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A priceless drunk Sort by:
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robtest
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Posted on Thu, Apr 23, 2009 08:55

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party.. Jack is not normally a big drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight.. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian' He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, 'Son. what happened last night?' 'Well, you came home after 3 A.M.. , drunk and out of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran in the door.' Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??' His son replies 'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone b****, I'm married!!' Broken Coffee Table $239.99 Hot Breakfast: $4.20 Two Aspirins $.38 Saying the right thing, at the right time: PRICELESS! :o)


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GentlyWoman
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Posted on Wed, Feb 17, 2010 18:06

Ok, so what about the wife, after a girls night out? She tells her husband that she'll be home by midnight, "I promise!" Around 3 a.m., a bit foggy, a few too many, she heads for home. Just as she gets in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed three times. Quickly, realizing her husband would probably wake up, she cuckooed another nine times. She is really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her good man. (Even when totally smashed... three cuckoos plus nine cuckoos totals twelve cuckoos MIDNIGHT!) The next morning her husband asked what time she got in. "MIDNIGHT!". He didn't seem conflicted in the least. But then he added, so nanchalant: "Honey, I think we need a new cuckoo clock." When she asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh sh*t'. It cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."


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shazbot82
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Posted on Sun, May 10, 2009 21:21

ahhh..now THATS a nice story !


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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Fri, Apr 24, 2009 14:45

love it Rob ..... love it



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