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Arizona53
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Posted on Thu, Dec 09, 2010 17:23

I have to agree with Pat.  97% of the winks I have received have been scammers, and the other 3% never went past a couple of e-mails. 

Distance is a bit of an issue when push comes to shove, and most of the men I think are interesting and have more than 1 short para in their profile, whom I have written to, do not respond.  I try not to judge anyone until after we've met, but that can be difficult when you don't get to meet anyone....LOL!  Leaves me to believe that everyone is being somewhat judgemental even if they say they are not.

Chemistry is still the tie.  You would not date someone you had no chemistry with even if they were the nicest person on earth!  Like finding a needle in a haystack.....someday soon.....I'm going to find it....if not here then somewhere.....LOL!



"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

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GentlyWoman
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Posted on Thu, Dec 09, 2010 12:56

Quoting NGL2011:

Eva,  sorry missed this one

 

No, realism does not make it any less true and no it doesn't make us want it any less. I'm just expressing my honest and true feeling/emotions on this world wide forum,, pretty scary, but none the less open and honest. Again, just hopeing to start a dialog about what we all go through at times.

 

 

 

 

 

not sure I understand where this comment, "Too much information is making us experts on subjects we know nothing about. So many choices, so little real knowledge"  ?



ok, to be fair, in the SF Bay area, I do have to ask if he's gay, lol. I appreciate your open and honest conversation....always have, Ray, you should never be scared of that, it's one thing we women can't get enough of! My comment about "too much information making us experts" is referring to the thousands of profiles we see and how, as in the case of the woman you met in the bar, we think we can tell what a person is like with a quick glance over a few choice photos and careful paragraphs. I mean, this woman thought she would do herself a favor and ignore you, until the day she met you and realized she was probably wrong. If she had met you first, in real life, maybe you'd have that second date, but instead, on the internet, you were stacked on a five by five grid like tic tac toe. Speaking for myself, I only win THAT game about half the time. Migs and Timber seem to have the right idea...if you have the time and energy, why not just MEET? You won't know much about a person until those first few minutes, which often speak VOLUMES. The rest is just sales-pitch.


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billzeke
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Posted on Thu, Dec 09, 2010 10:34

GENTLYWOMAN says: ""@ Timber: Lie down with dogs, wake up with fleas.""

 

While usually true; I have seen situations when it's the dog that wakes up with the fleas as well as with some other unwanted critters...

 

What's next??? Can you imagine 3D blogging??? You can be sitting at your computer screen and get smacked in the eye by a TRIPLE D blogger without even breaking your glasses. LOL...



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NGL2011
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Posted on Thu, Dec 09, 2010 05:58

Quoting GentlyWoman:

HEY peeps, I replied, but it got lost...what? Anyway, I was gonna say, when I meet a person in real life that catches my attention, my first thought is NEVER "is he married, is he gay, does he make enough money to pull his own weight, will he get along with my kids, who's house should we live in, who pays for mileage, will he be a forever kind of guy?" In real life, my first thought is generally "woot woot". The same is not true online. It's a weird world here, where just flirting seems to inhabit waaaaayy too much brain-space, and faaaar too little instinct. Not that I have an answer for it, but that's been my experience. It doesn't just happen to me...I do it too! And for myself and ALL my fallen comrades, I offer my condolences. Many a great potential has been lost for lack of the scent of a woman.

I agree, when you meet someone in "Real" life there seems to be few questions at the start. I do have to say , one of the first things that runs through my mind is,,is she Married ?  LOL



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NGL2011
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Posted on Thu, Dec 09, 2010 05:52

Quoting GentlyWoman:

Ah, Ray....too late - I'm still single, and been here for a while, and I read Timberoo's blasphemy, so I guess that makes me one of the "old crew of women". @ Timber: Lie down with dogs, wake up with fleas. @ Ray: Realistic? What is realistic about wanting a fulfilling and everlasting love? Nothing! Tell me true...does realism make any of us want it any less? I don't think so - I think it's the best part of being human...that we can want and hope, dream and pursue. Not the issue, imho. Too much information is making us experts on subjects we know nothing about. So many choices, so little real knowledge. What if my mother arranged my marriage to a man I never met before? In the absence of choice, you bet your booty I'd make it work.

