 02, 2012 08:38

HI MISSING1LOVE....

 

and THANKS for stopping by! ;)

 

I will not profess to be an "expert" in this field.. (or any other.. I tend to know just enough about a lot of things to make me DANGEROUS or get me into TROUBLE! LOL)

 

BUT.. It IS my opinion that

 

1) SOME PEOPLE, MEN AND WOMEN.... CHEAT SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY ARE SELFISH ASSHOLES W/ NO REGARD FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS... Trust me.. I have met those people!

 

NOTE: This blog was not geered for that segment of "cheating", but no doubt it exists..

 

2) MEN and WOMEN cheat for VARIOUS reasons when not falling in the "I'm just a jerk and could care less" category... AT THE END OF THE DAY THOUGH, YES SIR.. IT IS MY HUMBLE OPINION THAT "MOST" PEOPLE WHO CHEAT DO SO BECAUSE THEY LACK A CONNECTION WITH THEIR SPOUSE... To delve deeper... and get to the TRUE HEART of it all...  they lack a connection and / or a willingness to face THEMSELVES... Something inside is messing with their ability to "bond" wholely and completely with their spouse..... and in most cases, I feel the spouse cheated on has "missed" the signs, warnings, SYMPTOMS that his / her spouse is not as "healthy" emotionally as they should be..

 

Now whether that "emotional ineptitude" is due to self-esteem issues, abusive past.. (yes people.. children who are abused often gow into litte adults with such a miscued moral compass with no reality of understanding CONSEQUENCES, COMITTMENT, VALUES, etc... because their psyche was shattered at a very early age.. ) I know for me.. I am an impulsive person.. I'M THE REASON CANDY BARS ARE PLACED BY THE CHECK OUT LINE!! :) If one has impulsivity issues, lack of emotional understanding, lack of "valuing comittment", etc.. There's the genetic and socialized make up for someone who could fall prey to cheat...

 

HOW HAVE I CHANGED? Well.. I am NOT going to turn this into a "God thread" LOL.. BUT.. I can state that "meeting Jesus" and feeling a higher source I must answer to has assisted me personally.. Seeing the pain on others and the pain I have endured has forced me to take a second look... (trust me... I AM a nice girl.. I DON'T like hurting people!!) and the fact that NOW I "get" that marriage and relationships are all about COMITTMENT.. So for me at least .. it was all about "EMOTIONAL MATURITY" and reaching a level of understanding INSIDE MYSELF to act more responsibly and "control my impulses." and to DIG DEEPER for understanding what I lack and the proper way to go about receiving it..

 

Now does this mean I am no longer suseptible to cheating.. (God forbid my knight comes and swoops the wanna be Princess up on his horse and whisks me away? LOLOL..) Guess what.. I think we ALL are suseptible to SINNING... and I think anyone out there who thinks they are "above" creating failures in a marriage are seriously deceptive to themselves... Do some have to work at it more than others.. ABSOLUTELY! Are some struggles more difficult.. ABSOLUTELY! My entire life, I have had a far easier time controlling my weight than I have my sexual desires... But 67% of Americans are over weight according to the CDC... So I am actually considered a MINORITY in that arena! How do I control my weight? EASILY.. I don't even have to think about it.. It is "natural" for me if I see myself packing on a few pounds to PUT THE FOOD DOWN.. I know the consequence.. I see it on other people and DON'T WANT IT FOR MYSELF.. SEX is another story... The TEMPTATION has been that strong before that I didn't CARE about end results. I wanted immediate self gratification. Now I have grown enough to recognize I was really seeking "love"... and SEX AND LOVE are NOT the same... You can have one without the other.. But now that I "get it".. I want BOTH with ONE MAN... and ONE MAN ONLY! :)

 

Hope I made sense...

 

WELCOME TO THE BLOGS!!

