#1 Dating Site for Successful Singles and Admirers
Millionaire Blogs > MMCounselor's blogs > I Need a Man's Opinion
I Need a Man's Opinion Sort by:
Author
MMCounselor Recommended
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 3414
Posted on Wed, Mar 03, 2010 11:28

Well for starters, I don't believe I just said "I Need a Man's Opinion", but stranger things have happened around here, so here it goes!

 

Daily I receive emails from female members asking me to critique their profiles and they want to know why men are not contacting them.  My personal opinion is that men are very visual, so perhaps photos are what men look at, rather than actually reading the content of the profile---am I correct on this assumption? 

 

What are you men looking for when you are searching profiles?  (Please be nice in answering this--haha!)  Seriously, I want to know what is it about a profile that makes you want to make contact with that person?

 

Can't wait to hear from all you HUNKS!

 

Britt

 

MM Counselor

 

 

I'll Give You A Call!
I received this email from a member and I would love to hear a man's take on this one.  I personally feel this is just the typical male, who does not have the guts to tell her, "He's Just Not Into Her".  Why do men say they will call and don't?  Give it to me guys!
Britt
MM Counselor

I JOINED THIS GENTLEMAN AT THE OPERA AND WE HAD A TERRRIFICTIME AND I PICKED UP AT THE AIRPORT 10 MINUTES FROM MY HOME AND THE DAY WAS GLORIUS, PURCHASED GREAT TICKETS FOR THE OPERA, HELD HANDS AND I AM SUPER ATTRACTIVE AND V FULL OF LIFE WITH A GORGEOUS BODY AND WE NEVER STOPPED LAUGHING AND HAD SO MUCH FUN. WALKED ALL OVER NEW YORK TOOKL HIM BACK TO THE AIRPORT AND HE SAID I WILL CALL YOU WHEN I ARRIVE HOME. DID NOT CALL. I WROTE A E-MAIL WANTING TO KNOW IF HE ARRIVED SAFELY, AND I HAD SPRAINED MY ANLKE AND HE HAD TO HOLD TO GET INTO THE CAB AND WAS TERRIFIC ABOUT THE ENTIRE SITUATION. HE TOLD ME HE WOULD BE TIED UP FOR THE NEXT FREW WEK-ENDS AND SO WAS I AND HE LIVES IN ALBANY AND WANTED TO KNOW IF IT WAS A PROBLEM. I SAID NOT PROBLEM A ND I WOULD BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM. SO WHAT AM I TO THINK. HE IS SINGLE AND I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT AND WAS LLOKING TO MEET SOMEWON AND ME LIVING IN NEW JERSEY WAS NOT A PROBLEM. HE WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I SAID I HAVE NO CHILDREN, NO FAMILY NO LBAGGAGE AND I AM FREE. WHAT AM I TO DO? I AM MIFFED.



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
billzeke
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 1292
Posted on Tue, Apr 06, 2010 22:58

Quoting MMCounselor

Well it appears he finally called, but as the saying goes "A Day Late and A Dollar Short".  Here is an email I just received from the member.

 

DEAR BRITANY;

WITH ALL OF MY TALKING YESTERDAY, THE GUY CALLED AND ASKED ME OUT BUT I TOLD HIM I WAS BUSY, AND IT WAS TRUE.  HE WAS STUNNED AND SPEECHLESS.  I WANTED TO TEACH HIM A LESSON AND QUITE FRANKLY THERE WAS NO EXCUSE FOR WAITING SO LONG.  TO BE HONEST I LOST IT FOR HIM.   

 
THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS AND SINCERITY.

GOD BLESS YOU,



This lady rebounds better than Michael Jordan. Her English improved dramaticaly. Maybe she was just having a bad day when she made the original post.



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    1 up Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 263
Posted on Tue, Apr 06, 2010 17:08

Quoting Arizona53

Guilty....as charged.  Not with the I'll call....but, when he says....let's do this again....and I say ok, and get home and realize the date was nice, but not the one........I don't think there is anyone who hasn't done or said this on occassion.  I also have an issue with the man woman thing....it isn't a gender issue. 

 

And it is also a matter of perception....it may seem to one person that it is amazing, but to the other it's just so so, and they are just being polite in not ending the date so as not to disappoint anyone.  Do what I do....ask the question when the date is almost over...I will not be overly doe eyed (LOL) about it either, it is just a simple direct question.....without emotion....then I guage the reaction to the question....not the answer to the question itself.  I think it's a gut feeling.....

