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Posted on Wed, Oct 27, 2010 01:09

I was asked to post the following essay that I wrote about 30 years ago as a discussion topic. Open for discussion.
*****************************************************


What are you looking for in a mate? Are you looking for the "right stuff"

My view:

People's assets, traits, and qualities can generally be categorized into three positive categories plus a negative category.

1. Those assets you were BORN WITH, and had nothing to do with: Such as beauty, intelligence, inherited wealth and family money, good genetic mental health, good genetic physical health, sexy looks, natural talents or abilities, charisma, inherited social position, etc. Some of these characteristics, such as good looks, money, etc.  are often “flashy” and attract a lot of attention and admiration in most societies. However, this category of traits does not make you a “class act” by any means. Regardless of the items on this list, the key factor is that you had to do nothing to gain these assets.

2. Those assets you had to WORK FOR to obtain: Traits and accomplishments such as: education; interests, knowledge, wisdom, developed skills and abilities; accomplishments, personality, development as a whole and balanced person; common sense, sound philosophy of life, tolerance of others; trying to be good, trying to be a good parent or role model; admirable but realistic values; open and honest with yourself and others, knowing yourself; good work ethic. They may have: wealth, success, pleasant personality, sociable, interesting, a good leader; have a balanced personality, sound goals, ideas, etc. They may recognize their special talents and try to improve their weaknesses; accept challenges in life, etc. Regardless of the components of the list, the key factor is that you had to work and expend effort to gain these assets.

3. Those assets that define your CHARACTER and the higher-level traits of a good human being: Such as: honesty, integrity, honor, compassion, kindness, flexible, understanding, responsible, affectionate, patient, tolerant, capable of love, stable, good morals, spiritual, dependable, easy going, mature, willingness to compromise, be slow to anger, help the less fortunate, and about 60 other higher level traits of a good human being.

These people usually are able to give love to people who deserve it, and sometimes to those that don’t. Their respect, love or affection cannot be bought with flowers, dinners, promises, status, position, wealth, being catered too, or any of the ways that people put a price on their selves.

4. NEGATIVE traits

A few are: drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, rage, unjustified anger, undependable, immature; unrealistic expectations; sensation seeking; emotionally cold and unfeeling, feeling they are “entitled”, being "self centered", and the lack of the many positive traits. Of utmost importance are the harmful personality disorders, which cover many negative behavior traits and bad behavior. It is important to understand that the sociopath and psychopaths of the world cause much more damage (often to millions or even nations) than the town drunk will ever cause.

 

5. SCORE KEEPING I believe we all keep score. Our score, and the score of others. This score is the sum of the positive traits, minus the negative traits, modified (weighted) by a priority system that each of us has - what we value the most, hate the most. We use this weighted score to determine our value, and the value of others.

In my humble opinion,
The third and fourth categories are the most important. We can appreciate the other categories

 

One final question/comment.. Are you the "right stuff" for a mate who really does has the right stuff?  If not, do you realize what you need to work on?   Can you fix the problems or would you rather just go through life with the "wrong stuff"?

 

 

Your comments?


copyright 1980
permission granted for this post on MM



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Posted on Sun, Oct 23, 2016 13:32

It is almost a given that you will not be able to find a mate that is "perfect" for you,  that has everything you want in a mate.  Now the real question is:

 

What are you willing to give up?    Will it be in group 1, 2, 3, or will you accept serious negative traits?

 

 



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Posted on Thu, Sep 29, 2016 00:34

Continuing the discussion on Intelligence..
In my career I was fortunate to work with or observe thousands of intelligent people.  From nuclear physicists to toxicologists,  to life sciences and earth resources scientists, cancer cellular research (PhD biology), programmers, all kinds of engineers and science majors, to formally trained musicians who turned into computer operating systems programmers or project managers to make a living.  I met a lot of the early pioneers in computers and software at trade shows and at IEEE POSIX working meetings every quarter.  Some were genius, some were just hard workers who applied themselves. Most of the good ones were not in academia, they were actually producing or building or inventing new stuff.

It is hard to arrive at a good answer as to what made them better, their intelligence better than the norm.  Certainly motivation and curiosity were primary factors but not the only factors.   One very respect professor I worked with some and whose work we were using to develop software for the computer recognition of cancer cells using pattern recognition formulas he developed told me that his brain changed when he took heavy doses of  a antibiotic for several months.  He changed from being horrible in math but good in languages (7 languages), to becoming gifted in math but he lost his excellent language skills.   He said that he thought his RNA was changed by the antibiotic thus the changes to his brain.. Now that seems pretty far fetched, hard to believe,  but here is what I pulled from his web page, like I said, respected:
 

Professor Emeritus of Optical Sciences
Director of Quantitative Diagnostic and Histopathologic Laboratory
Professor Emeritus of Pathology

 

Positions and Honors: 
International Academy of Cytology, Honorary Fellow, 1970
The University of Arizona Foundation, Creative Research Award, 1978
NASA Achievement Award, 1980
National Cancer Institute, Outstanding Investigator Award, 1991-1997
American Registry of Pathology, 1992 Ash Lecture
Lifetime Achievement Award, International Society for Diagnostic Quantitative Histopathology, 1998

I guess people in all of their shapes and forms with all of their differences are fascinating to me.   I never get tired of observing and learning about them, from them..



