Ive been reading a lot lately about members saying that they wont settle. An interesting word that , settle. What does it mean? Does it mean that they are striving to find perfection in a man?, all the boxes being ticked? I think so. My question bloggers is to say are we being realistic here? No one has it all or do they? In my experience of life ive never managed to find perfection. I think in many cases judging by the sheer numbers of women and indeed men on dating sites too many are looking for their own kind of perfection. They cant find it in real life , so have decided to cast their nets further into the realms of cyber land to trawl for it there. I read reams of angst from members ditching potential mates for the most trivial of reasons. I realise though that what may be trivial to me may be a deal breaker for others , but nevertheless in the main the reasons for dismissal are small. In life we all have to settle dont we? Life is about compromise isnt it? Because if its not we run the risk of being eternally disappointed. The trick is getting the most important things right and then compromising on the others. Learning to accept and live with anothers foibles and little quirks.Its the most sensible way to be. Flexibility, yes flexibility is the word, but what I see and read is intransigence. So , when i read the words I wont settle I smile and think another one has set the bar too high. Lets get real guys.
Ive been reading a lot lately about members saying that they wont settle. An interesting word that , settle. What does it mean?
Does it mean that they are striving to find perfection in a man?, all the boxes being ticked? I think so. My question bloggers is to say are we being realistic here?
No one has it all or do they? In my experience of life ive never managed to find perfection. I think in many cases judging by the sheer numbers of women and indeed men on dating sites too many are looking for their own kind of perfection. They cant find it in real life , so have decided to cast their nets further into the realms of cyber land to trawl for it there. I read reams of angst from members ditching potential mates for the most trivial of reasons. I realise though that what may be trivial to me may be a deal breaker for others , but nevertheless in the main the reasons for dismissal are small.
In life we all have to settle dont we? Life is about compromise isnt it? Because if its not we run the risk of being eternally disappointed. The trick is getting the most important things right and then compromising on the others. Learning to accept and live with anothers foibles and little quirks.Its the most sensible way to be. Flexibility, yes flexibility is the word, but what I see and read is intransigence.
So , when i read the words I wont settle I smile and think another one has set the bar too high. Lets get real guys.
lol Alicia thats just great but i was talking about those who never date because their criteria for entry is so complex . What say you then?
Quoting AliciaWonderland
Personally, I'd rather not be in a relationship at all than be in a bad one. Living in L.A. there are so many things to do and even staying home alone I can be very self-entertaining. I am one of those people looking for a soul mate, or at least someone fun and entertaining for a period of time. When things are not fun anymore, when you'd rather be alone or somewhere else, when you're just not happy when you're around that person, time to move on. Maybe it's selfish, but if I don't feel good about myself when I'm with someone, I'd rather NOT be with them. Life is short. I'd rather spend it being happy than settling for something that makes me unhappy. If you still get excited at the thought of seeing someone, then great. If going out with them becomes a chore and you'd rather stay home and watch "The Bachelor," definitely time for "NEXT!" :)
Quoting AliciaWonderland
Personally, I'd rather not be in a relationship at all than be in a bad one. Living in L.A. there are so many things to do and even staying home alone I can be very self-entertaining. I am one of those people looking for a soul mate, or at least someone fun and entertaining for a period of time. When things are not fun anymore, when you'd rather be alone or somewhere else, when you're just not happy when you're around that person, time to move on. Maybe it's selfish, but if I don't feel good about myself when I'm with someone, I'd rather NOT be with them. Life is short. I'd rather spend it being happy than settling for something that makes me unhappy. If you still get excited at the thought of seeing someone, then great. If going out with them becomes a chore and you'd rather stay home and watch "The Bachelor," definitely time for "NEXT!" :)
lol Alicia thats just great but i was talking about those who never date because their criteria for entry is so complex . What say you then?
Kate I think the thing about online is that they get to play at relationships and the searching thereof from the physical and emotional safety of a comp screen. Therefore they can set the bar to whatever they like because nothing is ever going to come of it anyway
Quoting Ekaterina35
I think that the problem is that online dating clubs create an illusion of choice, an illusion that with the next click of the mouse we will finally find that one and only perfect match, and everything will magically fall into its place, and a fairy tale will begin.
