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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Fri, Jan 23, 2009 01:36

Thanks everyone for jumping in here. Its interesting isnt it though that when asked these questions everyone knee jerks and says NO WAY to this kind of thing, but you know what sometimes it happens so slowly  drip by drip , step by step you dont realise whats happening until you are in trouble. Like Phantomeas says weve all been there. The trick is I suppose to spot the signs early and nip it in the bud.

I feel a relationship should be a celebration of the gifts both partners can bring to the table. To find joy in the differences, each one benefitting the other for mutual pleasure. The subsequent giving and accepting and recieving of the self ultimately glorifies the union.



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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Fri, Jan 23, 2009 01:29

Ready I completely agree with you. I have found also that as i have got older I have reset my tolerance levels for these kind of things is zero. In the past I have I admit to having tried to persevere looking at the good points in that partner but of course it never lasts does it, and if you have a partner who is not 100% for you then whats the point



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Sunnybella
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Posted on Thu, Jan 22, 2009 20:30

Quoting READY4UNOW:

Hi Tink,

¿

I believe any of these things you mention are deal breakers for me.¿ Why be with someone who doesn't want to be with you just as you already are?

¿

I'm the complete opposite, the older I get the less tolerant of these bad behaviours I am.¿ I'm all about compromise, just not on these very telling behaviours.¿ Anyone who attempts to make you feel less is not worth having in your life.

¿



Ready, I agree. I am less tolerant as the years pass as well. I think many are. By the time we get to this age, we have put in our time and know who we are and what we want. We also know our self worth by now and that makes a large difference. I can say I was very blessed to have dated great guys in my youth. In all 100% complete honesty, it was THEM that was patient with me back then. I was a naughty girl, but very loving and devoted. You just had to get past my type A perfectionist personailty. Now....shoot, who needs perfection. If I screw up I screw up. I'm much more lax now and no longer a type A. Some might say I'm too lax. But hey, a girl's gotta be herself ya know.... Tay


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READY4UNOW
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Posted on Thu, Jan 22, 2009 17:23

Hi Tink,

 

 

 

I believe any of these things you mention are deal breakers for me. Why be with someone who doesn't want to be with you just as you already are?

 

 

 

I'm the complete opposite, the older I get the less tolerant of these bad behaviours I am. I'm all about compromise, just not on these very telling behaviours. Anyone who attempts to make you feel less is not worth having in your life.

 



What is love? Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you. :)

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Posted on Thu, Jan 22, 2009 16:55

Tink, My personal belief is that men instictivly express their true feelings & their true character through their behavior or the way they treat you and not so much through verbal communication. If he has CHOSEN to be with you YET seems to be aggressivly looking for something more he obviously has unresolved issues within HIMSELF and is not ready to be in a deep, solid relationship at this time. Keep in mind that this is not about whether there is something wrong with you or whether YOU are doing something wrong. This is strictly about HIM and these "little signs" are ussually good signals that it is time for the woman to say "ciao." Remember this and keep loving & respecting yourself.

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Sunnybella
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Posted on Thu, Jan 22, 2009 16:17

Quoting bricraigpark:

Hi D,

I say absolutely no to all the things you have mentioned. I have no tolerance for these things. I think they are major issues and differences.

I really don't expect perfection.

I do prefer enlightenment, intelligence, a great chemical connection, and spiritual parity.

Why accept anything less?

It's not like I'm looking for Miss America or anything........

I guess she would be called something else in your country.¿



wow bri, Where are the wet boots. It's getting deep in here. You profess NOTHING but how you expect your women to not only be perfect in yor eyes, but the eyes of all your business partners, associates, high faluten friends, and other forms of snobby clientelle. I am calling you out Brian!!! LIAR! From a guy who lost a date becasue he was practically disgusted that she showed up with glitter on her cheeks for a new years party. I'm choking on your BS....


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Sunnybella
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Posted on Thu, Jan 22, 2009 16:14

Tink, All the things you mentioned are bad in my book. Especially anything with lack of emotional connection and expression. Hey, by 30, you should be mature enough to open up and cut the little timid boy crap. (100% turnoff) My absolute no no's have and always will be, nagging, yelling, fighting, neglect of any emotional kind, and inability to express themselves. Guys should take a cue from Italian men and black men. They get the most booty and have the most girls after them and it is all because they celebrate their woman and shout to the gods that he is happy to have her. They compliment her in front of others on purpose. They shower her with lovely words of sexiness, they will grab you and plant one on you in the most inappropriate place but pull it off cause their enthusiam to be with you makes the crowd go.....aaaaawwwwww Any man that can't pamper his women in front of others is not a man and he is too weak to be one. No excuses on propriety Brain. A man is a man and a whimp is a whimp. Now where can I find me another Italian. Tay


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NGL2011
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Posted on Thu, Jan 22, 2009 15:09

Sweet Cheeks, I will absolutely not tolerate "Disrespect" whether its towards me or to our fellow man. Makes no difference to me.


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Phantomea
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Posted on Thu, Jan 22, 2009 14:56

tink is amazing that you said "Can you tolerate a partner who although they say they love you is allways suggesting little ways you should change. Or a partner who instead of embracing all the positives about you allways seems to pick on the negatives." because this was my last lover... he wanted to be with me... but he would like it if my hair had more curl... why don't i get a perm... so i sit in the bathroom with a curling iron for an hour and when i come out he says wow you look great and then picks a fight... i have a beautiful complexion... do i want to get one of those spray on tan's... he'll pay for it... so i stop calling him... and he comes back and begs for another chance... so i take him back... and we go dancing and he is missing and i find him chatting with yet another bartender about if he should change me and how he should do it... and how i'm so great but i could be better if only... we lasted from may to june... then from november to february... then we tried again last june... i thought the third time would be the charm after i talked to him seriously about his attitude... but nope... i believe in giving someone a second chance... or rather i used to... i think how much we can tolerate is different for each person... as i get older i get more intolerant... i think it depends on how much you value the person and how much you value yourself... you will put up with a lot from someone you care a great deal for... if you are not that into them then they don't get a second chance... if you don't value yourself much you will put up with a lot of crap... and if you think highly of yourself then that amount of crap drops drasticly...


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Posted on Thu, Jan 22, 2009 14:53

Hi D,

I say absolutely no to all the things you have mentioned. I have no tolerance for these things. I think they are major issues and differences.

I really don't expect perfection.

I do prefer enlightenment, intelligence, a great chemical connection, and spiritual parity.

Why accept anything less?

It's not like I'm looking for Miss America or anything........

I guess she would be called something else in your country.¿


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OrionsQuest
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Posted on Thu, Jan 22, 2009 11:55

Hi Belle. Probably because of bad personal and worldly experiences, sadly I am less of a romantic and more of a pessimist as the years roll by. I find that as I age my tolerance of the "little quirks" in others has decreased. When I was a young man, the feeling of being in love was magical and at such times I think I tended to wear blinders, seeing only what I wanted to see, only the good. I tended to believe that the things that weren't quite right would just naturally evolve into non-issues over time. Now... ??? If I were fortunate enough to fall in love again, and felt that the other person harbored the same feelings for me, and if I felt that person was willing to do anything to make that relationship endure, I hope I would do whatever was required, 24/7, to make sure that relationship lasted til the end of my days. I'm not naive, it wouldn't always be rosy, but when it wasn't, I would refocus on the more important things and bring them to bear. I suppose I would like to believe in the magic of being loved, once again. What specifically would make me say enough is enough? If I am in love ever again, I would hope nothing.


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