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smax117 Recommended
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Posted on Fri, Apr 08, 2011 09:03

Sooo   back to the blogs..  I have found that being called a "sweet man" is the kiss of death.  It has happened all too often here.  Now let me say up front..  I know.  Some how I am like the moth to the flame.. because I keep finding these realtionships.  So disclaimer filed and on with the story.  If a woman says youre sweet.. run.  Its code for "I have always been involved with jerks throughout my life.  I know I should fall for someone like you.  But I can't help myself.  I only fall for guys who are jerks to me..  ignore me..   belittle me..   "  Everyone of them has told me the sad story of how mean her 3 ex's were.  How they didnt treat her right.  They all say "I should fall for a man like you".     They ask for time to get to know me.. or say maybe we should take it slow...   but when the "bad boy" shows up she jumps right in without her water wings on.  And here I am writing this while they're with another jerk.They even come back a few months even a year later and ask if we could start again..   that the guy they hooked up with instead of me was another jerk who broke their heart or wasnt what they really wanted.  At least I am smart enough to then say "Good luck" and not follow that flame again.



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Posted on Fri, May 20, 2011 20:14

There is NOTHING wrong with being a sweet guy. I sure hope that I get to meet the right sweet guy some day-I can't imagine why any woman wouldn't want to be with a sweet guy. Maybe you are going after the wrong sorts of women.  Try being open to dating different women than you normally would choose. After being married for twenty years(and then divorced), I have learned that there is so much more going on besides the initial attraction that is important to a succesful relationship.  -Being sweet is an EXCELLENT start!! Good luck, Katy


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ladydancer63
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Posted on Thu, May 12, 2011 20:44

Sometimes people hide who they really are and their true colors do not show until you have gotten to know them, or something happens. I think we all have witnessed this, maybe not in a partner, but possibly a friend.

There are plenty of women out there who want a nice sweet guy.  Stick to your guns, you learn something every time and eventually you will get it right and meet the right one.


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Arizona53
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Posted on Tue, May 10, 2011 11:47

Quoting Curious2078:

DINGBAT??????!!!!!!!!!!!! First time in my life I've been called a dingbat, CG. LMAO for sure. Like it or not, I'm going to call that a compliment! [in the most loving terms--LOLOLOLOL] Seems most men rather like dingbats. If I can now actually qualify, in even the lowest denominator available, I'll add that to my resume for sure. "Recommended by CG as as a Dingbat." ROFLMAO


We all love dingbats....don't we?  I know I do Pat!  LMAO



"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

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Curious2078
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Posted on Sat, Apr 30, 2011 19:03

Quoting Conyersguy:

Oh, Pat, you dingbat (in only the most loving terms, dear) ;):):), We guys don't call each other hunks. It was a joke. :):) Even if we think another guy is handsome or well built, we are far to insecure to say things like that except in the joking vein. So we kid, or more likely, take the opposite tact and make derogatory digs at each other (that we don't mean, either.) And, I think smax has enough on the ball to already know everything I said. He was the one who pointed out that is really is the kiss of death when she says "You're sweet" in THAT context. He was just saying it sucks when it happens to us. When we stated the "Oh, we're better off, etc., blah, blah, blah", we were both just trying to politely re-state our feelings when it happens. While we know this is correct, cerebrally, what we really feel when it first happens is the sentiments put out by Anthony Hopkins in "Legends of the Fall" when his buffalo skin coated, post-stroke, grouchy old man character struggles mightily to enunciate the barely discernable phrase out one side of his mouth, "Screw 'em." :):):) Now, THAT's eloquence. :):) -CG-


DINGBAT??????!!!!!!!!!!!! First time in my life I've been called a dingbat, CG. LMAO for sure. Like it or not, I'm going to call that a compliment! [in the most loving terms--LOLOLOLOL] Seems most men rather like dingbats. If I can now actually qualify, in even the lowest denominator available, I'll add that to my resume for sure. "Recommended by CG as as a Dingbat." ROFLMAO


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MoCountryGirl
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Posted on Mon, Apr 25, 2011 12:00

There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy. Don't change a thing. If a woman doesn't want a nice guy, there is somethng wrong with her, not you.

