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Who is more likely to stand up a first date - men or women? Sort by:
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Livnlov
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Posted on Thu, Jun 16, 2011 05:51

Have you ever being stood up by someone you met here or somewhere else? Or have you stood someone up? For those who were stood up, how did you feel, how did you handle the emotion and how did it turn out in the end? For those who did the standing up, why did you do it, how much respect did you have for your date, and how did it go in the end? Are men able to take being stood up better than women can?


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MissMonteCarlo
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Posted on Sun, Jun 26, 2011 05:52

Aww that's awful to hear the treatment some people have reciveved on dates. Although in a way its a blessing as there true character has been revealed so you can move on and find someone better. Sarah :-)


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Diana3316
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Posted on Thu, Jun 23, 2011 20:46

Point taken rmac. I agree, one can not base judgement of a person by how they might answer one question. And in truth, I am sure we have all done or said things that we later viewed as mistakes and not been particularly proud of. I know I have. Hopefully we are forgiven for being human and thereby imperfect...especially if we have expressed our regret and endeavor not the repeat the behavior. So I guess the best we can do is take a chance...in meeting a person that we think might be fun, that we might have commonality with and who hopefully will not physically hurt us....the latter typically being my greatest concern. Either that or just be satisfied being alone and stop seeking. Neighbor, your stories are truly shocking and like Liv, I commend you on your civility. This is a topic that I think we as a society should discuss and try to understand why some are so rude, and at times just plain mean to each other...and what can be done in general, to instill manners and a sense of empathy toward our fellow citizens. Is a person raised to have a kind/empathetic heart or are they born that way?


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rmac22
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Posted on Tue, Jun 21, 2011 10:04

Quoting Ame Bella: “I confess! I stood someone up a while ago. It was because his photo and appearance were so different. I spotted him almost immediately because I knew what he was wearing. When I saw him, I didn't park - I drove right by.” I have used descriptions of what I was wearing. The blue sweater and grey slacks bit; five guys in the bar could fit. I have had the opposite situation. “How many Korean / tan slacks can there be.” I asked four if they were meeting me -- she did finally arrive. Quoting Diana: “It occurs to me that this might be a good question for covertly evaluating a potential date's character....as to whether they keep their word/honesty/integrity...can be trusted. Do you think they would ever admit it if they had? You would probably have to listen very carefully to determine if they were telling the truth.” Not a good question. If he says yes you decide he is honest, but perhaps not trustworthy. If he says no you suspect he may be lying. You would have to follow up with more questions to sort it out. There is also the personal growth factor. What a person did when they were “young and dumb” (“younger and dumber”) may not truly reflect who they are now.


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Livnlov
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Posted on Tue, Jun 21, 2011 02:00

CG & Diana, Yep, I agree with the under promise and over deliver mantra! It has always worked for me in my professional life, but less so in my private life though, lol! Neighbor2001! Your experiences are to die for! I can't believe people can be that brutal, I couldn't do or say that to a date or to anyone for that matter! I guess I'm a softy, lol!! But I got to hand it to you; you handled every one of those situations gallantly! THUMBS UP!! Seriously, lol!!!


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neighbor2001
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Posted on Mon, Jun 20, 2011 08:24

Never stood up a date, although I have terminated a couple (and been terminated once myself) pretty quickly once either or both parties realized it just wasn't going to work. The time I was on the receiving end, I was told "I'm feeling nothing," and she was off without finishing her drink. The times I've done it: Once, it was a litany of "I'm used to dating guys with more hair" (she had seen a recent pic of me, so I didn't lie or try to hide it) or "I'm used to dating guys with nicer cars," delivered in a whine I had not heard over the phone. I told her I'm used to dating women who don't nitpick about alleged character flaws, and it was done before we were even called for our table at the restaurant. The other time, I met her at a bar, and she said she was going to say hi to some friends (The date had been neither great nor disasterous to that point). Well, she was gone about 15-20 minutes, I got up to look for her, and saw her camped out with the girls (they may have been there to give their scouting report on me, for all I know). I went over, said, "I just paid up, see you," and walked out. She didn't get up and pursue me, so I guess she lost interest in the date before I did.


