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Posted on Tue, Mar 09, 2010 17:15

Women often make the "mistake" of being almost confrontational in their profiles....being off putting. Stating a man must be this, this, and this, and not this, this, and this. My first thought is, no way I'm going to be comfortable with someone who is looking for near perfection. If you talk about how busy you are and how much time you love to spend with your friends and family, I think to myself, well, not much time for a man, then, eh? You have to do the old soft sell. Be gentle in how what you say about yourself and what you would like in a partner. Make it sound like you have the time and the energy for a partner.


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iwillcherishu
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Posted on Tue, Mar 09, 2010 12:47

Very simple. Yes men are extremely visual. If the pic. does not capture the mans eye immediately, he is not going to look at any content of the profile, but keep surfing. We're not looking for provocative, as much as her attractiveness in her own skin. The content is deceptive. When was the last time you told anyone some of your more ugly qualities?? Don't answer. We only tell the nice ones that everyone wants to hear. Not the real world, love. It's okay to be perfectly imperfect. I struggle with anger, at times, I struggle with impatience, at times. I struggle with incompetence , at times. I struggle with frustration, at times. I struggle with discouragement , at times. Not in my profile. How about you??


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Posted on Sun, Mar 07, 2010 07:08

Appearance is part of it.


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Posted on Sat, Mar 06, 2010 07:46

Quoting niceguylooking

I agree with the other guys about the pictures, no drinks, kids, animals, etc...usually glamour shots, I figure their fake or doctored so,, not interested.

 

There are also certain phases that immediately turn me away, "must be generous", "if you take care of me, I'll make you the happiest man in the world" , etc..( I think you understand where I'm going with that) Because I look at it if thats all you have to offer me and our relationship,, I can it cheaper and with less headaches elsewhere,, if you know what I mean !

 

So show something of substance and you will catch my attention. 



NGL and a few others.

 

I def agree with most of your comments including generous, spoil, take care of me and I will take care of you etc etc....A few people have stated having drinks in pics is a turn off.  I am not sure why that is a turn off???  For example Britt's pic has her holding a cocktail in what appears to be a nice restaurant similar to the Limp Wrist. :)   What's the harm?? 



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Posted on Thu, Mar 04, 2010 20:46

Quoting Arizona53

Britt,  I am definitely not a man.....LOL, but I'm going to give you my opinion anyway, and I don't know how much it will count because I have still not had a date from this site (it's been awhile....LOL)! This is not sour grapes, just an honest opinion. I know I will find what I'm looking for sooner or later, and if it's later it's only because it will be the best...!

 

I recently updated my profile and I believe the new one to be more thorough. I prefer to give a bit more background so that men don't think that I am hiding anything, which I wouldn't anyway.....I'm too honest. This may be the reason I haven't had a date yet.....maybe its too honest, but if no ones reading it because they didn't get enough visual, it won't matter anyway!  Also I have quite a few pictures from over the last couple of years the most recent being Nov 09. I draw the line at glamour because there is a place for that and it's not on here, but, think maybe 1 or 2 in my little black dress with heels, would help the visual....looking in to this.....LOL!

 

I wonder if the men and women for that matter, on MM expect more than what they are getting, or are maybe too picky, but are not honest themselves. I wonder how many have actually read the information in a profile, and I understand the visual, but I've read a hundred profiles where the men say they want more than the visual and then in the same profile the age range is 20 to 40 instead of their own age range. Why say that if its not true? Why say the distance doesn't matter, if it does? Why do people think that as in one profile I read that love is like the gasoline available at the local gas station (he wasn't saying it was he was using the metaphor).....an endless supply you can just jump to the pump for (sorry Canadian thing)? Why keep looking in your backyard when maybe the man/woman of your dreams lives in the next county, state, or in my case, country? Why say you have the time for a relationship when really you don't?

 

I understand that everyone has different tastes and looks for different traits, its inevitable because I don't think any 2 people can be exactly alike.  And physical appeal is important to me too so I understand the visual aspect. But I think we should be more HONEST about what we are willing and not willing to do to find a good relationship. There are always those who will use this site as a way to get sex, and lets not forget the pervs and scammers, but I have to believe that like our bloggers here, that there are decent people on here. I remember a line and I'm not sure exactly how it goes something about "moving heaven and earth" to find a good woman/and I'll add man on to that because I think it works both ways. So I say, man or woman, put your money where your mouth is so to speak, and do your homework because you wouldn't do a half-assed job doing research for your job, why do it for your life, your dreams, and your happiness.......?

 

Getting off the podium now......LOL!

 



Az...I agree with you 100%.....I mentioned this when I first joined MM....about men in their 50-70 wanting women half their age. I would look at a profile and think we might be a good fit....then I would see the age bracket they were looking for....not me at 59. On the other side of the coin....I'm not sure I understand the emails I have received from men in their 30s and 40s? Nothing in my profile points to that direction. Sugar Mamma maybe? I'm sorry, I just can't date a man that is younger than my son. Maybe it's because my father married a woman who was younger than I and I was teased relentlessly by my brother in laws....only caused they loved me...so I was told...hehe

Britt...I have really enjoyed this post and I'm glad you posed the question to the guys here. I really enjoyed everything they have said and I guess I wanted to validate what my own profile says. I think I've stayed within the guidelines the boys have stated...except I do have a couple of pics with the grand kids. I uploaded those shots to show my family side and to prove that I am who I say I am.....a grandmother of 4.