Eva,  sorry missed this one

 

No, realism does not make it any less true and no it doesn't make us want it any less. I'm just expressing my honest and true feeling/emotions on this world wide forum,, pretty scary, but none the less open and honest. Again, just hopeing to start a dialog about what we all go through at times.

 

 

 

 

 

not sure I understand where this comment, "Too much information is making us experts on subjects we know nothing about. So many choices, so little real knowledge"  ?



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NGL2011
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Posted on Thu, Dec 09, 2010 05:41

Quoting Curious2078:

NGL, I would really like to contribute something intelligent to this very intellifent blog, but I'm afraid that all it does for me is raise more questions than I had before I read it. Well, that, and make me kind of depressed. Every "romantic" contact I've had on here in the just about a year I've been here has been a scammer. The very few men I've worked up the nerve to contact first with an email after doing a search haven't even bothered to answer my emails. Except for one. Folks, I think in this internet dating thing we're up against some really heavy-duty psychological junk that seekers of romance have never been up against before. We've got profiles to go by [if we indeed read them...many obviously do not] and photos to go by. And that's it. And that, folks, is, in a word: SCARY!!! Most of us try to make ourselves "look" as good as we can in our profiles. Some of us, and I do mean some of us, have what seems to be the remarkable ability to represent ourselves as we truly are. Most of us, I think, just can't do that no matter how hard we try. I don't think we're trying to lie; I just think it's extraordinarly difficult for any of us to paint a clear picture of ourselves no matter how hard we try. Then there are those on here--and we've all seen such profiles--who go out their way to skew their profiles. What they present to us is so NOT what they really are it's mind-boggling. Okay, I'm rambling. Sorry about that. I guess the point I'm trying to make---well, let me illustrate it. A few months after I was one here I found a guy on Search who seemed so perfect for me it took my breath away. I'd been here long enough to know about scammers, to avoid them; his profile seemed thoroughly genuine, full of his own foibles, his shortcomings. I didn't send a wink; I sent an email. Those of you who know me know I can, when I want to, write a fairly intelligent and charming paragraph. This charming, intelligent, lovely, talented, successful man, WHO SAID DISTANCE WAS NO OBJECT WHATSOEVER, with a full grasp of the English language and all its nuances, wrote back to me, quite curtly, that I "wasn't good enough" for him. That, in spite of the fact that his profile comments included that he was looking for someone with such and such in common with him--and I had such and such and such in common with him, which very few women did. Well, as rambling and babbling as that was, that's my response. Take it for what it's worth...


Pat,

 

there's no doubt about it, this goes both ways. I know women have alot to deal with and alot to be afaird of etc.. This is what I want or intended this blog to be about, and hopefully both men and women can discuss the issues they've had here as well as other sites. I just wanted to open dialog from both sides.

No finger pointing per se, just honest open communication between men and women.



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GentlyWoman
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Posted on Wed, Dec 08, 2010 22:53

HEY peeps, I replied, but it got lost...what? Anyway, I was gonna say, when I meet a person in real life that catches my attention, my first thought is NEVER "is he married, is he gay, does he make enough money to pull his own weight, will he get along with my kids, who's house should we live in, who pays for mileage, will he be a forever kind of guy?" In real life, my first thought is generally "woot woot". The same is not true online. It's a weird world here, where just flirting seems to inhabit waaaaayy too much brain-space, and faaaar too little instinct. Not that I have an answer for it, but that's been my experience. It doesn't just happen to me...I do it too! And for myself and ALL my fallen comrades, I offer my condolences. Many a great potential has been lost for lack of the scent of a woman.

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Curious2078
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Posted on Wed, Dec 08, 2010 21:40

