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Are You Down with the Swirl? Repost Sort by:
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sistercounselor
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Posted on Mon, Nov 08, 2010 10:45

Here I go on my soap box, but um, I gotta say it. So, I'm a 42 year old, educated African American woman (with a lil Latino flavor..okay, Grammy was mexican) and I'm single. In my community, the numbers are stacked against me. We outnumber our black men 7 to 1 and when we factor in those who 1) are in prison 2) are homosexual 3) are without a high school diploma 4) date other races exclusively, it looks pretty dismal for me. The numbers increase to 12 to 1. My black male friends find me "amazing" but also say my qualifications can be "intimidating." This hurts, because dont' I deserve love too?  :( Uggh! Thus I've decided to open my mind to dating outside my race. I want and deserve love, committment and marriage from a man who values what I have to offer and what I bring to the table.


Have you guys dated outside of your race? What is it like? Why do some choose not to date outside the race? By the way, we call that "DOWN WITH THE SWIRL" ..the mixture of chocolate (black) and vanilla (white) and what's with these successful black men who prefer anything but a black woman? Even some white men want anything but a black woman? What's up with that? Umm, I don't bite. I want a man, too! Daaaang! Can a sistah get some love? I'm just sayin! Hee Hee! Help!!!!



Ms. Swirl Girl!

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migliore
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Posted on Sun, Nov 14, 2010 08:45

Bill,

Does SW Airlines go to B.C.?  I've got frequent flier miles  Ineed to use.



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migliore
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Posted on Sun, Nov 14, 2010 07:40

Hey, Sister Counselor, been meaning to tell you...just had to have time to let my thoughts come together...I've been down with "the swirl".  Nothin' new, and one of things I've learned about soldiers is they are equal opportunity employers when it comes to having fun.  Heard the same thing about sailors and Marines -- wherever there is a port of call they get off the ship and find people to party with of all cultures, colors, races and creeds.  Sure it's true with the Air Force as well, and oh by the way, there are alot of nice ladies and gentlemen in the Air Force.

 

Mind you, I stay away from calling it "the swirl" because in a football locker room "the swirl" means something a little different. I'm going to avoid going there since this is a family website.  On a deeper level it ain't about swirling, it's about mixing it up because that's what's going on any time two people reach out to each other.  And when you have something good going on there are always people who have something to say about it. When I've got something good, do you know how much I care what friends, family, neighbors, pets, etc. thing about it?  I'll give you one guess.

 

Reminds me of a song "We got our own thing".  That's what it's all about in a partnership, baby, and my guidance to the well-wishers mentioned above is that I always welcome honest, supportive feedback.  Cuts and comments designed to manipulate or impose will be intercepted and returned to sender for safe keeping.

 

And, Bell'Amica, I'll be honest I've never given a lot of thought to numbers or equations when it comes to happiness.  Reason is I believe that love and faith trumps numbers.  I've yet to find the culture or color or name of people who have a monopoly on virtue or vice.  So do the right thing and remember, rather than trying to find the right person, just be the right person.  See who that attracts.  

 

Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  Being down with the truth is a sweet place to be. Ladies and gentlemen from every corner of the earth can rejoice because when we're walking in the light we're going places.   

 

Peace, pax, pace, Shalom Sorella Consulente.  Chiedete e vi sarà dato; cercate e troverete; bussate e vi sarà aperto.

 

 

 

 



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wwww12345
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Posted on Wed, Nov 10, 2010 15:58

