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smax117 Recommended
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Posted on Sun, Jul 03, 2011 09:29

Just a rambling from a man's point of view.  Too often I hear how because of the last relationship a woman is going to take it slow and really exam every man she meets because of how her last relationship(s) were such a whirlwind and look how it ended.  Growing love under the microscope..  looking for any hint of what might be a problem insures one thing..   you find a problem.  Please don't start looking for a relationship until you're ready to be completely open to a new relationship..   and ready to fall head over heels.  Just one man's opinion..

Leave it at the door

 

Leave it at the door

Drop it on the floor

Don’t want to hear it any more

I know he was a bore

But don’t bring it here anymore

 

You see, I’m someone new

I didn’t do that to you

That’s something you must get thru

If we’re to start anew

 

But how can you restart

When you hide your heart

The reasons you two are apart

Keeps us from our start

 

Make the past the past

I want a relationship that lasts

But fighting thru your past issues

Isn’t what I want when I kiss you



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smax117 Recommended
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Posted on Sat, Jul 09, 2011 07:54

Quoting Sayber:

This goes for men too..lol



of course it does Sayber   .. of course it does..



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Eternally_Queen
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Posted on Sat, Jul 09, 2011 07:36

This goes for men too..lol



Life is a journey of learning..lol

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smax117 Recommended
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Posted on Fri, Jul 08, 2011 17:36

sooo amazing...   thats was lovely.  I just got this as I watched "The Princess Bride" for the 10th time..  and as they say in the movie..  the greatest thing ever is true love...  as you wish



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AmazinGrace2010
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Posted on Fri, Jul 08, 2011 15:00

Wanting to take it slow because of the past is simply living in the past. Focusing on what one does not want will create some version of it all over again! I find that it is important to get complete on what one learned from previous relationships. Then, we would do well to put it all behind us and move on. I often say: "We should not measure a person with someone elses ruller."

The Obsolete Ruler

Tightly in my hand is the ruler. A measure of a man I once knew. But that was the past and I learned from it, Moved on, gotten free, am renewed.

This man is someone who shows interest. He speaks to my heart and my soul. Let me witness him as he is only and not measure him with the wrong board.

Be patient, be still my heart beating. Fear not what might happen again. Focus only on what is before me and create the measure made for this new friend.

Whatever reminds me of the other, is no longer valid right here. I must stand firmly hear in the moment and listend with open heart, mind and ears.

Remember, I am looking for someting, A future not set in the past. If I am to be open and honest I must drop this stick set in my hand.

Let the old ruler go! Look into his eyes now and listen. Let the knowledge there flow and connect. To benefit from all this it is time to resist and open your mind ... your heart ... and your hand.

 

 



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Diana3316
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Posted on Tue, Jul 05, 2011 17:50

Quoting Hoping4Love2000: I keep going back and shaking them!! Lol...yes it's a tough deal. I have been known to obsessively replay the 'tapes' as well. I am certainly no expert on anything! If I were, I would have a book deal. *wink* But I think getting rid of baggage is a learned skill, just like any other skill that we develop. The more we practice the better we get. Obviously we all must go through a grieving process. In my process, I work through a couple of thoughts: - How is my life going to really change? Is it all going to end because THIS relationship didn't work out? Am I going to die? Am I going to lose my home, my family, my limbs, my health? What is the worst that can happen? I spend a few nights alone...typing on blogs??? - Am I still a profoundly blessed woman...even without him? How would I like being a woman in the Congo...or Afganistan? Do I still have many, many, MANY opportunities for fun, dating, sex with other men? He can be replaced! - Is his opinion valid? Just because he doesn't want me, or think that I am worth being treated properly....is it true?? What makes him the definitive authority of my worth? - Should he be allowed to have power over me? Should he be allowed to affect my happiness...my feelings of self worth? - And finally once I've worked through all the above, I make a calculated evaluation: Am I better off with him in my life as a friend...or not at all? These days friends are hard to come by. If the relationship was at one time special...is it really necessary to blow the whole thing up? Life does go on...and maybe he could be a good friend. (A girl never knows when she could get a flat tire) lol Since I am running the risk of writing a novel here...I will close with one last thought: I vow that he will not see me bleed. Every morning I put a smile on my face...look in the mirror and tell myself (outloud) how awesome I am...and you know...after a while...I start feeling and believing it. And so....the box is in the garage. PS: Pic taken at an ex-bf's house. Believe me! Everytime he sees me, he wishes he had played his cards differently. And I just shrug and say, "Oh well....we're just friends now". No one has to be mad if they don't want to be. lololo

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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Tue, Jul 05, 2011 05:24

Laughing @ CHEERFUL...

 

I think DIANA and CURIOUS brought up very valid points.. Love the "Shit in the box!" LOL It's true... We MUST find a place to put the baggage..  and if we don't .. we risk our future happiness w/ others..This is a lesson I am learning myself..

 

And I don't think ONE WORD as CURIOUS pointed out makes or breaks a future w/ someone.. It is a compliation of things..

