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CHEATING…… PART 1 REASON Sort by:
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Posted on Jul 09, 2011 at 05:34 PM

Being a “newbie” I’ve spent some time perusing blogs / forums and I have come across some interesting, some mind questioning and even some downright dumb dialogue. One of the comments that stood out for me was in regard to WHY the spouse had cheated. The member stated, “In the end, it doesn’t matter.” Although I emphasized w/ the writer’s emotions due to the divorce and betrayal, I must say I could not DISAGREE w/ that statement any more than I do.

I feel being one who has been on BOTH sides of this shattered fence, I might offer what I have learned regarding CHEATING. If my words cause food for thought or someone can identify w/ them, then perhaps it can assist in another attaining a healthy relationship.

FIRST- A man must come to this understanding:

A woman does not see a man and say, “I gotta have me some of that!” and then seeks to “cheat.” In most cases of a woman’s infidelity, she has been missing an emotional bonding w/ her spouse and has found an emotional connection elsewhere. Many male friends I have known throughout the years have complained “the man my wife slept with didn’t have a better body, better job, more money and was a loser w/ a big L on his forehead!” Yes, perhaps so… but he also had a way of “emotionally connecting” w/ a woman. A woman typically has an “affair” when she cheats, not a one night stand. Therefore it is more of an “affair of the heart” than just “monkey-love” sex! Most women who cheat don’t go out with the girls, get drunk and go to a strange man’s home. A cheating woman, however wrong she is, has identified and connected w/ the person she chooses to have an affair w/ but the eventual sex is typically a “PHYSICAL EXTENSION” of an emotional bonding she has been feeling w/ the individual. This is exactly why WOMEN are more likely to leave a marriage after cheating than a man is. They fall out of love w/ their husband, become emotionally connected to another and are more likely to desert their spouse due to this. Sorry.. but it’s true. Women are more likely to leave! We get all caught up in our emotions, do not think rationally and poof! We are gone!

The FIRST thing women need to understand is:

MEN do NOT operate like women. Men are visually stimulated FIRST, before an emotional connection can begin. Most men also take a longer period of time to “bond” emotionally with someone.  I believe this to be why therapist say, “It takes longer for a man to let go / get over a relationship than a woman.” WHEN A MAN IS DEEPLY ROOTED TO HIS WIFE, HE HAS INVESTED ALL STOCK IN HER. And ladies, DEEPLY ROOTED MEN, well.. THEY DON’T CHEAT! It is not always easy to tell which men have truly “invested all” in their wife, as many men are wonderful doting fathers and good providers making  them “appear” they are the “family guy” however, they are not deeply grounded with their wife. Many “wonderful dads who never miss their kids’ ballgame have some sugar on the side!” Also, most men don’t fall in love with the first woman who gives them attention outside their marriage, even if they are not grounded with their wife! However, in the female cheaters case, she is most likely to fall for her lover and has moved on w/ her new connection”.  She shares this “emotional and now physical” tie w/ her new lover.  

I have found there are two types of male adulterers. On one side you have the male who WILL leave his wife when he finds “the perfect one”; and there is the male “cheater” who never had any intention of leaving his spouse to begin with. Most people classify ALL men in the latter category. By the way, this simply is NOT true. (I’ve heard it from the horse’s mouth!) There ARE men who desire a true emotional connection and in trying to fill this void, just as a woman does, he cheats! Many believe men are just dogs that go around humping whatever comes their way, and in many cases this may also be true. (I’ve met them too!) The void this man seeks to fill is almost like a “materialistic fill.” A fill that amps his ego and makes him feel young and alive again! But he would never leave his wife for the other. This is why mistresses are often left in the dust when the wife finds out about the ongoing affair, and is also why men may choose several partners to cheat with, whereas most women are not “serial” cheaters. I have found the male with the desire for affection and emotional connection to be the most complex of all, as nothing is black and white here for them. They have a true yearning to feel “desired” and “loved” and do not feel it on the home front so they seek it elsewhere. Their passion has left them thirsty for what they once felt. Due to his lack of bonding in the marriage, he runs wherever he can, seeking the attention he craves.