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Curious2078
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Posted on Sat, Apr 23, 2011 18:18

Quoting Conyersguy:

Smax, Rmac got a part right, too. Lots of times a woman will say you're sweet, as a generic compliment, when she really means she doesn't feel a connection (maybe not any more, maybe never will, etc.) I know it's less confrontational than assigning blame. And sometimes, "You're sweet" really means, "You're not attractive enough for me." (And I'm not saying that about your appearance Smax; you're a hunk. :):):) I certainly got my share of that same comment (the 'You're sweet,' not the 'You're a hunk.' :):).) And we are all quite within our rights to decide what trips our trigger.....and what doesn't. But if you really are sweet, and that is not a TREMENDOUSLY attractive quality to the woman in question, then aren't you better off for knowing that about HER? Sure, she has to feel a chemistry, too, but if a kind character isn't a big part of 'chemistry' for her, then duh. And you are right; some women are just going to make bad choices. and keep making them. And keep making them. Here again, aren't you better off knowing that about her? If she is the type to make damaging choices in one aspect of her (or his, this is not a gender specific trait !!!) life, she will most probably make choices which will cause damage in other aspects as well. It's not fun to be collateral damage to the poor choices your partner makes, so unless you are a masochist yourself, it is better to pick women who make better choices. If they want to be self destructive, stay outside the blast radius !!!!


Smax--listen to CG for sure! I've seen pix of CG. He, for sure, is a hunk. So for him to call you a hunk! ....... Just listen to him. He's got some great advice for sure. It's worked for him--it could work for you too. Once again--best of luck. You deserve it for sure.


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smax117 Recommended
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Posted on Thu, Apr 21, 2011 21:26

I wasnt being called "sweet" at the end..  I was being called sweet from the first meeting..  so i stand by my theory that it was a situation where these women intellectually knew they should be with someone like me but werent programmed to make it happen.  The rest of the ideas that I am not aggressive enough or assertive enough are incorrect also.  Being assertive doesnt mean being mean or disrespectful..  to me its just standing up for yourself while being respectful of others' opinions



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rmac22
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 Chat now 
Posted on Thu, Apr 21, 2011 07:26

I do not disagree with Tinkerbelle, Curious, Dakota, or all the Ladies who protested that there are lots of ladies who like and prefer “nice sweet men.” However, there may be something else going on. I think it depends a lot on the timing and context. When a lady tells you, “You are such a sweet nice man,” and you happily continue dating, it likely means you are a sweet nice man; at least she thinks so. When a lady tells you “You are such a sweet nice man,” I wish I could fall for a nice man like you; the only men I fall for are jerks (mean to me, etc.), this likely means you are breaking up and she is trying to let you down easy. It may be true that she only goes for jerks, etc., but maybe not. You would need to know some history to know that. Most relationships end; one or two years, sometimes a few more. Only a few advance to a truly long term state or permanent state. If it was nice while it lasted – you are doing great. You can’t win them all. Be careful, don’t fix what isn’t broken. rmac


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Posted on Sun, Apr 17, 2011 05:58

I feel your pain!


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Livnlov
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Posted on Sat, Apr 16, 2011 14:59

Sweet is definitely good, rare to find, and it takes a smart woman to recognise truly sweet from acting sweet! And I totally agree with most people on here, especially lioness4mylion. Go get that wonderful and smart woman who will appreciate you for whom you are and your true sweetness. The rest is pure noise, period!


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Posted on Fri, Apr 15, 2011 11:11

Sorry Darling however it appears to me that perhaps you should regroup and reconsider the type of women you are falling for, contacting, or the like. When I tell a man "you are so sweet" which is few and far between, I do so because he has indeed represented considerable kindness. I have NEVER been the type to run with nor associate myself with "bad boys" nor do I desire to do so ever in life. Therefore, there are genuine sophisticated women whom mean what they say and only say what they mean. Perhaps you need to take some time to reconsider the prerequisites and/or desires you've established in the "type" of women you are seeking. A real woman would NEVER fall for a "bad boy" type whom will obviously treat her as such, but she will only seek a kind, caring, gentle, "SWEET" GENTLEman..... So, allow me to speak for myself and the few unique, talented, special women like myself whom truly "Mean what they say and ONLY say what they mean" as the rest are simply not worth taking the time for this reply anyway, be they man or woman. I do wish you better luck in your future choices in women as you clearly stated in the beginning of your blog; when patterns emerge perhaps it's time to change course! All the best!!



Lioness4MyLion A Lioness nurtures the cubs in the pride, whether hers or not. She loves, protects and nurtures..... seeking her KING!