 

Will I wait for him to call?.....maybe if I was completely smitten and felt that there was a genuine connection, or maybe he called before I got home that night just to be sure I got in the door.....but otherwise....no.  I have to say the person asking this question must be new at this.....LOL!


AZ,

 

Agree that there are people who just can not bear a thought of disappointing someone, and say what is expected of them to say. It happens to everyone, and maybe we just need to be more iunderstanding sometimes. We are just people, and act like people, disappointing others and ourselves :)



0 up Bookmark and Share
MMCounselor Recommended
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 3414
Posted on Tue, Apr 06, 2010 11:58

Quoting MMCounselor

Well for starters, I don't believe I just said "I Need a Man's Opinion", but stranger things have happened around here, so here it goes!

 

Daily I receive emails from female members asking me to critique their profiles and they want to know why men are not contacting them.  My personal opinion is that men are very visual, so perhaps photos are what men look at, rather than actually reading the content of the profile---am I correct on this assumption? 

 

What are you men looking for when you are searching profiles?  (Please be nice in answering this--haha!)  Seriously, I want to know what is it about a profile that makes you want to make contact with that person?

 

Can't wait to hear from all you HUNKS!

 

Britt

 

MM Counselor

 

 

I'll Give You A Call!
I received this email from a member and I would love to hear a man's take on this one.  I personally feel this is just the typical male, who does not have the guts to tell her, "He's Just Not Into Her".  Why do men say they will call and don't?  Give it to me guys!
Britt
MM Counselor

I JOINED THIS GENTLEMAN AT THE OPERA AND WE HAD A TERRRIFICTIME AND I PICKED UP AT THE AIRPORT 10 MINUTES FROM MY HOME AND THE DAY WAS GLORIUS, PURCHASED GREAT TICKETS FOR THE OPERA, HELD HANDS AND I AM SUPER ATTRACTIVE AND V FULL OF LIFE WITH A GORGEOUS BODY AND WE NEVER STOPPED LAUGHING AND HAD SO MUCH FUN. WALKED ALL OVER NEW YORK TOOKL HIM BACK TO THE AIRPORT AND HE SAID I WILL CALL YOU WHEN I ARRIVE HOME. DID NOT CALL. I WROTE A E-MAIL WANTING TO KNOW IF HE ARRIVED SAFELY, AND I HAD SPRAINED MY ANLKE AND HE HAD TO HOLD TO GET INTO THE CAB AND WAS TERRIFIC ABOUT THE ENTIRE SITUATION. HE TOLD ME HE WOULD BE TIED UP FOR THE NEXT FREW WEK-ENDS AND SO WAS I AND HE LIVES IN ALBANY AND WANTED TO KNOW IF IT WAS A PROBLEM. I SAID NOT PROBLEM A ND I WOULD BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM. SO WHAT AM I TO THINK. HE IS SINGLE AND I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT AND WAS LLOKING TO MEET SOMEWON AND ME LIVING IN NEW JERSEY WAS NOT A PROBLEM. HE WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I SAID I HAVE NO CHILDREN, NO FAMILY NO LBAGGAGE AND I AM FREE. WHAT AM I TO DO? I AM MIFFED.



Well it appears he finally called, but as the saying goes "A Day Late and A Dollar Short".  Here is an email I just received from the member.

 

DEAR BRITANY;

WITH ALL OF MY TALKING YESTERDAY, THE GUY CALLED AND ASKED ME OUT BUT I TOLD HIM I WAS BUSY, AND IT WAS TRUE.  HE WAS STUNNED AND SPEECHLESS.  I WANTED TO TEACH HIM A LESSON AND QUITE FRANKLY THERE WAS NO EXCUSE FOR WAITING SO LONG.  TO BE HONEST I LOST IT FOR HIM.   

 
THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS AND SINCERITY.

GOD BLESS YOU,



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 375
Posted on Tue, Apr 06, 2010 07:09

Quoting GentlyWoman

@ Geoge: I thought Polar Bears were phone-impaired! 

 

@ CG: I don't think of this reluctance to disappoint as a man trait.  MANY of my guy friends tell me that women do it all the time.  