NGL, I would really like to contribute something intelligent to this very intellifent blog, but I'm afraid that all it does for me is raise more questions than I had before I read it. Well, that, and make me kind of depressed. Every "romantic" contact I've had on here in the just about a year I've been here has been a scammer. The very few men I've worked up the nerve to contact first with an email after doing a search haven't even bothered to answer my emails. Except for one. Folks, I think in this internet dating thing we're up against some really heavy-duty psychological junk that seekers of romance have never been up against before. We've got profiles to go by [if we indeed read them...many obviously do not] and photos to go by. And that's it. And that, folks, is, in a word: SCARY!!! Most of us try to make ourselves "look" as good as we can in our profiles. Some of us, and I do mean some of us, have what seems to be the remarkable ability to represent ourselves as we truly are. Most of us, I think, just can't do that no matter how hard we try. I don't think we're trying to lie; I just think it's extraordinarly difficult for any of us to paint a clear picture of ourselves no matter how hard we try. Then there are those on here--and we've all seen such profiles--who go out their way to skew their profiles. What they present to us is so NOT what they really are it's mind-boggling. Okay, I'm rambling. Sorry about that. I guess the point I'm trying to make---well, let me illustrate it. A few months after I was one here I found a guy on Search who seemed so perfect for me it took my breath away. I'd been here long enough to know about scammers, to avoid them; his profile seemed thoroughly genuine, full of his own foibles, his shortcomings. I didn't send a wink; I sent an email. Those of you who know me know I can, when I want to, write a fairly intelligent and charming paragraph. This charming, intelligent, lovely, talented, successful man, WHO SAID DISTANCE WAS NO OBJECT WHATSOEVER, with a full grasp of the English language and all its nuances, wrote back to me, quite curtly, that I "wasn't good enough" for him. That, in spite of the fact that his profile comments included that he was looking for someone with such and such in common with him--and I had such and such and such in common with him, which very few women did. Well, as rambling and babbling as that was, that's my response. Take it for what it's worth...


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NGL2011
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Posted on Wed, Dec 08, 2010 17:53

Quoting Timberoo:

That's precisely why, women that we have met on here, have to make an indepth attempt to find out...they can NOT do so by sending back a response on an e mail like "thank you" or "sweet" or "thanks for the compliment" and "DEAD END" the relationship attempt but need to correspond with a stimulating conversation, trying to get a verbal relationship going...one can not judge a person on the net by picture alone, nor profile alone.  This venue just opens the door!

We are two men but have communicated to establish a relationship...in my opinion, many women pre judge a man by picture and profile...they never communicate and discuss, like we are!  We obviously, have no "dating" intention but we now have some insight into what each other are about! I have judged you NLG to be a good person and one to be worthwhile of a pursuit, by a woman, looking for a "good man"(the one they all long for! HAHA!).  They just don't see that "stellar" profile that is "perfect!", in their eyes, as you yourself said.  They are therefore mssing out on a catch! One who would probably "satisfy" them for the rest of time... When two people on here start to communicate they must be patient, mistakes will be committed in conversation...things will be said that upset one another, just keep moving on-you are new to one another...work it through and truely discover what is there!  The door is open to NLG, woman now talk to him and find out more...

I myself have had in depth conversations that have opened the door and I have then "tested" my "friend" to see the reaction, to see how the situation would be handle, to see if they really react and behave how they proclaim...most all woman had just disappeared or got nasty==>THEY failed! They should have handled the situation more maturely and continued the relationship to really find out more, to work through an issue to see what it was all about...it's the hard route not the easy one!  If it were easy, there wouldn't be all these single people... This is a venue to discover and test...next step is actual meeting, once you've established a viable, sincere concern for one another...


Timber,

 

I think you nailed it this time. Tell you a little story, i wrote to a woman on another site, she replied with a polite Thanks, but not interested. Interestingly enough, last saturday night I was in a local Irish Pub listening to a great live Band. Low and behold, there she was on the other side of the room. I looked but didn't stare, after about 1/2 hour, she walked up to me and asked for help to get a couple of other guys away from her table that were bugging her and her girlfriend, I politely agreed to help,, I got the guys to leave and started walking away,, she said,, where are you going?, I said, back to my friends, she said, why don't you bring them over here, so I did,, believe it or not we spent the whole night drinking dancing and having a ball,,afterwards went out for coffee and conversation,, at the end of the night she asked if I wanted her number so we could go out again. I said sure what the heck,,we never talked about the dating site until then,, I told her, I'm one of the guys you wrote back and said you weren't interested in,, she said,, oh my God, your so and so,, I said,, yep thats me,, she said,, wow,, you look different than your pictures and are alot of fun... I said basically what you did,,,politely,, maybe you should take a minute to read and think about some of the emails you get,, you just never know,,, she said,, your right. She said, what a great night,, thanks ! I politely said, your welcome and it was nice meeting you.