The reality is that nothing perfect exists in nature. THe result is that we spend many years living that dream, in an online dating club instead of having a real relationship and enjoying life, imperfect just the way it is supposed to be.
Quoting Ekaterina35
I think that the problem is that online dating clubs create an illusion of choice, an illusion that with the next click of the mouse we will finally find that one and only perfect match, and everything will magically fall into its place, and a fairy tale will begin.
The reality is that nothing perfect exists in nature. THe result is that we spend many years living that dream, in an online dating club instead of having a real relationship and enjoying life, imperfect just the way it is supposed to be.
Kate I think the thing about online is that they get to play at relationships and the searching thereof from the physical and emotional safety of a comp screen. Therefore they can set the bar to whatever they like because nothing is ever going to come of it anyway
Tinkerbelle-I was about half in love with by the time I started reading your thread.That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty... you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. {grin}
Quoting QrtrRacer
Tinkerbelle-I was about half in love with by the time I started reading your thread.That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty... you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. {grin}
Personally, I'd rather not be in a relationship at all than be in a bad one. Living in L.A. there are so many things to do and even staying home alone I can be very self-entertaining. I am one of those people looking for a soul mate, or at least someone fun and entertaining for a period of time. When things are not fun anymore, when you'd rather be alone or somewhere else, when you're just not happy when you're around that person, time to move on. Maybe it's selfish, but if I don't feel good about myself when I'm with someone, I'd rather NOT be with them. Life is short. I'd rather spend it being happy than settling for something that makes me unhappy. If you still get excited at the thought of seeing someone, then great. If going out with them becomes a chore and you'd rather stay home and watch "The Bachelor," definitely time for "NEXT!" :)
Personally, I'd rather not be in a relationship at all than be in a bad one. Living in L.A. there are so many things to do and even staying home alone I can be very self-entertaining. I am one of those people looking for a soul mate, or at least someone fun and entertaining for a period of time. When things are not fun anymore, when you'd rather be alone or somewhere else, when you're just not happy when you're around that person, time to move on. Maybe it's selfish, but if I don't feel good about myself when I'm with someone, I'd rather NOT be with them. Life is short. I'd rather spend it being happy than settling for something that makes me unhappy. If you still get excited at the thought of seeing someone, then great. If going out with them becomes a chore and you'd rather stay home and watch "The Bachelor," definitely time for "NEXT!" :)
I think that the problem is that online dating clubs create an illusion of choice, an illusion that with the next click of the mouse we will finally find that one and only perfect match, and everything will magically fall into its place, and a fairy tale will begin.
The reality is that nothing perfect exists in nature. THe result is that we spend many years living that dream, in an online dating club instead of having a real relationship and enjoying life, imperfect just the way it is supposed to be.
I think that the problem is that online dating clubs create an illusion of choice, an illusion that with the next click of the mouse we will finally find that one and only perfect match, and everything will magically fall into its place, and a fairy tale will begin.
The reality is that nothing perfect exists in nature. THe result is that we spend many years living that dream, in an online dating club instead of having a real relationship and enjoying life, imperfect just the way it is supposed to be.
Tinkerbelle-I was about half in love with by the time I started reading your thread.That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty... you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. {grin}
Tinkerbelle-I was about half in love with by the time I started reading your thread.That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty... you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. {grin}
Well Tink, you did it! Seems to me that you made the tranistion from soul to qualites of ............... (fill in the blank). Also agree that there are 'natural differences' which, in and of themselves, can bring a happiness, dare I say, to our souls. Thank you for your answer. John
Well Tink, you did it! Seems to me that you made the tranistion from soul to qualites of ............... (fill in the blank). Also agree that there are 'natural differences' which, in and of themselves, can bring a happiness, dare I say, to our souls.
Thank you for your answer. John
John I really cant see that theres a difference in the two. Setting the bar is something we all do even you. Call it nit picking , call it being fussy some call it standards integrity choose your description,but the bar whatever it is , remains, and if we dont have it we would accept anything would we not?. Negativity doesnt come in to it. Sure we all have standards. My point is that many set theirs too high. That their standards , their criteria for entry into the inner sanctum remains so strict, so comprehensive that they dont give people a chance. They dont allow for natural human interaction to take place. They forget that sometimes theres a natural beauty in the differences and idiosyncrasies we posess, that the coming together of two not so perfectly matched can also be a beautiful thing. Each adding to the other.