 

Like Bill and G said: do what you say you'll do.  If you're not going to call, you can't blame another person for twisting your arm to make empty promises.  But if for whatever reason you said you'll call, but later decide that call is to say "I don't plan to continue calling", have the courage to do it anyway.  It's natural for a person to feel hopeful about a date gone "well", and also natural to feel disappointment when the feeling is not mutual.  READY hit the nail: we're all adults here, and if your confession of non-attraction freaks your date out, they were probably a time-bomb anyway - be glad you know early, and realize it's not all YOU.  Get through that call, hang up, pour a glass of wine and know you did the responsible thing.

 

It's happened to me...three dates in, and the guy is writing to say this isn't it.  I respected that.  I also knew, intuitively, that it would go that way, he just got to the conversation first.  I was able to genuinely wish him well because of how he handled that conversation, and it's a good thing...he's now my older son's web design teacher!  I see this guy around sometimes, and there is nothing but good will from both of us, all because of a 3 minute conversation that could just as easily not have happened.



GW's.  Polar Bears do not answer phones, but they can make telephone calls.  Attention to details my Dear.  :) 



0 up Bookmark and Share
MMCounselor Recommended
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 3414
Posted on Tue, Apr 06, 2010 05:35

AZ---appears you are "guilty as charged" quite often around here--LOL!  I appreciate you coming forth and confessing and giving another side of the story to the male version.

 

BillZ,  I agree with what you said.  All too often it happens where the parties involved have a different perception of a "good time". 

 

Ready,  Thanks for sharing your experience with this jerk and I am so glad to see you were able to call him out on it.  It appears this guy was totally disrespectful of your time as well.

 

GW,  I am a firm believer that honesty does bring about good will.  Your comment here sure proves it.   Thanks for posting.



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
MMCounselor Recommended
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 3414
Posted on Tue, Apr 06, 2010 05:14

Quoting shazbot82

I can tell you what I THINK, Britt.

Judging by the very  poor sentence structure,,the horrid grammar, awful spelling etc...I am willing to bet this particular woman IS an AirHead.

  Many men simply do not want a stupid female, no matter how pretty she may be.

  What I am saying is cruel, but if you think about it, it makes sense.

What educated person that you know would want to be saddled with an embarrasing twit  as a GF or BF ?

Not me.

IF the man liked her after meeting her , he would have called her. It ReallY IS that simple.

I would tell her to forget this guy.



Hi Darcy,

AirHead, Stupid--yes, I agree, that is pretty cruel to be calling a person those names when you know nothing about the person.  Perhaps she is from a foreign country and her first language is not English--there are always things to take into consideration before the name calling begins. I am so sorry you felt the need to jump to these conclusions about her.  I had invited this member to come to the blogs and read the responses members were posting, in hopes she might feel a little bit better about the situation, but I am sure if she read your comment here, she will never return to the blogs.

Quoting your exact words, "What I am saying is cruel, but if you think about it, it makes sense."---N o it does not make sense.   I would venture to say that the man was in communication with her a few times before setting this date up with her, so her poor use of the English language would have been very visible to him. 

I hope you will give more thought to your comments in the future and treat others as you would like to be treated.

Britt

MM Counselor

 



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
GentlyWoman
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 424
Posted on Mon, Apr 05, 2010 18:13

@ Geoge: I thought Polar Bears were phone-impaired! 

 

@ CG: I don't think of this reluctance to disappoint as a man trait.  MANY of my guy friends tell me that women do it all the time.  

 

Like Bill and G said: do what you say you'll do.  If you're not going to call, you can't blame another person for twisting your arm to make empty promises.  But if for whatever reason you said you'll call, but later decide that call is to say "I don't plan to continue calling", have the courage to do it anyway.  It's natural for a person to feel hopeful about a date gone "well", and also natural to feel disappointment when the feeling is not mutual.  READY hit the nail: we're all adults here, and if your confession of non-attraction freaks your date out, they were probably a time-bomb anyway - be glad you know early, and realize it's not all YOU.  Get through that call, hang up, pour a glass of wine and know you did the responsible thing.

 

It's happened to me...three dates in, and the guy is writing to say this isn't it.  I respected that.  I also knew, intuitively, that it would go that way, he just got to the conversation first.  I was able to genuinely wish him well because of how he handled that conversation, and it's a good thing...he's now my older son's web design teacher!  I see this guy around sometimes, and there is nothing but good will from both of us, all because of a 3 minute conversation that could just as easily not have happened.