 

But the interesting thing is,, her excuse was she gets to many emails to get thru them all !  LOL

 

Looks like you and I are going at this blog alone !  LOL



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NGL2011
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Posted on Wed, Dec 08, 2010 08:31

Timber,

 

but see thats the thing about this type of venue,, I thought you were serious, cause I don't know you yet.



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GentlyWoman
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Posted on Wed, Dec 08, 2010 05:05

Ah, Ray....too late - I'm still single, and been here for a while, and I read Timberoo's blasphemy, so I guess that makes me one of the "old crew of women". @ Timber: Lie down with dogs, wake up with fleas. @ Ray: Realistic? What is realistic about wanting a fulfilling and everlasting love? Nothing! Tell me true...does realism make any of us want it any less? I don't think so - I think it's the best part of being human...that we can want and hope, dream and pursue. Not the issue, imho. Too much information is making us experts on subjects we know nothing about. So many choices, so little real knowledge. What if my mother arranged my marriage to a man I never met before? In the absence of choice, you bet your booty I'd make it work.


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NGL2011
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Posted on Tue, Dec 07, 2010 17:47

Quoting Timberoo:

Exactly, NGL...they all want more than we "normal", good guys have to offer...they are looking for the "dream" of perfection, something may will never find and they are missing out on all the love and goodness, happiness and stability and joy a man such as yourself can give them...we are like dogs and should be loved like a dog!  Simple  when we men have dogs we are never disappointed nor looking for better...that IS our dog to love, till the end! "OUR DOG", for better or worst...  Woman are just different...always seem to want more, just never happy!   Money, wealth, good social position doesn't always eqate to happiness...maybe women should just take a sniff of some smelling salts & wake up!  I've been through the mill on here as well...to discover each other on here is great but it must be followed up with meeting, at some point to make it real!  Like Bill taught me, it's a great "avenue" to meet but take it with a grain of salt...don't be too serious and keep lookin' the ol' fashion ways...just go through life doing what you do and maximizing happiness, it'll show up when least expected(right Bill?)

 

 


Timberrrr !

 

I hope you are prepared for a potential fire storm with that reply !  LOL  Oh my goodness, I just hope some of the old crew of women that used to be around here don't read that one !   LOL

 

 

 

However, I think I get your point. But I also think it goes both ways. Lets face a fact, both men and women tend to treat their pets better than they treat their mates. (at least at times) We both need to have the same type of patients when dealing with each other. I mean I know if you went to the bathroom on the floor in the kitchen, she wouldn't just grab some paper towels and wipe it up, there would be hell to pay, right,, but the dog does it, she just says,, "Bad Dog" and it's over !  ;) As to the women never being happy and looking for more,, we/men do that too. call me naive or stupid or whatever, but I believe people start looking because something is missing, maybe a little intimacy and communication, not just the sexual kind, the mental kind as well. So when thats missing they/we start looking,, and real trouble starts.

 

 

 

Bottom line to me, I think men and women want the same thing, the stuff you mentioned like,  love, goodness, happiness, stability and joy we just don't know how to go about it.

 

 

 

oh Timber and one final thought, I read a women's profile today, it said she's was looking for just a real nice guy, who was not an aggressive loud jerk,, but she couldn't seem to find one, she said, I guess it's because they are laying low and no one notices them, they only notice Jerks !  LOL

 

Out of the mouth of Babe's,, she was very young,,, something for us all to think about !  (maybe)



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NGL2011
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Posted on Tue, Dec 07, 2010 10:43

Quoting billzeke:

The internet is just the latest medium in which people can socialize. There are and have been bars, pen pals, dances, parties, church, blind dates, the mall; even a park or the super market, etc., etc. where one person can meet another person. The problem I see here is too many people join expecting much too much and are then disappointed. I never meet people when I am actually looking. I always meet them when I am doing something else and they happen along. Right now football season with Timber has been enouth to keep my interest. We still have some good bowl games coming up so let's not get desparate quite yet. LOL...