A lot is said about the soul. What is that I wonder? Is there such a thing?Its a pretty word for sure and is often used to describe many things about human beings. It seems to me that its a small overused word we use when trying to encompass the magnificence and complexity of those we call human beings. I would rather we were defined by our many qualities, what about you?
John I really cant see that theres a difference in the two. Setting the bar is something we all do even you. Call it nit picking , call it being fussy some call it standards integrity choose your description,but the bar whatever it is , remains, and if we dont have it we would accept anything would we not?. Negativity doesnt come in to it. Sure we all have standards. My point is that many set theirs too high. That their standards , their criteria for entry into the inner sanctum remains so strict, so comprehensive that they dont give people a chance. They dont allow for natural human interaction to take place. They forget that sometimes theres a natural beauty in the differences and idiosyncrasies we posess, that the coming together of two not so perfectly matched can also be a beautiful thing. Each adding to the other.
A lot is said about the soul. What is that I wonder? Is there such a thing?Its a pretty word for sure and is often used to describe many things about human beings. It seems to me that its a small overused word we use when trying to encompass the magnificence and complexity of those we call human beings. I would rather we were defined by our many qualities, what about you?
Darn fool. But I won't let his stubbornness about asking for directions be a deal breaker. However, if he's got such an awful sense of direction that he doesn't get here until 3 years after I'm dead, THAT will definitely be a deal-breaker. ROFL
Quoting Sophia2048
Pat...Someday your prince charming will come. He just now took wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for direction. LOLO LY S
Quoting Sophia2048
Pat...Someday your prince charming will come. He just now took wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for direction. LOLO LY S
Darn fool. But I won't let his stubbornness about asking for directions be a deal breaker. However, if he's got such an awful sense of direction that he doesn't get here until 3 years after I'm dead, THAT will definitely be a deal-breaker. ROFL
Dear Tink, I deliberately wrote 'souls-mate' and not just soul-mate. I feel that there is a difference in the two. On those huge, big things that we cannot and will not compromise on, I call that the matching of the souls. To me there is a difference, rather then the mere mating of the souls. (I hope that I am making some sense in the explanation.) That is where, I feel, that compatibility really is established--in the soul. We meet, we share and we find out what each of our souls contain. This is, again to me, what a lasting love is all about. It is hard to establish a lasting relationship through a long distance romance, but we have to start somewhere--don't we? Someone much smarter than I once said, 'you have to break the shell of the egg before you can scramble it up to eat'. You also have to get IN the GAME in order to WIN. Gold ring or booby prize, it is all up to you! Is it really a bar that we set? That sounds very negative. Maybe that is why those relationships fail as they start off on a negative footing! Living and lovin' ain't easy, but it is the best we have. My glass is usually overflowing! How about yours--everyone? God bless, John
Dear Tink,
I deliberately wrote 'souls-mate' and not just soul-mate. I feel that there is a difference in the two. On those huge, big things that we cannot and will not compromise on, I call that the matching of the souls. To me there is a difference, rather then the mere mating of the souls. (I hope that I am making some sense in the explanation.)
That is where, I feel, that compatibility really is established--in the soul. We meet, we share and we find out what each of our souls contain. This is, again to me, what a lasting love is all about. It is hard to establish a lasting relationship through a long distance romance, but we have to start somewhere--don't we?
Someone much smarter than I once said, 'you have to break the shell of the egg before you can scramble it up to eat'. You also have to get IN the GAME in order to WIN. Gold ring or booby prize, it is all up to you! Is it really a bar that we set? That sounds very negative. Maybe that is why those relationships fail as they start off on a negative footing! Living and lovin' ain't easy, but it is the best we have. My glass is usually overflowing! How about yours--everyone?
God bless,
John
Quoting Tink: Dont get me wrong I know we all have one of sorts but when that list becomes comprehensive its a bit of a worry ...no?
With this I certainly agree. And most definitely with the 3 items on your checklist. They go without saying. Add to that enough chemisty to put a twinkle in your eye and heat up the blood a bit, and I'm ready. The only problem is getting it to be mutual. LOLOL C'est la vie.....
Quoting Curious2078
Quoting Tink: Dont get me wrong I know we all have one of sorts but when that list becomes comprehensive its a bit of a worry ...no?