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 263
Posted on Mon, Apr 05, 2010 17:40

Quoting READY4UNOW

Re: I'll call

 

 

 

Hey George  - I saw that Friends episode too, was so funny how Chandler kept blurting out that he'd call even though he wanted to call things off.  Such a great show!  I think it's great that you walk the talk too, so few do.

 

 

 

Hi Britt - I think most don't like confrontation so they avoid it by filling the dead air with "I'll call" and many have no intentions at the start to follow through, but it's what they do.  A man from another site sent me a few emails, I couldn't reply as I wasn't a paying member, but his persistence and great sense of humour made me sign up and communicate.  We agreed to meet for coffee, had a few emails and I think one phone call prior to meeting in person.  Two days had gone by since we last communicated, I showed up on time, he was no where to be found.  I finally called him and he just simply said OMG I'm sorry, I completely forgot.  So this wasn't a very good sign lol!  Anyhow, I told him I must have made quite the impression to be forgotten, he apologized and said he completely understood if I left, but he could be there in 20 minutes.  I was in a Chapter's bookstore, told him I was going to see if I could get a book I'd been trying to get forever, if he was there when I was finished - great, if not that was that.  He did show up, was much nicer looking in person, had a great, relaxed conversation and then he had to head out.  As we parted in the parking lot, he gave me a hug and said we'll have to get together and I said you've got my number or email and left it at that.  I was pleasantly surprised it had gone so well considering the start of things.   A week later no call or email, so I emailed him and said it's pretty obvious you're not interested, I really do treat others as I like to be treated, so I wish you well.  He responded less than 2 minutes later apologizing once again saying I was right, he should have contacted but he didn't feel I was the one.  I think we're all adults and should act accordingly.  If you don't want disappointment or confrontation in person, then at least have the common courtesy of following up by email or following through on what you said you'd do.  This is not gender specific, it's more to the person's character I feel.


That "Friends" episode was what I thought after reading the email :)



0 up Bookmark and Share
shazbot82
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 2753
Posted on Mon, Apr 05, 2010 16:15

Quoting MMCounselor

Well for starters, I don't believe I just said "I Need a Man's Opinion", but stranger things have happened around here, so here it goes!

 

Daily I receive emails from female members asking me to critique their profiles and they want to know why men are not contacting them.  My personal opinion is that men are very visual, so perhaps photos are what men look at, rather than actually reading the content of the profile---am I correct on this assumption? 

 

What are you men looking for when you are searching profiles?  (Please be nice in answering this--haha!)  Seriously, I want to know what is it about a profile that makes you want to make contact with that person?

 

Can't wait to hear from all you HUNKS!

 

Britt

 

MM Counselor

 

 

I'll Give You A Call!
I received this email from a member and I would love to hear a man's take on this one.  I personally feel this is just the typical male, who does not have the guts to tell her, "He's Just Not Into Her".  Why do men say they will call and don't?  Give it to me guys!
Britt
MM Counselor

I JOINED THIS GENTLEMAN AT THE OPERA AND WE HAD A TERRRIFICTIME AND I PICKED UP AT THE AIRPORT 10 MINUTES FROM MY HOME AND THE DAY WAS GLORIUS, PURCHASED GREAT TICKETS FOR THE OPERA, HELD HANDS AND I AM SUPER ATTRACTIVE AND V FULL OF LIFE WITH A GORGEOUS BODY AND WE NEVER STOPPED LAUGHING AND HAD SO MUCH FUN. WALKED ALL OVER NEW YORK TOOKL HIM BACK TO THE AIRPORT AND HE SAID I WILL CALL YOU WHEN I ARRIVE HOME. DID NOT CALL. I WROTE A E-MAIL WANTING TO KNOW IF HE ARRIVED SAFELY, AND I HAD SPRAINED MY ANLKE AND HE HAD TO HOLD TO GET INTO THE CAB AND WAS TERRIFIC ABOUT THE ENTIRE SITUATION. HE TOLD ME HE WOULD BE TIED UP FOR THE NEXT FREW WEK-ENDS AND SO WAS I AND HE LIVES IN ALBANY AND WANTED TO KNOW IF IT WAS A PROBLEM. I SAID NOT PROBLEM A ND I WOULD BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM. SO WHAT AM I TO THINK. HE IS SINGLE AND I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT AND WAS LLOKING TO MEET SOMEWON AND ME LIVING IN NEW JERSEY WAS NOT A PROBLEM. HE WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I SAID I HAVE NO CHILDREN, NO FAMILY NO LBAGGAGE AND I AM FREE. WHAT AM I TO DO? I AM MIFFED.