 

HAVE A GREAT DAY TO ALL... Carry on... :)

 

Ps.. How does one know which blogs have been commented on to know where to go? I keep opening up blogs just to see if anything has been said? Isn't there an easier way to keep up?

 

And DIANA... Perhaps I keep going back to my "shit boxes" cuz I have too many and wrapped them too pretty!! I keep going back and shaking them!! Somebody grab a blow torch! I need to start burning some boxes soon!!... LOL...


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smax117 Recommended
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Posted on Mon, Jul 04, 2011 20:30

Quoting cheerfull13:

You never truely get over someone,untill your under someone.


does that go for both sexes cheerful?



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Posted on Mon, Jul 04, 2011 20:29

Youre right curious   when you hit a "trigger" word and she gets upset that youre going to be like the last guy..   you have to just smile to yourself and say..  "wow   glad i found that out now before i wasted a whole lot of time!"



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Curious2078
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Posted on Mon, Jul 04, 2011 19:26

Quoting smax117:

curious2078...   its not a first date thing.  it is part of the initial conversations here on line and some even write about it in their profiles..  by the time you get to the date its old..  i'm just saying, because someone did you wrong dont go into all relationships guarded and looking for problems.  I have had a couple women stop chatting with me because i said "trigger" words that an ex said..   we truly only use about 500 words for 90% of conversations...   so its not hard to hit a "trigger" word!



Ah, yes. But I suppose if we have "trigger" words--we darn well ought to get over them before we try to move on. It's late; I'm tired; maybe not as patient as I should be, but it seems to me that if one single word, a trigger word, can nix a potential relationship, it;s ---WOOPS. Right church, wrong pew.


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klr4002
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Posted on Mon, Jul 04, 2011 11:11

I hear you Max when you say

You want my full attention and

not some old issue in our way.

 

It is not you that I am speaking to

when I ask for time or to slow the pace. 

It is my heart that rushed before so

now I wish to listen to it more.

 

So my pace is not one of baggage

but only a moment to listen

to a heart that hears less savage

and more a word that is true within.



KLR You are more than you appear to be - Life is greater than you have ever known it- The best is yet to come. By Ernest Holmes

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Diana3316
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Posted on Mon, Jul 04, 2011 06:58

Those who are afraid to love....are doomed to never be loved. It's just like a boxer. If you go in the ring, you are bound to be hit. Even in the best of relationships, there are going to be hurts. But you just have to get over it...forgive if possible and move forward. Negative feelings just poison your own spirit and heart. I agree with Chanel. Our experiences make us who we are.....and we learn from each of them. Our negative experiences teach us how to make wiser choices....hopefully. But if you are unable to forgive or the offense is so egregious that you should not forgive....then the best thing to do is ease on down the road and get over that too. I learned this from a Vietnam War Vet. When I asked him how he could get over the horrors of war, he said: "When you have a pile of shit sitting in the middle of the kitchen...you don't have to step in it, look at it or smell it all day long. Don't leave it there. Box it up, tape it up tightly and move it in the garage. It's still there, but you don't have to let it stink up the whole kitchen".


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smax117 Recommended
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Posted on Mon, Jul 04, 2011 05:55

curious2078...   its not a first date thing.  it is part of the initial conversations here on line and some even write about it in their profiles..  by the time you get to the date its old..  i'm just saying, because someone did you wrong dont go into all relationships guarded and looking for problems.  I have had a couple women stop chatting with me because i said "trigger" words that an ex said..   we truly only use about 500 words for 90% of conversations...   so its not hard to hit a "trigger" word!



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Curious2078
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Posted on Sun, Jul 03, 2011 19:08

Hi, Smax. Got your point--but you gotta allow that all of us have pasts. And, sooner or later, we'll all have to talk about them. Just not--I do agree--on the first date. Hope the next first date goes a lot better.


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smax117 Recommended
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Posted on Sun, Jul 03, 2011 13:32

exactly hoping4..   and you should have bought that red dress



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Posted on Sun, Jul 03, 2011 13:30

Just saying chanel...   you need to have a completely open heart to truly fall in love..   you must trust that your heart can heal..



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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Sun, Jul 03, 2011 12:46

GF!! Have you been behaving?? Email me and let me know how you are! And.. I couldn't agree w/ you more on the " no one goes through a relationship or experience of any kind without it making them who they are today." That's why I hold "TRUST" issues... But Ima workin on it... I may grow up and be a good GF one day!! :)

SMAX117- You bring up an excellent point in ALL areas of life... (re: your microscope statement... ) If you rub 2 sticks together long enough.. You may produce a fire! Nothing is perfect, so if we ""seek" out a problem.. we will generally find one...



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chanelnumber1
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Posted on Sun, Jul 03, 2011 10:49

Could not agree with you more.  To make a man wear "The Scarlet Letter" of the sins of another is simply not fair. 

However you also must take into consideration no one goes through a relationship or experience of any kind without it making them who they are today.

So it may be you should ask yourself if you are the kind of man she needs at this point in her life. 

We can leave it at the door, we can even forgive who stuck it to our heart but we, nor anyone for that matter, can forget how it "MADE US FEEL"........................

 


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Forever True, Chanel#1

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