With this I certainly agree. And most definitely with the 3 items on your checklist. They go without saying. Add to that enough chemisty to put a twinkle in your eye and heat up the blood a bit, and I'm ready. The only problem is getting it to be mutual. LOLOL C'est la vie.....
Quoting Tink: Dont get me wrong I know we all have one of sorts but when that list becomes comprehensive its a bit of a worry ...no?
With this I certainly agree. And most definitely with the 3 items on your checklist. They go without saying. Add to that enough chemisty to put a twinkle in your eye and heat up the blood a bit, and I'm ready. The only problem is getting it to be mutual. LOLOL C'est la vie.....
Quoting Tink: Dont get me wrong I know we all have one of sorts but when that list becomes comprehensive its a bit of a worry ...no?
With this I certainly agree. And most definitely with the 3 items on your checklist. They go without saying. Add to that enough chemisty to put a twinkle in your eye and heat up the blood a bit, and I'm ready. The only problem is getting it to be mutual. LOLOL C'est la vie.....
Sophia. I don't have a clue as to what you are talking about, but that is not unusual. Hitting the clubs??? I have had the Jaimster here since early June. He is 11. Do you think we hit the clubs every night and that I am the old guy and he is the young guy??? Hardly...
Quoting Sophia2048
Bill...my Dear!. Apologies that this may sound glib...but I truly believe it. Every man has to settle down, which means get married and stuck!!! You know why you gotta settle down eventually??..Because Bill you don't want to be old guy in the club. You know what I'm talking about. lolo..Every club you go into, there's always some old guy. He ain't really old, just little TOO old to be in the club. LOLO
Quoting Sophia2048
Bill...my Dear!. Apologies that this may sound glib...but I truly believe it. Every man has to settle down, which means get married and stuck!!! You know why you gotta settle down eventually??..Because Bill you don't want to be old guy in the club. You know what I'm talking about. lolo..Every club you go into, there's always some old guy. He ain't really old, just little TOO old to be in the club. LOLO
Sophia. I don't have a clue as to what you are talking about, but that is not unusual. Hitting the clubs??? I have had the Jaimster here since early June. He is 11. Do you think we hit the clubs every night and that I am the old guy and he is the young guy??? Hardly...
lolol you left youself wide open on that one B. I would agree !
Quoting wwww12345
"As for the women who must have that impossibly perfect man; nothing less will do, I think we should give them 4W's phone number. I'm quite sure such women would never ever wet ANY side of his bed. LOL Pat"
Yea, send them to me.. After a week or two with me they would be glad to settle for anyone: sane or not sane, tall or short, skinny or fat, poor, ugly, dumb, good lover or not, breathing or not. A good man won't be so hard to find after a little comparison.
lololol
Quoting wwww12345
"As for the women who must have that impossibly perfect man; nothing less will do, I think we should give them 4W's phone number. I'm quite sure such women would never ever wet ANY side of his bed. LOL Pat"
Yea, send them to me.. After a week or two with me they would be glad to settle for anyone: sane or not sane, tall or short, skinny or fat, poor, ugly, dumb, good lover or not, breathing or not. A good man won't be so hard to find after a little comparison.
lololol
lolol you left youself wide open on that one B. I would agree !
CG like I said its a balance but my next question is this .... What is it do you think that makes some narrow their choices so by being so limited. By raising their bar so high do you think its a subliminal message to say im really too afraid to experience another person wholly in to my life so ill set the bar high so nobody can possibly fit the bill and ill then be safe. Then they can honestly say that they cant find the right partner. That way they come away clean with out getting their hands dirty so to speak
What do you think?
CG like I said its a balance but my next question is this .... What is it do you think that makes some narrow their choices so by being so limited. By raising their bar so high do you think its a subliminal message to say im really too afraid to experience another person wholly in to my life so ill set the bar high so nobody can possibly fit the bill and ill then be safe. Then they can honestly say that they cant find the right partner. That way they come away clean with out getting their hands dirty so to speak
Hey sweetie Just how much are YOU paying these days?
Quoting deke7344
Hey Darlin'
Good to see you lookin' soooo good. I agree about the settling. It seems the only thing I've had to settle on is the price... you get what you pay for.
Boo (just kiddin' as always)
Quoting deke7344
Hey Darlin'
Good to see you lookin' soooo good. I agree about the settling. It seems the only thing I've had to settle on is the price... you get what you pay for.
