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Brittany2012
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Posted on Sun, Nov 15, 2009 16:13

Dear Sirs:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and Opera Night 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as Poker Night 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help please!!!!



Jane



--------------------------------------


Dear Jane,


This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this.¿ Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed.

Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0 In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings Divorce/Child Support". You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of the root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME"¿ Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a "C:\APOLOGIZE" command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, Beer 6.0 Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save your- self some trouble by following this tech tip.

Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional soft-ware to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.

After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixesBroken Things 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shut down of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!"


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READY4UNOW
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Posted on Mon, Nov 23, 2009 12:49

Hey Robtest!

¿

Nice to have another "sane" member back lol!¿ Hope you enjoy the ride this time round ;).


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What is love? Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you. :)

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robtest
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Posted on Sat, Nov 21, 2009 04:04

Greetings All! Been awhile, found the link for MM buried deep in my favorites, thought I would see whats going on. Seems much the same as my last visit! LOL Brit, I have always enjoyed this software/relationship spoof! And yes, it has been around since maybe even before Y2k... BTW, is the scammer thread still alive? Ready, yeah, it is our old trollie friend back again. Picture looks about the same, and the writing is unmistakable. But I have always enjoyed the depth of it. Welcome back TW! Shoutouts to George and Queenie too!!!


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Brittany2012
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Posted on Fri, Nov 20, 2009 09:07

Quoting: Originally posted by READY4UNOW

Hey TwistedMinds,

?

Seems you can dish it out but can't take it when it's reversed.? You've done many posts here that put down others, guess that's okay in your books, but not mine.? You've come on here for at minumum the 4th time, Hellomatch, Hellomatchme and Hellomatchpoint, but on this newest version TwistedWinds, you've done 65 posts, many of which are put downs of other members, then the picture gets posted, then some of your posts disappear, and then you whine my comments are offensive, injurious and utterly obnoxious - gimme a break!

?

Seems pretty ludicrous to me that you've blocked me and reported and had my original post removed, yet felt compelled to quote it, when all I was doing is replying to Britt's comment to me.? You are a troll, your purpose is to come on here and cause trouble, which you've done.? It's what trolls do best and is why you've been removed in the past each time.? The Troll 2.1 comment was related to you, Windows for Dummies was not - but hey ... if the shoe fits???

?

People like you who have to espouse their many virtues and use their overinflated language to put others down to make you feel superior always have issues.? Seems you've got a propensity for pontificating that's for certain.? Sure wonder who your owner is, time will tell.



Hey Ready,

Very well said and I can even understand it--hahahaha!

Kudoos!

Britt



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Posted on Fri, Nov 20, 2009 07:25

While VL shoots himself directly in the foot it seems that Twisted Minds accomplishes the same thing via ricochet. Twisted winds sure do blow hard.


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READY4UNOW
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Posted on Thu, Nov 19, 2009 20:53

Quoting: Originally posted by TwistedWinds
Hi Brittany,

Checking in here to your charming blog ....

However, the offensive, injurious and utterly obnoxious post of "READY$UNOW" against my person, has gone reported; understandably, I take offense to such hideous postings, as would anyone else subject to such scud.

Kindly, consider my request, there implied.

Thank you Brittany2012

PS. As sited elsewhere, and as you yourself can well apprehend, all the more now, such outrageous, uncivilized and injurious statements must go replied to when and as they are found.



Hey TwistedMinds,

¿

Seems you can dish it out but can't take it when it's reversed.¿ You've done many posts here that put down others, guess that's okay in your books, but not mine.¿ You've come on here for at minumum the 4th time, Hellomatch, Hellomatchme and Hellomatchpoint, but on this newest version TwistedWinds, you've done 65 posts, many of which are put downs of other members, then the picture gets posted, then some of your posts disappear, and then you whine my comments are offensive, injurious and utterly obnoxious - gimme a break!