I can tell you what I THINK, Britt.

Judging by the very  poor sentence structure,,the horrid grammar, awful spelling etc...I am willing to bet this particular woman IS an AirHead.

  Many men simply do not want a stupid female, no matter how pretty she may be.

  What I am saying is cruel, but if you think about it, it makes sense.

What educated person that you know would want to be saddled with an embarrasing twit  as a GF or BF ?

Not me.

IF the man liked her after meeting her , he would have called her. It ReallY IS that simple.

I would tell her to forget this guy.



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
MMCounselor Recommended
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 3414
Posted on Mon, Apr 05, 2010 14:55

Quoting Conyersguy

And hey, Britt,  Unless you edit your blog (above) to include the "new" question (below), it's going to get buried a page down, and people will wonder what the heck we're responding to, since it's off -track from your original thread.



Thanks CG---sometimes the old brain malfunctions and I need people like you pointing these things out to me.



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
READY4UNOW
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 712
Posted on Mon, Apr 05, 2010 14:45

Re: I'll call

 

 

 

Hey George  - I saw that Friends episode too, was so funny how Chandler kept blurting out that he'd call even though he wanted to call things off.  Such a great show!  I think it's great that you walk the talk too, so few do.

 

 

 

Hi Britt - I think most don't like confrontation so they avoid it by filling the dead air with "I'll call" and many have no intentions at the start to follow through, but it's what they do.  A man from another site sent me a few emails, I couldn't reply as I wasn't a paying member, but his persistence and great sense of humour made me sign up and communicate.  We agreed to meet for coffee, had a few emails and I think one phone call prior to meeting in person.  Two days had gone by since we last communicated, I showed up on time, he was no where to be found.  I finally called him and he just simply said OMG I'm sorry, I completely forgot.  So this wasn't a very good sign lol!  Anyhow, I told him I must have made quite the impression to be forgotten, he apologized and said he completely understood if I left, but he could be there in 20 minutes.  I was in a Chapter's bookstore, told him I was going to see if I could get a book I'd been trying to get forever, if he was there when I was finished - great, if not that was that.  He did show up, was much nicer looking in person, had a great, relaxed conversation and then he had to head out.  As we parted in the parking lot, he gave me a hug and said we'll have to get together and I said you've got my number or email and left it at that.  I was pleasantly surprised it had gone so well considering the start of things.   A week later no call or email, so I emailed him and said it's pretty obvious you're not interested, I really do treat others as I like to be treated, so I wish you well.  He responded less than 2 minutes later apologizing once again saying I was right, he should have contacted but he didn't feel I was the one.  I think we're all adults and should act accordingly.  If you don't want disappointment or confrontation in person, then at least have the common courtesy of following up by email or following through on what you said you'd do.  This is not gender specific, it's more to the person's character I feel.



What is love? Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you. :)

Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
billzeke
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 1292
Posted on Mon, Apr 05, 2010 13:23

Quoting MMCounselor

I'll Give You A Call!

I received this email from a member and I would love to hear a man's take on this one.  I personally feel this is just the typical male, who does not have the guts to tell her, "He's Just Not Into Her".  Why do men say they will call and don't?  Give it to me guys!

Britt

MM Counselor

 

I JOINED THIS GENTLEMAN AT THE OPERA AND WE HAD A TERRRIFICTIME AND I PICKED UP AT THE AIRPORT 10 MINUTES FROM MY HOME AND THE DAY WAS GLORIUS, PURCHASED GREAT TICKETS FOR THE OPERA, HELD HANDS AND I AM SUPER ATTRACTIVE AND V FULL OF LIFE WITH A GORGEOUS BODY AND WE NEVER STOPPED LAUGHING AND HAD SO MUCH FUN. WALKED ALL OVER NEW YORK TOOKL HIM BACK TO THE AIRPORT AND HE SAID I WILL CALL YOU WHEN I ARRIVE HOME. DID NOT CALL. I WROTE A E-MAIL WANTING TO KNOW IF HE ARRIVED SAFELY, AND I HAD SPRAINED MY ANLKE AND HE HAD TO HOLD TO GET INTO THE CAB AND WAS TERRIFIC ABOUT THE ENTIRE SITUATION. HE TOLD ME HE WOULD BE TIED UP FOR THE NEXT FREW WEK-ENDS AND SO WAS I AND HE LIVES IN ALBANY AND WANTED TO KNOW IF IT WAS A PROBLEM. I SAID NOT PROBLEM A ND I WOULD BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM. SO WHAT AM I TO THINK. HE IS SINGLE AND I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT AND WAS LLOKING TO MEET SOMEWON AND ME LIVING IN NEW JERSEY WAS NOT A PROBLEM. HE WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I SAID I HAVE NO CHILDREN, NO FAMILY NO LBAGGAGE AND I AM FREE. WHAT AM I TO DO? I AM MIFFED.