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smax117 Recommended
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Posted on Fri, Apr 15, 2011 05:11

I find it funny that most assume that being sweet has such negative images.  passive   unassertive   no opinions..   etc.  I am half Italian and all scorpio..   enough said.  Sweet means understanding a woman's needs to be there for her children, remembering important dates, asking about things that are important to her, a poem being given..   thats what they said was sweet.  Romantic..   thoughtful.. a gentleman.  sweet doesnt equal doormat!



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MissMonteCarlo
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Posted on Fri, Apr 15, 2011 01:49

Sweet guys are valued more. Unless girls have a desire to be treated badly or that is what they are used to. Its great to be a sweet person but its also to important to be assertive. Have your own opinions, interests and show off your strengths in character. These things will impress and captivate people.

 

Sarah :-)



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MissMonteCarlo
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Posted on Fri, Apr 15, 2011 01:39

Quoting billzeke:

It could be worse. I worry more about finding a woman who comes along and says: "The last 3 guys I was with stole my car, cleaned out my bank account, took all my jewelry and furniture and left me with nothing. I am so glad to find a guy like you who can buy all of those things for me." That's when I start running...


lol Bill. Only on mm right??

 

Sarah :-)



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Arizona53
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Posted on Tue, Apr 12, 2011 22:40

I've had that happen in the opposite, bad girl....sweet guy!

 

Steve and I dated a few times and then he decided to go back to his Ex.  Now this girl had cheated on him with her Ex and then went back to her Ex until she figured out it wouldn't work.  Then she decided she wanted Steve back.  She broke his heart....again. 

 

Steve tried to get in touch with me after....I deleted the e-mail.  Personally I like nice guys, but only if they have their s..t together.



"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

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Dakota35
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Posted on Sun, Apr 10, 2011 23:46

So you should stop being the nice guy and be a S.O.B. jerk. LOL just kidding. Women tend to look at the "bad boy" as both a challenge and fun. Once she figures out she can't change the guy and the fun becomes annoying, stupid, or dangerous, then she looks again for the "nice sweet guy". Then the pattern continues over and over. Also, women that are mistreated by these men see it as a challenge to "make him love her", she just can't understand why she is so nice to him and he still mistreats her. Many very beautiful women fall into this trap with men that look like mutts and act even worse. It amazes me how these women can go for a guy that mistreats her, she lives in a financial red hole, but she will still pass up a guy that is financially stable, willing to love her and try his best to give her the world. I consider myself a nice guy, but I've learned to not put up with the sh*t form the "bad boy" or the type of women you speak of. There are some absolutely incredible women out there that do not fall into the above described, so I hope no offense is taken from my post. I think women are the most wonderful gift ever given to man by God....and probably the biggest headache. LOL I have a exceptionally wonderful mother and she taught me that there are good women in the world. I'm a southerner and a true southerner respects women until they give us reason not to. Good luck to all!


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Lauren2037
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Posted on Sat, Apr 09, 2011 21:23

Nice guys don't finish last. They are a valued commodity :)

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Curious2078
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Posted on Fri, Apr 08, 2011 17:49

Hello, Smax. Nice to "talk" with you again. I've read your blog over 3 times now, and only one thing comes to mind. Be a bit more aggressive. Sweet guys, nice guys. As I think you define them; I have a hunch [and, yes, I'm going totally on gut instinct here; no higher intelligence thought at all] you're just being too damn NICE. You're absolutely right that most of us women don't get our estrogen up for guys who are just too damn nice. Nice is defintely good. And, from past experience with you on the blogs, I know you are a nice guy. But, somewhere in your soul you have some serious passion, some heavy-duty love/lust. Doesn't matter what it's directed at. It could be directed at English Ivy for crying out loud. Just let that passion infuse your responsess. A bit At least. If you dare. Oh, and by the way, Smax, you are far luckier than many of us on here. You seem to be getting REAL responses instead of scammers. So you're already ahead of the game for sure!!! Which means you are already doing something right that many of us in a year or two or more haven't figured out. Good luck, friend. Truly.


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billzeke
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Posted on Fri, Apr 08, 2011 14:54

It could be worse. I worry more about finding a woman who comes along and says: "The last 3 guys I was with stole my car, cleaned out my bank account, took all my jewelry and furniture and left me with nothing. I am so glad to find a guy like you who can buy all of those things for me." That's when I start running...


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