Have you had offers from your boss like, more money? better position? early retirement? personal trainings? And have you ever been complemented by your boss? Have you ever been asked to have lunch or dinner with your boss on the weekend? What if he sends you very nice emails that sounds a little personal?
And your boss is 10 years younger than you..
A good friend needs to understand all this..she wants to know what to do..she feels scared and uncomfortable about how her boss treats her...
Have you had offers from your boss like, more money? better position? early retirement? personal trainings? And have you ever been complemented by your boss? Have you ever been asked to have lunch or dinner with your boss on the weekend? What if he sends you very nice emails that sounds a little personal?
And your boss is 10 years younger than you..
A good friend needs to understand all this..she wants to know what to do..she feels scared and uncomfortable about how her boss treats her...
Actually, she admitted that she over reacted to her boss's attention...She spoke to him and he is being sincere with her...she still needs to be careful and pay attention... I do agree with you... Julie
Quoting annacath
Ok, the boss seems to be exaggerated nice to her, but what makes her think that he is looking for more? If she felt uncomfortable with his ways of handling why can't she make her point to him, straight away as a growing up person? I agree with Arizona "people will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated" Annacath
Quoting annacath
Ok, the boss seems to be exaggerated nice to her, but what makes her think that he is looking for more? If she felt uncomfortable with his ways of handling why can't she make her point to him, straight away as a growing up person? I agree with Arizona "people will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated" Annacath
Actually, she admitted that she over reacted to her boss's attention...She spoke to him and he is being sincere with her...she still needs to be careful and pay attention... I do agree with you... Julie
I know shaz..that is why she is so afraid...Good advise.. Julie
Quoting shazbot82
big risk emails ? because people are overly confident they wont get caught, they are egotistical, and STUPID. Life IS not a fair game. Your " friend" is asking for trouble. Document everything and take it to a higher up in the HR dept.
Quoting shazbot82
big risk emails ? because people are overly confident they wont get caught, they are egotistical, and STUPID. Life IS not a fair game. Your " friend" is asking for trouble. Document everything and take it to a higher up in the HR dept.
I know shaz..that is why she is so afraid...Good advise.. Julie
Sass, Thank you for your advise..Good advise..i will tell her... Julie
Quoting SassnClass
Great advice by many of the folks on here. The only thing I would add is recommending your friend explore her company's policy on work conduct/sexual harrasment. She should keep a record of uncomfortable e-mail and verbal exchanges and see if she can build a case using the policy. It's a risk, and I understand the dilema of maintaing a good paying job in this economy. However she should not have to subject herself to being put in compromising positions. If her boss gets progressively worse, she will need to protect herself by documenting everything that's transpired. She should also see if her company has an employment hotline that gives advice. In some cases they allow anonymous calls so she can get guidance without having to reveal herself. I know some people can be viscious when you try to speak up. She has to ask herself what is she willing to tolerate and once that threshold is reached, she will need to take action. I wish your friend well. Sass
Quoting SassnClass
Great advice by many of the folks on here. The only thing I would add is recommending your friend explore her company's policy on work conduct/sexual harrasment. She should keep a record of uncomfortable e-mail and verbal exchanges and see if she can build a case using the policy. It's a risk, and I understand the dilema of maintaing a good paying job in this economy. However she should not have to subject herself to being put in compromising positions. If her boss gets progressively worse, she will need to protect herself by documenting everything that's transpired. She should also see if her company has an employment hotline that gives advice. In some cases they allow anonymous calls so she can get guidance without having to reveal herself. I know some people can be viscious when you try to speak up. She has to ask herself what is she willing to tolerate and once that threshold is reached, she will need to take action. I wish your friend well. Sass
Sass, Thank you for your advise..Good advise..i will tell her... Julie
Great advice by many of the folks on here. The only thing I would add is recommending your friend explore her company's policy on work conduct/sexual harrasment. She should keep a record of uncomfortable e-mail and verbal exchanges and see if she can build a case using the policy. It's a risk, and I understand the dilema of maintaing a good paying job in this economy. However she should not have to subject herself to being put in compromising positions. If her boss gets progressively worse, she will need to protect herself by documenting everything that's transpired. She should also see if her company has an employment hotline that gives advice. In some cases they allow anonymous calls so she can get guidance without having to reveal herself. I know some people can be viscious when you try to speak up. She has to ask herself what is she willing to tolerate and once that threshold is reached, she will need to take action. I wish your friend well. Sass
Great advice by many of the folks on here. The only thing I would add is recommending your friend explore her company's policy on work conduct/sexual harrasment. She should keep a record of uncomfortable e-mail and verbal exchanges and see if she can build a case using the policy. It's a risk, and I understand the dilema of maintaing a good paying job in this economy. However she should not have to subject herself to being put in compromising positions. If her boss gets progressively worse, she will need to protect herself by documenting everything that's transpired. She should also see if her company has an employment hotline that gives advice. In some cases they allow anonymous calls so she can get guidance without having to reveal herself. I know some people can be viscious when you try to speak up. She has to ask herself what is she willing to tolerate and once that threshold is reached, she will need to take action. I wish your friend well. Sass
I'd take it to HIS boss or HR to investigate confidentially.
