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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Thu, Jan 22, 2009 08:18

In relationships there are allways things which we are not happy with, and Im wondering just what it is or what combination of things signal enough.

Lets take out of the equasion the classic finishers of relationships like¿infidelity, criminal activity, abuse, drugs etc. Lets concentrate on the smaller things.

Your partner may be wonderful but are there things you just cant tolerate for long if at all?

What if your partner has a habit of eyeing up the opposite sex in your company, and making a commentary about that person. If your partner openly or even subtly flirts with others

What about a partner who cant allways quite look you in the eye , who cant allways tell the truth, who is secretive. How about if they are not great communicators and bottle things up?so every issue and discussion becomes a torture

Is it ok if your partner never tells you you look good , rarely professes love or ¿has a fear of intimacy. Can you tolerate a partner who although they say they love you is allways suggesting little ways you should change. Or a partner who instead of embracing all the positives about you allways seems to pick on the negatives.

Im not suggesting bloggers that your mate should display all of these things , but my question is what would it take for you to say no, enough is enough even though you have feelings for them. What are your tolerance thresholds?

I used to set my tolerance levels to nought but as ive got older ive become a bit more relaxed about it. Is that a good thing do you think?



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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Tue, Jan 27, 2009 10:27

then if you have experienced this you have been truly blessed Danceczar



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danceczar69
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Posted on Mon, Jan 26, 2009 20:49

i think how much we can tolerate is different for each person... as i get older i get more intolerant... i think it depends on how much you value the person and how much you value yourself... you will put up with a lot from someone you care a great deal for... if you are not that into them then they don't get a second chance... if you don't value yourself much you will put up with a lot of crap... and if you think highly of yourself then that amount of crap drops drasticly... I, ME,....When the Lust is gone and Love becomes average common, then blank out your mind. Put yourself in your loved ones shoes. When my Diane was in her end days of her four year fight with cancer I tried to feel her pain, to imagine not being able to eat and just breath. All she thought of was me and her daughter. I am a very humble man because I have experienced unconditional love. We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us. Marcel Proust French novelist (1871 - 1922)

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Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your soul And finds in your presence that life is worth while. So when you are lonely ,remember it's true Somebody,somewhere is thinking of you Danceczar69

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danceczar69
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Posted on Mon, Jan 26, 2009 20:30

Quoting OrionsQuest:

Hi Belle. Probably because of bad personal and worldly experiences, sadly I am less of a romantic and more of a pessimist as the years roll by. I find that as I age my tolerance of the "little quirks" in others has decreased. When I was a young man, the feeling of being in love was magical and at such times I think I tended to wear blinders, seeing only what I wanted to see, only the good. I tended to believe that the things that weren't quite right would just naturally evolve into non-issues over time. Now... ??? If I were fortunate enough to fall in love again, and felt that the other person harbored the same feelings for me, and if I felt that person was willing to do anything to make that relationship endure, I hope I would do whatever was required, 24/7, to make sure that relationship lasted til the end of my days. I'm not naive, it wouldn't always be rosy, but when it wasn't, I would refocus on the more important things and bring them to bear. I suppose I would like to believe in the magic of being loved, once again. What specifically would make me say enough is enough? If I am in love ever again, I would hope nothing.


If I were..If I felt..I hope I would do...til the end of "MY" days. OUR DAYs...I am Fortunate... I do (feel?) KNOW ! Positive affirmations of ones self bring positive knowledge from our unconditional loving of "US WE". Suppose not your liking to believe in the magic of being "loved" ONCE AGAIN. LOVE the world, the people here in it with you, unconditionally, and love will be attracted to you like a magic magnet! Law Of Attraction,It is The SECRET OF LIFE.

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Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your soul And finds in your presence that life is worth while. So when you are lonely ,remember it's true Somebody,somewhere is thinking of you Danceczar69

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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Mon, Jan 26, 2009 11:27

Jehovana, we all want a romantic man dont we? but i agree sometimes its just not there, but it doesnt make him a bad person



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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Mon, Jan 26, 2009 05:04

lol Shaz I HATE it that you are allways right lol



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Jehovanna
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Posted on Sun, Jan 25, 2009 19:01

I tinkerbelle think that I would enjoy being respected and cherished as a woman by a romantic male. I would not be intollerant to other behavior, but it would not turn me on the same.


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_HONEY
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Posted on Sun, Jan 25, 2009 09:53

Hi TInk:

Like Simone said, actions speak louder than words. Don't settle for less than the best.

Honey



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shazbot82
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Posted on Sat, Jan 24, 2009 17:49

Tink..you know,,I get weary of being " RIGHT" all the damntime about unhappy things. its nice to know that I am frequently " right" about plenty of good things as well ( and its about time!)


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Queenofyourdreams
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Posted on Sat, Jan 24, 2009 06:00

We do get wiser with experience. Many of us have learned what we are willing to "settle with" or not. I would rather continue my life as I am, than to share my life with someone who brings me down. The good news for us is that people show very quickly who they really are,(inside)We can see how they treat other people, and how we feel when we are around them. If more people would take the time to get to know the other person, so that we can see who that person really is, than they would avoid the trap of creating that "fantasy" relationship...

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People may not remember what you say or do, but they will remember how you made them feel.

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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Sat, Jan 24, 2009 00:22

you are soooo right Shaz . As we all know leopards NEVER change their spots



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Posted on Fri, Jan 23, 2009 19:55

You're right Tink, They can't accept the person in front of them as they are and yet....they still choose to be with that person while they critisize and belittle that person. Keep in mind there are plenty of females who do the old "I can change him " rutine also. This type of behavior tells me that the person is emotionally unstable& immature . This is senceless behavior....red flag in my oppinion. In this case I make a fast run for the first exit I see....and never look back. Simone


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Sunnybella
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Posted on Fri, Jan 23, 2009 14:14

Phanto, You have more tolerance than I. Once I leave I am gone for good. If the sex was hot I might come back for a few tidbits, but the romance is over.


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shazbot82
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Posted on Fri, Jan 23, 2009 03:24

The kind of treatment you are describing is passive=aggressive abuse. It will errode self confidence and self respect. Life is far too short tobe with any person who is so negative. We women are far too " forgiving" and its time we stopped being doormats for some man with emotional " issues" It might hurt to break off,,but it most definitely sting sharper and bleed more if you stay involved. Dont tolerate this sort of behavior, you will not ever change it.


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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Fri, Jan 23, 2009 01:51

Brave words Orion but i fear that love is not enough. One can be deeply in love with another but if they are behaving in the ways I have described nothing and I mean NOTHING will ever make that right



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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Fri, Jan 23, 2009 01:48

Brian In my country a partner who has all these qualities is called a rare thing and its what we are all looking for isnt it??



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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Fri, Jan 23, 2009 01:46

Weve all experienced this kind of thing Phantomea in one form or another. The trick is to be able to recognise it in the future and dont allow it to happen again



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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Fri, Jan 23, 2009 01:44

I agree with you Ray, It is disrespectful and as such is not to be tolerated



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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Fri, Jan 23, 2009 01:43

Simone Im not sure whether its about a partner aggressively looking for someone else but there are those who can never accept the person standing in front of them as they are . They try to make changes all the time and you know what??

When they make these changes and their partner trys to adapt to please , ultimately they are still dissatisfied because thats the kind of person they are



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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Fri, Jan 23, 2009 01:39

Thats my point Tay, we all have to have the freedoms and security in this relationship to be allowed and adored for NOT being perfect because its the inperfections who make us who we are for good and for bad



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