On the flip side if I may.......looking at the guy's photos....I really do want to see current photos....but I also enjoy the younger photo or two that is slipped in.....but it's always nice to end the album with a current one....and most do.

Theo



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Arizona53
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Posted on Thu, Mar 04, 2010 14:48

Britt,  I am definitely not a man.....LOL, but I'm going to give you my opinion anyway, and I don't know how much it will count because I have still not had a date from this site (it's been awhile....LOL)! This is not sour grapes, just an honest opinion. I know I will find what I'm looking for sooner or later, and if it's later it's only because it will be the best...!

 

I recently updated my profile and I believe the new one to be more thorough. I prefer to give a bit more background so that men don't think that I am hiding anything, which I wouldn't anyway.....I'm too honest. This may be the reason I haven't had a date yet.....maybe its too honest, but if no ones reading it because they didn't get enough visual, it won't matter anyway!  Also I have quite a few pictures from over the last couple of years the most recent being Nov 09. I draw the line at glamour because there is a place for that and it's not on here, but, think maybe 1 or 2 in my little black dress with heels, would help the visual....looking in to this.....LOL!

 

I wonder if the men and women for that matter, on MM expect more than what they are getting, or are maybe too picky, but are not honest themselves. I wonder how many have actually read the information in a profile, and I understand the visual, but I've read a hundred profiles where the men say they want more than the visual and then in the same profile the age range is 20 to 40 instead of their own age range. Why say that if its not true? Why say the distance doesn't matter, if it does? Why do people think that as in one profile I read that love is like the gasoline available at the local gas station (he wasn't saying it was he was using the metaphor).....an endless supply you can just jump to the pump for (sorry Canadian thing)? Why keep looking in your backyard when maybe the man/woman of your dreams lives in the next county, state, or in my case, country? Why say you have the time for a relationship when really you don't?

 

I understand that everyone has different tastes and looks for different traits, its inevitable because I don't think any 2 people can be exactly alike.  And physical appeal is important to me too so I understand the visual aspect. But I think we should be more HONEST about what we are willing and not willing to do to find a good relationship. There are always those who will use this site as a way to get sex, and lets not forget the pervs and scammers, but I have to believe that like our bloggers here, that there are decent people on here. I remember a line and I'm not sure exactly how it goes something about "moving heaven and earth" to find a good woman/and I'll add man on to that because I think it works both ways. So I say, man or woman, put your money where your mouth is so to speak, and do your homework because you wouldn't do a half-assed job doing research for your job, why do it for your life, your dreams, and your happiness.......?

 

Getting off the podium now......LOL!

 



"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

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NGL2011
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Posted on Thu, Mar 04, 2010 13:26

Quoting MMCounselor

Well for starters, I don't believe I just said "I Need a Man's Opinion", but stranger things have happened around here, so here it goes!

Daily I receive emails from female members asking me to critique their profiles and they want to know why men are not contacting them.  My personal opinion is that men are very visual, so perhaps photos are what men look at, rather than actually reading the content of the profile---am I correct on this assumption? 

What are you men looking for when you are searching profiles?  (Please be nice in answering this--haha!)  Seriously, I want to know what is it about a profile that makes you want to make contact with that person?

Can't wait to hear from all you HUNKS!

Britt

MM Counselor



I agree with the other guys about the pictures, no drinks, kids, animals, etc...usually glamour shots, I figure their fake or doctored so,, not interested.

 

There are also certain phases that immediately turn me away, "must be generous", "if you take care of me, I'll make you the happiest man in the world" , etc..( I think you understand where I'm going with that) Because I look at it if thats all you have to offer me and our relationship,, I can it cheaper and with less headaches elsewhere,, if you know what I mean !

 

So show something of substance and you will catch my attention. 



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sweetsugar2005
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Posted on Thu, Mar 04, 2010 07:05

Quoting bricraigpark

Britt,

Good question. Although I may not be the hunk, I can provide an opinion.

Yes men are very visual. The pics are the very first thing I look at.

There is a real disconnect here. Women most of the time will post poor quality limited pics. Some women

do a great job at posting pics (very few).

Next, would be content. The reason for a pic is to see the woman. What I would prefer not to see is a picture with another man's arm around her (that's been sloppily cropped), pictures of babies or children,

pictures of dogs (or other pets), pictures showing a beer bottle more prominent than the subject (you get the idea). Also some of these lovely women will put up a head shot only (which leaves quite a bit out).

That pretty much covers the pic part.

On the content they tend to post a lot of negative stuff (I think without realizing this).

To any intelligent man, these things are obvious.

Here are some examples:

  If you are a loser don't apply.

  If you are just out for a one night stand keep going. etc etc etc

Being negative in the commentary just causes a man to truly keep going because it is an indication of attitude and/ or intelligence.