Quoting Wor123
Have you had offers from your boss like, more money? better position? early retirement? personal trainings? And have you ever been complemented by your boss? Have you ever been asked to have lunch or dinner with your boss on the weekend? What if he sends you very nice emails that sounds a little personal?
And your boss is 10 years younger than you..
A good friend needs to understand all this..she wants to know what to do..she feels scared and uncomfortable about how her boss treats her...
Quoting Wor123
Have you had offers from your boss like, more money? better position? early retirement? personal trainings? And have you ever been complemented by your boss? Have you ever been asked to have lunch or dinner with your boss on the weekend? What if he sends you very nice emails that sounds a little personal?
And your boss is 10 years younger than you..
A good friend needs to understand all this..she wants to know what to do..she feels scared and uncomfortable about how her boss treats her...
I'd take it to HIS boss or HR to investigate confidentially.
big risk emails ? because people are overly confident they wont get caught, they are egotistical, and STUPID. Life IS not a fair game. Your " friend" is asking for trouble. Document everything and take it to a higher up in the HR dept.
big risk emails ?
because people are overly confident they wont get caught, they are egotistical, and STUPID.
Life IS not a fair game. Your " friend" is asking for trouble.
Document everything and take it to a higher up in the HR dept.
try reading the rest of my comment. It was sexual harassment. This happened before the advent of email.He sent messages.
It is never appropriate for a boss to place an employee in such a position as the one you describe.
I agree with you that a boss should not place an employee in such an uncomfortable position by nice emails ....if they have any ulterior motives then why on emails? Big risk...
Quoting shazbot82
try reading the rest of my comment. It was sexual harassment. This happened before the advent of email.He sent messages.
It is never appropriate for a boss to place an employee in such a position as the one you describe.
I agree with you that a boss should not place an employee in such an uncomfortable position by nice emails ....if they have any ulterior motives then why on emails? Big risk...
I agree with you 100%...There has to be a line not to cross. And she needs to learn how to stand up and how to speak up... Thank you AZ..
Quoting Arizona53
Julie, people will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. It is up to your friend to either allow herself to be treated this way or she decides that it is inappropriate and draws the line for him. He may be incapable of drawing that line himself.....
Quoting Arizona53
Julie, people will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. It is up to your friend to either allow herself to be treated this way or she decides that it is inappropriate and draws the line for him. He may be incapable of drawing that line himself.....
I agree with you 100%...There has to be a line not to cross. And she needs to learn how to stand up and how to speak up... Thank you AZ..
Julie, people will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. It is up to your friend to either allow herself to be treated this way or she decides that it is inappropriate and draws the line for him. He may be incapable of drawing that line himself.....
Julie, people will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. It is up to your friend to either allow herself to be treated this way or she decides that it is inappropriate and draws the line for him. He may be incapable of drawing that line himself.....
"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."
Duchesse, I think the reason she is so scared and concerned is her job...She doesn't want to lose her job and the money that is way too good....That is why she is becoming scared and weak to speak up..I think you said for her to just keep on working professionally and keep her distand fro m her boss. But it will be hard for her because for next 3 months she has to work closely with him on an assignment...hope she can figure this out on her own how to keep her distand and h ow to be strong and confident...She already told him that she has a BF and madly in love...that is a good sign for her... Julie
Quoting duchesse22
sounds too good to be true. there is a fine line between been nice and an ulterior motive.......I think if she wants to keep a job, she should keep distance from him, do a professional job only and don't reply to personal comments or accept invitations, or gifts. Personal and business does not mix together......you can be nice but to a limit.......she should definitively define that limit. She doesn't have to say anything to him regarding the extent of his nice moves, but for her to keep distant. if he tries talking on a more intimate level, stop it by talking something that is business related only. do you think she can? if she can't teach her how to respond to each situations, what to say and real fast. He should then loose that interest over time.