It looks like to me that blacks are doing much better in the last ten years, however whites are not. I am not vouching for the numbers.. Search the web for this web page. African Americans by the Numbers From the U.S. Census Bureau Serving Our Nation 2.3 million Number of single-race black military veterans in the United States in 2008. More military veterans are black than any other minority group. Education Note: 83% Among single-race blacks 25 and older, the proportion who had at least a high school diploma in 2008. 20% Percentage of single-race blacks 25 and older who had a bachelor's degree or higher in 2008. 1.4 million Among single-race blacks 25 and older, the number who had an advanced degree in 2007 (e.g., master's, doctorate, medical or law). In 1998, 857,000 blacks had this level of education. 2.5 million Number of single-race black college students in fall 2008. This was roughly double the corresponding number from 15 years earlier. Voting About 2.1 Million The increase in the number of black voters between the 2004 and 2008 presidential elections, to 16.1 million. The total number of voters rose by 5.4 million, to 131.1 million. 55% Turnout rate in the 2008 presidential election for the 18- to 24-year-old citizen black population, an 8 percent increase from 2004. Blacks had the highest turnout rate in this age group. 65% Turnout rate among black citizens in the 2008 presidential election, up about 5 percentage points from 2004. Looking at voter turnout by race and Hispanic origin, non-Hispanic whites and blacks had the highest turnout levels. Businesses $88.6 billion Revenues for black-owned businesses in 2002. The number of black-owned businesses totaled nearly 1.2 million in 2002. Black-owned firms accounted for 5% of all nonfarm businesses in the United States. 129,329 The number of black-owned firms in New York in 2002, which led all states. New York City alone had 98,080 such firms, which led all cities. 10,716 The number of black-owned firms operating in 2002 with receipts of $1 million or more. These firms accounted for 1% of the total number of black-owned firms in 2002 and 55% of their total receipts, or $49 billion. 969 The number of black-owned firms with 100 or more employees in 2002. Firms of this size accounted for 24% of the total revenue for black-owned employer firms in 2002, or $16 billion. Income, Poverty, and Health Insurance $34,218 The annual median income of single-race black households in 2008, a decline of 2.8 percent (in 2008 constant dollars) from 2007. 24.7% Poverty rate in 2008 for single-race blacks, statistically unchanged from 2007. 19.1% The percentage of single-race blacks lacking health insurance in 2008, statistically unchanged from 2007. Families and Children 63% Percentage of families among households with a single-race black householder. There were 8.5 million black family households. 44% Among families with single-race black householders, the percentage that are married couples. 1.2 million Number of single-race black grandparents living with their own grandchildren younger than 18. Of this number, 50 percent were also responsible for their care. Homeowership—the American Dream 46% Nationally, the percentage of households with a householder who is single-race black who lived in owner-occupied homes. The rate was higher in certain states, such as Mississippi, where it reached 59 percent. Jobs 27% The percentage of single-race blacks 16 and older who work in management, professional and related occupations. Read more:


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wwww12345
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Posted on Wed, Nov 10, 2010 15:34

Quoting billzeke:

Statistics and numbers work in some instances, but finding a one on one mate; IMHO; is not one of them. You make it sound like you're using the census bureau as a match maker. If I agreed with you I would head for Victoria, BC. There are 6 or 7 women to every guy there. What odds; not to mention Victoria is one of the nicest cities I have ever been in. I even mentioned it to 5W's. I figured he was a shoe-in for the move. LOL. All you need is one. But make it the right one. I think we all do better living amongst people we are compatible with socially, educationally and economically...



You should know me better than that bill. I am skeered of women. I want to move to a deserted island, not where there are more of them. Back in the old days you could go into space, or the army or a offshore oil rig and get away from them. Now there is no place safe. lol


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sistercounselor
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Posted on Wed, Nov 10, 2010 15:10

Quoting billzeke:

Statistics and numbers work in some instances, but finding a one on one mate; IMHO; is not one of them. You make it sound like you're using the census bureau as a match maker. If I agreed with you I would head for Victoria, BC. There are 6 or 7 women to every guy there. What odds; not to mention Victoria is one of the nicest cities I have ever been in. I even mentioned it to 5W's. I figured he was a shoe-in for the move. LOL. All you need is one. But make it the right one. I think we all do better living amongst people we are compatible with socially, educationally and economically...



Sweetheart, I concur. :) You are a wise man. Thank you for grounding me. Numbers do not matter, unless I make it an issue. In time, I will attract my companion. The best thing I can do is become the person I intend to receive. :) Victoria? Hmmm...sounds nice. Again, you are very prudent and positive and I like that a lot. Thanks Billzeke. Wonder if 5Ws is gonna go to Victoria. Hee Hee Hee. Oh, last thing, you're absolutely correct, we do better living amongst those ware are compatible with socially, educationally, and economically. Thats wisdom right threre. Thank you, friend. :)



Ms. Swirl Girl!

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billzeke
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Posted on Wed, Nov 10, 2010 11:51

Quoting sistercounselor:

Bill: When I say in my community, I am referencing the Black community, or the black race.