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Posted on Wed, Sep 28, 2016 19:43

Quoting wwww12345:

Intelligence is a big word.   According to Garner, there are 9 kinds of intelligence. Other people added two or three more but all have missed the most important type of intelligence in my openion: systems intelligence.  They can't even define it because they don't have it.. I am not even sure I can define it in a way that it can be easily understood. One group tried to define or describe systems intelligence but they got it wrong because again, they didn't have it. I think it is the most important type of intelligence of all.  Most major advances are made by people who "have it", and they are rare.

 

Anyway, Intelligence has many meanings and most people only think it means one or two things.


 Hello WWWW12345...

 

After Garner emerged from his research... it didn’t seem as though he found anything new.  Well, nothing that hundreds of societies didn’t know before.

 

Gardner chose eight abilities that he held to meet these criteria: musical–rhythmic, visual–spatial, verbal–linguistic, logical–mathematical, bodily–kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, and naturalistic. He later suggested that existential and moral intelligence may also be worthy of inclusion.  His finding also supports how flaw it is to judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree. 

 

The fact is that we are all genius at something. I’ve had the pleasure to meet an artist who paints with their feet, because they were born without arms… magnificent art, and they do quite well supporting their self with their truly unique in special talent. They like many others go through life doing the best with what they have to work with.  History has proven that more than 90% of major advances are actually made by those we never see on the front-page. We just need to think about whom it is that are working for these companies. Lol  Employees?  The 10%... government, even then, it's people behind the advances.  

 

For instance, Steve Jobs we like to think he is the Apple brains, but he is not. He is Apples’ marketing brains, but not the intelligence behind the idea and product.  Steve is not technical… he hires the intelligence. So why do people referred to him when speaking about apple? I suppose they are misinformed.  Few know that it was Steve Wozniak, Bill Fernandez as the brains behind the machine.

 

This same story is repeated over and over again with advances throughout history. Steve marketing skills are great, but it would never be needed without the skills of those who had the technical talents. Many refer to marketing as artificial intelligence. What we tend to remember marketing campaigns… unless we read the Wall Street Journal or other like publications.

 

http://www.​techrepublic.com/article/apples-first-employee-​the-remarkable-odyssey-of-bill-fernandez/​

 

I think most would agree that Garner findings are what any parent who raised several children already knows though real life experience.  That would be that all children are genius and the key is to open their world to unlock each unique genius.

 

Check out garner's findings, most people won’t find it complicated.

 

http://www.tecweb.org/styles/gardner.html

 

May peace be with you... :>)

 



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Posted on Mon, Sep 26, 2016 13:16

Intelligence is a big word.   According to Garner, there are 9 kinds of intelligence. Other people added two or three more but all have missed the most important type of intelligence in my openion: systems intelligence.  They can't even define it because they don't have it.. I am not even sure I can define it in a way that it can be easily understood. One group tried to define or describe systems intelligence but they got it wrong because again, they didn't have it. I think it is the most important type of intelligence of all.  Most major advances are made by people who "have it", and they are rare.

 

Anyway, Intelligence has many meanings and most people only think it means one or two different types.



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Posted on Mon, Sep 26, 2016 12:48

Quoting wwww12345:

I was asked to post the following essay that I wrote about 30 years ago as a discussion topic. Open for discussion.
*****************************************************


What are you looking for in a mate? Are you looking for the "right stuff"

My view:

People's assets, traits, and qualities can generally be categorized into three positive categories plus a negative category.

1. Those assets you were BORN WITH, and had nothing to do with: Such as beauty, intelligence, inherited wealth and family money, good genetic mental health, good genetic physical health, sexy looks, natural talents or abilities, charisma, inherited social position, etc. Some of these characteristics, such as good looks, money, etc.  are often “flashy” and attract a lot of attention and admiration in most societies. However, this category of traits does not make you a “class act” by any means. Regardless of the items on this list, the key factor is that you had to do nothing to gain these assets.

2. Those assets you had to WORK FOR to obtain: Traits and accomplishments such as: education; interests, knowledge, wisdom, developed skills and abilities; accomplishments, personality, development as a whole and balanced person; common sense, sound philosophy of life, tolerance of others; trying to be good, trying to be a good parent or role model; admirable but realistic values; open and honest with yourself and others, knowing yourself; good work ethic. They may have: wealth, success, pleasant personality, sociable, interesting, a good leader; have a balanced personality, sound goals, ideas, etc. They may recognize their special talents and try to improve their weaknesses; accept challenges in life, etc. Regardless of the components of the list, the key factor is that you had to work and expend effort to gain these assets.