As a previous bartender for years, I’ve seen all types who cheat, mostly married men with single women.  I’ve seen the hard working husband who doesn’t want to go home to hear his wife nag about the gardener messing up the bushes he pays for. He is resentful and feels “used.” I’ve known men who were basically “shut off” from their wives bodies because she admittedly had lost HER passion and was not “into” sex anymore, and she would joke to all her friends about this. (Yes ladies, I’ve met these wives and sat in on their conversations) These men are downright angry and resentful. I’ve met the men who just “bore easily”, are skewed by a bent moral compass and love sex so they live by the motto, “Variety is the spice of life! What’s the harm if she never finds out?” And lest we forget the man who just “drank too much”, lost all his inhibitions and chose to make a mistake he later regretted… Alcohol rarely leads to POSITIVE choices now does it?


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Posted on Sep 24, 2011 at 12:19 PM

HI ETERNALLY QUEEN... My apologies for not seeing this previously.. I am not thrilled with the organization of these blogs... I have not returned to this PART ONE since last time I posted... I do hope you will read part 2... I realize it was extremely long.. but that is the point. CHEATING IS A VERY COMPLEX MATTER! The only thing black/white about it is that it is WRONG.. Everything else is in the "grey" area.. Kind of like over eating... 67% of Americans are over weight.. Over eating is unhealthy and can create health issues for anyone, from diabetes to strokes, coronary disease etc... Therefore over eating is WRONG... no matter how you slice it. However, again.. right and wrong on the topic.. but when we delve into WHAT AN THE WHY'S.. well there lies "grey areas" as to why one does what they do... I am certain to write a blog someday on this as well! LOL Just to give you for warning... should you read part 2... I DID cheat... and it destroyed my life.. However, I feel when we share our life experiences with others, good and bad.. it not only assists us in the healing process.. but also might enable us to help others as well.. I don;t come here to be judged nor do I try to judge others.. I just try my best to lay out the facts as they have been presented in MY life and speak from my heart... Thank you for your comment.. My apologies I missed it! :)

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Posted on Jul 23, 2011 at 03:39 PM

THIS IS VERY TRUE HOPING FOR LOVE...GOOD JOB



Life is a journey of learning..lol
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Posted on Jul 19, 2011 at 09:33 AM

HI CURIOUS... I hadn't noticed this comment until just now... With my notepad.. It does not place the writing in the normal type format as it does in word.. ??? Does this make any sense?? Any suggestions? I have always used word so it is a little foreign to me... And remember.. I'm blonde.. so TYPE SLOWLY.. LOL

Very nice to meet you..  :)


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Posted on Jul 13, 2011 at 06:38 PM

Quoting Hoping4Love2000:

They are working on why there is only a blank white page here!! My apologies.. I didn't post it, as this site does not allow me to copy/paste from word!! Very frustrated right now!! :(

*Princess runs out, slams door, breaks her heel, runs back in, throws stiletto through window, shatters glass, cuts her foot, gets blood on her dress... and all over floor as she runs out slamming door in a HUFF! HeeHee~~

Can u say.. CAUSE AND AFFECT? CHAIN OF EVENTS??  Hmmm... Kinda like cheatin I guess..  :)



You can still cut and paste from Notepad. I used it to post this comment.

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Posted on Jul 11, 2011 at 10:19 PM

BUMP! my post makes sense....

Sorry guys.. But if you don't have a whole picture.. you only have half of what you need.. and obviously ppl read..

Comment when, and only when...  you feel comfortable... :)


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Posted on Jul 11, 2011 at 12:05 AM

Please read this portion FIRST and then PART 2.. the other part I can't delete somehow.. but there is nothing there.. My apologies...


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Posted on Jul 09, 2011 at 05:53 PM

They are working on why there is only a blank white page here!! My apologies.. I didn't post it, as this site does not allow me to copy/paste from word!! Very frustrated right now!! :(

*Princess runs out, slams door, breaks her heel, runs back in, throws stiletto through window, shatters glass, cuts her foot, gets blood on her dress... and all over floor as she runs out slamming door in a HUFF! HeeHee~~

Can u say.. CAUSE AND AFFECT? CHAIN OF EVENTS??  Hmmm... Kinda like cheatin I guess..  :)


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