 




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Missing1Love
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Posted on Sun, Jan 01, 2012 04:38

In brevity, do you think the connection was missing ? (2)My Brother in Law cheated on his wife. And the wife found out about it from his lover. I never could figure out why he cheated, and he didn't want to discus the matter. They led a normal life therefore I can only presume it was for sex - because he had himself fixed thereafter and she didn't want another child. (2) I know a couple were the man is completely cut-off. She had a hysterectomy and thereafter lost complete interest. She tells him to find another woman - "just don't bring her home". He tells me he has lived 20 years without sex and never cheated. If I find a partner for him, do you think it would be considered cheating ? And thanks for your thread, makes very interesting reading.


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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Wed, Dec 28, 2011 07:29

HI SEATTLESLEW....

 

Thank you for dropping by..... I haven't been posting, but since this is a thread created by me.. I do feel the need to respond...

 

First allow me to say.. I LOVE the mention of "if anything was sold on market with a 50% FAILURE rate.. " yada yada..

 

But allow me to interject something..

 

THE PENIS ISN'T FAILING PEOPLE.. AND NEITHER IS THE VAGINA!!

 

PEOPLE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FAILURES IN MARRIAGE..

 

And if one were to study cheating, as I have, and lived it.. Well...

 

1) Just as many women are cheating as men.. Sorry to burst everyone's bubble people.. but LOOK AROUND... The reason it is not noted as highly is because as I stated in PART 1 of this blog... WOMEN ARE MORE APT TO LEAVE THAN MEN.. Therefore by the time a woman cheats and the world finds out.. she is already long gone and re-established in another relationship...(or been through several!)

 

2) Cheating is RARELY about the PHYSICALITY of it all.. Even MEN want to connect.. (Sorry again to burst people's bubbles... ) But for those of you who think ALL MEN ARE HEARTLESS AND DON'T DESIRE A STRONG CONNECTION WITH A WOMAN.... YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN!! Men are NOT heartless... (except for my ex of course..... Bwahahahaha..) No but seriously.. CHEATING is NOT about SEX ....and if YOU DON'T GET THAT... YOU DIDN'T RELATE TO THE BLOG...

 

3) MEN who cheat, more often than not.. FAIL TO REALIZE THEY SEEK AN EMOTIONAL BOND AND BLAME CHEATING ON A LACK OF SEX IN THE RELATIONSHIP.. (when really it is quite simple!)

 

UNDERSTAND THIS ELEMENT LADIES AND "UTILIZE IT" AND A MAN WILL NEVER CHEAT ON YOU..

 

Men BOND through physical aspects.. LOOK AT SPORTS.. MOST sports are CONTACT sports... and of very physical nature.. THAT'S BECAUSE MEN ARE PHYSICAL!!! That's how they bond with other men, what they are geered for and how they relate to the world..Therefore, they feel a "bonding" through sexual acts typically.. but this only leads them to the EMOTIONAL connection they seek. WOMEN WHO CUT THEIR HUSBANDS OFF ARE IDIOTS!! MOST MEN CAN NOT BOND (for a lifetime connection) WITHOUT THE PHYSICAL ACT OF SEX!! If a woman takes this away.. HE HASN'T A CHANCE OF BONDING WITH HIS WIFE!

 

4) If people would WISE UP and recognize CHEATING is typically an emotional struggle, NOT a physical one... statistics on divorce would decrease immediately! Men do not wish to make admission of this even to themselves, cause "emotions" are for girls!! LOL.. And women are typically so wrapped up in their emotions, they can't see straught enough to recognize much of anything except.. "some man is finally paying attentuon to me!"

 

WISE UP PEOPLE! CHEATING IS NOT ABOUT BODY PARTS!! IT'S ABOUT FILLING A VOID....... AND 9 TIMES OUT OF 10.. IT'S USUALLY A VOID WITHIN THE CHEATER THEMSELVES!!

