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wwww12345
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Posted on Thu, Oct 21, 2010 22:38

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat. He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance.. never really wanted to." A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector - not wanting to get a toe blown off - started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barrelled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's aZZ?" The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to." There are a few lessons for us all here: Never be arrogant. Don't waste ammunition. Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. Always, always make sure you know who has the power. Don't mess with old men; they didn't get old by being stupid. I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?


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wwww12345
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Posted on Thu, Oct 28, 2010 00:06

Little Old Lady with Two garbage bags A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag." "Oh, really? Darn!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me." "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?" "Oh, no," said the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of tailgate fans come and pee through a hole in the fence and onto my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his "thingie" through the fence, I grab it and say,'$20 or it comes off. ' "Well, that seems only fair" laughs the cop. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?" "Well, you know, not everybody pays"...


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Curious2078
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Posted on Mon, Oct 25, 2010 16:03

Thanks, Bern--and Bill--for the jokes.  They came at a time when I sure needed a few good laughs.

 

Pat



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attaboy127
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Posted on Mon, Oct 25, 2010 06:40

OK, everybody!!!!!   If I were old, I would certainly be offended!   (LOL)

Keep up those great jokes.    Laughing is good for this older generation, sonny!

God bless,

John



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wwww12345
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Posted on Sun, Oct 24, 2010 12:38

I overheard the receptionist admit to another customer, "I haven't taken my vitamins today. I'm walking around unprotected." The customer commiserated with her, but then added, "I haven't taken my Prozac today—everyone's walking around unprotected."


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wwww12345
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Posted on Sun, Oct 24, 2010 12:36

Old Wisdom After working his farm every day, an old farmer rarely had time to enjoy the large pond in the back that he had fixed up years earlier with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and benches. So one evening he decided to go down and see how things were holding up. Much to his surprise, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a group of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave." The old farmer replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked. I only came down to feed the alligator."


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wwww12345
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Posted on Sun, Oct 24, 2010 11:49

AT THE HOTEL It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady comes running towards her screaming. "Please come quickly!" she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!" The receptionist immediately rushes up to the old lady's room. "Where is he?" asked the receptionist. "He's over there," replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel. The receptionist looks over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment. "It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said reassuringly. "And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?" "The dresser, honey!" screamed the old lady. "Try standing on the dresser!"


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wwww12345
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Posted on Sun, Oct 24, 2010 11:48

I am not saying who this is, you understand.

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Michelle0097
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Posted on Sat, Oct 23, 2010 17:58

Loved these! You guys made my day! Thanks! :-)


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billzeke
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Posted on Sat, Oct 23, 2010 07:35

OLD COUPLE.

 

 

 

Double click on the pic. to blow it up. Then maximize the page...


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wwww12345
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Posted on Fri, Oct 22, 2010 11:58

OLD WOMEN An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the storm, when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find him, so the captain sent the old woman back to shore with the promise that he would notify her as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old woman got a fax from the boat. It read: 'Ma'am, sorry to inform you, we found your husband dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled him up to the deck and attached to his butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 Please advise.' The old woman faxed back: 'Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.'


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wwww12345
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Posted on Fri, Oct 22, 2010 11:57

OLD WOMEN When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, 'I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.' I said, 'Well, then why are you crying?' She said, 'He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon... I said, 'Well, why are you crying?' She said, 'For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.' I said, 'Well, why in the world would you be crying?' She said, 'I can't remember where I live!'


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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Fri, Oct 22, 2010 01:05

lol 4 Ws I allways appreciate your stories and this particular one especially..... the old guys really DO rock!


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