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migliore
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Posted on Sat, Apr 23, 2011 15:25

This essay is going to wax a little philisophical...however, we'll stop short of platitudes -- I promise.      

 

Everyone knows that success breeds success and the process starts with confidence.  The issue is: how do you get, keep and maintain confidence when everything is going wrong and nothing is working out.  Ever been there?

 

Easy answer -- fully accept your situation and step out from there.  The answer is easy, but actually doing it can be hard depending on your mood, recent experiences, outlook at the time, etc.  So start with the acceptance part.  This winter I had an interesting experience and as it was happening I was already starting the acceptance phase...this stinks! ( See my blog from January "Soft Hands" about spinning off the road in a snow storm.)      

 

Had a similar experience about a month ago when I blew out a tire by hitting a massive pothole (and, Pat, I did slow down as soon as I saw it).  That happened to be a day when I left my cellphone at home, and given the rust and torque on the lug nuts, the wrench I had and where the car was positioned changing the tire was very problematic.  Without a cellphone...getting a road service truck to come was too.  Will spare you the boring, excruciating details on how I spent time addressing the situation.     

 

Bottom line, my secret to coping and responding successfully was to get started right away on accepting that what had happen really stunk!  After getting over wishing I had my cellphone, and wishing I had gone another way, and being upset with the city for letting that pothole be there and .....  Once I was over all that I was ready to start sizing up the situation and developing courses of action.  Fun? It was fun when I got back on the road.  And I was grateful.  What the experience reminded me is the truth of a Chinese proverb, "Easy and hard are phases of achievement."       

 

So when you've been rejected, put down, disrespected and whatever else, rather than fighting it accept it fully.  Feel the pain, the frustration, the sorrow, the despair and all that good stuff.  Enjoy!  Now you're ready for your next move.  That move, particularly if your're thinking clearly, might just be what you need to achieve success.  Of course, as in downhill skiing, success is relative.  You revel and savor success for awhile then go to the next phase...that's the game so get in step.    

 

How to get confident when you feel useless?  First get the negative emotions out as per above then take the first step.  Sometimes it's a case of "fake it til you make it."  Other times its the result of intense planning, self-talk and souping up.  The bottom line is...get in the game and do something positive.  Yeah, anything.  Once you catch a wave, take it from there.   

 

Bonus tip:  I said I would avoid platitudes so I'm going to refrain from saying, "Succeed at being yourself."  What you want to do is be your best self, your good self rather than your bummer self.  Go with your strenths, minimize your weaknesses.  If you try to be someone other than your (good) self you'll have to spend to many resources faking it.    

 

Grow from where you are, look at the bright side and trust.  There's an old saying, "Be in the moment, want what you want, take chances, be real, dive in."  Dice la verita'  Buona Pasqua, Happy Easter!



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rmac22
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Posted on Wed, Apr 27, 2011 08:12

I agree. Tough to do in some circumstances. Still have to do it tough or not. Good subject. rmac


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Curious2078
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Posted on Sun, Apr 24, 2011 17:33

Quoting migliore:

Pat,

Thanks for the affirmation, you rock!  That there are negatives out there is realistic and truthful. 

Truth is -- the truth shall set you free.  Happy Easter!



Thanks, Migs. And a very Happy Easter to you as well.


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migliore
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Posted on Sun, Apr 24, 2011 09:28

Pat,

Thanks for the affirmation, you rock!  That there are negatives out there is realistic and truthful. 

Truth is -- the truth shall set you free.  Happy Easter!



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Curious2078
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Posted on Sat, Apr 23, 2011 17:51

Hi, Migs. You hit most definitely on the key. First, accept and get out of the way the negatives. Then, and only then, can you move on. Too many people tell us to never "be negative." That's total BS. When negatives hit us, if we're going to get past them, we have to acknowledge them and then decide what to do about them for sure. Thanks for the blog, Migs. It has come at a time for me, a very specific time, when folks are telling me to ignore negatives and move on--but I know for sure I can't ignore the negatives--I have to deal with them and THEN move on. It's called being REALISTIC!!! Thanks again.


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