Still, your point is well taken and I thank you so much for it. I will heed your adivce, gladly. :)

Unfortunately, the numbers are stacked against black women, if we want a black man. Sure, there are GREAT black, educated men with good qualities, however, I want to give you a glimpse of what we are facing, my Love.  Snipes (2007) and Cuyjet (2006; Black Men in College) reported that in 2006, there were more black men in prison (840,000) than on the college campus (635,000). The retention of black men in college is the worst of all races. Only about 1/3 of black men who attend college are retained. As a retired college administrator, I understand the causes and the implications. Still, as a woman who desires companionship, I'd like to have an equal. Sadly, 70% of African American households are headed by women, which means that there are many men who have not had role models for marriage or fatherhood. Not to dump all this on you, dear friend, but I just wanted to give you an idea how things look in the black community. Its pretty sad and disheartening. But I LOVE YOUR POSITIVE ATTITUDE. And I accept it and embrace it for myself. If there is a problem, I need to pick myself up and move out of where I am to an upscale, diversified neighborhood and I will do jus that. You gave me the boost I needed. :)) Thank you, Love.


Statistics and numbers work in some instances, but finding a one on one mate; IMHO; is not one of them. You make it sound like you're using the census bureau as a match maker. If I agreed with you I would head for Victoria, BC. There are 6 or 7 women to every guy there. What odds; not to mention Victoria is one of the nicest cities I have ever been in. I even mentioned it to 5W's. I figured he was a shoe-in for the move. LOL. All you need is one. But make it the right one. I think we all do better living amongst people we are compatible with socially, educationally and economically...



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sistercounselor
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Posted on Wed, Nov 10, 2010 10:23

Quoting billzeke:

I have a question for you Swirl. Based upon your  description of your own attributes, successes and accomplishments plus your own description of the community you reside in; I can't help but wonder why you don't just move into a more upscale and diversified neighborhood??? Might just solve a lot of your problems...



Bill: When I say in my community, I am referencing the Black community, or the black race.

Still, your point is well taken and I thank you so much for it. I will heed your adivce, gladly. :)

Unfortunately, the numbers are stacked against black women, if we want a black man. Sure, there are GREAT black, educated men with good qualities, however, I want to give you a glimpse of what we are facing, my Love.  Snipes (2007) and Cuyjet (2006; Black Men in College) reported that in 2006, there were more black men in prison (840,000) than on the college campus (635,000). The retention of black men in college is the worst of all races. Only about 1/3 of black men who attend college are retained. As a retired college administrator, I understand the causes and the implications. Still, as a woman who desires companionship, I'd like to have an equal. Sadly, 70% of African American households are headed by women, which means that there are many men who have not had role models for marriage or fatherhood. Not to dump all this on you, dear friend, but I just wanted to give you an idea how things look in the black community. Its pretty sad and disheartening. But I LOVE YOUR POSITIVE ATTITUDE. And I accept it and embrace it for myself. If there is a problem, I need to pick myself up and move out of where I am to an upscale, diversified neighborhood and I will do jus that. You gave me the boost I needed. :)) Thank you, Love.



Ms. Swirl Girl!

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sistercounselor
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Posted on Wed, Nov 10, 2010 09:26

Quoting billzeke:

I have a question for you Swirl. Based upon your  description of your own attributes, successes and accomplishments plus your own description of the community you reside in; I can't help but wonder why you don't just move into a more upscale and diversified neighborhood??? Might just solve a lot of your problems...



You know, what, Love? You bring up an EXCELLENT point. I shall heed your advise. Thank you. Well that solved that problem, huh? :)) Muah! Smooches, my friend.



Ms. Swirl Girl!

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billzeke
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Posted on Wed, Nov 10, 2010 09:01

I have a question for you Swirl. Based upon your  description of your own attributes, successes and accomplishments plus your own description of the community you reside in; I can't help but wonder why you don't just move into a more upscale and diversified neighborhood??? Might just solve a lot of your problems...



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rmac22
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Posted on Tue, Nov 09, 2010 07:24

Quoting sistercounselor:

That's a great idea. If I do that, will guys of other ethnnicities bother to contact me also? I'm completely open to any ethnicities. You're a genius!!! :)


They likely will be discouraged. You may need to run multiple profiles. rmac22


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sistercounselor
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Posted on Tue, Nov 09, 2010 06:30

Quoting Conyersguy:

Maybe we've seen too many "Stella & her Groove Back" type movies. We're afrid you'll hurt us. Literally, not figuratively. :):) Kidding, of course. Here, it's more the opposite. Most of us older rural white guys seem to conjure up images of white sheets and 'hey, boy' days, I guess. A reverse elitism, really, from bright black women who ought to know better. Just one guy's humble opinion. -CG-


Lol! CG! I do have a lot of energy, sooooo, I might hurt an older guy a little. Wink Wink.