¿

Seems pretty ludicrous to me that you've blocked me and reported and had my original post removed, yet felt compelled to quote it, when all I was doing is replying to Britt's comment to me.¿ You are a troll, your purpose is to come on here and cause trouble, which you've done.¿ It's what trolls do best and is why you've been removed in the past each time.¿ The Troll 2.1 comment was related to you, Windows for Dummies was not - but hey ... if the shoe fits???

¿

People like you who have to espouse their many virtues and use their overinflated language to put others down to make you feel superior always have issues.¿ Seems you've got a propensity for pontificating that's for certain.¿ Sure wonder who your owner is, time will tell.



What is love? Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you. :)

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Brittany2012
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Posted on Wed, Nov 18, 2009 13:00

Quoting: Originally posted by READY4UNOW

LOL Britt!

?

Glad I don't run Windows ;).

?



Hey Ready, since you don't run Windows, I was wondering if you are having the same problem that many of us are having with our translator programs.¿ It appears Windows is refusing to digest and decipher anything written by Hm.¿ I have contacted the software techs and they feel the problem is a new virus called LAM (look at me).¿¿¿

The tech suggested I try a new software package called TRADEWINDS .001.¿ He claimed in that package there was an application called GYA (get your ass) that POSSIBLY might help translate all of Hm's conglamorations/concoctions into something meaningful, but I have to wonder if it would be money well spent.¿ What do you think? This is sure turning into a real head banger!!!

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Britt

¿


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Queenofyourdreams
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Posted on Wed, Nov 18, 2009 06:51

I really need to keep updated on all the new programs out there. I have programs that do so many things, but not one of these.? Hmmmmm.? I am not even sure I would have enough space for this one...maybe I need to rethink my priorities.? Or maybe not. But this was funny blog.

¿

?

¿

?


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People may not remember what you say or do, but they will remember how you made them feel.

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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Mon, Nov 16, 2009 09:07

ive read this before and its still funny but you need to download Good in Bed¿ 3.0 which automatically installs Jewellery 8.5 which in turn installs Grateful 5.4.....¿A very useful program i have found LMAO



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Arizona53
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Posted on Mon, Nov 16, 2009 08:50

HMMMM....Can you run Boyfriend 5.0 forever and keep him?¿ Afterall it doesn't seem like much of an upgrade to Husband 1.0.¿ Maybe I'll just wait until they make Husband 2.0 and I'll get all the features of boyfriend 5.0 and tweek the Husband 1.0.¿¿Sigh....still doesn't help me get a date for Saturday.....LMAO!



"The best way to predict the future....Is to create it."

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Posted on Mon, Nov 16, 2009 06:51

This goes all the way back to Y2K.. hope it's not copyrighted. From: Boswell, Roy E Sent: Monday, February 14, 2000 5:22 PM To: Bob Subject: RE: OS ALERT Bob, I happened to be watching ZDTV yesterday. Leo gave a tutorial on the Husband 1.0 patches, BJ2.3r5 and DoggieStyle2.6v9, which when installed, will restore much of the functionality of Boyfriend 5.0 without harming any of the utility of Husband 1.0. In fact, he claimed that improvement has even been detected in the little-known drivers, Paycheck.asl and VISA.asl. Distribute this tip to anyone that has the technical knowledge to load these patches. For the more adventuresome types, many other patches are available (ex. WhipsChains60, Rubber2i, etc.), but these are specialized according to the operating environment. Roy E. Boswell, Head Telecommunications Branch


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Curious2078
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Posted on Sun, Nov 15, 2009 18:47

Superb, Brittany.¿ You should definitely copyright this one because it's sure to be "stolen" from here and spread all over the internet without giving you credit for writing it--or am I being naive....did you or did you not write it?¿ Oh, heck, I'm just going to assume you did.¿ [Pardon my skeptic's viewpoint.¿ On this site I have learned very quickly to always be skeptical.]

Truly terrific piece.¿

Pat aka Squirrelly



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READY4UNOW
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Posted on Sun, Nov 15, 2009 17:07

LOL Britt!

¿

Glad I don't run Windows ;).

¿



What is love? Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you. :)

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