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Arizona53
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Posted on Tue, Dec 01, 2009 10:17

In the absence of Sophia, I've finally found a joke worth telling.....enjoy!¿ Although it will probably be wrought with question marks....LOL!

Q: Doctor,¿I've heard that¿cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.¿Is this true?
A: Your¿heart is only good for so many¿beats, and that's it...¿ don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out¿ eventually.¿Speeding up your heart will¿not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend¿ the life of¿your car by¿driving it faster.¿Want to live longer?¿Take a¿ nap.¿

Q: Should¿ I cut¿down on meat and¿ eat more fruits and¿ vegetables?
A: You¿ must grasp¿ logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?¿¿ Hay and corn.¿And what are these?¿ Vegetables.¿ So a steak¿is nothing more¿than an efficient mechanism of¿ delivering vegetables to your¿system.¿¿ Need grain?¿¿Eat¿chicken.¿Beef is also a good source¿of field grass¿(green leafy vegetable).¿¿And a pork chop can¿ give you¿ 100% of your recommended daily allowance of¿ vegetable¿ products.

Q: Should¿ I reduce my¿ alcohol intake?¿
A:¿ No,¿ not at all.¿ Wine is made from¿ fruit.¿Brandy is¿ distilled wine,¿ that means they take the water out of¿ the fruity bit so you¿ get even more of the goodness that¿ way. Beer is also made out¿ of grain.¿ Bottoms¿¿ up!

Q: How¿ can I calculate my body/fat¿ratio?
A: Well,¿ if you have a body and you have¿fat, your ratio is one¿ to one.¿If you have two bodies, your¿ratio is two to¿ one, etc.

Q: What¿ are some of¿ the advantages of participating in a regular¿ exercise¿ program?
A: Can't¿ think of a single one, sorry.¿My¿ philosophy is: No¿ Pain...Good!
Q:¿ Aren't¿ fried¿ foods bad for you?¿
A:¿ YOU'RE¿ NOT¿ LISTENING!!! .....¿ Foods are fried these days in¿vegetable oil.¿ In fact,¿ they're permeated in it.¿ How could¿ getting more¿ vegetables be bad for¿ you?¿

Q:¿ Will¿ sit-ups¿ help prevent me from getting a little soft¿ around¿ the
middle?
A: Definitely¿ not! When¿ you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You¿should only be¿doing sit-ups if you want a bigger¿stomach.¿

Q:¿ Is¿chocolate bad for me?¿
A:¿ Are¿¿you crazy? HELLO¿¿Cocoa¿ beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good¿¿ food around!

Q:¿ Is¿¿swimming good for your figure?¿
A:¿ If¿¿swimming is good for¿ your figure,¿¿ explain whales to¿me.

Q:¿ Is getting¿¿in-shape important for my¿¿ lifestyle?¿
A:¿ Hey!¿ 'Round' is¿ a shape!¿

Well,¿I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may¿have had about¿food¿¿ and diets.

And¿ remember:
'Life should¿ NOT¿ be a journey to the grave with the intention of¿ arriving¿ safely in an attractive and well preserved¿ body, but rather¿ to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one¿ hand - chocolate in¿ the other - body thoroughly used up,¿ totally worn out and¿¿ screaming 'WOO¿ HOO, What a¿ Ride'¿

AND.....

For¿ those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final¿ word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the¿ truth after all those conflicting nutritional¿ studies.¿

1. The Japanese eat¿ very little fat
and suffer¿ fewer heart attacks than¿ Americans.
2. The Mexicans¿ eat a lot of¿ fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than¿ Americans.
3. The Chinese¿ drink very little¿ red wine
and¿ suffer fewer heart attacks than¿ Americans.
4. The¿ Italians drink a lot of red¿ wine
and suffer fewer¿heart attacks than¿ Americans.¿
5. The Germans¿ drink a lot of beers and eat lots of¿ sausages and fats¿ and suffer fewer heart attacks than¿¿ Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking¿ English is apparently what kills¿ you.....................
¿
¿


"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

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attaboy127
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Posted on Tue, Dec 01, 2009 21:39

Hello A,

Great news.¿¿ I knew I was doing something right (for a change!).¿¿¿ John



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Arizona53
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Posted on Tue, Dec 01, 2009 21:23

Appears I've been under a rock somewhere, I have only seen this once and that was today.....LOL!



"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

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Curious2078
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Posted on Tue, Dec 01, 2009 18:43

This one always makes me laugh.¿ Thanks for bringing it round again.

¿

Pat



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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Tue, Dec 01, 2009 13:58

lol an oldie but still a goodie Arizona



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