 

*SEATLLESLEW... I in no way disagree with what you have stated.. HOWEVER.. your excerpt is NOT regarding cheating.. Your comments are excellent for seeking to establish and maintain a healthy "sexual connection" within a relationship... (which in turn helps solidify an emotional connection..... yes, it is all entertwined...) But my blog is more about WHY / HOW connection gets lost.. and the ramifications after one cheats.. and how to avoid.. CHEATING is NOT about SEX.. and if you think it is, I recommend some courses on "emotional adeptness."

 

CHEATING IS AN EMOTIONAL ACT.. EVEN FOR THE "DOGS" OUT THERE HUMPING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.. (Oh. I've met them!! LOL) They are just too busy humping or searching for their next hump... to know they really desire a genuine connection with a woman.. and have given up on their wives "finding their souls."

 

Over and out for now people.. I must get ready...  Leaving NC in couple of hours.. Been visiting kids past few days.. My little one and I did MEGA COOKING!! :) It has been an AWESOME CHRISTMAS!!..... and heading back to Chicago for a couple of weeks.... Then back to Atlanta.. (for good???) Looks like a job awaits me and I will be starting 2012 off fresh and new!

 

Hoping everyone had as peaceful and cherished CHRISTmas as I did.. and are looking forward to the best New Year ever!!

 

XOXO.. Your Prolific Princess! LOLOL...

~~Hope~~



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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Fri, Dec 09, 2011 07:38

HI LISASMILE....

 

I would highly recommend you contact customer support or an MM counselor right away and let them know if you have been taken for money, etc...

 

From what you describe.. this is a "SCAM ARTIST / CON" ...

 

As for "CHEATING"... this is not the same category in any regard, as a person who cheats is not usually out to harm anyone or to even take from anyone.. They are just being selfish for whatever justification they feel comfortable with. This is no way makes them a "CON" or a person w/ actual "criminal intent." Even men / women who fail to tell others they are "taken" is not necessarily a "con".. Just makes them very much a liar and deceptive using their lies to get what they want...

 

I caution anyone against sleeping with individuals, or giving money or items to individuals you clearly have not known long enough to be assisting physically or financially. Relationships take "time",  "patience" and "dedication" to develop... I have been a victim myself of "trusting" too soon... This is no longer a real issue with me, as I have learned from previous lessons....

 

Wishing you the best MISS LISA........ and thanks for stopping by...

 

IF SOMEONE HAS STOLEN MONEY OR CHEATED YOU OUT OF SOMETHING OR HARMED ANYONE IN ANY WAY ON THIS SITE.. USING "MALICIOUS INTENT" ... PLEASE CONTACT THE MM COUNSELORS IMMEDIATELY!!



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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Mon, Nov 07, 2011 09:40

OH! And PS...

I just told a friend 2 days ago..

"If negative is what we seek... we will surely find it!!"

Guess I learned that lesson too! :)



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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Mon, Nov 07, 2011 09:38