3. Those assets that define your CHARACTER and the higher-level traits of a good human being: Such as: honesty, integrity, honor, compassion, kindness, flexible, understanding, responsible, affectionate, patient, tolerant, capable of love, stable, good morals, spiritual, dependable, easy going, mature, willingness to compromise, be slow to anger, help the less fortunate, and about 60 other higher level traits of a good human being.

These people usually are able to give love to people who deserve it, and sometimes to those that don’t. Their respect, love or affection cannot be bought with flowers, dinners, promises, status, position, wealth, being catered too, or any of the ways that people put a price on their selves.

4. NEGATIVE traits

A few are: drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, rage, unjustified anger, undependable, immature; unrealistic expectations; sensation seeking; emotionally cold and unfeeling, feeling they are “entitled”, being "self centered", and the lack of the many positive traits. Of utmost importance are the harmful personality disorders, which cover many negative behavior traits and bad behavior. It is important to understand that the sociopath and psychopaths of the world cause much more damage (often to millions or even nations) than the town drunk will ever cause.

 

5. SCORE KEEPING I believe we all keep score. Our score, and the score of others. This score is the sum of the positive traits, minus the negative traits, modified (weighted) by a priority system that each of us has - what we value the most, hate the most. We use this weighted score to determine our value, and the value of others.

In my humble opinion,
The third and fourth categories are the most important. We can appreciate the other categories

 

One final question/comment.. Are you the "right stuff" for a mate who really does has the right stuff?  If not, do you realize what you need to work on?   Can you fix the problems or would you rather just go through life with the "wrong stuff"?

 

 

Your comments?


copyright 1980
permission granted for this post on MM



Thank you 4-the subject and the opportunity to post.

 

Interesting points being made here... some would require a deeper understanding of the meaning. Intelligence for example is based on one's point of view; it is relative according to the raw material indicating the capability of independent thought. Even within that realm, artificial intelligence vs natural intelligence (and) artificial talent vs natural talent. Everyone at birth is a genus and has potential for intellegence. However, this subject is so vast; it would require more than a post to elaborate.

 

That now said, more scholarly studies concluded that the skills and knowledge you have are the result of your family, and environment. However, it is not a genetic relation, but rather, an educational one. Children inherit practical intelligence, which is the knowledge that comes from the way your parents and nurturers communicate with you.

 

Genius is 20% and 80% is intuitiveness, creativity, and talent that rest in the hands of motivation. Combined, they develop a level of intelligence.  If we put Albert Einstein in the middle of the jungle to live for a few months, with a pen and paper, would he starve to death? lol

 

May you be at peace where-ever you are WWWW12345...:)

 


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Posted on Mon, Sep 26, 2016 07:52

Funtimes, Maybe you need to spend 20 years studying religions, ten didn't seem to do much for you.  The history of Islam is absolutely horrible and evil and your opinion will not change that fact.  I have paid a lot of attention to that one religion since 9/11, it's history, it's strategic goals and objectives, tactics, etc..  It is a danger to the entire world, just as it was a thousand years ago.  It's in their books if you bother to read the right ones.  It is almost totally lacking in the character traits of a good human and that again is a fact.

 

The off subject topics will be erased from this blog. This is not what the blog is all about.

 

 



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Posted on Sat, Sep 24, 2016 20:12

I added the following paragraph about score keeping to the original post.

 

 

 

5. SCORE KEEPING I believe we all keep score. Our score and the score of others. This score is the sum of the positive traits, minus the negative traits, modified (weighted) by a priority system that each of us has - what we value the most, hate the most. We use this weighted score to determine our value, and the value of others.



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Posted on Mon, Sep 28, 2015 05:25

I am bumping this old post for any new members who might like to comment.  I am always interested in comments to the post.

bump



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Posted on Thu, Jun 06, 2013 17:19

Quoting rmac22:

wwww12345

 

Since I first saw it I have liked this essay.  I have one small point where I differ though.  I think, at least to some extent, one can develop one’s intelligence beyond its inherited value.   At the same time, I think one can waste it and not live up to its inherited value.

 

RMac   

 

 

 

 

 

 


I agree that the mind can be developed much beyond it's inherited state.  In fact, it must be exercised to reach it's full potential, and it can even be changed by exposure to things that exercise and develop different kinds of intelligence.  There are 11 or 12 different types of intelligence and most people are born with a few, but with practice, can develop more.



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Posted on Wed, Jun 05, 2013 21:02

Very good thoughts WWWW... 

