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Arizona53
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Posted on Thu, Jan 06, 2011 21:35

A funny thing happened to me on the way out of the mall the other day.  I was headed for the door possibly a bit sideways as I was putting on my gloves, when a woman and a man came up behind me and sort of cut my path to the door.  I waited as the older woman went through the door first, and then proceeded through the door and on my way.  I have to admit to being somewhat distracted by my own thoughts and feelings at the time, Christmas always manages to do that to me.  I did not thank the man as I went out the door, as I usually do, but did smile as I passed through.

 

As I am walking away I hear a "You're welcome" from behind me, and a question from the woman that sounded like...."didn't she say thank you?"  And more conversation about the fact that I didn't say thank you, and how some people are just impolite, and how he should no longer hold the door for a lady if he doesn't get a thank you!  I could have turned and made a remark at that point, but by then I was a bit ticked off, and instead I just walked on muttering to myself about how impolite it was to talk about people such as they were.   I am sure they were aware I could hear them as I was only a couple of feet in front, though I didn't say anything loud enough for them to hear.

 

Now I am not usually distracted and I usually thank someone.  I also hold the door for people because I think it is polite.....not because I need, want or expect the person to thank me for this small deed.  It just isn't a necessary part of my life.

 

My question to you is, "Do you need, want and expect people to thank you for every small deed that you do?"  "Is it that important in the scheme of things to receive a thank you every time you hold a door open, or make some other polite gesture towards another person?"

 

Your thoughts.......



"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

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Arizona53
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Posted on Wed, Jan 19, 2011 17:19

Quoting GaGirl:

As a christian, we are not to do, and then expect. Yes it is the nice thing to do. A polite thank you. However if you do not get a thank you, you should not say anything. We are to do kind deeds in our daily lives and expect no reward for kindness. So AZ53, I think it was wrong for them to say anything. I do good deeds all the time. I do missions with our church as well. Thank you's feel really nice. But the reward of giving of yourself feels even greater.



Bingo!  I say thank you all the time....the one time I do not.....I am called on the carpet?  I am with you GA, it feels good to give......no thanks required.



"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

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GaGirl
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Posted on Wed, Jan 19, 2011 09:40

As a christian, we are not to do, and then expect. Yes it is the nice thing to do. A polite thank you. However if you do not get a thank you, you should not say anything. We are to do kind deeds in our daily lives and expect no reward for kindness. So AZ53, I think it was wrong for them to say anything. I do good deeds all the time. I do missions with our church as well. Thank you's feel really nice. But the reward of giving of yourself feels even greater.



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checkmypulse
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Posted on Mon, Jan 10, 2011 20:17

I see some spin here. Your failure to acknowledge the act is the problem. I am sure that most of us at some point have missed an opportunity to do the right thing and although not intentional, the result is still the same.


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Arizona53
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Posted on Sat, Jan 08, 2011 18:56

Quoting NGL2011:

Arizona,

"They don't know me"

and there in lies your comfort !



Thank you Ray, now I feel better.....



"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

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NGL2011
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Posted on Sat, Jan 08, 2011 10:20

Arizona,

"They don't know me"

and there in lies your comfort !



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Arizona53
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Posted on Fri, Jan 07, 2011 23:20

I would also like to tell you about my son, who took good manners and politeness to new heights.  Evan would hold the door open for "everyone".....literally.  If there was soneone coming across the parking lot that was still 25 feet from the door he would stand and hold the door until they were through. 

 

All the ladies loved him, though most of his peers just thought he was nuts....LOL! 

 

I don't think there is a thing wrong with good manners or a polite thank you.....I think there is something wrong when the expectation becomes bigger than the deed.

 

 



"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

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Arizona53
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Posted on Fri, Jan 07, 2011 22:52

I was ticked off at their comments because they cut me off on my way to the door, and then because they expected a thank you, and then to top it off, they talked about me as if I was this horrible person.  They don't know me......but they judged me!

Like I said I don't expect, want, or need a thank you because I think that like me, people sometimes just get lost in their thoughts, and in the grand scheme of things it's just not that important.....well to me anyways.

 



"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

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Curious2078
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Posted on Fri, Jan 07, 2011 15:54

I frequently hold doors for people, men and women both. If the kindness is completely ignored, meaning if I'm ignored the way an automatic door-opener would be, yes, I get annoyed. And I'm often tempted to do what your door holder did and call out "Your Welcome" to the rude one. Rarely, though do people not acknowledge my kindness. They can't because while I'm in the process of holding the door I'm smiling and talking to them a bit. That makes it difficult for them to ignore me. Then again, I live in the country where everybody talks to everybody whether they know them or not. And I rarely get anywhere near a city big enough to have a typical big city attitude. When I lived in NYC, though, when someone held a door for me I always said thank you In that city, the door holder often completely ignored my thank you--often wouldn't even make eye contact. LOL Go figure.


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billzeke
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Posted on Fri, Jan 07, 2011 06:59

LOL... Go to PENN Station in NYC. on any weekday around 5PM. Head for the commuter train platforms. Watch the groupings of people shuffle and muscle themselves into position where the doors to the train are expected to be when the train rolls in. Watch the ensuing action as the train doors open. It will make everyone's comment here: MOOT. LOL...



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NGL2011
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Posted on Fri, Jan 07, 2011 05:19

I always hold the door open for everyone, no exceptions. I never expect a Thank You, but it's nice when someone does recognize your act of polite kindness.

 

 

 

I guess my question to you might be, were you "Ticked off" at them for talking about it or at yourself for not saying Thanks ?



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Michelle0097
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Posted on Thu, Jan 06, 2011 22:35

I never expect recognition for a kindness I extend. It is always nice if I do get a response, but I'm not going to feel "wounded" without one. I guess I'm always thinking some people might have a lot going on in their own lives, like you said--distracted, if they seem to ignore my gesture. I do things out of kindness because it is just in my nature.


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