HI BEARBEAR...
WELCOME TO OUR WORLD!!
First, THANK U.. Your vey first sentence EXPLAINS IT ALL... at least in MY case.. 
HOW we INTERPRET the word LOVE means everything....
I do not know how much of my writings you have read so I will recap, esp in light of recent "events" on here...
I grew up in an "emotional neglectful" atmosphere with my mother turning a "blind eye" to scenes happening around her. Coming to her as a child, as early as the age of 5... she CHOSE to look the other way. Later in teenage life I tried to "talk" to her again, (other things were happening)... she STILL dismissed my pleas... At the age of 32...my FINAL attempt to "connect" with her on an emotional level, the egg... (my brain.. LOL) finally cracked..I had an extreme emotional "breakdown" and was left for years wondering what the heck happened to my life!!
I had been the doting, loving wife who did everything for her husband and the GO-TO mother in the PTA that everyone admired and came to for their children issues. No one could believe how "close" my husband and I were and how close knit our family was. I describe the crumble of our family like a tornado... There was no weather warning... And suddenly there was MASS DESTRUCTION surrounding us... AND I CAUSED IT!! At this precise moment in time was when the wrong person entered my life and I personally, as you state, LOST INTEGRITY... and "acted" upon what I thought was "love"... only to realize years later... (after therapy)..I was only trying to manifest the love and acceptance I yearned from my mother into someone else... WELL THAT NEVER WORKS... LOLOL
I DO feel you "get" that my blog was more of a "self-evaluation" and reflection of what I have learned... You are so correct.. FORGIVENESS IS EVERYTHING... The battle was.. NOW, at that time and for many years later.. IN MY MIND... MY actions which I CHOSE left me with having to FORGIVE MYSELF FIRST.. before I could forgive anyone else... I "set camp" in the valley of guilt for 9 LONG and LONELY YEARS before I could come to terms w/ what I had done to my family... For ME, PERSONALLY, it was only when I surrendered to the belief there was a HIGHER POWER that LOVED me and ACCEPTED me depsite ALL my flaws... that I could come to grips and learn to love myself and treat myself with the respect I didn't receive as a a child.
In essence, I was learning.. (and still am..) all about that mighty word .. EMPOWERMENT... and taking CONTROL of our own lives... It was only then I understood the level of being a VICTOR versus being a VICTIM...
That is why I tried to convey that one's may wish to "RESERVE CONJECTURE" ... It isn't to "make excuses" or pass blame.. It is merely for the fact.. One never knows what leads another to their actions... All we can do is try to help each other out of the mires they dig themselves in and accept our loved ones.. unconditionally...
I fully accept that MY ACTIONS WERE WRONG, LACKED INTEGRITY, and are definitely NOT something I intend on repeating.. EVER!! But I am now at a different level in my mind.. I have grown through HEALING... I would say I have come to a point where the light is touching the darkness in my soul and warming out the frozen emotions of long ago yesterdays...Sadly, my mother has not healed as one MUST ACCEPT/ADMIT their portion before one knows how to heal... So I was forced to leave her behind... All ties have been severed.. But I do forgive her...
You are so CORRECT.. We cannot hold on to the past.. or it will bury our future! Guilt will engulf us and strangle us if we are not careful!
Thank you so much for stopping by! It is a pleasure to meet you and WELCOME TO THE BOARDS!!


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Bearbear2004
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Posted on Sun, Nov 06, 2011 05:04

Just want to add. I've been there done that so I do understand where you coming from, and my comment is not meant to make it sound as I am judging either. Cheating is just what ever it is. But my belief still is, either we chose to to have or not have integrity. We can chose to empowering our life with responsibility and less of that drama/excuses which we get a "kick out of". If we look for flaws we'll find it, if we look for good stuff we'll find that too. IF things is not as I want it to be, either I empower myself and do something about it or find excuse not to, and this goes for eating habits and all kind of things in life. I don't blame and call it sins, it is just whatever it is. What is important is though, what we chose right now to be. Bear hugs and hope you find the great guy which you deserve.


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Bearbear2004
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Posted on Sun, Nov 06, 2011 04:35

I think... It all is based on what or how we interpret the word "Love", what we make it means. And if the word "respect" is included in that meaning, then what does that word (respect) means to us. After that it is up to us if we chose integrity or, how we let excuses runs out life, how much we chose to take responsibility and own the power over our lives, and that no matter what happens outside us. Because after all it is matter of choice/acting....either do or not..the rest is just a bunch of drama and excuses. Remember -"do to others...." and never forget to forgive because forgiving is the way for us to "let go" of the past and move on, doesn't mean that we need to hang around.. MYO Bear hugs to y'all


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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Mon, Oct 17, 2011 16:25

Now Now Lady DI...

If ya got it.. "flaunt it!" (and you got it babe!! JUST SAYIN... )

*Watches as our LADY blushes.. heehee...

Now I tend to live by the "Erin Brockovich" motto..

"As long as I have I'll wear whatever I want!!" LOLOL

RUT-OH~~



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