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DONTFITMOLD Recommended
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Posted on Mon, Sep 06, 2010 20:45

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.



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DONTFITMOLD Recommended
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Posted on Wed, Sep 08, 2010 06:45

Hade a Fender-bender with a cadilac...with dark windows.

  The Drivers door opens up .....and out jumps this DWARF !

   He steams over to my car....Obviously extremly upset !!

    With baited breath , he yells out : ....."I AM NOT HAPPY !!!"

      I couldn't restrain myself ..and replied:

      "OKAY, WHICH ONE ARE YOU ???"



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DONTFITMOLD Recommended
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Posted on Wed, Sep 08, 2010 06:43

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
while we were in bed.  I turned to her and said, 'Do you want
to have Sex?'  'No,' she answered.  I then  said, 'Is  that  your
final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." 



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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Wed, Sep 08, 2010 00:22

Quoting DONTFITMOLD

Kinky darlin....I didnt know you had nice gams....fancy that....lol



lol they go all the way to the top Mold!


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Curious2078
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Posted on Tue, Sep 07, 2010 18:59

Ther's a zillion of these jokes out there on the internet....but....I'd forgotten about them until your blog.

 

Thanks for reminding me, Moldy.  They are all funny enough to kill any pains I might be going through.

 

Love you, toots.

 

Your "daughter."  [Sophia insisted on that.....]

 

Pat



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DONTFITMOLD Recommended
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Posted on Tue, Sep 07, 2010 06:14

Quoting Tinkerbelle

LOL Mold LOVE those


Kinky darlin....I didnt know you had nice gams....fancy that....lol



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Posted on Tue, Sep 07, 2010 05:57

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the  van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing
50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and then I
discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the
house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my
wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather
out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"



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Posted on Tue, Sep 07, 2010 05:56

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed.  But, somehow I always had something else to take
care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. It was always something more
important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for
a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and
when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish
cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.



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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Mon, Sep 06, 2010 22:40

LOL Mold LOVE those


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Posted on Mon, Sep 06, 2010 20:48

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my
age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the
woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly
silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application..When I got home, I excitedly told
my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...She said, 'You should
have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'



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DONTFITMOLD Recommended
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Posted on Mon, Sep 06, 2010 20:47

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy
with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really
need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."



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