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Diana3316
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Posted on Sat, Jun 18, 2011 21:49

Quoting CG: I've never stood anyone up. I've bent a few over, but that's a WHOLE different discussion. :):):) Lololo...very clever CG. We hope you will be here all week. Oh yeah...I've been stood up a couple of times. [Don't think that thought CG!!] At first it really hurt and I couldn't understand why someone would do that. Eventually I learned that there are all kinds and I just needed to be better at reading people. I've never stood anyone up...but have been late, which is nevertheless still rude. (I do always call to let him know I am on my way). It occurs to me that this might be a good question for covertly evaluating a potential date's character....as to whether they keep their word/honesty/integrity...can be trusted. Do you think they would ever admit it if they had? You would probably have to listen very carefully to determine if they were telling the truth. I am for meeting fairly quickly. Mostly because I get pretty bored with multiple phone calls from a 'voice' and I basically lose interest/drift away. Additionally I don't want to waste a lot of time over the phone, when that intangible ingredient called 'chemistry' can not be adequately evaluated from afar. I don't know why some will grossly misrepresent themselves. I think women are probably more prone to that than men...but that notion is not based on any real knowledge. Personally, it has always worked better for me, if I under promise and over deliver. :)


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MissMonteCarlo
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Posted on Sat, Jun 18, 2011 07:16

Well I was sort of stood up last November. I was all dressed and ready to go on the date when he sent me a message that he was just looking for fun. So basically just a fling. So I told him to forget it. So in a way it was a good thing as at least he was honest before going on an awful date. However, he could of told me that before arranging a date. Other than that no. I've not stood anyone up before but have had a few dates I wanted to run away from. hehe Sarah :-)


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Curious2078
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Posted on Fri, Jun 17, 2011 17:25

Quoting Ame_Bella:

I confess! I stood someone up a while ago. It was because his photo and appearance were so different. I spotted him almost immediately because I knew what he was wearing. When I saw him, I didn't park - I drove right by. We were meeting for the first time at a Panera Bread (gosh, I hope he isn't reading this ... hehehe!). He kept calling me, I let it go to VM. He finally got the hint - I hope! Respect? I didn't have any after his lies were visual.


His lying about himself justifies your driving away, as far as I'm concerned. Why people--men and women alike--think that by lying on the phone, or in chat or whatever, about their appearance is something they'll be able to overcome when they finally meet you, I'll never know. Some kind of very stupid "magical thinking." Or, maybe, they have a case of mistaken "Hope in Miracles."


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Curious2078
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Posted on Fri, Jun 17, 2011 17:21

I've been stood up in real life a couple of times. What the reasons were, I never found out as I never saw or heard from, or contacted, the men again. Now I'm trying to remember if I've ever stood someone up. Yes, but the memory is very vague. Long time ago. I think it was some guy I'd met in a bar who wanted us to leave the bar separately and meet up elsewhere. Somewhere in Manhattan in a neighborhood I didn't know. He was charmingly pushy, [read: some address from which he thought he could get me, a stranger, into bed pretty quickly] if you know what I mean, and in order to get him to leave me alone I agreed--and then never went to the appointed address. I went home instead. As for standing up a legitimate date, I never did that. Not even the fellow I met many years ago through the New York Review of Books "meetings" listings. He was very intelligent and charming on the phone, sounded like the age he said he was--about 38. Described himself as being of average build. When I got to the restaurant where we were meeting, I saw a 300 pound plus man with a cane who was at least 15 years older than he'd claimed to be. I did sit down in the booth with him and have one drink. But, then, I found some way or another to let him know I wasn't interested because he wasn't what he'd said he was, and I left. I was awfully young at the time, and I recall feeling so very guilty for rejecting him because he wasn't what he'd said he was. I behaved as graciously as I possibly could, which, looking back on it, I think was extraordinarily graciously. As for your question: Can men withstand being stood up better than women can, or visa versa, I have no clue. I suppose it depends on the circumstances. Frankly, I've been stood up far more often by girlfriends who had lunch or dinner dates with me, then, between the time they made the date with me and the time we were to meet, they got invited out by some man and were so excited by the invitation, they never bothered to let me know they couldn't make our date. None of those girlfriends were girlfriends of mine after doing that to me. I think I'd rather suffer the humiliation of sitting in a restaurant all by myself for an hour waiting for some man I barely know to show up than suffer the same while waiting for a supposedly close girlfriend to show up who has gone on a date with a new man without ever bothering to let me know she's cancelled her date with me.


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rmac22
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Posted on Fri, Jun 17, 2011 08:27

I stood up one after she had earlier stood me up. She was about as perfectly pretty as a girl could possibly get and I was smitten. I was warned that she was unpredictable and spoiled. Given to doing exactly what she did. I had to learn the hard way. So, after she stood me up, I arranged for a date with her she could not possibly want to miss and then drove to another town and met another girl on the night I was supposed to date her. She was furious. Other than that I would never stand any lady up. I did not ask for any dates I did not intend to keep (and did keep). I was stood up one other time, but it was a forgivable misunderstanding. rmac


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