 



That lady probably misread the situation. If he had as good a time as she said they had; he would have called. She also seems to not have a great mastery of English so she could have well misunderstood him. Having said that I do agree that people should do what they say they are going to do.....



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
MMCounselor Recommended
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 3414
Posted on Mon, Apr 05, 2010 13:12

Quoting thenewman

Until recently I did not know that men actually did the I will call you soon thing and not follow through.  I saw an older episode of Friends and they were discussing it, and then some movie I saw had similar dialogue.

 

Sooooo if I state I will call you, write you, IM you etc. I will (anything short of a true medical emergency).  To my knowledge no one gets too busy to make a quick call that was promised.  Hell if you have to, take your cell phone with you when you go to the bathroom.  I often play phone catch up while driving. 

 

To answer the question: What am I to do?....Quite simple there is nothing she can do.  Obviously the man is no longer interested for whatever reason(s).  If he magiclly became interested and if I were her, I would not give him the time of day.  Why would anyone want to be with someone that is so rude and arrogant? 



Hi George,

I always knew you were a ONE OF A KIND type guy, but seriously it is nice to learn there really are people that do what they say they will do, come hell or high water.

I personally feel that if a man can't carry through on a simple task, such as making a phone call, when he said he would do it, isn't worthy of a minute of my time.  Should he miraculously reappear, he had better have the hospital bill in hand.  To me, words are cheap, but a persons actions are worth a million.

You keep dialing that phone boy!  Kudoos to you!

Britt,

MM Counselor



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Arizona53
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 603
Posted on Mon, Apr 05, 2010 13:05

Quoting Conyersguy

In response to "I'll call"...... I am guilty of that, in years past. For me, it was the inability to disapoint. When she looks at you with imploring eyes, says "I had a wonderful time," and sighs, it's hard to look someone in those eyes and say, "Yes, you are nice, but I'll never see you again." Many of us prefer to not disappont. Most of us prefer not to hurt someone. And sometimes that disappointment can become a confrontation, and again, many of us prefer to avoid confrontations. I'm not saying it's right, and I wouldn't do it anymore. A separate cause: We really DO mean it, in that moment. Then the next day, something can happen to change that. An old girlfriend my call and ask to start again. You may meet someone who blows your doors off. You may sober up.:) Something she did may 'click' on you, that you just didn't realize consciously the night before. Some other woman you've been dying to date may call. Or return your email. Or 'chat' you. .....Now, your dilemma is even more distasteful. Do you call her, JUST to tell her you are not going to call again? That is a very hard call to make.....so we often don't. Somehow it seems cruel to call you, just to say, "I'm really not as interested," "I met someone better / prettier / sexier / smarter / funnier today," or "Geez, I had to have been drunk to tell you I wanted to see you again." THen, in the utterly inexcusable department, is the guy who wants a little side action, so dates you. Then, he either chickens out (saw Denise, from accounting, two rows over at that opera, for example) or only needs a little "thrill" fix every few months...just to see if he's still got the mojo, etc. So, he naturally won't call. NOW, while all of you are castigating men (I think there is a reason that word is SO close to another, similar one) you must admit that each of you women has done the same things, or knows a girlfriend who has !!!!! I personally know I've had many (maybe all) of them done to me. But, we're human beings.......I haven't seen a perfect one yet. Hopefully we live and learn, and cease these behaviors as we mature. CG And in an honest question: Aside from the statistical odds, due to the "the guy should call" thing, do you women really think men ARE more likely to do this? And I'm not trying to be provocative or confrontational. I'd like to know your opinion.