Bill,

Not desperate yet. But I would like to watch football SOMETIMES, with my woman,, getting tired of guys all the time !  LOL



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billzeke
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Posted on Tue, Dec 07, 2010 10:11

The internet is just the latest medium in which people can socialize. There are and have been bars, pen pals, dances, parties, church, blind dates, the mall; even a park or the super market, etc., etc. where one person can meet another person. The problem I see here is too many people join expecting much too much and are then disappointed. I never meet people when I am actually looking. I always meet them when I am doing something else and they happen along. Right now football season with Timber has been enouth to keep my interest. We still have some good bowl games coming up so let's not get desparate quite yet. LOL...



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NGL2011
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Posted on Tue, Dec 07, 2010 09:11

Timber,

I agree to some extent, the Internet has presented all of us here options. Maybe to many ! We need to face one fact, there is another one right around the corner. The problem I see is this, after reading tons of womens profiles and I do mean tons, quite frankly, based on what I've read,,if thats what their looking for, I just flat out don't measure up to their dreams and I do believe thats just what they are dreams. Sure, I understand we are trying to sell ourselves here and find our "forever one",, but quite frankly, I'm not trying to sell myself, I'm trying to be, open honest and humble,, because, thats what I'am. That doesn't work here !

 

I'm not trying to beat up on the women here, I'm just trying to start a conversation so maybe everyone men and women, can get a clear understanding of how this Internet stuff works. I know we both men and women have our issues here.



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NGL2011
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Posted on Tue, Dec 07, 2010 08:58

Quoting GentlyWoman:

I know, for me, I've tried to remain open to the distances between myself and a guy I might take interest in online. But it seems that one or both of us come to the final conclusion that it's just not the same as a regular cuddle buddy, a warm hand to hold, no special date, just being in the same room because it's the best place I can imagine. Someone to sit and watch a movie with, or grocery shop, who enjoys waiting with me at the DMV...these things, imho, are the stuff of life that can be a complete blast with a good companion. In my mind, the fairy-tale stuff is easy - people seem to fall in and out of love almost like changing clothes. But it's real life and growth, learning to cook your favorite dish and surprising you with it on a Wednesday night for no reason at all...that's the stuff Internet dating, especially long-distance, seems to be allergic to. The impromptu drive to the ocean while playing hookie in the middle of a working week, just because I can't wait until the weekend to spend time with you. Am I wrong? I want to fit someone that wants to fit me, the rest is like good wine. I always go "huh" when it seems like people want to let their infatuations lead them, without much thought about what it means if the object of their desire wants an actual relationship. All spark, no flame. And before you know it, nothing left but stinky smoke.


Eva,

as usual you have hit the nail squarely on the head ! I too have tried to remain open to the distance issue, and like you I want the exact same things, playing hookie, cooking, watching movies, the grocery store. I will leave out the DMV cause that my good woman is a pain !  LOL but also add different trips or traveling.

 

Here is what is confusing for me personally, I have emailed, chatted, talked on the phone with this wonderful woman from the west coast, I know we would hit it off like crazy. Now that being said, what are the realistic chances that we could ever have the type of relationship we are looking for. When you consider all factors involved, business, kids, etc...

So I wonder, is that what alot of people here begin to think after they start communication with someone of interest ?

 



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GentlyWoman
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Posted on Mon, Dec 06, 2010 20:57

I know, for me, I've tried to remain open to the distances between myself and a guy I might take interest in online. But it seems that one or both of us come to the final conclusion that it's just not the same as a regular cuddle buddy, a warm hand to hold, no special date, just being in the same room because it's the best place I can imagine. Someone to sit and watch a movie with, or grocery shop, who enjoys waiting with me at the DMV...these things, imho, are the stuff of life that can be a complete blast with a good companion. In my mind, the fairy-tale stuff is easy - people seem to fall in and out of love almost like changing clothes. But it's real life and growth, learning to cook your favorite dish and surprising you with it on a Wednesday night for no reason at all...that's the stuff Internet dating, especially long-distance, seems to be allergic to. The impromptu drive to the ocean while playing hookie in the middle of a working week, just because I can't wait until the weekend to spend time with you. Am I wrong? I want to fit someone that wants to fit me, the rest is like good wine. I always go "huh" when it seems like people want to let their infatuations lead them, without much thought about what it means if the object of their desire wants an actual relationship. All spark, no flame. And before you know it, nothing left but stinky smoke.


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