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It's YOUR fault, Momma! Sort by:
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sistercounselor
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Posted on Sun, Feb 07, 2010 23:06

"It's YOUR fault, Momma! YOU- are -the -reason- I -struggled -all -my -life. YOU made me miserable. YOU singled me out, because I looked JUST like my dad. YOU were harder on me, than my brothers and SISTER! Why? Because I look like my dad and act the most like him! I blame YOU!!! And then you talked badly about my dad, and that made me feel like I HAD to choose! NO child should have to choose, MOM! Did you ever stop to consider how difficult the divorce would be on us?" "Did you ever stop and wonder how hard it was being poor?" My son struggled to get his words out as he studdered through his tears. It was October 1, 2007, my 38th birthday and the kids, my friends and I had just come from my birthday celebration at the Cheesecake factory. Their father had even driven down to celebrate with us, because he and I were trying to put our volatile past behind us and get along for the children's sake..even though they were near adults, and 2 were grown, at the time. Hey, I was trying to do better, LOL! I even invited my then, estranged 2nd husband to the party. We had a great time. I digress. 

Three of my children, their dad and I wisked my then 19 year old son away from the restaurant as fast as we could. He was breaking down in plain sight and we had NO idea why or what was going on in his head. I panicked and offered to take him to a hospital, but he refused to go. Limp, contrite, broken and weeping profusely, my son could barely stand upright. We carried him into his and my 20 year old's apartment. They were college students. Thoughts raced through my head as my son broke down, had anxiety attacks and crumbled onto the floor, before we could all get into the apartment. What was happening to my baby?! He cried for 12 hours straight in front of us and I felt helpless. "I'm I'm sorr-sorr-sorry, Mom! I was your most difficult child. I challenged your rules..(sobbing)...I I I tried hard, but I was so angry with you, MOM!" You made me choose..it was too hard! You talked about my dad!" He fell to his knees. "Dad, you talked about MOM! You guys went back and forth, making it HARD for us!" 

I didn't know what to do. I had done my best, I thought, but apparently I hadn't. I dropped to my knees and held his head as he cried so hard he could hardly breathe. "Son, you are absolutely correct. I failed you. I was wrong. I am so sorry for how I treated you. I take full accountability for my behavior. I hope you can please find it in your heart to forgive me. Please, son. I was wrong." I looked at his dad and nodded at him to speak. He took to long..I interrupted..."and son, daddy is sorry for the part he played too (okay, I shouldn't have done that, but I did...)..son please forgive us. Please forgive me."

My son collasped in my arms. Thank you mom! He shouted through his tears. Then he laid prostrate on the floor. "God! He called out. God!! You have been calling me for years but I would not listen. I was too hurt. I was in too much pain. But today, I give you my life. Today, I KNOW you are real! Thank you God, thank you for calling me! I accept you today! Thank you...you are real!"

Wow! Talk about powerful! For another several hours, my son cried and repented and asked God to forgive him. He promised to change his life. And you know what? He DID!!! He stopped smoking weed, he stopped drinking, he calmed down and worked on his anger. He had been filled with so much anger and I never understood why. I thought I had done my best, but truth was, I hadn't. Sure I made sure he made good grades in school, but I had wounded him and so did the divorce. While the divorce may have been the best decision for me, it still hurt my kids significantly and I needed to acknowledge that.

Today, my son is a 4.0 college student, with academic scholarships. He is a kinder, gentler person and I praise God for the power of forgiveness. He truly forgave me and accepted God in his life that day. His life shows it. One thing I learned tht day is to take accountability for our actions.  It is when we become accountable that our children are open to changing. Can we really blame others and society for our personal failures as parents? I think not. I'm not perfect and admitting that did something powerful for my family. It brought healing! It brought a transformed son into my life and into our family! Hallelujah!

I was jut thinking about this today, as my son and I chatted about how our relationship had evolved. He is living with me now, while he finishes college and the healing has made both of us better people. Thank you for listening. I needed to get this out. Excuse me while I take a praise break!!!! :)

 



Ms. Swirl Girl!

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sistercounselor
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Posted on Tue, Aug 30, 2011 15:36

Quoting Curious2078:

Healing, healing, healing.  It's all good, Swirly Girl.  All good.

Now, are you keeping a hard copy of all these "bleeding from a main artery," confessional,  blogs you're writing?  'Cause if you're not, I want to know so I can do it for you.  Then, 6 months or a year from now, when we've got pretty much the whole story, I can put the "chapters" in some semblance of sequential order, mail them to you, and tell you to start working on turning this first draft into a manuscript suitable for submission to a publisher.

I'm very serious, Swirl.  Your ability to open up the most raw and vulnerable places in your heart and soul and share them with the world in a way that is entertaining and inspirational is extraordinary.



Curious, I hope you are still here. Guess what? I finally wrote a book. It will be published in September. It will be available on amazon kindle. The book is called become the person you wish to attract. Thank you for the encouragement you continued to give. :)


Ms. Swirl Girl!

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sistercounselor
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Posted on Tue, Feb 09, 2010 17:24

Quoting DONTFITMOLD

My son also had problems with our break-up, Not as dramatic but yet painful. But with time and understanding we reconnected on a new plane.



Thank God for reconnection. We just never know how deeply or seriously our issues effect the children. I'm so glad that time and understanding healed our childrens' wounds and healed our relationships with them.



Ms. Swirl Girl!

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sistercounselor
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Posted on Tue, Feb 09, 2010 17:20

Quoting Curious2078

Healing, healing, healing.  It's all good, Swirly Girl.  All good.

Now, are you keeping a hard copy of all these "bleeding from a main artery," confessional,  blogs you're writing?  'Cause if you're not, I want to know so I can do it for you.  Then, 6 months or a year from now, when we've got pretty much the whole story, I can put the "chapters" in some semblance of sequential order, mail them to you, and tell you to start working on turning this first draft into a manuscript suitable for submission to a publisher.

I'm very serious, Swirl.  Your ability to open up the most raw and vulnerable places in your heart and soul and share them with the world in a way that is entertaining and inspirational is extraordinary.



Thank you Curious!!

I've had so many of my friends tell me the same thing..to turn in a manuscript for publishing. Some things I have saved, others, I have not. Thank you very much for the encouragement and accolades! I will get right on it!! I can't express to you how deeply your words touched me! I might take you up on your offer! :)



Ms. Swirl Girl!

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DONTFITMOLD Recommended
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Posted on Tue, Feb 09, 2010 02:27

My son also had problems with our break-up, Not as dramatic but yet painful. But with time and understanding we reconnected on a new plane.



D ( @ )( @ )

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Curious2078
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Posted on Mon, Feb 08, 2010 16:52

Healing, healing, healing.  It's all good, Swirly Girl.  All good.

Now, are you keeping a hard copy of all these "bleeding from a main artery," confessional,  blogs you're writing?  'Cause if you're not, I want to know so I can do it for you.  Then, 6 months or a year from now, when we've got pretty much the whole story, I can put the "chapters" in some semblance of sequential order, mail them to you, and tell you to start working on turning this first draft into a manuscript suitable for submission to a publisher.

I'm very serious, Swirl.  Your ability to open up the most raw and vulnerable places in your heart and soul and share them with the world in a way that is entertaining and inspirational is extraordinary.



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