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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Fri, Jan 02, 2009 04:30

Ok . Its the start of a new year. A fresh start for us all particularly for some of us in matters of the heart.

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I have a question today about the love aspect of relationships.

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Is it better to love your partner a little less than they love you?

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Do you think that it can work successfully?

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I have a friend who for sure loves her man less than he loves her. He practically worships the ground she walks on. She on the other hand loves him, but not quite as much. When i noticed it and questioned her about it, she said she felt more secure this way. His unconditional love¿ ticked all her boxes. She gave him as much love as he needed and was apparently comfortable with, but not everything she had. It was her security blanket she said. If in the event it all went wrong she knew she would have enough of her heart left to carry on without being completely broken

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Now before I ask the inevitable question I would ask that you all think really carefully and be totally honest about your reply, because i know for sure that the knee jerk answer is to say oh yes love in relationships has to be equal. Does it though.............

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It works for them but honestly now do you think it would work for you? Indeed have you been or are you in this situation?

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I have.

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robtest
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Posted on Tue, Jan 06, 2009 13:13

I guess to me, the holding back on the giving on your end so that you make sure that you are receiving more, sounds like a control issue. Certainly, communication/negotiation/compromise would come into play by both involved parties to make sure their own needs are getting fulfilled.


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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Sat, Jan 03, 2009 07:26

Tay I take on board everything you say and although there are some truths there I cant agree with all of it.

In the case of my friend what she gives is all shes capable of giving anyone. Its not about being selfish necssarily Its about who she is. Not everybody has the emotional make up to give 100% and their 100% may be your 80%. Both are happy theyve been together 32 years and the river of their relationship runs smooth. It may not be for you but we are all different and the world we live in is not allways what we would like it to be. I feel that he accepts her 80% because he knows its the best she can do and hes happy with that and that is his choice.

Would it be enough for me..... i dont know, Ive just been in a relationship that was a little one sided.... actually I do know .

Its not enough for me



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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Fri, Jan 02, 2009 23:56

Queenie I think real love depends on what suits the couple involved....

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Posted on Fri, Jan 02, 2009 13:24

Love really has no dimension. It is something that emanates from deep within you. It is part of who you are. We are the love that passes through us. We are not separate from it. We do not need to search for it, just let go of what we've made more important than experiencing it. Most of us feel unconditional love.. We do,however, place conditions on our romantic love and happiness. We do have expectations that love will be returned. That love must meet certain expectations And if those expectations are not met.. we stay or we leave. We sometimes forget that we can love things without wanting to own them. We can love people without wanting to manipulate them; we can love ourselves without wanting to change a thing.


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Sunnybella
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Posted on Fri, Jan 02, 2009 11:12

Tink, It's a matter of energy. The person giving 100% is giving all their energy freely. While the person giving 90% is not. What happens is the person giving 100% becomes enthralled in getting their 100% returned and become addicted to the slacker. it is not love, it is addiction. That is why they seem to worship the ground they walk on in the instances. They are trying to do enough or what ever it takes to get the other person to give 100%. One of three things happen in this situation. One-the slacker never gives back 100%, in fact, they begin giving less anytime they see the other demanding a return or even threatening to leave if they don't offer more. They both stay this way together for life. Two-the slacker becomes disinterested in the giver and eventually moves along to someone else, leaving the giver heart broken for many years. Almost every time, the slacker then falls victim to their own game and ends up in a relationship where they are now the giver wanting 100% from their slacker. Three- The giver is noticed by another giver and begins lavishing their energy into the giver. This strengthens the giver and eventually he dismisses the slacker he is with and moves on to greener pastures and true appreciation for his efforts. The slacker will, for awhile, in an attempt to keep their gravy train, give some more energy. And for a bit it will pacify the giver, but the slacker will always go back to slacking and in the end the giver moves on. I have not ever seen but these three outcomes in this situation. Your friend is selfish and does not love the mate. Love can NOT withhold itself. It has no choice but to give because that is what love is. So if your friend claims to love the giver, it is the energy and attention they are loving, and the giver is just an innocent bystander that is receiving a minimal amount of gratitude confused with love, for their efforts. Tay


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Queenofyourdreams
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Posted on Fri, Jan 02, 2009 05:32

That is a good question. I have heard "relationship" specialists say that in a romantic relationship that one usually does love the other a little more. This seems to happen in couples who move to quickly, thinking they are in love, or those who do not know how to create a partnership based in reality instead of a fantasy. For me, an affair of the heart needs to be grounded on much more than just the feelings of "love". As we all know, love can go through many changes. It grows wider and deeper, but the infatuation of the first phase does not continue... And so, I do not believe in this theory of one loving another more than another. Real love is much more than the romantic feelings...

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People may not remember what you say or do, but they will remember how you made them feel.

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Posted on Fri, Jan 02, 2009 04:44

i think its better for them to love u more then u always have a piece of u left but to love equally is probably true happiness eventually u will love them the same but all the ground rules have been set bcuz u were the stronger one in begginning


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