Quoting duchesse22
sounds too good to be true. there is a fine line between been nice and an ulterior motive.......I think if she wants to keep a job, she should keep distance from him, do a professional job only and don't reply to personal comments or accept invitations, or gifts. Personal and business does not mix together......you can be nice but to a limit.......she should definitively define that limit. She doesn't have to say anything to him regarding the extent of his nice moves, but for her to keep distant. if he tries talking on a more intimate level, stop it by talking something that is business related only. do you think she can? if she can't teach her how to respond to each situations, what to say and real fast. He should then loose that interest over time.
Duchesse, I think the reason she is so scared and concerned is her job...She doesn't want to lose her job and the money that is way too good....That is why she is becoming scared and weak to speak up..I think you said for her to just keep on working professionally and keep her distand fro m her boss. But it will be hard for her because for next 3 months she has to work closely with him on an assignment...hope she can figure this out on her own how to keep her distand and h ow to be strong and confident...She already told him that she has a BF and madly in love...that is a good sign for her... Julie
Az, But as far as I know that her boss has not said anything about love and has not touched her yet... It is a wake up call... Julie
Quoting Arizona53
From experience: He was very nice to me. Always complimented my work, left me notes on my desk at night so I could read them when I got to work in the morning. Then it was more, and then it was him inviting me to a dinner that I assumed everyone was going to (I was 18 and still pretty green)....no one showed except him and me. Told me he loved me and wanted me to marry him. He was 35.
I quit the following day, and have never allowed anyone of my employers to cross that line again. This is not a special interest....Wake Up!
Quoting Arizona53
From experience: He was very nice to me. Always complimented my work, left me notes on my desk at night so I could read them when I got to work in the morning. Then it was more, and then it was him inviting me to a dinner that I assumed everyone was going to (I was 18 and still pretty green)....no one showed except him and me. Told me he loved me and wanted me to marry him. He was 35.
I quit the following day, and have never allowed anyone of my employers to cross that line again. This is not a special interest....Wake Up!
Az, But as far as I know that her boss has not said anything about love and has not touched her yet... It is a wake up call... Julie
Thank you Conyers for your advise...I guess I am a little positive some times that I try to give everyone benefit of the doubt..., it is interesting that a person with power to take the risk to go after his or her employee..Why can't they look outside work place? It is scary..I will let her know to be careful.. Julie
Quoting Conyersguy
I remember 20 years ago, a very bright, beautiful, personable lady that I was dating took a job offer from a man to run his carpet sales store. The starting salary was twice the going rate. She was startled, and a little insulted, when I told her he had ulterior motives. She insisted he was only interested in her job performance. A week into the job, she realized I had been correct.
If it looks or sounds too good to be true, or appropriate, .................. Well, we all know the rest........
And it doesn't even have to be deliberate. The boss may have no ulterior motives. But if he or she makes errors in judgment blurring personal and business relationships, that in itself is a bad sign. Someone who is unable to differentiate is likely to make other poor decisions, and not provide a stable business platform from which your friend may succeed. Poor judgment in hiring co-workers, poor work habits, poor money management, etc. Bad judgment is rarely limited to only one aspect of a person's life.
I would suggest your friend look closely at the likelihood of success, AND factor in the likelihood-he-wants-to-get-in-her-pants aspect. Both are equally important.
Quoting Conyersguy
I remember 20 years ago, a very bright, beautiful, personable lady that I was dating took a job offer from a man to run his carpet sales store. The starting salary was twice the going rate. She was startled, and a little insulted, when I told her he had ulterior motives. She insisted he was only interested in her job performance. A week into the job, she realized I had been correct.
If it looks or sounds too good to be true, or appropriate, .................. Well, we all know the rest........
And it doesn't even have to be deliberate. The boss may have no ulterior motives. But if he or she makes errors in judgment blurring personal and business relationships, that in itself is a bad sign. Someone who is unable to differentiate is likely to make other poor decisions, and not provide a stable business platform from which your friend may succeed. Poor judgment in hiring co-workers, poor work habits, poor money management, etc. Bad judgment is rarely limited to only one aspect of a person's life.
I would suggest your friend look closely at the likelihood of success, AND factor in the likelihood-he-wants-to-get-in-her-pants aspect. Both are equally important.
