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Posted on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 22:54

I think a divorce is severencing all attachments.  It is one thing to be civil towards each other and it is another thing to have what the kids may see as a family Sunday afternoon lunch.  There is no reason to confuse the children.  Either Mom and Dad are together or they are not.  JMHO



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Curious2078
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Posted on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 21:35

Coming from an era when people just did not get divorced unless their lives were in danger--and even then, only half the time...I'm still in "shock" over the family structures that result from divorce.  Shouldn't be....I've had plenty of years to get used to it...but at some level, still am.

On the other hand, I think if these two people can do this for their kids--sounds pretty damn good to me.  Nobody suffers more in a divorce than the children of the two people getting divorced.  I think what these two are doing is a very good thing.  Sounds like both parties are mature enough to consider their kids' needs ahead of their own needs.  And for that they are to be congratulated.  Hope I'm right.... 



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NGL2011
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Posted on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 18:22

Quoting Arizona53

I know a lot of people who have said that they have remained friends with their ex spouses and a lot depends on your family dynamics. My ex has an addiction and consequently I don't hate him, but, I draw the line at spending time with him. For my family this is not a good idea, so we work around it, but, I also would never be rude if the situation came up. I cannot speak for him.

On the other side of this, though, my friend and her ex get together every Christmas to open presents together, even though the children are now grown. This includes inviting the respective new partners to join them which has happened on numerous occasions, since both of them are currently involved with others. They have breakfast together and then go their Merry ways. It works for them, and they have also been together at other social situations because of their children. For my part, I remain close friends with both of them. I have known him since grade school, and her part way through high school when they started dating. I have never let their divorce ruin either friendship, and actually have never been asked to choose.

I salute anyone who can do this, and not harbour any ill will for new partners or new lives! I believe it shows good character....

 

 



Arizona,, now the presents thing is just weird !  LOL



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NGL2011
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Posted on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 18:13

Quoting noillusions

My first husband and I did that until the children were no longer interested, and it worked out great.  It doesn't have to mean emotional involvement between the grown-ups, just enough maturity to realize that any animosity should not be directed toward the kids, because it was not their choice or their fault for the divorce.



Noill,,, thats awesome that you could do that until the kids were ready to make the split



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NGL2011
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Posted on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 18:09

Quoting duchesse22

No issues there NLG.  it is just a way to show the kids even if you are divorced you don't have to be enemies.  I think it is great she does that, but once she will be with someone will she be willing to end it at some point?  or keep on doing it?  so you leaving us for this lady NLG?



Duch,, no way !  your not getting rid of me that easy !  LOL



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NGL2011
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Posted on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 18:08

Quoting Tinkerbelle

I think its a very grown up thing to do although I wonder how their respective partners think of that



Deb,, thats the one of the things that ran through my mind !

 

So,, think you could handle that situation if you were in it ?



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NGL2011
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Posted on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 18:06

Quoting CDinCO

I can't tell you how much I respect those who can do that!  I was the unfortunate child of a mother who would intentionally leave town with knowing my father was coming to visit.  I was their mediator ...  "tell your father that if he XYZ, then I demand ABC..."  I think this is how I became more non-confrontational.  It effected my brother to the point where he's in a horrible marriage but won't get a divorce...  My other brother...  well, he married my mother (figuratively, of course).  Screws the kids up!

 

I have friends who do the same thing as you and this woman.  I think it's healthier for all parties involved.  Nobody said you had to like each other ;-)



One of the good things we have always done is communicate well about the kids. They have always been our first concern,, that was never an issue, we never put the kids in the middle of our issues with each other and we never fought over money when the kids needed something.



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CDinCO
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Posted on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 17:46

Quoting niceguylooking

No way Court !  LOL

 

I just thought it was kind of interesting thats all. I have no interest in her, I just had never heard of someone doing that. I mean I still go to events for the kids and my ex wife is there and we get along just fine, no problems, no anger, nothing, we even sit together at our daughters soccer games and swim meets. But I would not ever call her my friend. again I have no axe to grind with her and the kids think its kind of weird (so they have told me) that we get along so well at the events, but to each their own. I guess !  LOL



I can't tell you how much I respect those who can do that!  I was the unfortunate child of a mother who would intentionally leave town with knowing my father was coming to visit.  I was their mediator ...  "tell your father that if he XYZ, then I demand ABC..."  I think this is how I became more non-confrontational.  It effected my brother to the point where he's in a horrible marriage but won't get a divorce...  My other brother...  well, he married my mother (figuratively, of course).  Screws the kids up!

 

I have friends who do the same thing as you and this woman.  I think it's healthier for all parties involved.  Nobody said you had to like each other ;-)



Courtney :)

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NGL2011
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Posted on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 17:38

Quoting CDinCO

Should I be jealous? 

:-}



No way Court !  LOL

 

I just thought it was kind of interesting thats all. I have no interest in her, I just had never heard of someone doing that. I mean I still go to events for the kids and my ex wife is there and we get along just fine, no problems, no anger, nothing, we even sit together at our daughters soccer games and swim meets. But I would not ever call her my friend. again I have no axe to grind with her and the kids think its kind of weird (so they have told me) that we get along so well at the events, but to each their own. I guess !  LOL



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duchesse22
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Posted on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 15:19

No issues there NLG.  it is just a way to show the kids even if you are divorced you don't have to be enemies.  I think it is great she does that, but once she will be with someone will she be willing to end it at some point?  or keep on doing it?  so you leaving us for this lady NLG?



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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 14:30

I think its a very grown up thing to do although I wonder how their respective partners think of that



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noillusions
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Posted on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 13:30

My first husband and I did that until the children were no longer interested, and it worked out great.  It doesn't have to mean emotional involvement between the grown-ups, just enough maturity to realize that any animosity should not be directed toward the kids, because it was not their choice or their fault for the divorce.



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CDinCO
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Posted on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 12:53

Should I be jealous? 

:-}



Courtney :)

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Arizona53
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Posted on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 12:52

I know a lot of people who have said that they have remained friends with their ex spouses and a lot depends on your family dynamics. My ex has an addiction and consequently I don't hate him, but, I draw the line at spending time with him. For my family this is not a good idea, so we work around it, but, I also would never be rude if the situation came up. I cannot speak for him.

On the other side of this, though, my friend and her ex get together every Christmas to open presents together, even though the children are now grown. This includes inviting the respective new partners to join them which has happened on numerous occasions, since both of them are currently involved with others. They have breakfast together and then go their Merry ways. It works for them, and they have also been together at other social situations because of their children. For my part, I remain close friends with both of them. I have known him since grade school, and her part way through high school when they started dating. I have never let their divorce ruin either friendship, and actually have never been asked to choose.

I salute anyone who can do this, and not harbour any ill will for new partners or new lives! I believe it shows good character....

 

 



"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

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CDinCO
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Posted on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 12:35

It may appear to be a bit awkward but I think it's great (and very healthy for her children) to see that their parents can still interact in a respectful manner with each other... as opposed to the alternative.  I would be frank with her at some point and ask her if she still has feelings for her ex, but otherwise I see no issues. 



Courtney :)

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