You must be in the south? Yes, bright black women should know better. You know what? Another thing is black women are not "allowed" to date outside of our race. I know that sounds peculiar. Black men do it, but they look down on us and have ill words for us if we do it. I've asked intelligent professional black men why is this the case? Can you believe they said to be, "because dating a white man is like dating Massah! (Slave Master). How could you do this to us?" I responded, "But you date white women and women of all ethnicities; how fair is that?" They responded that white women did not sale us into slavery or rape us. So what are we to do, stay single?!  They tell me to wait on a good black man. What the F?! The numbers are stacked against me. If I wait on them, I'll never get my Grove on! Hee Hee. Forget that double standard! But to your point, black women who ought to know better still have the image of slavery in our heads; fear what black men will say to us; have unrealistic expectations of a mate; worry if our sons will be okay; listen to lame preachers tell us that some good christian black man is gonna be sent by God and sweep us off our feet, if we just keep praying, and as a result, end up bitter and alone. The devil is a lie! Lol! Not me. Hee Hee. We need to wake up those women where you are, CG.

I told my Mom the other day that I went out on a date with 2 white guys and they treated me with so much kindness. They also told ME to loosen up, because I was so afraid of what others would think. (LOL) but those were my best dates. One lived so far though and the other became my great friend! To this day, he checks on me and makes sure I'm okay. People are human. We must get passed skin color. We are not our hair or skin, but the soul which lies within. :)



Ms. Swirl Girl!

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sistercounselor
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Posted on Tue, Nov 09, 2010 06:18

Quoting rmac22:

Here is what you do. Do not say no pref to ethnicity. Say white, for example. It is more flattering to think, "Hey, she prefers someone like me." Might wake up a few white guys. Otherwise we think, "She's black, she wants a black guy." Same idea for any other ethnicity.


That's a great idea. If I do that, will guys of other ethnnicities bother to contact me also? I'm completely open to any ethnicities. You're a genius!!! :)



Ms. Swirl Girl!

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DONTFITMOLD
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Posted on Mon, Nov 08, 2010 17:32

incite delight..white ignite


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D ( @ )( @ )

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sistercounselor
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Posted on Mon, Nov 08, 2010 12:33

Quoting DONTFITMOLD:

As in the grocery ice cream freezer, this country is not just vanilla and chocolate, We are such a mixture of cultures and skin tones that its difficuilt to lay claim on any "purity". My military brat upbringing exposed me to many cultures of all tints, and soon learned that we all want the same things, Love, respect, and attention.

 

Non Vanilla to me are exotic in their perspectives and look. Most are unpresumming and real.Unfortunately many.. not all.. vanillas have an entitlement attitude that i dont find appealing.

 

So open the feezer and taste a new flavor.....might just find you like the texture



I LOVE exotic flavors. Soon as I find one, Imma dive right in! Hee Hee. Heck, I'll take vanilla! Whatever is in the freezer that won't give me frost bite...I'm game! I'm up for it. :)



Ms. Swirl Girl!

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rmac22
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Posted on Mon, Nov 08, 2010 12:24

Here is what you do. Do not say no pref to ethnicity. Say white, for example. It is more flattering to think, "Hey, she prefers someone like me." Might wake up a few white guys. Otherwise we think, "She's black, she wants a black guy." Same idea for any other ethnicity.


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DONTFITMOLD
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Posted on Mon, Nov 08, 2010 12:24

As in the grocery ice cream freezer, this country is not just vanilla and chocolate, We are such a mixture of cultures and skin tones that its difficuilt to lay claim on any "purity". My military brat upbringing exposed me to many cultures of all tints, and soon learned that we all want the same things, Love, respect, and attention.

 

Non Vanilla to me are exotic in their perspectives and look. Most are unpresumming and real.Unfortunately many.. not all.. vanillas have an entitlement attitude that i dont find appealing.

 

So open the feezer and taste a new flavor.....might just find you like the texture



D ( @ )( @ )

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