Guilty....as charged.  Not with the I'll call....but, when he says....let's do this again....and I say ok, and get home and realize the date was nice, but not the one........I don't think there is anyone who hasn't done or said this on occassion.  I also have an issue with the man woman thing....it isn't a gender issue. 

 

And it is also a matter of perception....it may seem to one person that it is amazing, but to the other it's just so so, and they are just being polite in not ending the date so as not to disappoint anyone.  Do what I do....ask the question when the date is almost over...I will not be overly doe eyed (LOL) about it either, it is just a simple direct question.....without emotion....then I guage the reaction to the question....not the answer to the question itself.  I think it's a gut feeling.....

 

Will I wait for him to call?.....maybe if I was completely smitten and felt that there was a genuine connection, or maybe he called before I got home that night just to be sure I got in the door.....but otherwise....no.  I have to say the person asking this question must be new at this.....LOL!



"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
MMCounselor Recommended
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 3414
Posted on Mon, Apr 05, 2010 12:59

Quoting Conyersguy

In response to "I'll call"...... I am guilty of that, in years past. For me, it was the inability to disapoint. When she looks at you with imploring eyes, says "I had a wonderful time," and sighs, it's hard to look someone in those eyes and say, "Yes, you are nice, but I'll never see you again." Many of us prefer to not disappont. Most of us prefer not to hurt someone. And sometimes that disappointment can become a confrontation, and again, many of us prefer to avoid confrontations. I'm not saying it's right, and I wouldn't do it anymore. A separate cause: We really DO mean it, in that moment. Then the next day, something can happen to change that. An old girlfriend my call and ask to start again. You may meet someone who blows your doors off. You may sober up.:) Something she did may 'click' on you, that you just didn't realize consciously the night before. Some other woman you've been dying to date may call. Or return your email. Or 'chat' you. .....Now, your dilemma is even more distasteful. Do you call her, JUST to tell her you are not going to call again? That is a very hard call to make.....so we often don't. Somehow it seems cruel to call you, just to say, "I'm really not as interested," "I met someone better / prettier / sexier / smarter / funnier today," or "Geez, I had to have been drunk to tell you I wanted to see you again." THen, in the utterly inexcusable department, is the guy who wants a little side action, so dates you. Then, he either chickens out (saw Denise, from accounting, two rows over at that opera, for example) or only needs a little "thrill" fix every few months...just to see if he's still got the mojo, etc. So, he naturally won't call. NOW, while all of you are castigating men (I think there is a reason that word is SO close to another, similar one) you must admit that each of you women has done the same things, or knows a girlfriend who has !!!!! I personally know I've had many (maybe all) of them done to me. But, we're human beings.......I haven't seen a perfect one yet. Hopefully we live and learn, and cease these behaviors as we mature. CG And in an honest question: Aside from the statistical odds, due to the "the guy should call" thing, do you women really think men ARE more likely to do this? And I'm not trying to be provocative or confrontational. I'd like to know your opinion.


Hi CG,

Glad to read your comment and very glad to see you have changed your ways over the years.  I always find it interesting to get a man's point of view on things such as this.  You say that in years past you did this because you did not want to disappoint, but did the thought ever cross your mind how disappointed that person would be when you didn't call?  I know I would much rather be told the truth, than to be given false hope. 

You have pointed out some interesting takes on this subject and I, like you, are eager to hear from the women as well as to whether they are likely to do this also.

Thanks for taking your time to respond.

Britt

MM Counselor

 

 



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 375
Posted on Mon, Apr 05, 2010 11:42

Until recently I did not know that men actually did the I will call you soon thing and not follow through.  I saw an older episode of Friends and they were discussing it, and then some movie I saw had similar dialogue.

 

Sooooo if I state I will call you, write you, IM you etc. I will (anything short of a true medical emergency).  To my knowledge no one gets too busy to make a quick call that was promised.  Hell if you have to, take your cell phone with you when you go to the bathroom.  I often play phone catch up while driving. 

 

To answer the question: What am I to do?....Quite simple there is nothing she can do.  Obviously the man is no longer interested for whatever reason(s).  If he magiclly became interested and if I were her, I would not give him the time of day.  Why would anyone want to be with someone that is so rude and arrogant? 



0 up Bookmark and Share
MMCounselor Recommended
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 3414
Posted on Mon, Apr 05, 2010 05:11

I'll Give You A Call!