I am far from perfect as you already know. My profile is not perfect either.

These are my thoughts.

Keep up the good work Britt.

BP

 



im tired of posting pictures to only get perverts. Im good looking instead of men trying to get to know me they would rather try to look at my chest or get me in bed. I was really tired of men asking for pictures of me in a swimsuit or my chest...I will send pics to someone i am interested in.


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MMCounselor Recommended
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Posted on Thu, Mar 04, 2010 06:38

A big thanks to everyone that commented here.  Great comments and I appreciate the help.

Best wishes to each of you!

Britt

MM Counselor



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wwww12345
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Posted on Wed, Mar 03, 2010 22:51

I have several turnoffs,some covered already. The one "if your blank blank, don't apply" always turns me off. I have never applied for a woman in my life and never will. This is a person with a self inflated ego problem. I agree that drinks in the hand is a big turn off. They are telling you that drinking is important to them. I sure don't want a drunk. Also, I look at their age range. If they only want someone younger than themselves,, zap. And, I need someone who can relocate. I can't, so they need to be the mobile one or it's impossible. I am not into impossible, no matter how wonderful the person might be. If you open to relocating, so state. If you cannot, so state. And, if write me, you better have read my profile, and at least filled a few of what I wish. I am not amused at people who write that have nothing that would interest me, as I stated very specifically in my profile. Why waste your time or mine. And, if you are in a big hurry to lock up a deal, forget it. I would never get in a hurry. I want to know who you are, your positives and negatives, and see if we would be compatible over the long term. I am not interested in any type of short term relationship. And, I don't want a young hottie twenty years my junior. I may be flattered, but you need someone closer to your own age. HUNKS?? What the heck are you talking about?? lol


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Posted on Wed, Mar 03, 2010 22:18

My sense is that more than anything else, what people are seeking -- is the sense of having been understood by another.  My experience is that this applies to men as well as women, though women are more aware of the value of this part of a relationship.  A profile that suggests that capacity to understand - while projecting a lively spirit worth winning but not easily won - is bound to be intriguing to men.



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shazbot82
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Posted on Wed, Mar 03, 2010 17:30

Brit this is a timely blog as I had asked just the other day to have my own profile critiqued . Though it was for a different site, I thought the exercise was a good one. I utilized almost every suggestion. I think women should listen to these guys. My own pics arent typically girlie, by design. But I show my face, a few whole body shots, and me doing what I love to do. Happy ! Anyone can dress nicely, or pose seductively, get a glamour shot, or be overly trashy. Not everyone can look good climbing a 19 story bridge in freezing temperatures ! Women need to be more realistic in their expectations. I know full well that I do not appeal to the majority of men and I never have.That is ok with me But I will add that the ones who do find me attractive tend to be magnificent,wonderful intelligent confident accomplished men who command their own destinies and appreciate a unique woman. Think top Computer Scientists, Global Master-planning Architects, Phd's. Musicians,Engineers. My intention was not to attract the most men. My intent was to attract the right men for me. Thank you to the men who have contributed to this blog thus far. I will stay tuned for further developments.


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Posted on Wed, Mar 03, 2010 13:01

Brian has hit many good points.  Adding though.  If a woman puts up several pics of sexual nature I will treat her the way she is showing me she likes to be treated.  There is nothing wrong with one or two pics, but not the entire portfolio.  Additionally I do not care for several glamour shots.  Again one or two as long as there is a good mixture. 

 

The comment about if you are a loser prodded my memory a bit. I was watching 2 1/2 Men the other night.  If Charlie Sheen is still on here he will like the free advertising.  Anyway, Allan had joined a dating site and told several lies; like he owns a Malibu home, and is the Dr. to the stars etc etc..  He get a date and she comes over to the house.  She says to him you can tell I am really not 5'9".  He says how tall are you and she say 5'14...so as the night progresses she makes the comment you have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet your prince.  Allan goes ribit.....lol....G



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billzeke
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Posted on Wed, Mar 03, 2010 12:40

Brian hit it right on the head. No reason for me to be redundant.



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Posted on Wed, Mar 03, 2010 12:00

Britt,

Good question. Although I may not be the hunk, I can provide an opinion.

Yes men are very visual. The pics are the very first thing I look at.

There is a real disconnect here. Women most of the time will post poor quality limited pics. Some women

do a great job at posting pics (very few).

Next, would be content. The reason for a pic is to see the woman. What I would prefer not to see is a picture with another man's arm around her (that's been sloppily cropped), pictures of babies or children,

pictures of dogs (or other pets), pictures showing a beer bottle more prominent than the subject (you get the idea). Also some of these lovely women will put up a head shot only (which leaves quite a bit out).

That pretty much covers the pic part.

On the content they tend to post a lot of negative stuff (I think without realizing this).

To any intelligent man, these things are obvious.

Here are some examples:

  If you are a loser don't apply.

  If you are just out for a one night stand keep going. etc etc etc

Being negative in the commentary just causes a man to truly keep going because it is an indication of attitude and/ or intelligence.

I am far from perfect as you already know. My profile is not perfect either.

These are my thoughts.

Keep up the good work Britt.

BP

 



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