Thank you Conyers for your advise...I guess I am a little positive some times that I try to give everyone benefit of the doubt..., it is interesting that a person with power to take the risk to go after his or her employee..Why can't they look outside work place? It is scary..I will let her know to be careful.. Julie
sounds too good to be true. there is a fine line between been nice and an ulterior motive.......I think if she wants to keep a job, she should keep distance from him, do a professional job only and don't reply to personal comments or accept invitations, or gifts. Personal and business does not mix together......you can be nice but to a limit.......she should definitively define that limit. She doesn't have to say anything to him regarding the extent of his nice moves, but for her to keep distant. if he tries talking on a more intimate level, stop it by talking something that is business related only. do you think she can? if she can't teach her how to respond to each situations, what to say and real fast. He should then loose that interest over time.
sounds too good to be true. there is a fine line between been nice and an ulterior motive.......I think if she wants to keep a job, she should keep distance from him, do a professional job only and don't reply to personal comments or accept invitations, or gifts. Personal and business does not mix together......you can be nice but to a limit.......she should definitively define that limit. She doesn't have to say anything to him regarding the extent of his nice moves, but for her to keep distant. if he tries talking on a more intimate level, stop it by talking something that is business related only. do you think she can? if she can't teach her how to respond to each situations, what to say and real fast. He should then loose that interest over time.
From experience: He was very nice to me. Always complimented my work, left me notes on my desk at night so I could read them when I got to work in the morning. Then it was more, and then it was him inviting me to a dinner that I assumed everyone was going to (I was 18 and still pretty green)....no one showed except him and me. Told me he loved me and wanted me to marry him. He was 35.
I quit the following day, and have never allowed anyone of my employers to cross that line again. This is not a special interest....Wake Up!
From experience: He was very nice to me. Always complimented my work, left me notes on my desk at night so I could read them when I got to work in the morning. Then it was more, and then it was him inviting me to a dinner that I assumed everyone was going to (I was 18 and still pretty green)....no one showed except him and me. Told me he loved me and wanted me to marry him. He was 35.
I quit the following day, and have never allowed anyone of my employers to cross that line again. This is not a special interest....Wake Up!
"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."
I remember 20 years ago, a very bright, beautiful, personable lady that I was dating took a job offer from a man to run his carpet sales store. The starting salary was twice the going rate. She was startled, and a little insulted, when I told her he had ulterior motives. She insisted he was only interested in her job performance. A week into the job, she realized I had been correct.
If it looks or sounds too good to be true, or appropriate, .................. Well, we all know the rest........
And it doesn't even have to be deliberate. The boss may have no ulterior motives. But if he or she makes errors in judgment blurring personal and business relationships, that in itself is a bad sign. Someone who is unable to differentiate is likely to make other poor decisions, and not provide a stable business platform from which your friend may succeed. Poor judgment in hiring co-workers, poor work habits, poor money management, etc. Bad judgment is rarely limited to only one aspect of a person's life.
I would suggest your friend look closely at the likelihood of success, AND factor in the likelihood-he-wants-to-get-in-her-pants aspect. Both are equally important.
I remember 20 years ago, a very bright, beautiful, personable lady that I was dating took a job offer from a man to run his carpet sales store. The starting salary was twice the going rate. She was startled, and a little insulted, when I told her he had ulterior motives. She insisted he was only interested in her job performance. A week into the job, she realized I had been correct.
If it looks or sounds too good to be true, or appropriate, .................. Well, we all know the rest........
And it doesn't even have to be deliberate. The boss may have no ulterior motives. But if he or she makes errors in judgment blurring personal and business relationships, that in itself is a bad sign. Someone who is unable to differentiate is likely to make other poor decisions, and not provide a stable business platform from which your friend may succeed. Poor judgment in hiring co-workers, poor work habits, poor money management, etc. Bad judgment is rarely limited to only one aspect of a person's life.
I would suggest your friend look closely at the likelihood of success, AND factor in the likelihood-he-wants-to-get-in-her-pants aspect. Both are equally important.
yes yes yes yes yes and yes. its called sexual harassement. Oldest story on the workbooks. Boss too good for you ? You have the oddest way of expressing yourself...are you from another country ?
Hi shaz, you said yes 6 times. so how do you deal with such a boss who treats you so good? Do you think it was more than just being professional?
I think it is not sexual harrasement, it is more like a special interest which will go away..That is what I told my friend..what do you think?
Julie
Quoting shazbot82
yes yes yes yes yes and yes. its called sexual harassement. Oldest story on the workbooks. Boss too good for you ? You have the oddest way of expressing yourself...are you from another country ?
Hi shaz, you said yes 6 times. so how do you deal with such a boss who treats you so good? Do you think it was more than just being professional?
I think it is not sexual harrasement, it is more like a special interest which will go away..That is what I told my friend..what do you think?
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