Boo (just kiddin' as always)
Hey sweetie Just how much are YOU paying these days?
John im not so sure of the whole 'soul mate' thing, but there are truths in what you say. It aint real till you spend time together and often the trivial surface niggles we have disappear in the light of the qualities that person displays as a whole. Its so easy isnt it to focus on things like how they style their hair of hold their knife and fork and lose sight of the human qualities they posess
Quoting attaboy127
Dear Tink, Yes, the secret is to know what your priorities are and then casting a net large enough to find someone who meets those items so designated. However, it is equally important to recognize those items when you meet them on two legs. Since neither party really knows what the other person is looking for (priorities), you may just stumble past them in our haste to please. Also since neither party is perfect, we could brush them off as unsuitable. This is why a period of time is so necessary to have a chance at finding that 'souls-mate'! This time period is also different for different people. And, internet dating is fine for a start, but 'one on one' time is required to cement the realtionship. After all, will you settle for 75%, 80% or 90%? What is that magic number? I was glad to read your blog. Just hoping that it will make a difference with someone in our circle within MM. (As if settling is a bad thing!) God bless, John
Quoting attaboy127
Dear Tink, Yes, the secret is to know what your priorities are and then casting a net large enough to find someone who meets those items so designated. However, it is equally important to recognize those items when you meet them on two legs. Since neither party really knows what the other person is looking for (priorities), you may just stumble past them in our haste to please. Also since neither party is perfect, we could brush them off as unsuitable. This is why a period of time is so necessary to have a chance at finding that 'souls-mate'! This time period is also different for different people. And, internet dating is fine for a start, but 'one on one' time is required to cement the realtionship. After all, will you settle for 75%, 80% or 90%? What is that magic number? I was glad to read your blog. Just hoping that it will make a difference with someone in our circle within MM. (As if settling is a bad thing!) God bless, John
John im not so sure of the whole 'soul mate' thing, but there are truths in what you say. It aint real till you spend time together and often the trivial surface niggles we have disappear in the light of the qualities that person displays as a whole. Its so easy isnt it to focus on things like how they style their hair of hold their knife and fork and lose sight of the human qualities they posess
Pat we all know the relationship mix is a complex one and its not just about the physical more a 4D experience but I was commenting on the posts of people on here who are looking for specific surface requirements without taking in to account the bigger picture. We all know or do we that life and in particular relationships are not that simple to acquire with just a checklist to hand. it allways amazes me that so many people have such a detailed one. Dont get me wrong I know we all have one of sorts but when that list becomes comprehensive its a bit of a worry ...no? Good to have on the checklist though is 1] Breathing 2] Solvent 3] Clean LMAO
Pat we all know the relationship mix is a complex one and its not just about the physical more a 4D experience but I was commenting on the posts of people on here who are looking for specific surface requirements without taking in to account the bigger picture. We all know or do we that life and in particular relationships are not that simple to acquire with just a checklist to hand.
it allways amazes me that so many people have such a detailed one. Dont get me wrong I know we all have one of sorts but when that list becomes comprehensive its a bit of a worry ...no?
Good to have on the checklist though is
1] Breathing
2] Solvent
3] Clean
LMAO
lol 4Ws you should have your own website ...... What should we call it..... Desperate wives?
Quoting wwww12345
"As for the women who must have that impossibly perfect man; nothing less will do, I think we should give them 4W's phone number. I'm quite sure such women would never ever wet ANY side of his bed. LOL Pat"
Yea, send them to me.. After a week or two with me they would be glad to settle for anyone: sane or not sane, tall or short, skinny or fat, poor, ugly, dumb, good lover or not, breathing or not. A good man won't be so hard to find after a little comparison.
lololol
Quoting wwww12345
"As for the women who must have that impossibly perfect man; nothing less will do, I think we should give them 4W's phone number. I'm quite sure such women would never ever wet ANY side of his bed. LOL Pat"
Yea, send them to me.. After a week or two with me they would be glad to settle for anyone: sane or not sane, tall or short, skinny or fat, poor, ugly, dumb, good lover or not, breathing or not. A good man won't be so hard to find after a little comparison.
lololol
lol 4Ws you should have your own website ...... What should we call it..... Desperate wives?
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