I received this email from a member and I would love to hear a man's take on this one.  I personally feel this is just the typical male, who does not have the guts to tell her, "He's Just Not Into Her".  Why do men say they will call and don't?  Give it to me guys!

Britt

MM Counselor

 

I JOINED THIS GENTLEMAN AT THE OPERA AND WE HAD A TERRRIFICTIME AND I PICKED UP AT THE AIRPORT 10 MINUTES FROM MY HOME AND THE DAY WAS GLORIUS, PURCHASED GREAT TICKETS FOR THE OPERA, HELD HANDS AND I AM SUPER ATTRACTIVE AND V FULL OF LIFE WITH A GORGEOUS BODY AND WE NEVER STOPPED LAUGHING AND HAD SO MUCH FUN. WALKED ALL OVER NEW YORK TOOKL HIM BACK TO THE AIRPORT AND HE SAID I WILL CALL YOU WHEN I ARRIVE HOME. DID NOT CALL. I WROTE A E-MAIL WANTING TO KNOW IF HE ARRIVED SAFELY, AND I HAD SPRAINED MY ANLKE AND HE HAD TO HOLD TO GET INTO THE CAB AND WAS TERRIFIC ABOUT THE ENTIRE SITUATION. HE TOLD ME HE WOULD BE TIED UP FOR THE NEXT FREW WEK-ENDS AND SO WAS I AND HE LIVES IN ALBANY AND WANTED TO KNOW IF IT WAS A PROBLEM. I SAID NOT PROBLEM A ND I WOULD BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM. SO WHAT AM I TO THINK. HE IS SINGLE AND I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT AND WAS LLOKING TO MEET SOMEWON AND ME LIVING IN NEW JERSEY WAS NOT A PROBLEM. HE WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I SAID I HAVE NO CHILDREN, NO FAMILY NO LBAGGAGE AND I AM FREE. WHAT AM I TO DO? I AM MIFFED.

 



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Arizona53
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 603
Posted on Thu, Apr 01, 2010 23:02

Quoting Ekaterina35

Britt,

Thank you for starting this discussion. I would assume that most men look at the pictures first, and then read the profile (maybe :)  ). What not many seem to realize is that while a picture is worth a thousand words, it is just a snapshot at one point in time. Also, words are just a source of misunderstanding. One very bright man that I met on this site said:"Your picture does not do you justice", after a relatively short chat with me. He was right. And I think that men who are seriously looking for a fullfilling relationship, should keep it in mind.

About the profiles.... I know a person who has two profiles on the same dating site, both are pretty similar, and written sincerely.  Yet, one attracts more attention than the other. In fact, there are men who respond to one profile, and ignore the second one completely. What I am trying to say is that a profile is like a cover of a book: the content might be quite surprising, but you need to open the book to find it out.

 



Nice Kate and very well said.

 

I will also agree with what iwillcherish said and I believe I've read a comment that CG made on another blog. We all know what are strengths are, but, what about those weaknesses.....its not like they're never going to find out about those, but, put them in a profile?....hardly....

 

I also don't believe that pictures do justice to anyone. The camera adds 10 pounds I am told and I can't remember the last time I was ten pounds overweight.....LOL!

 

And so the profile and the pictures are the introduction to the book....you must continue reading the rest of the chapters before you know who this is and what they are really about. Time is the killer, impatient readers skip to the end and make the decision too quickly, and so the story ends before it begins........So sad to think that a decision made in haste can end what could have been.......



"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 263
Posted on Thu, Apr 01, 2010 18:18

Britt,

Thank you for starting this discussion. I would assume that most men look at the pictures first, and then read the profile (maybe :)  ). What not many seem to realize is that while a picture is worth a thousand words, it is just a snapshot at one point in time. Also, words are just a source of misunderstanding. One very bright man that I met on this site said:"Your picture does not do you justice", after a relatively short chat with me. He was right. And I think that men who are seriously looking for a fullfilling relationship, should keep it in mind.

About the profiles.... I know a person who has two profiles on the same dating site, both are pretty similar, and written sincerely.  Yet, one attracts more attention than the other. In fact, there are men who respond to one profile, and ignore the second one completely. What I am trying to say is that a profile is like a cover of a book: the content might be quite surprising, but you need to open the book to find it out.

 



0 up Bookmark and Share
Follow - Email me when people comment