 

I do agree w/ RMAC however.. Intelligence can be achieved on a bit of a higher level, but more so, I think "outter beauty" can as well. Additionally, BOTH of those can be stifled too. 

 

As WINDY stated, "good health" can be attained. I mean, sure, many people are predisposed to certain elements of poor genes.. But look at Angelina Jolie... Double mastectomy.. yet still beautiful and carrying herself well... 

 

Although it is obvious some people are born with "easier" beauty, most beautiful women maintain their beauty due to how they care for themselves. I feel all people can attain better beauty outwardly if they took a bit more pride in their appearance. 

 

And if everyone strives for #3... 

 

Well, that encompasses the inner beauty!

 

GREAT THOUGHTS! ;)



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Posted on Tue, Jun 04, 2013 21:14

wwww12345

 

Since I first saw it I have liked this essay.  I have one small point where I differ though.  I think, at least to some extent, one can develop one’s intelligence beyond its inherited value.   At the same time, I think one can waste it and not live up to its inherited value.

 

RMac   

 

 

 

 

 

 



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Posted on Sun, Apr 28, 2013 23:07

@ Windrider....I agree with you and I certainly think friendship has to be the foundation of any good relationship.



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Posted on Sun, Apr 28, 2013 21:31

 

 

wwww12345...

 

The things I look most for in the people I surround myself with, be it friend or possible mate, would be...in order of importance to me...the things you list in #3 and 2. Things that are handed to you aren't necessarily assets. Okay, so good health is sought after by most of us, but that can be achieved by a healthy lifestyle. What makes a person attractive to me is who and what they are as an individual. Looks and wealth have nothing to do with that...what makes them stand out is the integrity and beauty that shines from within.

 

In my opinion, if a person can't take the time to get to know someone on a personal level... regardless of their looks or financial status...they're too shallow for me to waste my time on. I try not to judge the way others live their lives, their choices have nothing to do with what I'm looking for...nor will it influence the values I place upon what really matters  (to me) in others.

 

Your question was. "What are you looking for in a mate". My answer would have to be the same things I look for in good friends...but with that magical spark that ignites a fire that can't be put out with the rain that falls in all of our every day lives.



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Posted on Fri, May 25, 2012 08:18

I am not sure what is happening on this blog but I am getting notices of comments but they don't seem to be posted.. Sorry about that..

@sundance .. I was in my early 30's when I first wrote this..

 



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Posted on Wed, May 23, 2012 13:55

1234, This essay is remarkable, I'm wondering how old you were when you wrote this?



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Posted on Sat, Feb 11, 2012 23:21

I think I was about 35 or 36 when I wrote that.. I am glad you enjoyed it.


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Posted on Thu, Nov 25, 2010 02:24

Quoting Sammie1951:

Enjoying this great discussion among all! Great incite regarding character, most people now a days have no idea what the word even means! wwww12345, your Essay should be published and required reading in our schools! Wish I had it years ago when molding my girls characters; used "Character Sketches" instead while home schooling. Curious2078, Outward beauty means nothing to a blind man, but he can feel, sense, touch, smell and even taste the depths of a persons character and soul! Another great book: Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work By Babiak Paul, Hare Robert D. Regan Books 2007 Thank You All! Sammie

I have heard that is a great book, thanks for posting. I certainly have known snakes in suits. They can do horrible amounts of damage. Enron comes to mind as a good example that most people know about, but there are thousands of unknown examples, at every level of management, in every industry. In fact, most probably don't even wear suits, they may just own a lawn service, etc.


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Posted on Mon, Nov 08, 2010 03:11

Quoting Sammie1951:

Enjoying this great discussion among all! Great incite regarding character, most people now a days have no idea what the word even means! wwww12345, your Essay should be published and required reading in our schools! Wish I had it years ago when molding my girls characters; used "Character Sketches" instead while home schooling. Curious2078, Outward beauty means nothing to a blind man, but he can feel, sense, touch, smell and even taste the depths of a persons character and soul! Another great book: Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work By Babiak Paul, Hare Robert D. Regan Books 2007 Thank You All! Sammie


Hi Sammie! I used Character Sketches for my boys too, homeschooled a bunch as well. I'm stepping off this month as president of an independent program, just shy of 1k students, and need to be replaced. Curious?? Location, as you must know, is not an issue, lol. Message me. Oh Yeah, major hijack...and welcome Sammie to our little home :)


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Posted on Sat, Nov 06, 2010 17:40

Quoting Curious2078:

Still no drawing.  Hmmm.  Have you tried sending it telepathically?  That way it might just pass by the "monitor gods" so we could all see it.  I'm most curious.


It is a scanned printed page. MM may have a size limitation, left over from the dark ages of dial up, but if they do, MM should at least have the courtesy to inform the poster of the problem. And if they do have a size limitation, perhaps they should try to get out of the dark ages somehow. I have posted the drawing on other web sites with no problems at all.


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